Is ignorance bliss and do we over think?

[enlighten me]

I was chatting to a friend and he was saying that his ex wife was crazy. After knowing what I now know about BPD and a few other personality disorders I thought I would ask him what type of crazy.

He said she's just a nut job and that's all Im interested in knowing.

I thought that this acceptance was remarkable. He wasn't interested in analysing it he just accepted it and moved on. Maybe we could all learn from this and not look too deeply and just accept our exs for what they are and move on.

[antjs]

this experience is overwhelming also, life changing. we all could be that friend of yours if we do not have issues of our own and if we had high self-confidence. also like you, i have read in depth in psychology for 6 months now and i still find that BPD is one of the worst pathology ever. if my ex was a sociopath then i would have moved on quicker than this. the problem is that pwBPD have a "good" part inside of them. they want to be good people but they can not help it. i find it very similar to alcoholism. thats why this experience of BPD is full of agony. your friend might have been through an idealization phase but now he does not need it that much cause he was adequately nourished (emotionally) as a child.

i believe that most of our pain is not because of our exs solely. it is the accumulation of our unresolved issues and now you have to face them all at the same time. i still think that this is the worst pain ever that you can face in your life. the wake up of 20+, 30+, 40+, 50+ years of unresolved issues. it is like your whole life you have been on autopilot and now the autopilot has stopped and your plane is about to crash. you have to save your own plane from crashing. and that puts you under a lot of stresses. the biggest.

[Caredverymuch]

I was chatting to a friend and he was saying that his ex wife was crazy. After knowing what I now know about BPD and a few other personality disorders I thought I would ask him what type of crazy.

He said she's just a nut job and that's all Im interested in knowing.

I thought that this acceptance was remarkable. He wasn't interested in analysing it he just accepted it and moved on. Maybe we could all learn from this and not look too deeply and just accept our exs for what they are and move on.

Enlighten me,

This is a good premise and very helpful in moving on for full detachment.

I was watching an Eckhart Toile video on healing from betrayal.  His eloquence spoke well to me as he  mentioned how heavy even the word "betrayal" is. 

He went on to say that when we are betrayed, as so many of us here were, we are hurt so deeply that we make this a experience part of our own personal story. Our being. We incorporate it into who we must be.

But if we look at the experience in a different light, we re-write the narrative. If we look at the experience as the person who "betrayed" us being in a very different place of their own being, their own inabilities, their own insecurities, their own deficits, their own perceptions of reality, we take ourselves out of the bond.

We rewrite the narrative and remove ourselves as the "victim" of "betrayal."   We give it back, more or less, to the person who actually has the inability to maintain a healthy relationship.  Who, in this case, is mentally ill and very disordered.

Rewriting the narrative in thinking of my experience that way removes me from carrying it with me and replaying it as something I deserved or which will define me forever.

[Mutt]

Right on target Caredverymuch  

He said she's just a nut job and that's all Im interested in knowing.

That's a simple recipe, I don't think it's as easy as this.

If there is one thing that I learned about Borderline Personality Disorder is that some people have a different personality type and we're not all "cookie cutter" I could say my wife is a nut job and leave it at that.

I don't think it helps when you have kids. Sometimes you need to cross a great divide for the greater good of the family. Whatever it takes right?

Learn as much as you can about the disorder and become indifferent to the behaviors, learn how to communicate differently. It helps everyone when you are co-parenting with a difficult personality type.

I wouldn't want to tell my kids their mom is a nut job. It is their mother, a person they have unconditional love for. I will teach them to depersonalize the behaviors when they are much older. Their mother is a person with feelings and emotions, she's simply wired differently.

[Bak86]

Oh i definitely overthink. My mind goes in overdrive when i'm stressed and i can't keep overthinking. It's something i've been in treatment for in the past, before i met my ex. I suffered from a burnout.

[Mutt]

Oh i definitely overthink. My mind goes in overdrive when i'm stressed and i can't keep overthinking. It's something i've been in treatment for in the past, before i met my ex. I suffered from a burnout.

Mindfulness helps alleviate stress and anxiety, with combining your thoughts and emotions in real time, focusing on the present. As the article states we can influence this.

TOOLS: Triggering, Mindfulness, and the Wise Mind

Thought is the Building Block of Our Reality

Cogito ergo sum ( "I think, therefore I am" is a philosophical Latin statement proposed by René Descartes. This is one of those things that is so obvious, and so rarely considered. The world around us is what we perceive in our minds.  The blind man lives in a dark world.  A paranoid man lives in a fearful world.   A loving man lives in a loving world.  

We are how we think.

The Mind is a Friend, Lover, Torturer, and Teacher

Our mind is the source of all misery and of all pleasure. People don’t effectively hurt our feelings or anyone to inspire us.

Our mind is the source of all misery and of all pleasure. People don’t effectively hurt our feelings or inspire us. People can offer us their opinions,  it is only that which the mind decides has any relevance that we take on for ourselves.  Only the mind that can complement us, insult us, lift us, or destroy us.

We can influence this.

[SC91]

I was chatting to a friend and he was saying that his ex wife was crazy. After knowing what I now know about BPD and a few other personality disorders I thought I would ask him what type of crazy.

He said she's just a nut job and that's all Im interested in knowing.

I thought that this acceptance was remarkable. He wasn't interested in analysing it he just accepted it and moved on. Maybe we could all learn from this and not look too deeply and just accept our exs for what they are and move on.

Totally agree. Sometimes its our analysing n try to figure the BPD out that lead us further deeper in the trap. As we all know we eventually cannot find reason with the BPD acts but just accept it. Um... .i think many members here are intelligent ppl with good insight, we learned and get used to think to overcome the challenges n obstacles in our life, inc. at school exams n our work career. And we come from relatively stable family. But meeting the BPD maybe the first time we encounter such weird mindset n interpersonal relationship that we desperate to seek answer.

I myself for example didnt want to give a ___ to the BPD anymore after the break up but just accepted some ppl are like that. But the BPD keep coming back, were so persist until she finished offloading her craps. Its the aftermath drama acts thats horrible and damaging.

[Infern0]

I think if we were able to classify them as a "nutjob" and move on not giving a crap then it'd mean we had some serious lack of emotions.  Is your friend a sociopath by any chance?

[enlighten me]

I think if we were able to classify them as a "nutjob" and move on not giving a crap then it'd mean we had some serious lack of emotions.  Is your friend a sociopath by any chance?

No not a sociopath. He's just quite chilled out in his outlook on life. A why worry about what you cant change kind of guy.

I think like SC91 has said I am a fixer. Im a technician by trade and if something is broke I want to know why and how to fix it.

Sometimes though even I have to accept that something is just broke and cant be fixed. I have to stop wasting time, money and effort on it. I think I should have this attitude with my exgf. I know she's broke, I know why she's broke but nothing in my tool kit is capable of fixing her.

[Blimblam]

There is a lot if different levels if crazy.  A lot of girls are neurotic guys too. With BPD there is a line though.  Also it depends on if the guy your friend is cut off from his emotions. My dad is pretty cut off from his emotions and he didn't seem to get so hurt oer the break up with my mom. He got very angry but not deeply wounded. My dad was raised in an abusive environment. The point it everyone responds differently and the people with the greatest capacity for love and loved the most for hurt the most. Also depends on where we were in our life when we met them.