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Author Topic: About to break NC (over 2 months) - Letter to her  (Read 6882 times)
FoolishMan
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« Reply #30 on: October 04, 2014, 06:37:38 PM »

Once you get clear of loving her blim blam you will not feel the pain. It's going to get better, believe me I never thought it would but it does and it won't be too long just give up on her she's trash compared to you. No one who causes you such pain is worth a spec of your precious time.
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NorthLight
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« Reply #31 on: October 05, 2014, 08:59:01 AM »

Thank you all for so much support any replies. She has split me black, so any contact from me will just convince her even more how horrible i am i guess. She will not see the light by a letter, i will not get the reply i wish from if i send one. She will not give me any closure, as she hasn't done so far. I will save the letter, and if she ever contacts me (looks at me white again) ill give it and then shut down all communication and hopefully get my closure then.

I am very glad i didn't send it, i would have regretted. So for everyone that wonders, i have stayed NC. Thanks again everyone 
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« Reply #32 on: October 05, 2014, 05:32:12 PM »

Thank you all for so much support any replies. She has split me black, so any contact from me will just convince her even more how horrible i am i guess. She will not see the light by a letter, i will not get the reply i wish from if i send one. She will not give me any closure, as she hasn't done so far. I will save the letter, and if she ever contacts me (looks at me white again) ill give it and then shut down all communication and hopefully get my closure then.

I am very glad i didn't send it, i would have regretted. So for everyone that wonders, i have stayed NC. Thanks again everyone 

No worries northern light

Sometimes we need to reach out to our exs to work out the what ifs.  In my experience they end in pain.
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NorthLight
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« Reply #33 on: October 06, 2014, 02:34:25 PM »

Thank you all for so much support any replies. She has split me black, so any contact from me will just convince her even more how horrible i am i guess. She will not see the light by a letter, i will not get the reply i wish from if i send one. She will not give me any closure, as she hasn't done so far. I will save the letter, and if she ever contacts me (looks at me white again) ill give it and then shut down all communication and hopefully get my closure then.

I am very glad i didn't send it, i would have regretted. So for everyone that wonders, i have stayed NC. Thanks again everyone 

No worries northern light

Sometimes we need to reach out to our exs to work out the what ifs.  In my experience they end in pain.

I think we all experience that pain. If someone here had reached out and actually GOT WHAT THEY WANTED (like answers / closure) it would be the most seen thread in the forum. It doesn't happen. And when i reached out several times the days and weeks after being dumped, she was so ice cold no matter what i said, so why should it have changed now. Im glad i didn't, because now i remember how hurted i got when i tried reaching out this summer, and it ended in some much pain. Hope your doing better Blimblam
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« Reply #34 on: October 06, 2014, 08:47:52 PM »

Thank you all for so much support any replies. She has split me black, so any contact from me will just convince her even more how horrible i am i guess. She will not see the light by a letter, i will not get the reply i wish from if i send one. She will not give me any closure, as she hasn't done so far. I will save the letter, and if she ever contacts me (looks at me white again) ill give it and then shut down all communication and hopefully get my closure then.

I am very glad i didn't send it, i would have regretted. So for everyone that wonders, i have stayed NC. Thanks again everyone 

No worries northern light

Sometimes we need to reach out to our exs to work out the what ifs.  In my experience they end in pain.

I think we all experience that pain. If someone here had reached out and actually GOT WHAT THEY WANTED (like answers / closure) it would be the most seen thread in the forum. It doesn't happen. And when i reached out several times the days and weeks after being dumped, she was so ice cold no matter what i said, so why should it have changed now. Im glad i didn't, because now i remember how hurted i got when i tried reaching out this summer, and it ended in some much pain. Hope your doing better Blimblam

Thanks

I am in a lot better shape than I was a few months ago. To be honest I would say I am about where I would be 2 weeks out of a "normal" break up where I was dumped but not betrayed.

This was my second relationship with a pwBPD the first time absolutely wrecked me it took 2 years to recover. But this last one!  It nearly killed me and my mind fractured like humpy dumpty. Nothing ever came close to affecting me like this and I've been held at gunpoint and robbed at knifepoint before.
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NorthLight
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« Reply #35 on: October 07, 2014, 07:06:55 AM »

Thank you all for so much support any replies. She has split me black, so any contact from me will just convince her even more how horrible i am i guess. She will not see the light by a letter, i will not get the reply i wish from if i send one. She will not give me any closure, as she hasn't done so far. I will save the letter, and if she ever contacts me (looks at me white again) ill give it and then shut down all communication and hopefully get my closure then.

