HELP Any recourse for a delayed BPD daughter

[kadiddle]

Hello. I don't really like message boards, but I need some advice. I have a daughter that is 22 years old. She has Borderline Personality. The other problem is she is cognitively delayed. She is mentally about at 5th grade and about there emotionally too.

She came into our lives as a foster babe at 18 months. The adoption was final at 3 years. I was so naive' and thought all her problems would go away if I just loved her. Unfortunately, we had no idea she was cognitively delayed and I wasn't very patient with her, because I expected better of her. At 8, we were told of the cognitive delay. Then I went through the typical denial, bargaining, and thinking it would get better. It didn't, of course. It just got worse. And... .now that I look back, I see all the typical signs of Reactive Attachment/Borderline, but had never heard of it before. No one ever mentioned it to me. I didn't know what was going on, and just attributed it to her being so immature.

Now I know, but she is on her own and I can't do a thing about it. She tells me every few months she wants nothing to do with me, I say abusive things to her, I am a terrible mother, etc. etc. etc. But then she wants me to buy her things, and as long as I do, she is nice.

I know this is typical, and I try to not let it hurt me, but it does. Unfortunately, because of her developmental delay, she will never understand and thus, will never be able to accept help for it.

I guess I am just going to have to accept this is the way life is going to be forever, but it is breaking my heart. The only thing that keeps me going forward is my sweet husband. But we're both just unable to figure out how to keep the lines of communication open with her. I have just learned not to engage her when she is being spiteful, hateful and vindictive. I have tried to reason with her, but it is impossible.

I am angry that the state who should have warned us, given us an idea of what to look for, signs, symptoms, etc. just handed her off and abandoned her and us. The schools were no help either.

I just can't wrap my head around having to live with this the rest of my life. There is nothing in my life that is worse than this. I am a very happy and fun-loving person. But this has just been so heart- breaking and gut-wrenching. Just soo tired emotionally. I just want to find some peace.

Any thoughts on what to do? I'm all ears.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[free-n-clear]

   Hi, kadiddle.

   I'm so sorry to hear of the heartbreaking situation you find yourself in. I'm also a parent of a young adult daughter, so I really feel for you.   Fortunately you've come to exactly the right place. We have many members in situations like yours and they share with, learn from and support each other.

   When someone suffers from BPD, not only are they unhappy and unhealthy, but often, so is everyone who loves them. This mental illness can severely affect everyone, creating drama and heartbreak, while also piling on the guilt and anxiety. The good news is that there are answers to these problems, and we are here to offer you the support and encouragement to help you find them. You'll see that there are things that can be done to avoid making things worse and begin to make them better. A great place to start is with this set of resources: What can a parent do?

   The senior members on our Parenting a Son or Daughter Suffering from BPD discussion board will take you under their wing and make you feel right at home. Like you, I was uncomfortable with the idea of message boards, but I found a genuine warmth and sense of community here and the realisation that you're not alone, that there are others who genuinely understand what you are dealing with, is a massive help. You're among friends here kadiddle, so once again, Welcome Aboard!

   free-n-clear.

[DreamGirl]

Hi kadiddle,



Hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it? If I knew then what I know now about personality disorders, I would have handled everything all so differently. I think you're so right that it just seems to be some sort of grieving process we go through trying to accept the situation as it is.

I just can't wrap my head around having to live with this the rest of my life. There is nothing in my life that is worse than this. I am a very happy and fun-loving person. But this has just been so heart- breaking and gut-wrenching. Just soo tired emotionally. I just want to find some peace.

Any thoughts on what to do? I'm all ears.

So kadiddle, with this diagnosis has there been any kind of support from her therapist? Have you considered your own therapist to maybe help you and your husband work on some different skills when it comes to dealing with her?

We have several communication techniques that help in this and ways to set limits so that we can maintain our own sense of peace when it comes to these relationships that by design are pretty draining.

Please know that there are several parents on our boards who have walked a thousand miles in your shoes, know how you feel and can help you in this.  

Welcome to our family.  

~DreamGirl

[lbjnltx]

Hello kaddidle

Glad you joined and posted some of your concerns.  It is so very painful to love someone who suffers with BPD.  Trying to stay in relationship with them is the goal that gives life to other goals... .without being in relationship with someone it is difficult to provide any help or feel any hope.

