Today is the day :)

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

     Today will be the beginning of day one of NC.

     Yesterday morning, I asked my exBPDgf to come get her belongings before I got out of work. It was my understanding that she would have gotten all of it done by the time I got off of work. I was even late getting off work and I return home with all of her belongings gone. I had such a huge sigh of relief. That I could finally move on. Then she comes back into the apartment (she still had the key) and she said she forgot her TV (which i didnt notice at the time and handed me the key). I was immediately uncomfortable seeing her because of all the pain and emotion from everything that was going on with us.

     She said that she didnt have any room to put the TV in her car. I quickly replied as I headed out the door with her following me that we could arrange for a time for her to come pick it up. I couldnt help how cold and callous she was. She then asked for a hug. I said no and started crying. She then replied "Whats wrong?" I told her that I did not want to talk about it and to just leave. She then said "Well you broke up with me" (as if this was a justification for her subsequent behavior of me enforcing boundaries). I replied, all I did was enforce boundaries (and i begged for her to come back home and work things out but she never did) *ill explain why in a sec*. I also told her that I hope that her decision was all worth it and asked her to leave. She said no. I yelled again "Please leave!" She stubbornly said no. I then had to threaten to call the cops, as i cried out in so many tears. She started laughing, called me crazy, and walked out the door.

     I then thought to myself, I need to move on from this as quickly as possible and if her TV is still here, i will have to deal with another confrontation with her. So i asked her out the window as she was heading to her car, if there was any way for her TV to fit. She said, to bring the TV down and see. So I bring the TV down and it fit nicely in the back of her car (she most likely lied to have some sort of attachment left to me). I then walked away and could hear her say "wait". Trying to engage me. It took all the strength I had to keep on walking and not engage her.

     I looked out the window as she finally drove off and uttered "Goodbye *her name*". It was painful but relieving. I spent all day battling with myself. Feelings of how I could let myself go through this pain again having this been our 9th or 10th recycle in the year and 2 months we have been together as well as wondering if I made the right decision? If i could of done something differently so she could stay? If she really ever did love me? I was bummed all day. Nothing was enjoyable.

     So in the evening, I decided to look through her secret email (she thinks I dont know) because I had suspicions because in the past, she would always seek out other dudes. Sure enough, she was talking to another man on craigslist. So here we have who was my fiance that morning, who cooked me breakfast and said "i love you" and would be back at 1:00 *who never returned and never told me what she was doing*, talking to some other guy. In a way, I wasnt shocked it all. I felt a sense of closure because there, I had my answer. That all i was to her was a source of attention. There is no way you could do that to someone you were ready to spend the rest of your life with. I look back now and it all makes sense.

     So this morning, I decided to unblock her and send her one final text. I explained to her that I realize that she never did love me. I told her I knew about the new dude and how I want nothing more to do with her. I told her that all I ever was to her was the most reliable source of attention. Thats why she kept begging me back when things went sour with her other supply. I genuinely loved this woman and kept giving her chances. I cannot no longer do it anymore. In the text, I asked her to please let me go and let me move on and never to contact me again. I was debating if sending this text was a good idea or not but I had some emotion I needed to get out and when I sent the text, I felt a wave of relief. The last part of the text, I told her that I will always love the woman who I thought loved me. Even if she didnt love me back and that I forgive her for everything.

     I now look forward to keeping my dedication of NC. This has been something I have always struggled with since being with her for the year and two months we been together. The longest we havent talked to each other was 5 days. This time, I need to make it a lifetime or I will never heal.

[jayboy336]

     Today will be the beginning of day one of NC.

     Yesterday morning, I asked my exBPDgf to come get her belongings before I got out of work. It was my understanding that she would have gotten all of it done by the time I got off of work. I was even late getting off work and I return home with all of her belongings gone. I had such a huge sigh of relief. That I could finally move on. Then she comes back into the apartment (she still had the key) and she said she forgot her TV (which i didnt notice at the time and handed me the key). I was immediately uncomfortable seeing her because of all the pain and emotion from everything that was going on with us.

