The scorpion and the turtle story

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

A scorpion, being a very poor swimmer, asked a turtle to carry him on his back across a river. "Are you mad?" exclaimed the turtle. "You'll sting me while I'm swimming and I'll drown."

"My dear turtle," laughed the scorpion, "if I were to sting you, you would drown and I would go down with you. Now where is the logic in that?"

"You're right!" cried the turtle. "Hop on!" The scorpion climbed aboard and halfway across the river gave the turtle a mighty sting. As they both sank to the bottom, the turtle resignedly said:

":)o you mind if I ask you something? You said there'd be no logic in your stinging me. Why did you do it?"

"It has nothing to do with logic," the drowning scorpion sadly replied. "It's just my character." [Braude, 1965]



My point here is that it is what it is!

If you decide to recycle, chances are great that it will always be the same result.

Heartbreak and pain and back to the emotional drawing board!

A person with BPD is not going to alter at all without extensive therapy or great help in facing and learning to cope with triggers.

Same goes with the nons. You would have to learn how to change your whole thought process on how you react which is the opposite of how the BPD hears it and processes it.

Personally I could not do this because my brain would be so stressed out trying to remember what I am allowed to say, how I say it, what I do.

I walked on eggshells for way too long, I am never doing that again!

I like my old peaceful world, I am running and not looking back because it would only slow me down!

[Rifka]

A scorpion, being a very poor swimmer, asked a turtle to carry him on his back across a river. "Are you mad?" exclaimed the turtle. "You'll sting me while I'm swimming and I'll drown."

"My dear turtle," laughed the scorpion, "if I were to sting you, you would drown and I would go down with you. Now where is the logic in that?"

"You're right!" cried the turtle. "Hop on!" The scorpion climbed aboard and halfway across the river gave the turtle a mighty sting. As they both sank to the bottom, the turtle resignedly said:

":)o you mind if I ask you something? You said there'd be no logic in your stinging me. Why did you do it?"

"It has nothing to do with logic," the drowning scorpion sadly replied. "It's just my character." [Braude, 1965]



My point here is that it is what it is!

If you decide to recycle, chances are great that it will always be the same result.

Heartbreak and pain and back to the emotional drawing board!

A person with BPD is not going to alter at all without extensive therapy or great help in facing and learning to cope with triggers.

Same goes with the nons. You would have to learn how to change your whole thought process on how you react which is the opposite of how the BPD hears it and processes it.

Personally I could not do this because my brain would be so stressed out trying to remember what I am allowed to say, how I say it, what I do.

I walked on eggshells for way too long, I am never doing that again!

I like my old peaceful world, I am running and not looking back because it would only slow me down!

[thereishope]

   

[LettingGo14]

I saw an alternate ending to the turtle & scorpion story once:

The turtle cautiously continued to make his way to the river. As he got into the river, he reminded the scorpion one last time to not sting him. The scorpion once again reassured him that it would not happen. While the turtle was swimming across the river, the scorpion suddenly felt a lot of water. Worried that the turtle was trying to drown him, the scorpion frantically grabbed onto the shell tighter. The scorpion then asked the turtle “What are you doing? Are you trying to drown me?” The turtle said “No, the river is flowing very fast. Don’t worry; you will be able to cross the river safely.” Feeling that the turtle was lying to him, the scorpion stung the turtle. The turtle was very shocked and asked the scorpion with his very last breath “Why did you sting me? You promised not to sting me.” The scorpion said “I couldn’t help it; I was afraid. I thought you were trying to drown me.”

"I was afraid.  I thought you were trying to drown me... ." resonated with me with regard to pwBPD.  

I get what you are saying -- no more walking on eggshells.   The Buddhist who recited the above story with the above ending wrote:

However, if you take a step into that person’s shoes, you might just realize that there is a reason to their actions. If one interacts with people that are constantly suspicious or constantly hurt others, then that person should take the necessary precautions and make the right judgments to prevent getting hurt or taken advantage of.

I own only my actions and responses.   And I can take precautions and make judgments to care for myself, as you have done.

[Rifka]

I saw an alternate ending to the turtle & scorpion story once:

The turtle cautiously continued to make his way to the river. As he got into the river, he reminded the scorpion one last time to not sting him. The scorpion once again reassured him that it would not happen. While the turtle was swimming across the river, the scorpion suddenly felt a lot of water. Worried that the turtle was trying to drown him, the scorpion frantically grabbed onto the shell tighter. The scorpion then asked the turtle “What are you doing? Are you trying to drown me?” The turtle said “No, the river is flowing very fast. Don’t worry; you will be able to cross the river safely.” Feeling that the turtle was lying to him, the scorpion stung the turtle. The turtle was very shocked and asked the scorpion with his very last breath “Why did you sting me? You promised not to sting me.” The scorpion said “I couldn’t help it; I was afraid. I thought you were trying to drown me.”

