What do they do when they are alone ?

[Algae]

Mine always goes on Facebook to talk to people, or goes on Instagram and uploads pictures of random stupid stuff to feel artsy.  She'll go outside and take pictures of plants and put 100 filters on it and be like, "IM SO ARTISTIC!"   

Face it though, it's 2014.  No matter how alone you are... youre never truly alone.  Facebook, Snapchat, Whatsapp, Kik, Instagram, Etc.  Theres always someone that will keep their attention long enough until someone important comes around them.

[In Pain]

Interesting stuff.

Mine used to say she wore out her vibrator. I thought she was just joking. Maybe not. She also had a black bag of toys.

She was so sexual with me. I'm sorry I didn't know more about her at the time.

So, lets see... .Saturday afternoon at home, drinking vodka, masturbating all day long while watching porno.

Not all bad, but if its an obsession... .

[fred6]

So, lets see... .Saturday afternoon at home, drinking vodka, masturbating all day long while watching porno.

Not all bad, but if its an obsession... .

Ummm, that doesn't sound like a fun day. I think for me the vodka would counteract the other activities. But then again I'm not BPD, or so I think,

[Indyan]

So, lets see... .Saturday afternoon at home, drinking vodka, masturbating all day long while watching porno.

Not all bad, but if its an obsession... .

Ummm, that doesn't sound like a fun day. I think for me the vodka would counteract the other activities. But then again I'm not BPD, or so I think,

[maric]

Mine could not stand to be by herself. She always had appointments ready for the whole month.

At the beggining she told be that sometimes, when she was by herself, she got the feeling that she was going crazy. Then she would do some kind of activity with people she did not even liked (or so she said). She got irritated over something some of this people do, and then would not contact/ignore them for months. If I only knew better!

[Mr. Solo]

My wife openly admits she cannot stand being alone. She has actually done a few things on her own recently to try and overcome it. She says she doesn't like being alone because she has to think. If she is alone and can't find someone to talk to or hang out with, she will go to sleep.

[Warpy]

Mine hated being alone, too.  Like others have said, she would make plans several weeks in advance.  She knows heaps of people around town (superficially, of course; just party buddies) and is heavily into the local rock scene, so there were always deadbeat boozers and washed-up old rockers at a myriad of bars and pubs that she can hang with on Friday and Saturday nights.  They're the people she felt were on her level: irresponsible and not about to tell her to make something of herself.  She would commit to several events on the same night, picking the one that took her fancy the most on that day.  Even with social engagements she had back-up!

The problem with this was I'd agree to go to these things, shunning my friends in the process, and then on the day she'd change plans completely.  The first time I ever complained, she shifted blame, and broke up with me.  Classic waif.    

[Warpy]

Oh, and alone time was usually Facebook and ridiculous 'arty' movies that I couldn't make head nor tail of.

[Loveofhislife]

After 12 weeks since he suddenly abandoned me with no explanation, I have learned that he has moved and set up camp on the beach where he seeks to lure more victims.  I found his online dating profile.   As well, it appears he keeps himself entertained with porn and mutual masturbation sites.   

[hurting300]

She told me she would sometimes masturbate all day, dozens of times... whoaaah 

Mine did that when I was around. I'd wake up in the middle of the night of her climaxing or walk into the bedroom and she'd be there rubbing herself off. Like a Bonobo. I found it more and more disturbing and disgusting as time went on.

Mine loved having all day sometimes . She also told me she hated porn but she internet history tells another story. Lmao

[Indyan]

I'd wake up in the middle of the night of her climaxing or walk into the bedroom and she'd be there rubbing herself off. Like a Bonobo. I found it more and more disturbing and disgusting as time went on.

That's disturbing. But 

[amigo]

my BPD ex also claimed that he needed sex at least 3 times a day and that he would masturbate at least that many times a day, if he didn't have a girlfriend.

Soothing the beast... .

[hurting300]

I think this sexual behavior is BPD only. I have a massively high sex drive and I'm mentally healthy.

[camuse]

A high sex drive is ok, masturbating is normal.

It's the motivation that is the red flag - are they seeking orgasm because they are aroused, or because they are in pain? How does your BPD react if you aren't in the mood or are unwell? Mine would tell me she could find someone else if I wasn't interested. Nice!

I noticed early on that mine was never noticeably aroused. Now I think she simply wasn't actually aroused at all, she just wanted an orgasm for the pleasure rush, to soothe her emotional agony, and she needed it for validation. She was always up for anything sexual, but never kissed. Once she had come, we were done. For a bit, until the rush subsided and anguish returned.