I am very glad i didn't send it, i would have regretted. So for everyone that wonders, i have stayed NC. Thanks again everyone 

No worries northern light

Sometimes we need to reach out to our exs to work out the what ifs.  In my experience they end in pain.

I think we all experience that pain. If someone here had reached out and actually GOT WHAT THEY WANTED (like answers / closure) it would be the most seen thread in the forum. It doesn't happen. And when i reached out several times the days and weeks after being dumped, she was so ice cold no matter what i said, so why should it have changed now. Im glad i didn't, because now i remember how hurted i got when i tried reaching out this summer, and it ended in some much pain. Hope your doing better Blimblam

Thanks

I am in a lot better shape than I was a few months ago. To be honest I would say I am about where I would be 2 weeks out of a "normal" break up where I was dumped but not betrayed.

This was my second relationship with a pwBPD the first time absolutely wrecked me it took 2 years to recover. But this last one!  It nearly killed me and my mind fractured like humpy dumpty. Nothing ever came close to affecting me like this and I've been held at gunpoint and robbed at knifepoint before.

Whatever you feel now, it is at least better than it was a few months ago. and that means it will be even better in a few months, even tho you can't see the progress day by day!

i don't feel different than yesterday, and i have never thought "wow i don't have so much pain today as yesterday", but i can look back to this summer and think "wow i feel much less pain NOW than this summer". so its slowly (very slowly) getting better.
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« Reply #36 on: October 12, 2014, 01:44:53 PM »

A little update , had to tell somebody, so thought i could post it here to clear my mind.



Today is my birthday, and I have been feeling sh1t all day. I have had very strong "storms" of emotions inside of me, mostly bad emotions, its like a button that has been pushed to release intense emotions.

Maybe its because my exBPD always had to congratulate one of her exBF at his birthday every year, which i found strange since he was such an "evil person". She was always reaching out to him once in a while, to keep him interested, and it made me jealous because i never understood why she kept calling him on Skype and chatting with him. Anyway, i have been her longest RS (2 yrs), we were living together through the whole time, i was supporting her through the hardest time of her life (depression, anxiety, meds, 3 therapists), and she knows its my birthday, but she doesn't send me a message. I have heard from her at all since this summer. Its so hurtful and i knew this day would hurt extra badly.

And maybe its because for my last few birthdays, she was with me, and this birthday was NOTHING like i thought it would be for the last 2 years - i thought each birthday for the rest of my life would be with her on my side. So having a hard time facing reality, that this birthday I'm dumped and thrown away, and replaced and haven't heard from her since, like i meant nothing to her.

Thx for letting me vent here Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #37 on: October 12, 2014, 02:01:44 PM »

Happy Birthday. Hearing from her would just rekindle hope, wouldn't it? Like taking another hit of what you're working on withdrawing from? Like being clobbered by it? Birthdays remind us of how we felt when we were children. Respect that about yourself and help keep that child out of harm's way today.
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« Reply #38 on: October 12, 2014, 02:42:20 PM »

Happy Birthday. Hearing from her would just rekindle hope, wouldn't it? Like taking another hit of what you're working on withdrawing from? Like being clobbered by it? Birthdays remind us of how we felt when we were children. Respect that about yourself and help keep that child out of harm's way today.

Thanks mate. Yes i guess. it would probartly give me hope. I am just so confused, how easy she got rid of me and i never hear from her, even when its my b-day, while her idiot ex that cheated on her and they were in much shorter rs, she still has contact with. why why why, i was so nice to her, i am so emotional sorry haha, just want this day to be over and at least i know i won't be in this much pain next bday :P
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Recooperating
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« Reply #39 on: October 12, 2014, 02:49:36 PM »

Happy birthday Northlight! Sorry you feel so bad today... .In the end you're better iff this way. Next year on your birthday you'll look back in this day and feel so much better! Keep your head up! There's light at the end of the tunnel! Keep focussing on that!

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NorthLight
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« Reply #40 on: October 12, 2014, 03:53:51 PM »

Happy birthday Northlight! Sorry you feel so bad today... .In the end you're better iff this way. Next year on your birthday you'll look back in this day and feel so much better! Keep your head up! There's light at the end of the tunnel! Keep focussing on that!

thank you so much Smiling (click to insert in post) i hope so, but its so easy that emotions takes over the mind, and this day is really very much how i was afraid it would be like, its just so sick that she isn't contacting me and asks how i am today when i took care of her and was her soulmate for 2yrs and then dumps me. where is her hearth, and her empathy. its so sad, i don't know why i crave her to contact me, i just don't understand how she can go totally NC from being with each other 23 hours a day.
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« Reply #41 on: October 12, 2014, 05:22:12 PM »

Happy birthday Northlight! Sorry you feel so bad today... .In the end you're better iff this way. Next year on your birthday you'll look back in this day and feel so much better! Keep your head up! There's light at the end of the tunnel! Keep focussing on that!

thank you so much Smiling (click to insert in post) i hope so, but its so easy that emotions takes over the mind, and this day is really very much how i was afraid it would be like, its just so sick that she isn't contacting me and asks how i am today when i took care of her and was her soulmate for 2yrs and then dumps me. where is her hearth, and her empathy. its so sad, i don't know why i crave her to contact me, i just don't understand how she can go totally NC from being with each other 23 hours a day.