"I was afraid.  I thought you were trying to drown me... ." resonated with me with regard to pwBPD. 

I get what you are saying -- no more walking on eggshells.   The Buddhist who recited the above story with the above ending wrote:

However, if you take a step into that person’s shoes, you might just realize that there is a reason to their actions. If one interacts with people that are constantly suspicious or constantly hurt others, then that person should take the necessary precautions and make the right judgments to prevent getting hurt or taken advantage of.

I own only my actions and responses.   And I can take precautions and make judgments to care for myself, as you have done.

I like this alternative ending as well. The thought into the mind of the scorpion which is great to understand there are many sides of everything.

The point is that the end result did indeed end the same!

Yes we all think and process differently in our minds especially nons and sufferers of BPD. We all need to protect ourselves.

Yes I'm on my way and as it looks progressing pretty well. I hope that others grab some strength from my strong determination to not ever re-engage or allow this type of behavior to blind us from our own intuition.

I recycled at least three major times that I believed because I wanted to. I believed in my heart that things were different, but nothing could change because nothing changed in our knowledge or thought process, so how could I believe it would be different for more than a few days? I was hopeful for the impossible without understanding it truly was impossible and we were about to do the same recycling dance again with the same outcome.

[thereishope]

The point is that the end result did indeed end the same!

Yes we all think and process differently in our minds especially nons and sufferers of BPD. We all need to protect ourselves.

Yes I'm on my way and as it looks progressing pretty well. I hope that others grab some strength from my strong determination to not ever re-engage or allow this type of behavior to blind us from our own intuition.

I recycled at least three major times that I believed because I wanted to. I believed in my heart that things were different, but nothing could change because nothing changed in our knowledge or thought process, so how could I believe it would be different for more than a few days? I was hopeful for the impossible without understanding it truly was impossible and we were about to do the same recycling dance again with the same outcome.

Rifka,

You definitely are encouraging me, even here where I am, desperately trying to swim my way to the surface and see clear of the FOG... .Stay strong... .I admire and envy your position and newfound ability to pursue life and breath, and peace, joy and health full-force!  Onward and upward, sista! ... .and thank you for sharing your process and insights for the rest of us to glean from... .

Grace and peace to you!

[Rifka]

The point is that the end result did indeed end the same!

Yes we all think and process differently in our minds especially nons and sufferers of BPD. We all need to protect ourselves.

Yes I'm on my way and as it looks progressing pretty well. I hope that others grab some strength from my strong determination to not ever re-engage or allow this type of behavior to blind us from our own intuition.

I recycled at least three major times that I believed because I wanted to. I believed in my heart that things were different, but nothing could change because nothing changed in our knowledge or thought process, so how could I believe it would be different for more than a few days? I was hopeful for the impossible without understanding it truly was impossible and we were about to do the same recycling dance again with the same outcome.

Rifka,

You definitely are encouraging me, even here where I am, desperately trying to swim my way to the surface and see clear of the FOG... .Stay strong... .I admire and envy your position and newfound ability to pursue life and breath, and peace, joy and health full-force!  Onward and upward, sista! ... .and thank you for sharing your process and insights for the rest of us to glean from... .

Grace and peace to you!

Thank you so much! I know that the only reason that I am strong is because of strict N/C and all of the understanding of the knowledge I have absorbed from this amazing site. I know there is no other choices available for me to heal from this experience.

I really do love myself and have always been a very strong minded person. I like to learn and then use my knowledge to self improve even further. I have spent hundreds of hours here because I don't sleep much and needed to understand all of this. I value my time, so now I have to walk the walk of what I have learned.

Peace and the ability to love yourselves is what I wish deeply for you all!

[Tater tot]

I had not heard this story before, thank you for sharing. Exactly what I needed to read today.

[thereishope]

Thank you so much! I know that the only reason that I am strong is because of strict N/C and all of the understanding of the knowledge I have absorbed from this amazing site. I know there is no other choices available for me to heal from this experience.

I really do love myself and have always been a very strong minded person. I like to learn and then use my knowledge to self improve even further. I have spent hundreds of hours here because I don't sleep much and needed to understand all of this. I value my time, so now I have to walk the walk of what I have learned.

Peace and the ability to love yourselves is what I wish deeply for you all!

I too, know that strict NC is the ONLY way I'll be able to go too.  Been there done that believing in change and recycling, etc... .The last time will be the last time... . I have soo appreciated this message board as well!  It was a very much welcomed wake up call and light bulb when I was drowning in a see of unknown... . Since finding it, I have been hungry for information and answers and have spend many hours here myself!  

Keep on keeping on!