I've been dating a girl recently, who really enjoys sex with me, if we are both in the mood, which we often are but she doesn't NEED it for pain relief or validation. The difference is not so easy to detect, but it is important imo.

So basically, I think some BPDs just need a lot of orgasms for the dopamine - hence all the furious masturbation, and sex is just a form of masturbating with the added bonus of being a hook and validation.

[amigo]

Of course a strong sex drive and masturbation are ok.

I agree with camuse though that the motivation does make a difference.

My BPDex wouldn't take no for an answer and often times was rather agressive in getting off "on" me, it had very little to do with being intimate with me during those times. He would sometimes just say "are you ready for me?" not really waiting for an anser and "no" was never really an option. He would just go for it in a way that was physically brutal and had I been mentally stronger and protested, you could certainly consider it rape. But I was just too afraid to upset him by saying no and usually just reasoned to myself, " if it makes him happy, I can just hang in there for a few minutes... ."(so sad, I know). The few times I insisted that he give me a break, he didn't threaten to go elsewere, but he seriously pouted and/or got very emotionally distant. In retrospect, maybe he did go elsewhere... .

Even writing this I cringe at how guilty I am of propagating his horrible behavior by being a doormat and a mere object for his dopamine release. It's good to write this down though. My warped mind seems to selectively remember the few instances where being with him felt good and exciting and like making love.

[Mr. Solo]

My wife didn't masturbate a lot. She would, however, masturbate at frustrating times. I would want to do it before going to work and she would not want to. I would go to work, come home, try again, and she would then tell me she didn't want to because she did herself after I left for work.

We had great sex up until the last few years. She then started asking me to do it without kissing her or she would tell me she will LET ME do her if I did all the work. Or she wouldn't want to do it any way other than doggy style and wanted to see how fast and/or how many times I could make her cum. But then she would say, when we were out or something, she wishes we made out more and took our time more. LOL.

[Mr Hollande]

I have said it before in the many threads about how allegedly awesome sex is with BPD's that I've found it utterly joyless with the three BPD's I've endured sex with. There was much talk (too much talk), obsession, filth and lots and lots of pressure but very rarely any real pleasure and certainly no intimacy. My experience of sex with BPD's is that it was awful and I'm glad I'll never have sex with any of them again.

Similar to Camuse I'm having much better experiences with the current lady I'm seeing. She is plain, yes, but she is also well in the head and as such has a natural enjoyment of sex which makes it great being with her. I can't get enough of her whilst with my other BPD's I've felt like running away and hiding every time it was time.

[fred6]

I have said it before in the many threads about how allegedly awesome sex is with BPD's that I've found it utterly joyless with the three BPD's I've endured sex with. There was much talk (too much talk), obsession, filth and lots and lots of pressure but very rarely any real pleasure and certainly no intimacy. My experience of sex with BPD's is that it was awful and I'm glad I'll never have sex with any of them again.

Similar to Camuse I'm having much better experiences with the current lady I'm seeing. She is plain, yes, but she is also well in the head and as such has a natural enjoyment of sex which makes it great being with her. I can't get enough of her whilst with my other BPD's I've felt like running away and hiding every time it was time.

Simalar situation here. At first sex wasn't bad, it was just kind of odd, I knew something was kind of off. But given her history of abuse and rape I tried to understand. But as time went on the sex got less and less and she became more and more detached and emotionless. At first there was pillow talk afterwards. As time went on that became less and less also.

There was a handful of times that she seemed like she enjoyed it and actually got off. But for the most part, the most she did to participate was to rub my shoulders during the act. Not much else. It wasn't pleasant, but at my age I didn't define our relationship by the quantity or quality of sex, it was more about the person I was with. As time went on, the more she detached the more I detached. By the end of the relationship I was just getting mine and getting it over with as quickly as possible. It's kind of sad even saying that... .

[hurting300]

Very different stories here than mine... just hours before she disappeared she wanted it bad and we did it twice...

[Bak86]

My ex was so contradicting when it comes to sex.

After our 4th date she said to me that it could take a year or longer to feel comfortable enough to have sex with a person and she couldn't promise we would ever have sex. She told me this was because she had to perform sexually against her will when she was young(i.e. abused or raped). She wouldn't tell me the whole story, i didn't expect her to. Anyway, naive as i was, i thought to myself "ok, this is a big deal, this girl is REALLY awesome and i would be a dick if i dump her because of this". Anyway, kissing was fine, so was everything as long as it was above the belt. She would get really aroused and she liked it rough, but when i wanted to go south, she always pulled my hand away. *graphic*One time, i actually i got my hand in her pants and she really liked it, was one of the wettest girls i've had, but after like a minute or two she would grab my hand again in panic and had my hand out of there.