     She said that she didnt have any room to put the TV in her car. I quickly replied as I headed out the door with her following me that we could arrange for a time for her to come pick it up. I couldnt help how cold and callous she was. She then asked for a hug. I said no and started crying. She then replied "Whats wrong?" I told her that I did not want to talk about it and to just leave. She then said "Well you broke up with me" (as if this was a justification for her subsequent behavior of me enforcing boundaries). I replied, all I did was enforce boundaries (and i begged for her to come back home and work things out but she never did) *ill explain why in a sec*. I also told her that I hope that her decision was all worth it and asked her to leave. She said no. I yelled again "Please leave!" She stubbornly said no. I then had to threaten to call the cops, as i cried out in so many tears. She started laughing, called me crazy, and walked out the door.

     I then thought to myself, I need to move on from this as quickly as possible and if her TV is still here, i will have to deal with another confrontation with her. So i asked her out the window as she was heading to her car, if there was any way for her TV to fit. She said, to bring the TV down and see. So I bring the TV down and it fit nicely in the back of her car (she most likely lied to have some sort of attachment left to me). I then walked away and could hear her say "wait". Trying to engage me. It took all the strength I had to keep on walking and not engage her.

     I looked out the window as she finally drove off and uttered "Goodbye *her name*". It was painful but relieving. I spent all day battling with myself. Feelings of how I could let myself go through this pain again having this been our 9th or 10th recycle in the year and 2 months we have been together as well as wondering if I made the right decision? If i could of done something differently so she could stay? If she really ever did love me? I was bummed all day. Nothing was enjoyable.

     So in the evening, I decided to look through her secret email (she thinks I dont know) because I had suspicions because in the past, she would always seek out other dudes. Sure enough, she was talking to another man on craigslist. So here we have who was my fiance that morning, who cooked me breakfast and said "i love you" and would be back at 1:00 *who never returned and never told me what she was doing*, talking to some other guy. In a way, I wasnt shocked it all. I felt a sense of closure because there, I had my answer. That all i was to her was a source of attention. There is no way you could do that to someone you were ready to spend the rest of your life with. I look back now and it all makes sense.

     So this morning, I decided to unblock her and send her one final text. I explained to her that I realize that she never did love me. I told her I knew about the new dude and how I want nothing more to do with her. I told her that all I ever was to her was the most reliable source of attention. Thats why she kept begging me back when things went sour with her other supply. I genuinely loved this woman and kept giving her chances. I cannot no longer do it anymore. In the text, I asked her to please let me go and let me move on and never to contact me again. I was debating if sending this text was a good idea or not but I had some emotion I needed to get out and when I sent the text, I felt a wave of relief. The last part of the text, I told her that I will always love the woman who I thought loved me. Even if she didnt love me back and that I forgive her for everything.

     I now look forward to keeping my dedication of NC. This has been something I have always struggled with since being with her for the year and two months we been together. The longest we havent talked to each other was 5 days. This time, I need to make it a lifetime or I will never heal.

[Tiepje3]

I applaud the steps you've taken. It's going to be hard, but you made a good decision. Now stick with it. You're worth more than being someone's doormat.

I wish you all the best for this day and the days to come. You can do it!

[jayboy336]

I applaud the steps you've taken. It's going to be hard, but you made a good decision. Now stick with it. You're worth more than being someone's doormat.

I wish you all the best for this day and the days to come. You can do it!

Thank you so much Tiepje3 I am looking forward to healing and becoming a better person from all of this. No one deserves this.

[fred6]

    Today will be the beginning of day one of NC.