If you follow the links provided by free-n-clear you will find information on a communication technique, validation.  Practicing validation can help keep you in relationship with your daughter while you learn other skills that will also help.

Keep hope in your heart!

lbjnltx

[qcarolr]

I just can't wrap my head around having to live with this the rest of my life. There is nothing in my life that is worse than this. I am a very happy and fun-loving person. But this has just been so heart- breaking and gut-wrenching. Just soo tired emotionally. I just want to find some peace.

Any thoughts on what to do? I'm all ears.

My heart is with you.    

This is an unbearable place to be. I have been there with my BPDDD28. I have been practicing the tools on this board for a long time, and I get better with them as I practice - with everyone in my life. The best part is my relationship with my DD has improved so much. I am more often able to accept that she is who she is and that I can find ways to show my love for her regardless of her behaviors. Validation has been a vital key to this. Then I figured out my primary values and set boundaries to protect those.

It is still hard when she expresses her belief that we were abusive parents. I get it now that this is her reality - her perception of so many things in her life. Other kids have resiliency. They can experience the same situation, feel the pain, process in their brain and move on from it. My DD does not own this ability. So many experiences feel traumatic to her. So this is how she processes and remembers them. Validation has helped me to stop trying to convince her that my version of reality is the 'real' one. When I can avoid explaining, justifying, etc. my point of view -- listen fully to her -- she calms down. Then, and only then, can she take in what is happening with some thinking ability. Effective validation skills have led to this for me. The book "I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better", Lunberg does a good job of teaching validation. Many here have found it in used books at Amazon.com

My DD was adopted at 3 weeks. She was a troubled baby from the beginning. There were so many ways I advocated for her starting with our first visit to a T when she was 2 years old. She still needs an advocate and so far she resists anyone but me. She has been no contact many times though only for short periods of time. I am always relieved when I hear from her, confused about what is the 'right' way to respond. Am I enabling her or supporting her? I am learning that I am capable to figure this out with support of only a few truly understanding people. I can turn off the unwanted advice from any others. This too has taken practice.

Unfortunately, because of her developmental delay, she will never understand and thus, will never be able to accept help for it.

I guess I am just going to have to accept this is the way life is going to be forever, but it is breaking my heart... .

I just can't wrap my head around having to live with this the rest of my life. There is nothing in my life that is worse than this. I am a very happy and fun-loving person. But this has just been so heart- breaking and gut-wrenching. Just soo tired emotionally. I just want to find some peace.

My DD is a low functioning person and a 'fighter' when under stress or feeling fear. This limits her ability to accept the many resources available in our community for her. The county mental health center where she is a client has started training in attachment focused therapy over the past couple years. I feel very fortunate to work with a T that is on the front lines of this effort. She is the T for my gd9 who lives with us. The adult program T that my DD has recently connected with has also bought up DD's attachment issues. I was so relieved when DD signed a release so I could share my story too. This is a great gift for both of us. Otherwise I was left to leave a message and know there would be no response.

Does your DD work with a T or other type of counselor? So much resistance to professional help!

There is a component of cognitive deficit with my DD as well. It is called a non-verbal learning disability and was dx when she was 6 with neuropsych testing. If she were a small child today it is likely she would be on the autism scale. The patterns of her limitations have remained the same over time, though her IQ testing continues to decline. Some of her pdoc's have thought that this was a major factor in the development of her mental health issues, including BPD added to her list of dx's at age 23.

The letting go of feeling so responsible for who my DD is -- so hard, feels impossible at times. Yet, as I learn more and reach out for support both here at bpdfamily and in my local area, things have gotten better. Even when DD is really dysregulated I can find help and support to be OK with myself. My dh and I have developed greater connection and unity in the past couple years. I have reached out to him for comfort - letting him know what I need. His ways of doing things are so different than mine. It has taken effort to accept that I do not always know the best path, or even know the path at all until it gets here.

What ways do you take care of yourself? Do you have a T with experience around BPD to validate YOU? I feel very fortunate to have two T's that get it that I love my daughter, will always love her, and can find ways to protect my values with boundaries while loving her. I have also overcome my skewed idea that dh and I can do this all on our own. We both have found supportive friends that can understand what our life is like with DD.

It is so important - self care. It was hard to hear at first. When I am the best I can be, then I can access the tools and skills that I have gained.  Then I can find some acceptance of the reality of my life and a measure of peace and rest. It is a process daily for me, and for many others here.

