NC thread-- anyone else in their first few days?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I've realized that my previous attempts at NC were basically piggybacking off of hers-- as soon as she broke it, I would re-engage (not deeply, but still responsively). This past one sent me down the rabbit hole of longing and despair again. It's time for a new approach, a NC for me approach.

[kc sunshine]

I've realized that my previous attempts at NC were basically piggybacking off of hers-- as soon as she broke it, I would re-engage (not deeply, but still responsively). This past one sent me down the rabbit hole of longing and despair again. It's time for a new approach, a NC for me approach.

[Whiteytheox72]

Seven days in and its brutal but Im feeling my strength and respect come back gradually. Also seeing more of the hell she put me through. Stay strong.

[bunnysc]

Hey! It depends on your situation I guess. Do you really want to be a  '':)oormat''? Is she going back to you because she ''Controls you''? What if she gets a replacement and paints you black for lets say 1 year? If the  replacement fails as well as the relationship (Cause it will at some point). If she goes back to you will you take her back?

Be strong, I am not familiar with your situation but I guess NC is you best option... Heck I am in the same boat and is hard be strong

[kc sunshine]

Seven days in and its brutal but Im feeling my strength and respect come back gradually. Also seeing more of the hell she put me through. Stay strong.

7 days! That's totally inspirational. Day 1 for me is a lot better that day 0 (yesterday)-- whew that was a tough one.

[dakini9x]

On day 6... again.  Just did a 6 day of NC before this one, seems to be as long as I can last   I did engage last time so that my uBPDex could come and get the rest of his belongings so that there would be no reason for him to need to come by my home again.  Otherwise, I have been good about not replying to any texts. They get so confusing!  One day he misses me so much and then two days later he is telling me nothing I say about him is true and then proceeds to tell me The Truth.   I have avoided saying out right, Do Not Contact me again.  He waffles between sadness and anger whenever I try to end our r/s and I try to avoid confrontation... .  At this point I have lost count of how many times I have tried to end this r/s.   Ugh, on my end it has been great some days with no contact, much more peaceful and I feel more sane,  and other days I check the phone every 10 mins. looking for a text... .   Hope it eventually gets better. Learning to be alone with myself is hard some days.

[NeedHelpPls]

Day 28.

Received a long email, saying how she is now ready to move on, and that she is finally ready to delete all photos, letters, emails, and let it go.

Nicely written... but basically trying to play the victim. and how she has tried her best, and its my fault for not being able to understand who she is.

the best part? it ends with,

P.S. Don't bother replying, I'm blocking you haha!



Not going to lie, NC was hard. and this email just turned it upside down all over again... .

Stay strong. I hope for the day when I will be free, and I yearn for a happy, healthy relationship, where we have "normal" fights, about how I had forgotten our anniversary, or was late for dinner for 15 minutes. Not about how I didn't smile or look particularly happy meeting her, how I crossed my arm when talking, how I "made" her eat curry when she didn't feel like it (she gobbled it down... .)

anyways.

I can only speak for myself, but I have relatively low self-esteem and probably have co-dependent issues. It means so much to me that someone out there loves me and cares about me. So I desperately try and hang on to you, because it makes me feel alive, and worthy.

NC is hard. but relationship with BPD is infinitely harder. When I catch myself ruminating and reminiscing about good days, I almost literally slap my face and force myself to think about all the pain, and how nothing made any sense. despite all of my valiant effort... .

[Flora73]

Crikey, I just broke 14 days NC with a phone call to tell her that there was no way forward but if she wanted to have a friendship that would be lovely... .

She's a good woman with an illness, would like to support her in some way even if its a coffee every fortnight.

[kc sunshine]

Almost done day 1! Phew. Still checking my messages to see if she texts, but other than that didn't have much if an impulse to contact her (unlike yesterday when it was overwhelming). This site has been extremely helpful-- I check here when I am thinking about her. 

[thousandyardstare]

Day 13.  If you don't count listening to voicemails as contact.

I don't know it's very hard to move forward but there isn't anything left back there that I want.  Just one day at a time.

[kc sunshine]

Here goes day 2. It is starting out rough-- woke up too early thinking of her. The main emotion is anger_ I'll try to lean into it. I think I'm also angry at myself. Some of her digs hit home and have me questioning the kind of person that I fundamentally am. I guess this is how they do their worst damage.

[Nomad1027]

My UxBPDgf and I have has no contact for for 37 days. I stopped looking at her social media pages 22 days ago.  It has been excruciating, but I remind myself that she has moved on and that then only person being affected by contact is me.  She is now "in love" with the replacement.  It hurt too damn much to see her move on and though everyday I am tempted to look at her FB or Instagram pages, I take a breath and wait for the urge to pass.

I miss her terribly, but I am no longer crying every day. I am not wasting my work day Goodling her name or email address to see if I can see an update on a blog somewhere. The obsessive thinking, which used to be non-stop, is less and less consuming.  It still hurts, it still stings, and I am still grieving the loss of the girl I knew and the dreams I had.

But it get's better. It does. Slowly, perhaps, but it gets better.

Stick to your guns.  It sucks, I know. But if the raw emotion and obsessive emotion can get better for me, it can get better for you too.  Just take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. When you feel that heavy, longing nostalgia falling over you, just get up and walk.  It will pass.  Be strong for yourself. It does get better.

Good luck to us all.

[Whiteytheox72]

Outstanding post Nomad.

[NeedHelpPls]

Day... .oh screw it. I don't know. Even the very "act" of counting days kind of defeats the purpose for me.

So let's just say... around two months.

It does get better, still get the pang of pain and emptiness every now and then, but they are fewer, and farther in between.

I'm sure a lot of people can relate when I say this, but I am going to tell you something important.

"You tried your absolute best"

Everyday I keep telling myself, I deserve better, I deserve to be loved, and cared for, I deserve to speak freely without fear, I deserve to be accepted for who I am, and I have so much love to give, but I will reserve it for the right person who can appreciate and reciprocate.

Relationship is hard to begin with, and imagine being in a relationship where only one person is doing all the work, pulling all the weight, being an emotional care-taker. Perhaps there are people out there who can take it all on and come out unscathed and have a meaningful life.

But, that is not the life I am going to lead.

I'm going to be happy.

Hang in there, time does heal all wounds. It may leave a scar, but it will heal.

[fred6]

Tomorrow at 6pm will be the one week mark. This sh|t ain't fun. I kind of just go to work and come home and lay around in the bed. I have no motivation to do anything. People tell my just to stop thinking about her. They just don't understand that for some reason a BPD relationship is different. How? I don't know, it's just different. I miss her children and cat so much. Now I get to sit here alone and contemplate an uncertain future. Someone tells you they love you for 1095 days and then one day they act like you abused them and they hate you. I am broken and shattered into 1095 pieces from all of this. This sucks soo bad... .

[kc sunshine]

Today at midnight will be the one week mark for me too 

Definitely better but still hard. I think she's replaced me, so that is hard to think about, but I'm trying not to. More soon, perhaps at midnight, when the week will be official!