Happy Birthday. I can relate, my birthday was a month ago and not a word from her. I have to keep reminding myself that she has a illness and its not me, its her.
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« Reply #42 on: October 12, 2014, 06:00:39 PM »

Happy Birthday Northlight!

I am in the same boat as you. She just went 100% NC after such an intense r/s. The whole enchilada "you're the one I've waited my whole life for" "soulmate" "We're home now"

I have a theory that the ones that they do stay in touch with don't mean that much to them in the grand scheme of things. The ones they go NC on are the ones that touched them deeply, but for them, finding such a connection, scares the crap out of them because they know that we are out of their league, they cannot function in a real relationship and they know that. They know that they cannot return the love. I loved as deeply as I knew how but I now know that she was not worthy of my love.

We are the ones able to love and that is no small thing, they don't know love, they know infatuation and projection, real love is about giving. They are unable to give, only take. Thankfully there are many mentally healthy women out there that would kill for our love.

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« Reply #43 on: October 12, 2014, 06:06:49 PM »

Same here guys. Mine is today also and i have been on pins and needles, afraid she would make contact and afraid i would fall. I skipped her birthday as i didnt want the pain. But, of course she could give 2 S**ts because she has a new guy now and i never mattered. Even though i got her through a divorce, a death, money issues, an autistic son, encouraged her to return to coaching and i dont exist because im replaced now. Im just worthless to her.
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« Reply #44 on: October 12, 2014, 07:25:17 PM »

Thank you all for so much support any replies. She has split me black, so any contact from me will just convince her even more how horrible i am i guess. She will not see the light by a letter, i will not get the reply i wish from if i send one. She will not give me any closure, as she hasn't done so far. I will save the letter, and if she ever contacts me (looks at me white again) ill give it and then shut down all communication and hopefully get my closure then.

I am very glad i didn't send it, i would have regretted. So for everyone that wonders, i have stayed NC. Thanks again everyone 

No worries northern light

Sometimes we need to reach out to our exs to work out the what ifs.  In my experience they end in pain.

I think we all experience that pain. If someone here had reached out and actually GOT WHAT THEY WANTED (like answers / closure) it would be the most seen thread in the forum. It doesn't happen. And when i reached out several times the days and weeks after being dumped, she was so ice cold no matter what i said, so why should it have changed now. Im glad i didn't, because now i remember how hurted i got when i tried reaching out this summer, and it ended in some much pain. Hope your doing better Blimblam

I am adding in on this thread a little late but in reading your original post to this thread and your beautiful words in your letter, Nothernlight, tears came to my eyes. 

Not only could I have written that very same letter. I did.  I delivered those very words in person to my expBPD, those very same words coming from my soft heart as he sat beside me listening to me speak. As I went to him, not the other way around, drove miles, warmly approached him. Asked how he was, listened to his one sided list of how he was never asking how I was, while I sat in gentle compassionate listening.   I then asked that he listen as I spoke the same words in your letter to him.  Asking for nothing more than a degree of understanding of what had happened in response.  I asked this for my heart to heal, to try to understand, so I could get to a better place.

It was one of those so very real moments of the heart that you don't want to cry, but the tears just seep out of your eyes, emotions that come up from the heart,  as mine did, as I said " I want what's best for you as I always have. Please just tell me what to do with all of these feelings, of love. Of all that was us."  The tears just streaming as I spoke, as I tried to blink them back. 

His reaction: He was full of satisfaction that I went to this degree for him.  Projections. A plan to meet me the next day.  He never showed up. 

I'm glad you did not send your letter Northern. You echo my continual mantra above. If I had read ONE incident of going back for more as a positive outcome on this site, I would have taken the odds that I could have made two and gone back again and again. I haven't read one experience as such here.

Hard truths.

 
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« Reply #45 on: October 13, 2014, 07:05:29 AM »

Thanks peiper! very true.