There is always hope. Always. It is inaccessible to our minds and hearts at times. I will keep praying for you to find the hope that is there for you. I will keep praying for your D to connect with validating and supportive people in her life in addition to her parents. She can learn even with her young emotional and cognitive age.

Hope can lead to some peace and rest.

Please keep coming back to let us know more of your story. We can listen. We can share. We care.

qcr

[kadiddle]

Wow! Just wow! I am soo excited to have found this place. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for all the wisdom and advice you all have. I will reply later today and answer some of your questions. I am looking forward to following the tools and lessons to the right of my screen as well. I am beginning to feel some hope where I thought there would never be.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond. I have so much to share and so much to learn.

I have a busy schedule today but I WILL get back to you all. javascript:void(0);

[kadiddle]

So kadiddle, with this diagnosis has there been any kind of support from her therapist? Have you considered your own therapist to maybe help you and your husband work on some different skills when it comes to dealing with her?

We have several communication techniques that help in this and ways to set limits so that we can maintain our own sense of peace when it comes to these relationships that by design are pretty draining.

Please know that there are several parents on our boards who have walked a thousand miles in your shoes, know how you feel and can help you in this.

Dream girl,  unfortunately, I don't believe her "therapist" is aware of her diagnosis. My dd left home because she was mad at me when she was 18. I was naive' and didn't realize that I should have gotten guardianship of her. I have no way of communicating with her therapist. She will not allow me to. Dd's diagnosis was really made by a case manager that has seen it before, so I'm not sure there is any support for the diagnosis. I doubt it, because her therapist, according to dd, tells her she need to shut off all contact from me. I believe if the therapist realized what she was dealing with, she would know that is one of the worst things she could tell my dd.

I can contact her former case manager that still works for the state, and perhaps she can touch bases with the therapist. I'm just not sure. I'll see what I can do.

Now... .here's my quandary right now... .she's not talking to me for now. She has told me this before... .that she doesn't want anymore contact from me, but it never lasts more than a month. I would like to write her a letter explaining how much I love her and miss her, but I'm not sure what to say. I know now that the reason she doesn't want contact with me, are her perceptions of an earlier conversation we had, as is always the case. She always tells me I'm being abusive, but in reality, she was the one being hateful. I was just telling her that I was going to tell everyone the truth and she was going to be embarrassed. I see now that to her, that was an attack.

I am following the lessons here now, in hopes I can learn to approach her in the right way.

Any advice on what I should say to her in the letter? I don't want to wait until I"m through with all the lessons here because I can see that's going to take me weeks or months.

I just really believe she thinks we don't love her and that is so wrong. My heart aches for her and I hate that she feels that way. It must be so  agonizing for her.

I will continue the lessons. Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom. I have truly found a foundation on which to build.

I also feel overwhelmed when I see how much I need to do.

Thanks.

[Rapt Reader]

Now... .here's my quandary right now... .she's not talking to me for now. She has told me this before... .that she doesn't want anymore contact from me, but it never lasts more than a month. I would like to write her a letter explaining how much I love her and miss her, but I'm not sure what to say. I know now that the reason she doesn't want contact with me, are her perceptions of an earlier conversation we had, as is always the case. She always tells me I'm being abusive, but in reality, she was the one being hateful. I was just telling her that I was going to tell everyone the truth and she was going to be embarrassed. I see now that to her, that was an attack.

I am following the lessons here now, in hopes I can learn to approach her in the right way.

Any advice on what I should say to her in the letter? I don't want to wait until I"m through with all the lessons here because I can see that's going to take me weeks or months.

Several of us on this site--including me--have benefitted from using this "letter" from Valerie Porr's "Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder" book. It's found on page 331, and she calls it an "Acceptance-Acknowledgement Declaration":

I never knew how much pain you were in. I never knew how much you suffered. I must have said and done so many things to hurt you because I did not understand or acknowledge your pain. I am so sorry. It was never my intention to cause you pain. What can we do now to improve our relationship?

I've actually sent this exact letter in an email, with my Daughter-In-Law's name here and there, with some specific S.E.T. mentions of a few of her grievances before the statement. I didn't go into all of them, but pinpointed the ones that I knew were at the crux of her angst. Then I acknowledged how she felt about each matter, told her that if I looked at it the way she did--or if I thought someone was doing that to me--I would feel the same way that she did. And then I mentioned the truth of the situation, not using the words "but" or "however" (which can be tricky; I had to be inventive   ).

