do pwBPD believe the things they project,or are they trying to manipulate?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

ive been back and forth some times mulling over whether to leave or not.

when i first found about his BPD,i forced myself to decide and stay,i thought i couldnt abandon him.but from there on his behaviour got worse.

i'd always known that the guy was capable of anything,but i really never imagined he'd attack my family,or threat to physically attack me.

like everyone here predicted,that came as well with time,when he just got more abusive (and i didnt think it was possible)

so he abuses my family,calls them bad names,then tells his mom i was calling his whole family names,

my question is that do pwBPD consciously believe their projection,or are they making it up to just get shoulders?

after i told his mom that,not me,HE had been abusing,along with the kind of things he says,the way he'd been acting,which is completely believable to any nitwit who even knows him a little...

she chose to attack me,telling me im just not marriage material,that she didnt want her sons life ruined by me

admitted or not,it really hurt... .all i could think was... .you two faced superfluous b___.

how could his mother,honestly of all people,not know what he is like,he LIVES with the idiot.

and all along she had been pretending to idealize me,not saying she has BPD herselff

however,i made it clear to both of them that i would kick them in the heads before i would marry him,for,

he was a soul sucking monster and it was over between us.

so yeah,im trying to cutt up the chains that bind me to him.

he has texted a couple of times, im not replying... .

i just wish i could put this behind me and forget this part of my life existed.

all the time it feels like he has stolen something from me and created a void in its place

i dont know why it feels that way,but the feeling of unfinished ness' is everywhere.

[stuckgirl]

ive been back and forth some times mulling over whether to leave or not.

when i first found about his BPD,i forced myself to decide and stay,i thought i couldnt abandon him.but from there on his behaviour got worse.

i'd always known that the guy was capable of anything,but i really never imagined he'd attack my family,or threat to physically attack me.

like everyone here predicted,that came as well with time,when he just got more abusive (and i didnt think it was possible)

so he abuses my family,calls them bad names,then tells his mom i was calling his whole family names,

my question is that do pwBPD consciously believe their projection,or are they making it up to just get shoulders?

after i told his mom that,not me,HE had been abusing,along with the kind of things he says,the way he'd been acting,which is completely believable to any nitwit who even knows him a little...

she chose to attack me,telling me im just not marriage material,that she didnt want her sons life ruined by me

admitted or not,it really hurt... .all i could think was... .you two faced superfluous b___.

how could his mother,honestly of all people,not know what he is like,he LIVES with the idiot.

and all along she had been pretending to idealize me,not saying she has BPD herselff

however,i made it clear to both of them that i would kick them in the heads before i would marry him,for,

he was a soul sucking monster and it was over between us.

so yeah,im trying to cutt up the chains that bind me to him.

he has texted a couple of times, im not replying... .

i just wish i could put this behind me and forget this part of my life existed.

all the time it feels like he has stolen something from me and created a void in its place

i dont know why it feels that way,but the feeling of unfinished ness' is everywhere.

[Mutt]

she chose to attack me,telling me im just not marriage material,that she didnt want her sons life ruined by me

I'm sorry to hear that you were invalidated by his mother. It must feel isolating when he's splitting your family black and dissociating (lying) to his.

Blood is thicker than water.

From my experience with my ex. I think her family is scared of her. They've told me some pretty difficult stories in her teens. They bury their heads in the sand and the same with friends. They get split black for long periods and come back.

It's sad because it enables the behavior and it gives her less chances to get help for herself when people are enabling dysfunctional behaviors.

I choose to not enable in the hopes someday she may get help by putting up boundaries, not rescuing and disengaging from conflict and not giving into her whims.

I understand the intention. You're likely not going to win the family over. I'm sorry.

[stuckgirl]

thanks for answering mutt

i know i cant make his family understand that he needs a lot of help,so ive decided to end everything for good,at least for myself.

i wanted someone other than myself to believe what had happened,what i had gone through,the things he had said until my ears wanted to shut down.

i didnt expect anyone who hadnt been through something similar to believe but he kind of made it possible by saying something out of my character about me,which helped family to understand something was terribly off if he had to lie about something.

im sorry about your ex girlfriend,i agree that in such a situation enabling is just adding fuel to fire and basically delaying the inevitable situation... which harms the pwBPD along with bunch of other people

but i think it must be hard for parents,i think they might just not know what to make of a previously inexperienced and in-understandable situation

did you ever get closure from your exgirlfriend. it seems to be the one think that i want from my ex fiance (i admit im glad i can just say ex) but between his name calling and cursing it seems to be the one thing that wont come out.

[Mutt]

i wanted someone other than myself to believe what had happened,what i had gone through,the things he had said until my ears wanted to shut down.

You have us that believe and understand because we have gone through something similar.  

did you ever get closure from your exgirlfriend. it seems to be the one think that i want from my ex fiance (i admit im glad i can just say ex) but between his name calling and cursing it seems to be the one thing that wont come out.

It is a disorder triggered by intimacy and she has her internal battles. I was a trigger with fighting back and arguing. She couldn't cope. She left after a 7 year relationship and 4 year marriage with her affair partner. She simply said "I'm done" packed up and left with the kids.

It is sad when we cannot get closure from the other person. Healthy adults can give each other closure when the relationship has ended. My wife has maladaptive coping skills, strong defense mechanisms and it felt painful. Working through the pain and understanding BPD behaviors helped me put a chapter in my life behind. It gets better. It's important to take care of ourselves, get help with a T and talk to members in this place.

The name calling and cursing hurts our feelings when we care and we're greeted with vitriol. Your ex is triggered and I'm sorry that you had to go through this.