Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
April 20, 2025, 04:25:01 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Parent's anniversary, why should I care?  (Read 594 times)
isshebpd
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 199


« on: September 07, 2014, 11:25:55 AM »

A few days ago, my uBPDmom told me her wedding anniversary was the next day and wanted me to somehow celebrate it (not a milestone either). She's made this request before and it always bugs the heck out of me.

Is she confusing me with my enDad? Sort of seeing me as the same person? I have enough trouble remembering my own important dates (ask my wife   ).

What makes it worse is their marriage is so extremely dysfunctional, which is a huge part of why my siblings and I are so messed up.

Anyhow, I refuse to send a card or anything, and she can deal with it.

Has anyone else been asked to celebrate their parent's non-milestone wedding anniversary? Or is this another uniquely weird thing about my FOO?
Logged
clljhns
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 502



« Reply #1 on: September 07, 2014, 12:35:55 PM »

Hi issheBPD,

Yes, I was asked to celebrate my parents anniversaries for as long as I could remember. Yes, they have a very dysfunctional marriage, so you are not alone in either situation. When I did have contact with my parents I would give them anniversary cards, cook a big meal, or take them out to dinner, along with one other sister. This farce went on for years, even though my brother and other sister were always absent. It never felt as a real celebration, and I would think that they would have wanted to share this day alone. I really never understood why we kids had to be included. I would have understood it more if it had been a milestone anniversary, also, but was not the case.

I just wanted to validate your thoughts on this and ask if you know of any other couple that expects their children to be a part of their anniversary each year? My guess is you don't. I don't know any other couple that demanded their children be a part of this day.

Glad to know that you set a boundary and stuck to it.

Wishing you peace and blessings! Smiling (click to insert in post)
Logged

isshebpd
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 199


« Reply #2 on: September 07, 2014, 05:16:12 PM »

clljhns,

Agreed, almost nobody else does it. My DW has no idea when her parent's anniversary is. They would never celebrate it, as least they're aware things haven't worked out well for them.

Part of me also feels weird about my parent's anniversary because, technically, I was there on their wedding day 
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!