    Yesterday morning, I asked my exBPDgf to come get her belongings before I got out of work. It was my understanding that she would have gotten all of it done by the time I got off of work. I was even late getting off work and I return home with all of her belongings gone. I had such a huge sigh of relief. That I could finally move on. Then she comes back into the apartment (she still had the key) and she said she forgot her TV (which i didnt notice at the time and handed me the key). I was immediately uncomfortable seeing her because of all the pain and emotion from everything that was going on with us.

    She said that she didnt have any room to put the TV in her car. I quickly replied as I headed out the door with her following me that we could arrange for a time for her to come pick it up. I couldnt help how cold and callous she was. She then asked for a hug. I said no and started crying. She then replied "Whats wrong?" I told her that I did not want to talk about it and to just leave. She then said "Well you broke up with me" (as if this was a justification for her subsequent behavior of me enforcing boundaries). I replied, all I did was enforce boundaries (and i begged for her to come back home and work things out but she never did) *ill explain why in a sec*. I also told her that I hope that her decision was all worth it and asked her to leave. She said no. I yelled again "Please leave!" She stubbornly said no. I then had to threaten to call the cops, as i cried out in so many tears. She started laughing, called me crazy, and walked out the door.

    I then thought to myself, I need to move on from this as quickly as possible and if her TV is still here, i will have to deal with another confrontation with her. So i asked her out the window as she was heading to her car, if there was any way for her TV to fit. She said, to bring the TV down and see. So I bring the TV down and it fit nicely in the back of her car (she most likely lied to have some sort of attachment left to me). I then walked away and could hear her say "wait". Trying to engage me. It took all the strength I had to keep on walking and not engage her.

    I looked out the window as she finally drove off and uttered "Goodbye *her name*". It was painful but relieving. I spent all day battling with myself. Feelings of how I could let myself go through this pain again having this been our 9th or 10th recycle in the year and 2 months we have been together as well as wondering if I made the right decision? If i could of done something differently so she could stay? If she really ever did love me? I was bummed all day. Nothing was enjoyable.

    So in the evening, I decided to look through her secret email (she thinks I dont know) because I had suspicions because in the past, she would always seek out other dudes. Sure enough, she was talking to another man on craigslist. So here we have who was my fiance that morning, who cooked me breakfast and said "i love you" and would be back at 1:00 *who never returned and never told me what she was doing*, talking to some other guy. In a way, I wasnt shocked it all. I felt a sense of closure because there, I had my answer. That all i was to her was a source of attention. There is no way you could do that to someone you were ready to spend the rest of your life with. I look back now and it all makes sense.

    So this morning, I decided to unblock her and send her one final text. I explained to her that I realize that she never did love me. I told her I knew about the new dude and how I want nothing more to do with her. I told her that all I ever was to her was the most reliable source of attention. Thats why she kept begging me back when things went sour with her other supply. I genuinely loved this woman and kept giving her chances. I cannot no longer do it anymore. In the text, I asked her to please let me go and let me move on and never to contact me again. I was debating if sending this text was a good idea or not but I had some emotion I needed to get out and when I sent the text, I felt a wave of relief. The last part of the text, I told her that I will always love the woman who I thought loved me. Even if she didnt love me back and that I forgive her for everything.

    I now look forward to keeping my dedication of NC. This has been something I have always struggled with since being with her for the year and two months we been together. The longest we havent talked to each other was 5 days. This time, I need to make it a lifetime or I will never heal.

You're stronger than me. I would have probably stood there and talked to her for as long as she would have talked to me. It wouldn't have lasted long though, because as soon as I talked about her inappropriate actions. She would have raged and walked out.

Anyhow, good job man. I'm 11 days NC and it's still hard after being together with her for 3 years. Everyday gets better though. Stay strong bro... .

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

Great move.  I am over two weeks NC now and really starting to feel better.  Before that I had five weeks but the lady convinced me to arrange a date saying her kids wanted to see me. When I agreed she then changed her mind saying it wasn't a good idea.  Madness - keep your NC.  The silence is deafening to them.