The first time I sent this type of email with this statement above (in bold here), it was to both my son and my D-I-L because he was supporting her No Contact and threats of not letting us see their child once he was born. After that 1st email, my son came around and began communicating with us again, in a very good way. A few months later, I sent the above statement (exactly as written, with her name here and there to personalize it), with S.E.T. for her grievances. At that time, she softened and even became warm with us, and things have been very good ever since.

I know that all of this is overwhelming, kadiddle, but we're here to help you get through it  

[kadiddle]

My daughter is trying to cut off all of her family, and has told a few that she found a friend on fb and going to move to Montana where this gal lives. I've seen her fb page. It's full of sexual inuendos, drug-related posts, and her and her husband look very seedy. She is in her 30's My daughter is 22, but mentally about 12 or 13. She has told a few people that she is moving to Montana in with this gal. DO I have NO recourse? I have no idea where I can turn and feel like I have no legal recourse. I fear for her safety! She's not talking to me right now. But she has expressed to others that she feels her family doesn't love her and there's no point in sticking around.

I am SICK!

[DreamFlyer99]

Hi Kadiddle and 

I'm glad to see you've found the Parenting a Child with BPD board already! That's the perfect place to surround yourself with supportive members in this awesome community who understand what you're dealing with. 

There is so much acting out when a person suffers with BPD, and when the acting out is aimed at the family who loves her it carries so much pain for both sides. I'm so sorry you're going through this, I can only imagine how hurtful it is!

I'm glad you're here, there is help to be found and support to be had.

df

[Mutt]

 

Hi kadiddle,

I would like to join Dreamflyer99 and welcome you. I'm so sorry to hear the difficulties that you are having with D. You feel anxiety, stress and confusing when a loved one is acting out and you are not sure why they are. Emotional immaturity is a part of the disorder and I share a similar experience.

I'm happy that you have found us   You have found a community with members that share similar experiences and can offer guidance and support. Dreamflyer states that you have found the Parenting board. You're welcome to look around the site there are many helpful articles. Read as much as you can about the disorder. You will quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time.

BPD BEHAVIORS: Splitting

BPD Behaviors: How it feels to have BPD

Communication using validation. What it is; how to do it

Hang in there.

-Mutt  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kadiddle]

Has anyone had any experience with the system and getting someone to take guardianship? My daughter has now cut off all communication with all her family and has changed her number. She told her siblings "If you side with Mom then I no longer want to talk to you." All of them told her they weren't siding with anyone, that it was a "take sides" issue. They told her they love her but they love their mom too. No contact for any of them now. She has a new number which she did give to a former foster daughter who we happen to be close to. She gave it to me, but I have not given it out and I haven't called our daughter on it. I don't see the point.

Now... .she has told everyone "except her family" that she is moving to Roundup, Montana with some seedy 30ish couple she met on fb. I'm so scared for her, as she is so naive' and vulnerable.

I've spoken to our attorney and doesn't think it would take much to get a guardianship lined up for her.

Treatment centers? How expensive are they? Does Medicaid cover the cost? She is on Medicaid due to her developmental delay. And she gets SSI. Any ideas? Suggestions?

[HealingSpirit]

Hello kadiddle,

I'd like to join DreamFlyer99 and Mutt in welcoming you to our family. First, I want to tell you I understand how sick you feel about your daughter's decision to move in with questionable people out of state. My husband and I have been facing the same thing! Our BPD daughter will be turning 18 in October and she has been planning to drop everything move to the Midwest to live with her boyfriend (22) the day she turns 18. (We live in So. Calif.)  We've been living with the daily drama of her impending move for several months. I can tell you I've had more than a few sleepless nights over it.

We lucked out & dodged that bullet because they just broke up (for the Nth time) but this time, it is finally real.  (BIG SIGH OF RELIEF!)

I don't know if there is any legal recourse you can take since your daughter is 22 but I understand first-hand how powerless, sick, frustrated, and scared you are for her future.  I'm so glad you found us here! You're not alone in your struggles.  There are so many other parents here who KNOW what it's like to love someone with this terrible mental illness. It helps to vent and be heard and validated by other parents. We all live one day at a time here, and it helps to give and get support from others whenever we need it. 

