New husband, possible disorder?

[mrsthomps]

This is the last board I thought I would ever post on again. But, here I am.

My new husband and I have been together for 3 years, married for about 2 months. We had a rough start due to my son's father (my pwBPD). We made it through and only had a few incidents that I forced myself to believe were normal in my mind. Now, however, I'm starting to worry that I've gotten mixed up with yet another person with some type of disorder.

Examples:

- I caught him on dating sites when we had only been together for a month or so

- He took a woman he worked with out for drinks and got mad when I asked who she was

- He was sexting with a different woman from work

- He texted a female friend from college and told her in several lengthy messages that I could not measure up to her and basically put her on this pedestal of greatness

- He had saved dozens of pictures of him with his exes and when I asked him to make them private online he freaked out

- He went to a football game with his twin and they were going to stay in a female's hotel room without letting me know first (we were engaged, the twin said he kinda knew her)

- He was using adultfriendfinder.com up until 3 weeks before we got engaged and said it was JUST for porn and he had never met anyone from the site, even though he had been exchanging messages for 2 years

- He went to Vegas for a bachelor party (didn't clear it with me or talk to me about it, just told me he was going) and he promised there wouldn't be any strippers or inappropriate behavior. He told me AFTER he got back that he went to a strip club.

I feel like I might be overreacting and I've made a lot of this okay in my mind and forgiven him for him. The Vegas thing is the most recent to happen. I made him swear to me that he wouldn't do ANYTHING even remotely questionable. I was clear that this was a big step for me to just trust him to behave himself. He was furious when he told me and I got upset. He belittles my feelings when I'm angry with him for things that he's done. He makes me feel like my thoughts and emotions are never valid when it comes to things like this.

Maybe I'm crazy but maybe, just maybe, his need for constant validation from ANYONE but his wife is part of a narcissistic personality disorder... .

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[Mono No Aware]

Hi Mrs. Thomps.

So you've collect 8 examples of behavior that have the common theme of leaning towards promiscuity.

I don't know enough about the specifics of sexual addiction to comment on it, but I have been pretty deep into researching BPD (which this forum is all about).

So, I would recommend researching sexual addiction after seeing those 8 behaviors.

~~~~~~

In the meantime, gather up some clinical detachement and examine ALL of his behaviors for these 9 Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder:

1)   Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

2)   Unstable or intense interpersonal relationships, with marked shifts in attitudes towards others (from idealization to devaluation or from clinging dependency to isolation and avoidance), and prominent patterns of manipulation of others.

3)   Marked and persistent identity disturbance manifested by an unstable self-image or a sense of self.

4)   Impulsiveness in at least two areas that are potentially self-destructive. (NOTE: Risky promiscuity is included here)

5)   Recurrent suicidal threats, gestures, or behavior, or self-mutilating behaviors.

6)   Affective instability due to marked reactivity of mood with severe episodic shifts to depression, irritability, or anxiety, usually lasting a few hours and rarely more than a few days.

7)   Chronic feelings of emptiness.

8)   Inappropriate, intense anger, or lack of control of anger, e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights.

9) Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or symptoms of severe dissociation.

[Iwilldecide]

I have also had experience with SO's with sex addiction and that is what it sounds like to me

[MissyM]

Uhm, yeah.  I am married to a recovering sex addict and I agree, this sounds like sex addiction.  Which can go along with NPD and/or BPD.  Here are some sites to check out

www.sexhelp.com

www.posarc.com