Baule, thanks for the reply Smiling (click to insert in post) Its very hard to figure out, and even tho you have a good theory, my exBPD had several exBFs that she had dumped and NC, and they were not in a rs for very long, and were really "douchebags" (no idea if they actually were, but she seemed happy having NC with them). So with her other exes she had split them black and was so glad they were out of her life.

So what I'm sad about, is that I am split black (even tho i was her longest and most serious rs) and she is just really glad that I'm out of her life, and I must have been (in her head now) the reason for all her depression / anxiety etc. And i don't deserve that, i don't deserve dumped, ST (even on my birthday), and threated like her other exBFs she said was so evil to her, when i know for a fact i was only good.

Congratulations back Deeno02. You was afraid she would contact you because you would feel pain? Maybe, i have heard about it, since she has never contacted me since the summer she dumped me i wouldn't know that pain, i would just feel like she cares, so i hoped for an email, but nothing... .
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NorthLight
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« Reply #46 on: October 13, 2014, 07:14:22 AM »

I am adding in on this thread a little late but in reading your original post to this thread and your beautiful words in your letter, Nothernlight, tears came to my eyes. 

Not only could I have written that very same letter. I did.  I delivered those very words in person to my expBPD, those very same words coming from my soft heart as he sat beside me listening to me speak. As I went to him, not the other way around, drove miles, warmly approached him. Asked how he was, listened to his one sided list of how he was never asking how I was, while I sat in gentle compassionate listening.   I then asked that he listen as I spoke the same words in your letter to him.  Asking for nothing more than a degree of understanding of what had happened in response.  I asked this for my heart to heal, to try to understand, so I could get to a better place.

It was one of those so very real moments of the heart that you don't want to cry, but the tears just seep out of your eyes, emotions that come up from the heart,  as mine did, as I said " I want what's best for you as I always have. Please just tell me what to do with all of these feelings, of love. Of all that was us."  The tears just streaming as I spoke, as I tried to blink them back. 

His reaction: He was full of satisfaction that I went to this degree for him.  Projections. A plan to meet me the next day.  He never showed up. 

I'm glad you did not send your letter Northern. You echo my continual mantra above. If I had read ONE incident of going back for more as a positive outcome on this site, I would have taken the odds that I could have made two and gone back again and again. I haven't read one experience as such here.

Hard truths.

 

Thank you very much for making me believe i did the right choice. Thats a hard story, and its sad, but the outcome of your story is sadly that its similar to most of the stories here on this forum. They don't give us the closure or respect that we deserve, they only have one person in their life they care about, and that is themselves. And when on of "us" on this forum tries to reach out, because the pain we are in, the pwBPD do not heal us, they just cause more pain.

They don't have any room for respect, moral or empathy for anybody else - as long as they don't need you! If they need you they can show respect and empathy, till the day they suddenly dumps you and jumps on a new victim and you see the true identity they have hidden.

I am glad i didn't send the letter, but as of my strong emotions last night, i still feel like reaching out to her, because I feel she doesn't deserve to live this way - To just throw other people out of her life and break their hearths while she goes on a new "honey moon", i wish to stop it, because this NC is working very well for her being in a new RS, and not so well for me being all alone and depressed, so its unfair!
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« Reply #47 on: October 13, 2014, 07:39:03 AM »

Baule, thanks for the reply Smiling (click to insert in post) Its very hard to figure out, and even tho you have a good theory, my exBPD had several exBFs that she had dumped and NC, and they were not in a rs for very long, and were really "douchebags" (no idea if they actually were, but she seemed happy having NC with them). So with her other exes she had split them black and was so glad they were out of her life.

So what I'm sad about, is that I am split black (even tho i was her longest and most serious rs) and she is just really glad that I'm out of her life, and I must have been (in her head now) the reason for all her depression / anxiety etc. And i don't deserve that, i don't deserve dumped, ST (even on my birthday), and threated like her other exBFs she said was so evil to her, when i know for a fact i was only good.

My uxBPD was the same way. Most of her prior relationships lasted less than 4 months and she has NC with them. I used to be kind of proud that I made it longer than the prior guys. I thought that she was just dating jerks. However, since all of this has happened to me I have done some research into her prior relationships. Come to find out that there have only been 2-3 actual relationships in the past 10 years and those only lasted 4 months or less. All the rest of the guys that she's been with have been sex buddies that she has hidden from her family and everyone else. She got pregnant by a married guy and no one even knew that she was seeing anyone at the time. From all accounts, the few guys that she had relationships with were pretty good guys. No one but her really knows why those relationships failed. So now I'm on her list of "failures" and she'll never contact me again, just like the ones before me.

