Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
January 27, 2021, 01:46:42 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Books members most read
105
The High
Conflict Couple
Loving Someone with
Borderline Personality Disorder
Loving the
Self-Absorbed
Borderline Personality
Disorder Demystified

Pages: 1 2 [3]  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Understanding mirroring and projection on new supply.  (Read 5097 times)
christoff522
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 397


« Reply #60 on: September 24, 2014, 08:48:09 AM »

It is not what woman want it's what people want. No man wants a doormat either... .

Men and women want defined, traditional (i.e. historical) gender roles. A woman wants a man to be a man, and a man wants a woman to be a woman.
Logged
freedom33
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 542



« Reply #61 on: September 24, 2014, 08:57:09 AM »

BPD's want dominant guys, they have no self-control, so they want someone to keep them in control. The first element of control is to cut off attention. But I can understand if people would want to recover and never look back. I don't think that loving your BPD however means you have low self esteem. If you hold yourself in high esteem, you can still go back to your BPD ex, because you know that the situation won't be the same, and if it is... you will leave. You basically become a god to them, because all their games, and bs doesn't work anymore, and you just so happen to be able to be with anyone you choose. I guess it feeds the narcissistic element of all of us guys.

Luckily everything I said applies for normal girls, in fact more so... because what I described is what ALL women want.

The quickest way to get rid of a BPD is to become clingy and beta.

Have you been reading PUA stuff or that idiot called reignite the fire?

Here's how I see things. You either do the above, fall at the lowest level possible - basically becoming a narcissistic douche bag and still lose the game in the end - a BPD will always bring a narcissist down - you can't beat a BPD in their game. Or... .you can REALLY man up and stop playing games with girls, particularly disordered ones. A real man does not play games. And an alpha male is not about dominating females or anyone really - it's more about commanding respect through his actions and mostly from other male. If one is looking for a woman to validate one's masculinity then she will always have him by the balls.
Logged
fred6
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 808



« Reply #62 on: September 24, 2014, 09:01:53 AM »

mine was a Scorpio as well. go figure. and she would use those stupid astrology reading to justify her behaviors as well.

christoff522, honestly that was the best and funniest thing i've read in a while. i was cracking up, because it is so true. fred6, if you don't get it from me, get it from christoff522 or someone else. withhold all attention for now. this is the stronger more powerful position.

Don't worry guys, that's why I'm here posting. For advice and encouragement through this sh!tstorm that I've somehow created for myself. You guys probably know better than me, so I'll stay NC. Although, I do know total NC is the best course of action. How and when do I go about checking on the kids and the cat? Do I just write them off forever too? Like I've said before, I'm virtually positive that exBPD is not coming back to recycle. She never talks to her ex's and has said the she doesn't do the "make up break up" thing. She has too much pseudo-independence, pseudo-pride, and rarely to never admits that she has made a wrong decision. She is never wrong.

And to that point and in the theme of this thread, sometimes she shares Facebook posts that say things like. "I don't regret the decisions that I've made in life. Even if my past is full of hurt, I still look back and smile. Because, they have made me into the person that I am".

Does she actually believe this silly sh|t she posts? I don't know about you guys, but I have many decisions that I have regretted in life. And as much as it bothers me to say, I regret ever falling in love with this chick... .
Logged
christoff522
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 397


« Reply #63 on: September 24, 2014, 09:16:48 AM »

BPD's want dominant guys, they have no self-control, so they want someone to keep them in control. The first element of control is to cut off attention. But I can understand if people would want to recover and never look back. I don't think that loving your BPD however means you have low self esteem. If you hold yourself in high esteem, you can still go back to your BPD ex, because you know that the situation won't be the same, and if it is... you will leave. You basically become a god to them, because all their games, and bs doesn't work anymore, and you just so happen to be able to be with anyone you choose. I guess it feeds the narcissistic element of all of us guys.

Luckily everything I said applies for normal girls, in fact more so... because what I described is what ALL women want.

The quickest way to get rid of a BPD is to become clingy and beta.