[Deeno02]

They dont care. NC is easy for them when they already have a replacement. They could care less if we contacted them or didnt. They have moved on. Freakin stinks... .

[freedom33]

I feel for you bro. There are a lot of parts in your story that I can identify with incl the thing with the TV. Mine had left some stuff in my flat. It is a way to keep the attachment and control you. I basically have written off her stuff clothes etc. for my own sake. She is not getting them back as far as I am concerned. In terms of value they are not more than $300. She has money so she can buy new stuff. My peace and health worth more than $300. I have also written of my stuff that she has in her flat about the same value. That's how I am getting my freedom back. And blocking her from everything. This is so painful thing to do. Particularly to her that I loved with all my heart.

NC is the toughest thing I have done in my life. I am using the term psychic amputation for it. Amputating my own heart.  It is as tough or maybe more when you have to do it yourself compared with them dumping you and going NC. Even more so when they are saying. "Well you broke up with me"... .Mine would say similar things. She would put me in an impossible position, I didn't want to break up with her but there was no other option. It hurts like hell. For me being in this position felt almost as if I was paralysed and someone was rupping my guts out. I can imagine you might feeling similarly intensely.

But look jayboy - I have blocked mine from all mediums possible and it does pay off. I am exactly 44 days NC now and I can tell you I have never felt better with myself for 2 years now. I still have deep wounds to heal and I sometimes feel weak. But it is the only way forward. And the more you enforce the NC the stronger you will be. It is character building and once you start seeing the benefits it will get easier and easier. There will be weak points on the way - I had one last night if you care having a long read. Just keep at it and don't break contact and avoid alcohol if you can (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=234224.0)

[fred6]

They dont care. NC is easy for them when they already have a replacement. They could care less if we contacted them or didnt. They have moved on. Freakin stinks... .

Mine doesn't seem to care. I guess new supply is keeping her entertained. I still have her as friends on facebook. We play this ignore each other game. Although, I'm not even sure that she knows that I'm logged in since she usually logs in from her iPhone. But, I'm usually on my laptop. She used to like my status and shares. Now it's crickets chirping, hahaha... .

[jayboy336]

    Today will be the beginning of day one of NC.

    Yesterday morning, I asked my exBPDgf to come get her belongings before I got out of work. It was my understanding that she would have gotten all of it done by the time I got off of work. I was even late getting off work and I return home with all of her belongings gone. I had such a huge sigh of relief. That I could finally move on. Then she comes back into the apartment (she still had the key) and she said she forgot her TV (which i didnt notice at the time and handed me the key). I was immediately uncomfortable seeing her because of all the pain and emotion from everything that was going on with us.

    She said that she didnt have any room to put the TV in her car. I quickly replied as I headed out the door with her following me that we could arrange for a time for her to come pick it up. I couldnt help how cold and callous she was. She then asked for a hug. I said no and started crying. She then replied "Whats wrong?" I told her that I did not want to talk about it and to just leave. She then said "Well you broke up with me" (as if this was a justification for her subsequent behavior of me enforcing boundaries). I replied, all I did was enforce boundaries (and i begged for her to come back home and work things out but she never did) *ill explain why in a sec*. I also told her that I hope that her decision was all worth it and asked her to leave. She said no. I yelled again "Please leave!" She stubbornly said no. I then had to threaten to call the cops, as i cried out in so many tears. She started laughing, called me crazy, and walked out the door.

    I then thought to myself, I need to move on from this as quickly as possible and if her TV is still here, i will have to deal with another confrontation with her. So i asked her out the window as she was heading to her car, if there was any way for her TV to fit. She said, to bring the TV down and see. So I bring the TV down and it fit nicely in the back of her car (she most likely lied to have some sort of attachment left to me). I then walked away and could hear her say "wait". Trying to engage me. It took all the strength I had to keep on walking and not engage her.