All of the information that I found out indicates that my uxBPDgf isn't very successful with relationships. Sure she can get attention from guys and get laid. But as far as a long term type relationships, I don't see it. I could be wrong though, she was with me for 3 years. Why did I last so long? That's the question that I have to ponder.
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« Reply #48 on: October 13, 2014, 12:40:18 PM »

Baule, thanks for the reply Smiling (click to insert in post) Its very hard to figure out, and even tho you have a good theory, my exBPD had several exBFs that she had dumped and NC, and they were not in a rs for very long, and were really "douchebags" (no idea if they actually were, but she seemed happy having NC with them). So with her other exes she had split them black and was so glad they were out of her life.

So what I'm sad about, is that I am split black (even tho i was her longest and most serious rs) and she is just really glad that I'm out of her life, and I must have been (in her head now) the reason for all her depression / anxiety etc. And i don't deserve that, i don't deserve dumped, ST (even on my birthday), and threated like her other exBFs she said was so evil to her, when i know for a fact i was only good.

My uxBPD was the same way. Most of her prior relationships lasted less than 4 months and she has NC with them. I used to be kind of proud that I made it longer than the prior guys. I thought that she was just dating jerks. However, since all of this has happened to me I have done some research into her prior relationships. Come to find out that there have only been 2-3 actual relationships in the past 10 years and those only lasted 4 months or less. All the rest of the guys that she's been with have been sex buddies that she has hidden from her family and everyone else. She got pregnant by a married guy and no one even knew that she was seeing anyone at the time. From all accounts, the few guys that she had relationships with were pretty good guys. No one but her really knows why those relationships failed. So now I'm on her list of "failures" and she'll never contact me again, just like the ones before me.

All of the information that I found out indicates that my uxBPDgf isn't very successful with relationships. Sure she can get attention from guys and get laid. But as far as a long term type relationships, I don't see it. I could be wrong though, she was with me for 3 years. Why did I last so long? That's the question that I have to ponder.

Wow you was with her for so long compared to her exes then, i understand that you have that question of why it lasted so long. As for you too i guess, it was very convincing during the RS that I was "special" because we were in a RS for so much longer than her preview RSs, so i honestly believed they were a-holes, and i was special and "meant to be".

But she threw me away as easily as the other exBFs. So i don't get it, how easy it is for them to throw us away and start all over again with a new guy the next day. This was best friend and the girl i trusted most on this earth for only 3 months ago - Now she is giving me ST on my b-day, when i never ever was mean / cheated etc ? Sick  PD traits The only way this makes sense, is to think that our exBPDs is as mature as a 3 year old girl emotionally.
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« Reply #49 on: October 13, 2014, 02:15:23 PM »

Baule, thanks for the reply Smiling (click to insert in post) Its very hard to figure out, and even tho you have a good theory, my exBPD had several exBFs that she had dumped and NC, and they were not in a rs for very long, and were really "douchebags" (no idea if they actually were, but she seemed happy having NC with them). So with her other exes she had split them black and was so glad they were out of her life.

So what I'm sad about, is that I am split black (even tho i was her longest and most serious rs) and she is just really glad that I'm out of her life, and I must have been (in her head now) the reason for all her depression / anxiety etc. And i don't deserve that, i don't deserve dumped, ST (even on my birthday), and threated like her other exBFs she said was so evil to her, when i know for a fact i was only good.

My uxBPD was the same way. Most of her prior relationships lasted less than 4 months and she has NC with them. I used to be kind of proud that I made it longer than the prior guys. I thought that she was just dating jerks. However, since all of this has happened to me I have done some research into her prior relationships. Come to find out that there have only been 2-3 actual relationships in the past 10 years and those only lasted 4 months or less. All the rest of the guys that she's been with have been sex buddies that she has hidden from her family and everyone else. She got pregnant by a married guy and no one even knew that she was seeing anyone at the time. From all accounts, the few guys that she had relationships with were pretty good guys. No one but her really knows why those relationships failed. So now I'm on her list of "failures" and she'll never contact me again, just like the ones before me.

All of the information that I found out indicates that my uxBPDgf isn't very successful with relationships. Sure she can get attention from guys and get laid. But as far as a long term type relationships, I don't see it. I could be wrong though, she was with me for 3 years. Why did I last so long? That's the question that I have to ponder.

Wow you was with her for so long compared to her exes then, i understand that you have that question of why it lasted so long. As for you too i guess, it was very convincing during the RS that I was "special" because we were in a RS for so much longer than her preview RSs, so i honestly believed they were a-holes, and i was special and "meant to be".