Have you been reading PUA stuff or that idiot called reignite the fire?

Here's how I see things. You either do the above, fall at the lowest level possible - basically becoming a narcissistic douche bag and still lose the game in the end - a BPD will always bring a narcissist down - you can't beat a BPD in their game. Or... .you can REALLY man up and stop playing games with girls, particularly disordered ones. A real man does not play games. And an alpha male is not about dominating females or anyone really - it's more about commanding respect through his actions and mostly from other male. If one is looking for a woman to validate one's masculinity then she will always have him by the balls.

But an alpha validates one's self. Theres no need to be validated by a woman, especially a BPD one. When I say "has actual self-esteem" I mean that. A BPD does not bring a narcissist down, the narcissist always wins because he thinks that the BPD is a piece of crap. A BPD does not get to a narcissist.

Now freedom I agree that a real man does not play games, and I'm not talking about playing games. I'm talking about building yourself up, climbing the precipice and being in such a place that the manipulations of the BPD flow over your head. An alpha could sleep with a BPD then never contact her again. Is that a game? No, thats a state of mind we should be in if we're to 'stay'. A BPD can't be helped, but they still have working parts  Being cool (click to insert in post)

An alpha could also love a BPD, love her enough to let her go? or love her enough to stay with her and be able to deal with all the ___ without it dragging you down and bringing you to bpdfamily for emotional support.

Freedom I totally respect what you're saying, and I approve of it, what you say works for 98% of people who come into contact with a BPD, you're totally spot on my friend.

An alpha male naturally dominates females, because he is the archetypical man, and all women WANT A MAN. Not a little approval seeking sissy who never stands up for himself, and always agrees with her opinions and tries to buy her affection with chocolates, dinner and flowers.
Logged
christoff522
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 397


« Reply #64 on: September 24, 2014, 09:20:04 AM »

mine was a Scorpio as well. go figure. and she would use those stupid astrology reading to justify her behaviors as well.

christoff522, honestly that was the best and funniest thing i've read in a while. i was cracking up, because it is so true. fred6, if you don't get it from me, get it from christoff522 or someone else. withhold all attention for now. this is the stronger more powerful position.

Don't worry guys, that's why I'm here posting. For advice and encouragement through this sh!tstorm that I've somehow created for myself. You guys probably know better than me, so I'll stay NC. Although, I do know total NC is the best course of action. How and when do I go about checking on the kids and the cat? Do I just write them off forever too? Like I've said before, I'm virtually positive that exBPD is not coming back to recycle. She never talks to her ex's and has said the she doesn't do the "make up break up" thing. She has too much pseudo-independence, pseudo-pride, and rarely to never admits that she has made a wrong decision. She is never wrong.

And to that point and in the theme of this thread, sometimes she shares Facebook posts that say things like. "I don't regret the decisions that I've made in life. Even if my past is full of hurt, I still look back and smile. Because, they have made me into the person that I am".

Does she actually believe this silly sh|t she posts? I don't know about you guys, but I have many decisions that I have regretted in life. And as much as it bothers me to say, I regret ever falling in love with this chick... .

My best advice would be this, call the entire thing a lost cause. Be selfish, think to yourself that those kids are not your responsibility, and go build a family of your own with someone else.

But... .

You could call her, be all business, cold, detached, ask her how the kids are. She probably regrets quite a bit now. Its been what... a month? Just give her a call, if she's a b!tch then wait another month and try again. BPD's have memories like sieves. So long as you are strong, determined and speak with a man's voice to her you'll be okay. Then when you've done it post back here.
Logged
freedom33
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 542



« Reply #65 on: September 24, 2014, 09:25:50 AM »

So long as you are strong, determined and speak with a man's voice to her you'll be okay. Then when you've done it post back here.

Are you serious? This is not thoughtful advice. What are you on? The Alpha pill?


Logged
fred6
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 808



« Reply #66 on: September 24, 2014, 09:33:40 AM »

Actually, I've been living with her waiting for an apartment for about 2 months. I just moved out for good last Saturday and been NC since then. So NC hasn't even been a week yet.
Logged
freedom33
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 542



« Reply #67 on: September 24, 2014, 09:34:38 AM »

It is not what woman want it's what people want. No man wants a doormat either... .

