How can you replace the drama?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I've been doing ok since I split with my ex. I feel stronger and have kept myself busy, caught up with a lot of friends and made some new ones.  But I miss the drama.  Hard to accept but I miss living on my nerves, handling crises and the excitement, the anticipation (don't miss the dread). My life was pretty boring which is how I got involved in the first place.

Has anyone got any advice or tips on how to meet this need in me in a healthy way?

[merlin4926]

I've been doing ok since I split with my ex. I feel stronger and have kept myself busy, caught up with a lot of friends and made some new ones.  But I miss the drama.  Hard to accept but I miss living on my nerves, handling crises and the excitement, the anticipation (don't miss the dread). My life was pretty boring which is how I got involved in the first place.

Has anyone got any advice or tips on how to meet this need in me in a healthy way?

[crookedeuphoria]

WOW. I thought I was the only one who felt this way. The adrenaline rush, right? I have been trying to figure this out too. I see so many people saying they want peace, and I do too, don't get me wrong but the excitement... .I loved how he made me feel ALIVE. Honestly, I think that might be one of the things I miss more than him.

That being said. I have no idea.

[merlin4926]

Exactly that feeling of being more alive than ever, it s like a drug and I just crave it still.  I agree I think I miss it more than him. I even miss the idiots he was surrounded with who lived in chaos.  Got no idea what to replace it with and do worry I'll fall for another him

[crookedeuphoria]

Right. Fall for another him or find a great guy and then create the drama myself. It terrifies me, quite frankly. We have only been broken up a month so I am nowhere near thinking about being with someone else but I can see myself being bored to tears without that excitement in another relationship. I'm trying to disassociate the feelings I want to have in my life from him. Trying to recognize that I can maybe create those feelings without him, you know? I know I want excitement. Passion. FUN. Sexy. I don't know what would give me that since this was probably the first time I have ever had it, the first time, really, I ever even knew how much I wanted it. It is like a drug. I crave it. The fact that at the end all of that was mostly gone with him may be what's keeping me away this time and knowing that I will probably actually stay away this time. He awakened something in me and then stopped giving it to me which ultimately has resulted in the demise of his own scheme.

[Flora73]

You don't need it... ..wait until you get the shingles... .

If you want Drama, get a DVD 

[Popcorn71]

I recently had an evening when I literally had nothing to do. I started to feel anxious and  fed up. After 9 years of constant stress and drama I am not used to peace.  I can see that I am filling my spare time with all sorts of activities, even some I am not keen on, just so I am not home alone. It is not easy to go from full on excitement to total silence. I intend to wean myself off activities gradually until I can enjoy being peaceful and alone again.

Keep busy with things you enjoy but don't fill all your time.  You just have to give yourself time to get used to your new drama free life.

[walksoftly]

Wow!

I had ten years of full on drama.

I started a new relationship and wondered why the passion was absent. I started to question the relationship- It wasn't exciting enough?

Then slowly, gradually I realized; This is a normal relationship. I come home from work and we have dinner, light a fire, watch a movie.

There are people who "run" from there own thoughts -they constantly must have external activities moveing around outside their own thoughts becasue if they had peace then there would be a space for those thoughts to creep into their minds.

My ex had a horrible childhood - she was always busy and creating drama and chaos - which was much better than the demons she had to face in her own mind.

[walksoftly]

their-correcting my spelling

[walksoftly]

moving-another sp error

[merlin4926]

And are you happy walk softly?  I too am filling all my spare time but did go to meditation this week which helped. I had a 'nice' relationship before being with my exBPD but it wasn't enough for me.  I do like peace but also want adventures and in guess the highs I had with him. Maybe that's unrealistic but it's pretty depressing too

[crookedeuphoria]

I am very content spending time by myself. It's a bit harder these days because of my sense of aimlessness and the fact that except for my kids, I'm alone a lot.

I don't want the drama of name calling and TV's being thrown across the room. But I definitely want the laughing our asses off, being goofy and ridiculous in the grocery store, dancing in the living room on a Thursday night. I want to connect with someone on that otherworldy level. Is that not achievable?

[irishmarmot]

I am a adrenaline junkie.  I have 13 jumps and was a mountain climber back in my 20's.  I have climbed Rainier and other peaks in the Rockies.   The rush I got from the relationship was a substitute for my fix for adventure.   I just started rock-climbing again and that has helped me detach.  Next summer I plan on doing my 14th jump at 10,000.ft.  It' going to be great.  :)on't need the drama when I get home and not sure which first the chicken or the egg but I believe that I am on to something as to why I am attracted to crazy oops, I mean high-maintenance women!

[walksoftly]

Merlin... .Hi.

I am happy... .

I remeber the day she yelled over the phone " I don't love you anymore."  That echoed in my mind for a very long time. I would get up in the morning, have a cup of coffee, look out over my backyard and it was the first thing that entered my mind. But something happened differently today. I got up, made a cup of coffee and looked out over the yard and my mind said, " I don't love her anymore." It still puts goosebumps on my arms as I write this. Im over her and can now devote my attention to my new partner.

Do I have scars? Oy yes... .of course I do but I am not only happy but I am wiser... .