But she threw me away as easily as the other exBFs. So i don't get it, how easy it is for them to throw us away and start all over again with a new guy the next day. This was best friend and the girl i trusted most on this earth for only 3 months ago - Now she is giving me ST on my b-day, when i never ever was mean / cheated etc ? Sick  PD traits The only way this makes sense, is to think that our exBPDs is as mature as a 3 year old girl emotionally.

Bdays... .yeah... .this year mine sucked immeasurably.  It was right before I left to move over a thousand miles away... .we were spending that last week more or less together except for her disappearing acts. Two days before my bday in Aug we were having sex in her apt... .the one I paid for over a year ago and supplemented her rent dozens of times... .anyway... .she bit my lip on purpose so hard it drew blood... it wasn't a lovey dovey thing it was an aggressive act to hurt, done out of some anger in her head... .perhaps who knows why... . we were in the middle of things and played it out... .but I was bleeding heavily and went to the bathroom to see... . My lip was so bad I almost needed stitches... .I was so freaking pissed I actually left. She called me a couple of times but not to apologize but to blame me for having sex with her when she really didnt want to or some insane thing. Then she ignored me the next two days... .one of them being my birthday... .I CALLED her many times just to be ignored, so I gave up. Then that last weekend she asked for rent money! And sex bombed me until I left... .then the next day while I was driving... .she said she loved me now that I WAS GONE.   But that was two months ago and there was more drama the next time I saw her in Sept.  We are now totally done... .again.  :)ONT EVER ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE USED AND RECYCLED.
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« Reply #50 on: October 13, 2014, 02:38:33 PM »

Print the letter out and burn it.  Imagine your painful feelings burning up with it and floating away with the smoke.  You might find it healing. 
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NorthLight
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« Reply #51 on: October 13, 2014, 03:00:15 PM »

Bdays... .yeah... .this year mine sucked immeasurably.  It was right before I left to move over a thousand miles away... .we were spending that last week more or less together except for her disappearing acts. Two days before my bday in Aug we were having sex in her apt... .the one I paid for over a year ago and supplemented her rent dozens of times... .anyway... .she bit my lip on purpose so hard it drew blood... it wasn't a lovey dovey thing it was an aggressive act to hurt, done out of some anger in her head... .perhaps who knows why... . we were in the middle of things and played it out... .but I was bleeding heavily and went to the bathroom to see... . My lip was so bad I almost needed stitches... .I was so freaking pissed I actually left. She called me a couple of times but not to apologize but to blame me for having sex with her when she really didnt want to or some insane thing. Then she ignored me the next two days... .one of them being my birthday... .I CALLED her many times just to be ignored, so I gave up. Then that last weekend she asked for rent money! And sex bombed me until I left... .then the next day while I was driving... .she said she loved me now that I WAS GONE.   But that was two months ago and there was more drama the next time I saw her in Sept.  We are now totally done... .again.  :)ONT EVER ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE USED AND RECYCLED.

Wow thats hard. That is not human to ST somebody on their b-day. It is so mean. Sorry to hear man.

I can't imagine been recycled as she NC from the day she moved out, and was right into a new RS. I don't think ill ever hear from her. She was going full NC with all her exes (but they were only in rs for some months each while i was 2 yrs, so i don't know). I hope she contacts me, just so i can feel that i meant something to her, so i can get my closure.

Print the letter out and burn it.  Imagine your painful feelings burning up with it and floating away with the smoke.  You might find it healing. 

Thank you, I have heard it a couple of times, to make notes and then burn it / throw it in the trash. But I'm actually not having the pain that i need to send it now, i have hopefully healed from THAT pain Smiling (click to insert in post) the letter is from some weeks back, i just updated to vent about my b-day and didn't bother making new topic
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outside9x
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« Reply #52 on: October 13, 2014, 04:04:37 PM »

Belated Happy Birthday Northern Light.

Yes, it's hard when they throw you away, like you were nothing.  But you are not, and do not let them of all people, (even though you might have worshiped her for many other reasons) make you feel like that ever.

You are dealing with a person who has many bad issues and can not control their emotions.  It';s not  that you can't be loved, an cherished.  You can, and you must know that somewhere, and I know, you wanted it to be her, so much for how she would adore you, treat you at times, but that's part of the sickness too.  It's not real, it what she does and needs that counts, and that's always, even when they seem kind, it's all about them.  But we get so confused with those messages because for the most part we are normal, we could and wouldn't do that.  They can, because they are unhappy inside, and pulling you in, puts that bandaid on, but once the bandaid comes off, and it will, there is nothing you can do, then they turn to the other side (who they really are, and you see and they don't like it and then you are not needed, because she has no need for you.