Men and women want defined, traditional (i.e. historical) gender roles. A woman wants a man to be a man, and a man wants a woman to be a woman.

So if I combine the above then according to you woman = doormat?
Logged
Rise
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 623



« Reply #68 on: September 24, 2014, 09:37:49 AM »

Although, I do know total NC is the best course of action. How and when do I go about checking on the kids and the cat? Do I just write them off forever too?

I know this is kind of a tough answer to read, but unless they are your kids, unfortunately you've got to let them go. They are sort of a package deal with their mom. If their mother wants you in their lives, she'll let you know. But until that time comes, or they reach adulthood and can decide for themselves, you don't really have much of a choice in the situation. And keeping tabs on them isn't going to do anything but hurt you. As far as the cat goes... .unless you're willing to invest the time and energy to get possession of it from her, it may just be best to let it go and get a new one. I know you care for them, but that's just the way things are. It totally stinks, but there's not really anything you can do about it.
Logged
christoff522
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 397


« Reply #69 on: September 24, 2014, 11:26:43 AM »

Actually, I've been living with her waiting for an apartment for about 2 months. I just moved out for good last Saturday and been NC since then. So NC hasn't even been a week yet.

You're better off waiting a bit. Remember you're dealing with an illogical, irrational human being. One who has as much crazy in her as Ted Bundy.

Just leave it a few more weeks. pop up some time mid October. Then strongly ask her about the kids. You mustn't show weakness or go all soppy over her. I'm not saying this to be a d!ck I'm saying it because she won't respond well to it. I've been there. She will be cold, disinterested. But I believe that if you ask about the children, keep it solely on-topic you should be able to make progress on that front.

But be prepared, she may just try to use them as a weapon.
Logged
ReluctantSurvivor
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 221



« Reply #70 on: September 24, 2014, 11:29:45 AM »

So long as you are strong, determined and speak with a man's voice to her you'll be okay. Then when you've done it post back here.

Are you serious? This is not thoughtful advice. What are you on? The Alpha pill?

I'm not sure if Chris is a troll, full of ___, a psychopath or all three.  His advice sounds like the meathead wisdom you find on a bodybuilding forum.
Logged

Angry obsessive thoughts about another weaken your state of mind and well being. If you must have revenge, then take it by choosing to be happy and let them go forever.
― Gary Hopkins
Blimblam
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2892



WWW
« Reply #71 on: September 24, 2014, 01:02:36 PM »

No christoffs advice is solid

PwBPD have multiple pulls within them.  Their is the abandoned child that wants to be saved and parented.  Then their is the disorder which is sort of the protector internal parent that mistreats them. 

The abandoned child wants to be rescued but the disorder will not allow that. The disorder will lure you to make the bond to dump crap into you.

If the disorder senses they can't dump crap into you it will seek to form this bond.
Logged
christoff522
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 397


« Reply #72 on: September 24, 2014, 01:24:32 PM »

So long as you are strong, determined and speak with a man's voice to her you'll be okay. Then when you've done it post back here.

Are you serious? This is not thoughtful advice. What are you on? The Alpha pill?

I'm not sure if Chris is a troll, full of ___, a psychopath or all three.  His advice sounds like the meathead wisdom you find on a bodybuilding forum.

Not at all, this is wisdom I've discovered over the past few months. BPD girls are essentially every weird and wonderful thing a girl is x1000, so if as a normal girl she is insecure... as a BPD she is raving terror that you'll leave. If as a girl she is sexual, then as as BPD she is a total vixen who'll sleep with anything with the right equipment and intent.

As such a BPD needs to be controlled, in fact mine said to me how much she loved to be dominated. I cannot think how many times she said that. She didn't just mean to be sexually dominated. Just a week or two ago, After contact resumed, she started asking me what I thought about HER getting a tattoo, whether I thought that was okay or not.