    I looked out the window as she finally drove off and uttered "Goodbye *her name*". It was painful but relieving. I spent all day battling with myself. Feelings of how I could let myself go through this pain again having this been our 9th or 10th recycle in the year and 2 months we have been together as well as wondering if I made the right decision? If i could of done something differently so she could stay? If she really ever did love me? I was bummed all day. Nothing was enjoyable.

    So in the evening, I decided to look through her secret email (she thinks I dont know) because I had suspicions because in the past, she would always seek out other dudes. Sure enough, she was talking to another man on craigslist. So here we have who was my fiance that morning, who cooked me breakfast and said "i love you" and would be back at 1:00 *who never returned and never told me what she was doing*, talking to some other guy. In a way, I wasnt shocked it all. I felt a sense of closure because there, I had my answer. That all i was to her was a source of attention. There is no way you could do that to someone you were ready to spend the rest of your life with. I look back now and it all makes sense.

    So this morning, I decided to unblock her and send her one final text. I explained to her that I realize that she never did love me. I told her I knew about the new dude and how I want nothing more to do with her. I told her that all I ever was to her was the most reliable source of attention. Thats why she kept begging me back when things went sour with her other supply. I genuinely loved this woman and kept giving her chances. I cannot no longer do it anymore. In the text, I asked her to please let me go and let me move on and never to contact me again. I was debating if sending this text was a good idea or not but I had some emotion I needed to get out and when I sent the text, I felt a wave of relief. The last part of the text, I told her that I will always love the woman who I thought loved me. Even if she didnt love me back and that I forgive her for everything.

    I now look forward to keeping my dedication of NC. This has been something I have always struggled with since being with her for the year and two months we been together. The longest we havent talked to each other was 5 days. This time, I need to make it a lifetime or I will never heal.

You're stronger than me. I would have probably stood there and talked to her for as long as she would have talked to me. It wouldn't have lasted long though, because as soon as I talked about her inappropriate actions. She would have raged and walked out.

Anyhow, good job man. I'm 11 days NC and it's still hard after being together with her for 3 years. Everyday gets better though. Stay strong bro... .

Thank you so much Fred. I have done this dance with her so much for too long. It has been literally every month. She has the same pathology. I enforce boundaries, she leaves and IMMEDIATELY seeks out new supply from dating websites. It absolutely kills. You never get used to it.

[jayboy336]

I feel for you bro. There are a lot of parts in your story that I can identify with incl the thing with the TV. Mine had left some stuff in my flat. It is a way to keep the attachment and control you. I basically have written off her stuff clothes etc. for my own sake. She is not getting them back as far as I am concerned. In terms of value they are not more than $300. She has money so she can buy new stuff. My peace and health worth more than $300. I have also written of my stuff that she has in her flat about the same value. That's how I am getting my freedom back. And blocking her from everything. This is so painful thing to do. Particularly to her that I loved with all my heart.

NC is the toughest thing I have done in my life. I am using the term psychic amputation for it. Amputating my own heart.  It is as tough or maybe more when you have to do it yourself compared with them dumping you and going NC. Even more so when they are saying. "Well you broke up with me"... .Mine would say similar things. She would put me in an impossible position, I didn't want to break up with her but there was no other option. It hurts like hell. For me being in this position felt almost as if I was paralysed and someone was rupping my guts out. I can imagine you might feeling similarly intensely.

But look jayboy - I have blocked mine from all mediums possible and it does pay off. I am exactly 44 days NC now and I can tell you I have never felt better with myself for 2 years now. I still have deep wounds to heal and I sometimes feel weak. But it is the only way forward. And the more you enforce the NC the stronger you will be. It is character building and once you start seeing the benefits it will get easier and easier. There will be weak points on the way - I had one last night if you care having a long read. Just keep at it and don't break contact and avoid alcohol if you can (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=234224.0)

Thank you for the kind words and sharing your story Freedom. I did read your link and I am sorry you are still going through all that stuff. 44 days NC? Thats amazing. I am looking forward to it.