It was never about love.  I know it seems harsh, because we want a return to that, but she , they are so incapable to sustain that for any lenght of time.  I know, it hurts, and mine came back many times , and it didn't last, and maybe, I may not feel like that again, who's knows, it was so unreal, both the good, and the horrible bad, but you can't live there.  It's like somone said, it will kill and drain you emotionally and physically.   There are wonderful and atrractive girls out there.  Yes, when you get over this you emotions will be put back to a more normal mode.  Right now, though, you are on heroin.  It's tough to break, it feels good for awhile, but it will kill you, and you are worth so much more, and deserve so much more.  

Destroy the pictures, quit going on her site, and feeling sad.  I don't care what she thinks or not, it's now about YOU.  Block her on facebook, email, and phone.  :)O this all, not to be mean, not to punish.  :)O this so your heart heals, so you mind can think, so you can become you again.  Please!
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NorthLight
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« Reply #53 on: October 14, 2014, 06:01:39 AM »

Belated Happy Birthday Northern Light.

Yes, it's hard when they throw you away, like you were nothing.  But you are not, and do not let them of all people, (even though you might have worshiped her for many other reasons) make you feel like that ever.

You are dealing with a person who has many bad issues and can not control their emotions.  It';s not  that you can't be loved, an cherished.  You can, and you must know that somewhere, and I know, you wanted it to be her, so much for how she would adore you, treat you at times, but that's part of the sickness too.  It's not real, it what she does and needs that counts, and that's always, even when they seem kind, it's all about them.  But we get so confused with those messages because for the most part we are normal, we could and wouldn't do that.  They can, because they are unhappy inside, and pulling you in, puts that bandaid on, but once the bandaid comes off, and it will, there is nothing you can do, then they turn to the other side (who they really are, and you see and they don't like it and then you are not needed, because she has no need for you.

It was never about love.  I know it seems harsh, because we want a return to that, but she , they are so incapable to sustain that for any lenght of time.  I know, it hurts, and mine came back many times , and it didn't last, and maybe, I may not feel like that again, who's knows, it was so unreal, both the good, and the horrible bad, but you can't live there.  It's like somone said, it will kill and drain you emotionally and physically.   There are wonderful and atrractive girls out there.  Yes, when you get over this you emotions will be put back to a more normal mode.  Right now, though, you are on heroin.  It's tough to break, it feels good for awhile, but it will kill you, and you are worth so much more, and deserve so much more.  

Destroy the pictures, quit going on her site, and feeling sad.  I don't care what she thinks or not, it's now about YOU.  Block her on facebook, email, and phone.  :)O this all, not to be mean, not to punish.  :)O this so your heart heals, so you mind can think, so you can become you again.  Please!

Thanks for the message my friend. I try, really hard, to let my heart heal, by never ever looking at her profile / pictures / old messages (the only time i ever checked her FB after she dumped me, i saw she was in a new rs and it broke my heart all over again). So i stay away. But it doesn't seem to help at some days. But its true, and ill give it more time - its addiction. i heard one guy say it takes one week for every month you were in RS to get over ex. So that gives me hope, because i haven't reached so many weeks yet, I'm at 14 weeks now i think. Thanks again Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Split black
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« Reply #54 on: October 14, 2014, 07:55:08 PM »

Belated Happy Birthday Northern Light.

Yes, it's hard when they throw you away, like you were nothing.  But you are not, and do not let them of all people, (even though you might have worshiped her for many other reasons) make you feel like that ever.

You are dealing with a person who has many bad issues and can not control their emotions.  It';s not  that you can't be loved, an cherished.  You can, and you must know that somewhere, and I know, you wanted it to be her, so much for how she would adore you, treat you at times, but that's part of the sickness too.  It's not real, it what she does and needs that counts, and that's always, even when they seem kind, it's all about them.  But we get so confused with those messages because for the most part we are normal, we could and wouldn't do that.  They can, because they are unhappy inside, and pulling you in, puts that bandaid on, but once the bandaid comes off, and it will, there is nothing you can do, then they turn to the other side (who they really are, and you see and they don't like it and then you are not needed, because she has no need for you.

It was never about love.  I know it seems harsh, because we want a return to that, but she , they are so incapable to sustain that for any lenght of time.  I know, it hurts, and mine came back many times , and it didn't last, and maybe, I may not feel like that again, who's knows, it was so unreal, both the good, and the horrible bad, but you can't live there.  It's like somone said, it will kill and drain you emotionally and physically.   There are wonderful and atrractive girls out there.  Yes, when you get over this you emotions will be put back to a more normal mode.  Right now, though, you are on heroin.  It's tough to break, it feels good for awhile, but it will kill you, and you are worth so much more, and deserve so much more.  