This site is loaded with great, up-to-date information about BPD. Mutt gave you links to some excellent information to get you started.  There are also Tools and Lessons to the right of the Parenting Board that help YOU deal with your daughter, and there are videos, articles, and lots of book recommendations. I've read 3 great books on BPD so far, but the one I'm reading now is "Overcoming BPD" by Valerie Porr. All the books are helpful, but I wish I'd started with this one.  She discusses BPD in a way that helps you understand the illness with compassion, which makes it much easier to let go of anger and resentment in order to validate our loved one's intense feelings.  Learning to Validate really helps because people with BPD feel so misunderstood most of the time.

Self care is vital because the stress we deal with is ongoing. What have you been doing to take care of yourself? Do you have a support system you can go to when you need to talk? What do you like to do that helps take your mind off the daily worries about your daughter?

I wish I could tell you what you can do to stop your daughter from making this move, but one of the things we parents must accept is that it is HER life, and people with BPD seem to have to learn everything the hard way.  It is frustrating and scary to watch, like a train wreck in slow motion.

Has your daughter been officially diagnosed? Is she seeing a therapist?  The more you can tell us about your situation, the more help we can offer you.  I'm glad you found us.  I hope it helps you to know you're not alone and there ARE tools and skills you can learn to improve your relationship with your daughter. 

Hang in there! 

[pessim-optimist]

Hello kadiddle,



I don't have experience with taking guardianship, but there are some on this board that do, and here is a thread where this exact issue was mentioned:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=231587.msg12488050#msg12488050

This family took guardianship before their daughter turned 18, but if your attorney thinks it shouldn't be a problem, then it might be something to consider... .

[theplotthickens]

If your daughter is mentally incapacitated and developmentally delayed, getting legal guardianship of her is always an option.  Check with NAMI if you are interested in learning more.  Just wanted to throw that option out there.

Oops... .I didn't read any of the responses before posting... .I see Pessimist-Optimist already mentioned this. 

[PyneappleDays]

Hi

I'm not a board person too. There a whole lot of typing.  I feel funny sometimes, I'm very tactile.  It's very frustrating.  You will find as you read through the posts that we are in the same boat.  We love our children we are filled with hope for their future and everything thing they could be if only our love was enough.  My life is mostly I have friends and other outlets etc.  Why can't my child just see what she could have if she just worked at it and not take this impossible road?  I see her friends.  Really why would you pick this life and these friends.  This is not where you came from.

Unfortunately you need to see it through their eyes.  They are scared, alone and frightened.  This is not what they choose.  If they could just live the life that was what you wanted.  They can't they struggle.  That's where the problem begins with our expectations.

My dd is 20 but stuck at 16 cognitively and mentally.  I'm just seeing it now.  I've spent years trying to get her to behave her age.  She's not there.  This does not mean that I don't have expectations.  It just means that through reading and counselling I've learned to work with who she is.  Let her I know boundaries (hers and mine) and rules.  I also let her know I'm here for her and love her.

It’s a lot of work but really if we aren’t there for them where would they be that’s worst on your mind.  I’ve been there.

Hang in there

[qcarolr]

My dd is 20 but stuck at 16 cognitively and mentally.  I'm just seeing it now.  I've spent years trying to get her to behave her age.  She's not there.  This does not mean that I don't have expectations.  It just means that through reading and counselling I've learned to work with who she is.  Let her I know boundaries (hers and mine) and rules.  I also let her know I'm here for her and love her.

It’s a lot of work but really if we aren’t there for them where would they be that’s worst on your mind.  

Exactly! It is such a process to find my inner strength to balance my always love for my DD28 with the boundaries we each need to safely move forward in our lives. I am so grateful for this site and all those in my day to day life that support me in this. And DD seems to be gaining an awareness of what she needs to get out of the hole she has dug into for so long.

I have been clear to DD that I am willing to always be her advocate in finding the resources she needs to the best of my ability, and it is up to her to use that resources. I will always love her, no matter what. It is a challenge to keep this in balance.

qcr

My DD often responds she 'feels like she is 15' when asked how old she feels. I think she will have a different answer the next time I ask this question. This began to change for her after her 25th birthday!

