It's sort is scattered and hard to find but read up on projective identification from multiple sources. It is litteraly a psychic bond like a mother to it's child. It is like the bond to the ideal mother lover and drowning child all in one bond. The normal bariers of conciousness can be broken by them. Those bariers never fully formed in them. The way an infant communicates to get attention has developed to a level in them that is an art form of manipulation.
It sounds like you are in a place that is going to hurt like nothing you ever imagined was possible. If you agree please do yourself a favor and notify your work you may need to take off some time.
I lost my virginity to a pwBPD too she destroyed me. It's not easy and it hurts much worst than other break ups.
They call them fleas the way they leave you with issues when they leave. It is because you identified with her projections of how she feels about herself. The sad thing is it was never personal she is stuck in a set pattern a ritual.
Heck read about the Isis Osiris myth you will see this ritual of mind control being broken down and reborn was adopted and used to control the masses through religion in ancient times.
So you said its a psychic bond like that of the ideal mother and drowning so this would explain how i can almost read her thoughts and know her desires before she said it half the time. Interesting so i presume that through projective identification it in turn conditions me on another level of unconsciously to serve as means for her purposes through the bond formed psychically. As you said much like a child uses its inherent abilities to control and bend the the will of the mother to serve its needs.
Yea i actually lost my job through the breakup a few months ago then started another one that i was in training for but she broke up with me soon again around this time after the recycle and lost it too. The second time around broke me in a different way and the pain is so much more intense. So i plan on healing and finding a good t for a while until im ready to work again.
On the flipside these past few days have shown me that there is no going back to her and that i would probably end up in a mental ward if she broke up with me again.
Im really sorry to hear that you have also suffered losing such a special connection the the hands of one of these cruel mistresses. It seems the repercussion is total annihilation to our mind body and soul. Leaving us essentially paralyzed in the fallout.
So its like parasitic drones being left after the queen infests you and drains you dry of all of your substance. They continue to fester and residual effect the host negatively in the aftermath. Also leave you more vulnerable for the queen if later on she needs to feed if shes out of supply. Wow this is all so fascinating...
So in a sense you compare it to a ritual is she not to be compared to a warlock or witch of the mind? But instead of using esoteric enchantments and spells she casts a psychological one unconsciously through protective identification to engulf the mind with a psychic bond?
Its almost unreal to me that a human being can from such an attachment due to lack of barriers and compensate that and its lack of being able to provide needs with a unique skill to manipulate and bend ones psyche. Seems like Project MK Ultra shouldve been looking into borderlines innate abilities instead of dosing people up with psychedelics if they wanted to find a firm basis for mind control application.
Thank you for the response Blimblam. Im going to look into all that you mentioned and do my research to get a better understanding of what truly encompasses the situation the has unfolded. It seems this rabbit hole goes much deeper as i suspected.