Destroy the pictures, quit going on her site, and feeling sad.  I don't care what she thinks or not, it's now about YOU.  Block her on facebook, email, and phone.  :)O this all, not to be mean, not to punish.  :)O this so your heart heals, so you mind can think, so you can become you again.  Please!

Thanks for the message my friend. I try, really hard, to let my heart heal, by never ever looking at her profile / pictures / old messages (the only time i ever checked her FB after she dumped me, i saw she was in a new rs and it broke my heart all over again). So i stay away. But it doesn't seem to help at some days. But its true, and ill give it more time - its addiction. i heard one guy say it takes one week for every month you were in RS to get over ex. So that gives me hope, because i haven't reached so many weeks yet, I'm at 14 weeks now i think. Thanks again Smiling (click to insert in post)

In all honesty double that number when you have allowed yourself to be infected emotionally and physically by a borderline, narcissist girl... .  think of it as post traumatic stress disorder and near critical heroin addiction. Withdrawal is just as grueling if not more so because the object of your addiction is choosing to discard you while drugs sit right there waiting for your return... .both horrible. 
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pieceofme
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« Reply #55 on: October 14, 2014, 08:07:07 PM »

Bdays... .yeah... .this year mine sucked immeasurably.  It was right before I left to move over a thousand miles away... .we were spending that last week more or less together except for her disappearing acts. Two days before my bday in Aug we were having sex in her apt... .the one I paid for over a year ago and supplemented her rent dozens of times... .anyway... .she bit my lip on purpose so hard it drew blood... it wasn't a lovey dovey thing it was an aggressive act to hurt, done out of some anger in her head... .perhaps who knows why... . we were in the middle of things and played it out... .but I was bleeding heavily and went to the bathroom to see... . My lip was so bad I almost needed stitches... .I was so freaking pissed I actually left. She called me a couple of times but not to apologize but to blame me for having sex with her when she really didnt want to or some insane thing. Then she ignored me the next two days... .one of them being my birthday... .I CALLED her many times just to be ignored, so I gave up. Then that last weekend she asked for rent money! And sex bombed me until I left... .then the next day while I was driving... .she said she loved me now that I WAS GONE.   But that was two months ago and there was more drama the next time I saw her in Sept.  We are now totally done... .again.  :)ONT EVER ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE USED AND RECYCLED.

a bit off topic, but the last time i kissed my ex, he aggressively bit my lip and drew blood. to make matters worse, the next day, i had two huge blood blisters on my lower lip. it was so hurtful - the act, as well as his intent. i wish i understood why.
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Panda39
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« Reply #56 on: October 14, 2014, 08:51:43 PM »

Hi Northlight,

Happy belated Birthday 

Several people mentioned keeping a journal earlier in this thread, you might try that if you're not already.  I have found it a great place to put all those thoughts spinning around in my head.  I can put the thoughts on paper know they are there and that I can go back to them when I want.  Because I have written them down I find I am not ruminating as much.  Sometimes the act of writing something down will trigger another way of thinking about it, give you an idea or if time as passed since you wrote it you can re-examine what you wrote with fresh eyes.

Hope your hanging in there.

Panda
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christoff522
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« Reply #57 on: October 14, 2014, 08:58:03 PM »

I've just started NC, I'm on day 2. Honestly, the truth is we were abandoned, and in the relationship we picked up all their bad habits - in varying degrees. So they make us feel how they feel. But we will recover, they never will. I try my best not to take it to heart, but I do, we all do. When they say they love our replacements - well, they mean it as much as they meant it when they said it to us. We try to empathise with them, we put ourselves in their shoes and ask "how could she/he do this to me", because we know that we wouldn't do that. But shes not you, shes not me. A BPD lives in a reality that we can't comprehend, they're psychotic, they draw us in to try and save them, but realise that we cant, so they move on and look for another Prince Charming. The idealization is the excitement at finally finding their hero, the devaluation is the realisation that nothings going to change, and the discard is when they move on.

We're like cardboard cut-outs, we're not real to them, the only real person is them and everything around them is a fantasy world, filled with demons and monsters, princes and princesses. We've all (especially the men) encountered this, the way they speak and act in private when they're bearing their soul.

Thats why we become such white-knights, we get drawn into their delusions, we take on the role but we're real people with real emotions, hurts, wants and desires and eventually their fantasy is going to crack and they then throw every bit of baggage they can on us and then run for the hills. All we can do is take a deep breath, realise that there's NOTHING we can do, move on and grow out of our nice guy mentality.
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