My question is this... Since i didnt fufill her need this specific time can i expect no more communication because in BPD land im not being helpful therefore not reliable for future needs or will she respect me more for my boundaries especially since its for her well being?
You know her best. Having said that, in the r/s she didn't have boundaries going in? She has difficulties with boundaries and she's at the emotional maturity of a small child. A small child often flails against the parent's boundaries. If you want to have space from the chaos, you need to maintain your boundaries and defend them. She will test them from time to time. I laid down serious boundaries with my ex. As an example, she knows to communicate by email and I won't accept calls or text. From time to time she will call or text but I don't respond. She does X, I respond with Y. In this case no response.
I also wanted to add if its at all possible to get to a point of normal communication without the selfish needs?( just casually sharing/talking and catching up)
I can't help you here. Maybe another member with more experience can. I have kids with my ex and parallel parent. Communication is very low. I have been using SET when there is a need to communicate to inoculate her triggers. I'm split black and it does smooth things but not always. Maybe in several years I can be at a BBQ when she's present.
