I took your advice and texted him yesterday.

[EaglesJuju]

I'm shocked at all the negative comments here, such as "leave him" etc.

Eagles, he DOES deserve your love, everyone deserves love.

My BPD has left me and been silent lots of times, not always for the same reasons, it appeared later.

Sometimes because he was feeling "empty", full of doubts, depressed.

Sometimes because he was angry (when I told him it was over) and wanted to punish me.

Sometimes because he was angry (no "good" reason) and was afraid of dysregulating more.

Sometimes because he was ashamed of his bad behaviour.

Etc.

I've managed to contact him a few times, essentially by communicating on non-sensitive subjects (i.e non emotional). Talking about job opportunities, common interests we enjoy talking about, neutral stuff like that.

NOTHING that could mean pressure (questions, future, past, love, behaviours, therapy... .).

Show him you're there and you care.

Life with a BPD is a tough one.

But we can make it.

You'd better post in "staying" for positive advice from now on.  

Hi Indyan,

I took your advice and texted him yesterday.  I said," I am sorry to bother you, but I hope you are doing well".  He actually responded and said, "you are not bothering me I am doing okay, taking it day by day. I hope you are doing well."  I am assuming that is a good sign.  Now what to do next?

[Indyan]

You can keep talking nicely in a chatty manner, but not too much, let him make a move too... .

[EaglesJuju]

You can keep talking nicely in a chatty manner, but not too much, let him make a move too... .

  Thank you so much! This has been so difficult for me. My heart breaks each day, because I do not really know what to do.  It is really hard from living with someone for the last three and a half years and speaking to him daily, to barely talking. 

[Indyan]

You're welcome 

[hurting300]

I'm shocked at all the negative comments here, such as "leave him" etc.

Eagles, he DOES deserve your love, everyone deserves love.

My BPD has left me and been silent lots of times, not always for the same reasons, it appeared later.

Sometimes because he was feeling "empty", full of doubts, depressed.

Sometimes because he was angry (when I told him it was over) and wanted to punish me.

Sometimes because he was angry (no "good" reason) and was afraid of dysregulating more.

Sometimes because he was ashamed of his bad behaviour.

Etc.

I've managed to contact him a few times, essentially by communicating on non-sensitive subjects (i.e non emotional). Talking about job opportunities, common interests we enjoy talking about, neutral stuff like that.

NOTHING that could mean pressure (questions, future, past, love, behaviours, therapy... .).

Show him you're there and you care.

Life with a BPD is a tough one.

But we can make it.

You'd better post in "staying" for positive advice from now on.  

Hi Indyan,

I took your advice and texted him yesterday.  I said," I am sorry to bother you, but I hope you are doing well".  He actually responded and said, "you are not bothering me I am doing okay, taking it day by day. I hope you are doing well."  I am assuming that is a good sign.  Now what to do next?

I'm happy he text you back... .She's right, just be normal and chatty... be that girl he fell for... I feel nervous for you.

[EaglesJuju]

I'm shocked at all the negative comments here, such as "leave him" etc.

Eagles, he DOES deserve your love, everyone deserves love.

My BPD has left me and been silent lots of times, not always for the same reasons, it appeared later.

Sometimes because he was feeling "empty", full of doubts, depressed.

Sometimes because he was angry (when I told him it was over) and wanted to punish me.

Sometimes because he was angry (no "good" reason) and was afraid of dysregulating more.

Sometimes because he was ashamed of his bad behaviour.

Etc.

I've managed to contact him a few times, essentially by communicating on non-sensitive subjects (i.e non emotional). Talking about job opportunities, common interests we enjoy talking about, neutral stuff like that.

NOTHING that could mean pressure (questions, future, past, love, behaviours, therapy... .).

Show him you're there and you care.

Life with a BPD is a tough one.

But we can make it.

You'd better post in "staying" for positive advice from now on.  

Hi Indyan,

I took your advice and texted him yesterday.  I said," I am sorry to bother you, but I hope you are doing well".  He actually responded and said, "you are not bothering me I am doing okay, taking it day by day. I hope you are doing well."  I am assuming that is a good sign.  Now what to do next?

I'm happy he text you back... .She's right, just be normal and chatty... be that girl he fell for... I feel nervous for you.

Nervous  why?

[hurting300]

Because I know you want it to work out... and I've been in your spot before. So I really hope this works for you.

[EaglesJuju]

Because I know you want it to work out... and I've been in your spot before. So I really hope this works for you.

I do want to work it out, but I am preparing for the worst.  It is like walking on eggshells from 2,000 miles away.  I have no idea when he will actually talk to me on the phone again. 

[hurting300]

Yes for your own emotional safety always prepare. If it's meant to be it'll happen. Just take care of you in the mean time.

[EaglesJuju]

Yes for your own emotional safety always prepare. If it's meant to be it'll happen. Just take care of you in the mean time.

Thank you    I have been taking this time apart to finally start focusing on myself.  I never have done that before, so I am adjusting to it.  I am trying to stay positive, but sometimes I get frustrated and sad.  It is really frustrating, to decide whether or not I should text him and wonder what to write without pushing him away.  Honestly, I do not know how much longer I can tolerate it.  It is very sad, four years of constant conversation and living together, reduced to three weeks of  a few sporadic texts.

[hurting300]

You know... .I felt insecure with my ex girlfriend when she was around. Now that she's gone I wake up crying sometimes ... and it's been six months now. I think it's best she is gone because I know I deserve better. I would rather be cuddled up watching a movie rather than on a support group. But we all make different  choices. I'm sure you will make the right decision.

[EaglesJuju]

You know... .I felt insecure with my ex girlfriend when she was around. Now that she's gone I wake up crying sometimes ... and it's been six months now. I think it's best she is gone because I know I deserve better. I would rather be cuddled up watching a movie rather than on a support group. But we all make different  choices. I'm sure you will make the right decision.

I hope I am making the right decision.  If it turns out to be unfavorable, I will be upset, but I have learned so much about myself.  This experience has reinforced my own self-worth and loving personality.  Generally, I really never felt insecure around him.  It happened occasionally. I agree with you, I would rather be doing something else than on a support group, but I am glad I found this site    

[hurting300]

Yeah it's a pretty good site indeed.