[kadiddle]

Well... .this is a good resource and I have learned soo much. Now... .the bottom has dropped out of my world. Our daughter, who functions at about a 12 year old level, has just taken off to Montana. I am so angry, more than anything. Here's the reasons:

1) Her case worker told our daughter she has no respect for me because she actually believes the garbage our daughter tells her. You know the scoop... .I was abusive, I try to run her life, etc.

2) Her counselor told her she needs to cut all ties to her family. Mind you, this counselor only hears our daughter's side of the story because we aren't allowed to communicate with the counselor.

3) Her payee actually sent her $300 so she went out and bought a plane ticket... .How? The couple she met on fb told her how... .walked her through it. They told her she could go live with them. So... .she bought the ticket and left.

What the hell is wrong with these people? She is a vulnerable child stuck in a 22 year old's body. She doesn't have a clue what she's doing! I"m furious and I have no recourse. We've talked to our attorney and he says he thinks we could petition for guardianship, even if it's to have a guardian appointed instead of it being us.

Our daughter of course, threatens to not talk to us anymore, change her number, never contact us again, blah, blah, blah. We've heard it a thousand times. But... .it still hurts.

She is soo vulnerable and I'm so concerned for her safety. We did contact APS in Montana and they can and will do welfare checks. My fear is these people who encouraged her to come out probably are aware of her SSI money and that's the only reason she's out there. She has contacted a former foster sister of hers that we are close with. She has about had it with her though. She left all her things in her apartment except what she could carry. Just left it. Made no arrangements to get it taken care of.

Can her payee send her money out of state? Just how bad does it have to get before a court will determine she is unsafe and needs a guardian?

Had I known I should have gotten guardianship of her prior to her 18th birthday, I would have. If I had known she had BPD before she was 18, I would have gladly paid to get her the best help I could afford. But I believe the state DSHS let us down and my daughter too. They have ignored the problem until it has reached this crisis.

I can't sleep or eat, I am so distraught. I am so scared I am going to get a phone call saying she's been raped, abused, or worse, even dead.

Suggestions? Anyone else been in this situation? Probably a stupid question, but I am desperate. I don't know what to do and even if there is anything I CAN do.

[qcarolr]

kadiddle   

This is so scary for you and you must feel so powerless. Yet I read here all the good steps you have already taken to advocate for your DD's safety contacting the Montana APS to do wellness checks and speaking to a lawyer. Did the foster sister contact you after hearing from DD?

Guardianship would give you the ability to be in communication with the care providers in your DD's life. There have been many times that I have left a message or spoken to my DD28's therapist knowing that she/he could not respond to me. Your side of the story has so much value. My DD's reality is that we were abusive parents. There were many times we intervened to keep her physically safe or to prevent destruction of our home. When she tells these stories to her care givers she is sincere and believable. You can provide context for your DD's counselor. The risk of losing contact with your D at this point has no impact as she has gone NC already.

The experience of many here is the NC does not last. It feels like forever to we parents. The other thing is to reach out to your DD to keep a loving connection. Valerie Porr has a sample letter in her book "Overcoming BPD" that has worked for many here. If you like, I can search this out and post it here.

Do you feel there is any physical risk to your DD with these people in Montana? Since the payee rep. controls her funds this could limit their access to her SSI. Keep advocating for her with everyone you can think of.

How are you taking care of yourself? This is so hard to do when consumed by worry for a child regardless of their age. Stress can escalate so many things in us. Your health is important so you can be there to advocate and love your DD. Mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health. Do you have a T for yourself? Is your spouse supportive? Do you have friends and family that understand and can be supportive listeners?

Let us know how things are going for you. I will keep you and your DD in my thoughts and prayers.

qcr

[pessim-optimist]

Well... .this is a good resource and I have learned soo much. Now... .the bottom has dropped out of my world. Our daughter, who functions at about a 12 year old level, has just taken off to Montana.

What I nightmare. I am so sorry, kadiddle... .   

Her payee actually sent her $300 so she went out and bought a plane ticket... .

Who are these people in Montana? Are they just mere strangers your daughter met on fb? Are you saying they might be trying to exploit her for the money she is getting?

Would your lawyer know if/what can be done to counteract that? (Is getting the guardianship still a possibility now that she's gone?)

Just how bad does it have to get before a court will determine she is unsafe and needs a guardian?

Has your daughter been diagnosed with developmental delay - is that a medically established fact? Would it be possible to establish guardianship while she is away, or does she need to be present?