Let me ask you this, has anything you've done in relation to her worked? Why are you here? You're here because you don't know how to handle your BPD. Now whilst I'm no expert, I can tell you, that I know more about handling a girl with BPD than you do. I've been researching this since April, and practicing it since July. It's a long process, she has a new beta chump. But I'm not crying, forcing myself into NC (which I was before) or losing the plot. I go to bed with a smile on my face.

Meathead wisdom, are you scared of change? I know it's easier for you to simply blame the girl for everything cos she just "doesn't know how special you are". But maybe if you looked at yourself, asked yourself why you're here on a forum broken-hearted about someone, and actually asked yourself why it all fell to ___, you'd begin to realise that its because you're doing it wrong every time you get into a relationship. I mean you were single before your BPD, and you're single now. What are you going to do when the next girl comes along? You'll do the same again, except this time you'll be even more insecure. Even more desperate. Maybe you'll find that this "meathead wisdom" is ACTUAL WISDOM.
Logged
tim_tom
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 449


« Reply #73 on: September 24, 2014, 01:25:06 PM »

No christoffs advice is solid

PwBPD have multiple pulls within them.  Their is the abandoned child that wants to be saved and parented.  Then their is the disorder which is sort of the protector internal parent that mistreats them. 

The abandoned child wants to be rescued but the disorder will not allow that. The disorder will lure you to make the bond to dump crap into you.

If the disorder senses they can't dump crap into you it will seek to form this bond.

I concur... The second time my exgf tried the pull away crap and threatened to leave me, I told her the next day that I won't tolerate that ___ anymore. It stopped it for a couple of months. By then, she had wittled me down enough that I lacked that strength to do it again and it it worse.

The last time she did it, I stood up for myself but in the wrong way. Told her you obviously aren't happy and you need to think about if this is what you want in the relationship, she cried and said I am supposed to reassure her when this happens. 10 days later she was gone. I imagine if I said cut the crap or GTFO instead, she may have stayed. But I wasn't happy at the time and was thinking of breaking up with her anyway.

Live and learn
Logged
Mutt
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10279



WWW
« Reply #74 on: September 24, 2014, 01:36:32 PM »

Staff only

The thread has reached it's post limit. This is a good subject and you are welcome with starting a new thread and topic. Thank you.
Logged

"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: 1 2 [3]  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2020 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
40days_in_desert
Ahquei3s
alphabeta
Amethyste
Angie59
ArtistGuy70
AskingWhy
assumezero
At Bay
Avanzando
Baglady
Beneck
bigredneck
Bittlecat
Boll Weevil
calmboom
Cat Familiar
Chosen
Dnmtnbkr
drained1996
Eggshellsbroken
FaintTheGoat
FaithHopeLove
FindingMe2011
Forgiveness
freespirit
GaGrl
ggGreg
Gift to Myself
gotbushels
Harri
hopeandchoices
I Am Redeemed
Imatter33
Jazzy48
jdc
jones54
Jonthan
Katrinalove
Kwamina
l8kgrl
LLgreen
Longterm
lorymac
lovenature
loyalwife
lucidone
Manifest32f
MariannaR
Meridius
Methuen
mgirl
Minttea
Mommydoc
Mutt
narcdaughter2
needPeace
NorseWoman
Notgoneyet
oceanheart
oftentimes
Omega1
once removed
Only Human
otherlife
palynne
PeacefulMom
Pedro
pest947
podsnapG
ProudDad12
pursuingJoy
Radcliff
Raul
Recycle
Resiliant
Rev
Rosheger
Sad4Her
SamwizeGamgee
Sandalwood
SBBayArea
SCM
SerendipityChild
SES
Silverhope
Skip
songbirdtwo
StillStuck
Swimmy55
Teno
townhouse
truthbeknown
turtleengine501
Ventak
vinnie77
Violet00
wavewatcher
wendydarling
WhatJustHappened?
Whichwayisup
whirlpoollife
Wicker Man
WindofChange
worn_out
WTL
zachira
zaqsert

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!