I can totally relate to the metaphor of "psychic amputation of the heart". I really believed in my heart this woman was my soulmate. There wasnt an evening that were together where I didnt tell her she was beautiful through all her self hatred, where I didnt hold her through all her tears and pain, every week, I would write her poetry on how much I loved her, cuddled with her every night, made the most passionate love. I made her a part of me and now i HAVE to let that go in order to heal.

I am at a point now where I find it hard to believe that they can ever get better. That if people like this are monsters leaving nothing but pain and agony in their wake. How in the face of being shown true love and making the most deepest attachments of people, they can just hop to another relationship while the person who loved them the most is left with almost unbearable agony. It really is sociopathic.

[freedom33]

I feel for you bro. There are a lot of parts in your story that I can identify with incl the thing with the TV. Mine had left some stuff in my flat. It is a way to keep the attachment and control you. I basically have written off her stuff clothes etc. for my own sake. She is not getting them back as far as I am concerned. In terms of value they are not more than $300. She has money so she can buy new stuff. My peace and health worth more than $300. I have also written of my stuff that she has in her flat about the same value. That's how I am getting my freedom back. And blocking her from everything. This is so painful thing to do. Particularly to her that I loved with all my heart.

NC is the toughest thing I have done in my life. I am using the term psychic amputation for it. Amputating my own heart.  It is as tough or maybe more when you have to do it yourself compared with them dumping you and going NC. Even more so when they are saying. "Well you broke up with me"... .Mine would say similar things. She would put me in an impossible position, I didn't want to break up with her but there was no other option. It hurts like hell. For me being in this position felt almost as if I was paralysed and someone was rupping my guts out. I can imagine you might feeling similarly intensely.

But look jayboy - I have blocked mine from all mediums possible and it does pay off. I am exactly 44 days NC now and I can tell you I have never felt better with myself for 2 years now. I still have deep wounds to heal and I sometimes feel weak. But it is the only way forward. And the more you enforce the NC the stronger you will be. It is character building and once you start seeing the benefits it will get easier and easier. There will be weak points on the way - I had one last night if you care having a long read. Just keep at it and don't break contact and avoid alcohol if you can (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=234224.0)

Thank you for the kind words and sharing your story Freedom. I did read your link and I am sorry you are still going through all that stuff. 44 days NC? Thats amazing. I am looking forward to it.

I can totally relate to the metaphor of "psychic amputation of the heart". I really believed in my heart this woman was my soulmate. There wasnt an evening that were together where I didnt tell her she was beautiful through all her self hatred, where I didnt hold her through all her tears and pain, every week, I would write her poetry on how much I loved her, cuddled with her every night, made the most passionate love. I made her a part of me and now i HAVE to let that go in order to heal.

I am at a point now where I find it hard to believe that they can ever get better. That if people like this are monsters leaving nothing but pain and agony in their wake. How in the face of being shown true love and making the most deepest attachments of people, they can just hop to another relationship while the person who loved them the most is left with almost unbearable agony. It really is sociopathic.

Same here. I was writing her poetry, wrote a song for her. Did the most amazing things for her and she did the some amazing things for me too at the beginning. They are not monsters they really believe it at the beginning. And we want to believe and fall for it. I noticed that the better I treated the worse she would come to treat me. Basically if one loves you and you don't love yourself then you will start devaluing that person who is loving you. There must be something wrong with them if they are right? Unfortunately my gf is the sort of person that wouldn't want to join a club that would have her as a member. It was what it was. It was a dream for her and a dream for me too. She really believed that I was her magical other as she 'd say. Her soulmate. When I met her she was 36 looking like 45. During our honeymoon she looked early 20s. She really lived the tale. And I did too. But all fairy tales come to an end. It will get better! Trust the process. I have 2-3 good days in a row now  and the occasional bad one which is amazing to what was the norm 3 weeks ago. One day at a time. We are here for you! Keep posting. And get connected with some friends. You will get there.