She never wanted to sleep with me in a nonsexual way either. It was so weird. But i thought she would change, because i saw some progress. Oh man, how wrong i was... .

And the weirdest thing of all is, that she always talks about sex all the time at work and how she brings home men in the weekend, like it's no big deal. What the heck, you're the biggest prude i've ever met and you tell colleagues how you like it rough and dirty? LOL total mind ___

[mitchell16]

i think everything with BPD person is a huge contridication. I think when it comes to sex with them its even more of one.

mine said she didnt have sex with someone until she knew them, but she had sex with me on the first date.

mine said she could go months without sex but yet I had to service her twice a day every day.

she claims she could never cheat on anyone but admitted she cheated on her ex husband 3 diffrent times.

she hated porn cause of her ex husband but yet insisted upon us watching someone night.

if their lips are moving they are lying. Just my experience.

[hurting300]

i think everything with BPD person is a huge contridication. I think when it comes to sex with them its even more of one.

mine said she didnt have sex with someone until she knew them, but she had sex with me on the first date.

mine said she could go months without sex but yet I had to service her twice a day every day.

she claims she could never cheat on anyone but admitted she cheated on her ex husband 3 diffrent times.

she hated porn cause of her ex husband but yet insisted upon us watching someone night.

if their lips are moving they are lying. Just my experience.

wow... .My ex to a tee dude. Except for the first date thing. She told me she use to not be into sex... yet two months later she said "when I'm in a relationship I could do it all day." And we did . They are horrible liars.

[Mr Hollande]

if their lips are moving they are lying. Just my experience.

When does your BPD SO lie? Whenever their lips are moving!

[Indyan]

I'm probably going to sound alien here but sex with my BPD was the best sex in my life. Just perfect... .when it happened. In the beginning (the first 3 months) frequency didn't cross my mind. But soon enough I found it was great but too rare... .about once a month. Also, it had to be when he chose to, if I tried to intitiate physical intimacy (not just sex) he would act cold and distant and make me feel like a glue.

[hurting300]

I'm probably going to sound alien here but sex with my BPD was the best sex in my life. Just perfect... .when it happened. In the beginning (the first 3 months) frequency didn't cross my mind. But soon enough I found it was great but too rare... .about once a month. Also, it had to be when he chose to, if I tried to intitiate physical intimacy (not just sex) he would act cold and distant and make me feel like a glue.

mine was the best also... she claimed to be vanilla but oh no... once I got her to open up she would explode on me. But honestly the only time I felt she loved me was while we were doing it.

[Indyan]

But honestly the only time I felt she loved me was while we were doing it.

That's what I felt too these last months  :'(

[fred6]

I'm probably going to sound alien here but sex with my BPD was the best sex in my life. Just perfect... .when it happened. In the beginning (the first 3 months) frequency didn't cross my mind. But soon enough I found it was great but too rare... .about once a month. Also, it had to be when he chose to, if I tried to intitiate physical intimacy (not just sex) he would act cold and distant and make me feel like a glue.

mine was the best also... she claimed to be vanilla but oh no... once I got her to open up she would explode on me. But honestly the only time I felt she loved me was while we were doing it.

Damn, I gotta get me one of those

Well, if I ever recover from this BPD steaming pile of donkey $hit that I'm dealing with right now... .

[Indyan]

Damn, I gotta get me one of those

Gotta warn you that the price to pay his high  

[Indyan]

Hurting, the more you talk about your ex (I don't really like that word when there is no closure... .I'd rather say "your invisible gf", the more your r/s with her looks like what I've experienced with my BPD.

In fact, had he been a girl, who knows, maybe he would have done exactly what he did (leaving suddenly and refusing to talk to me) with the baby... .precisely what he feared so much of me doing.

Anyway, time is on our side. We mustn't lose hope. I know that your situation is living hell, but there will be changes, things just can't stay the way they are.

Don't lose hope, keep contacting whoever you can contact, be confident (and you should be, you're acting with honesty), don't feel shy about insisting, shouting your rights to whoever can read or hear it (her friends... .).

You never know what may happen with a BPD person. You said she's driven past your house. She might as well come and knock one day.

[Bak86]

It still find it weird that my ex never wanted sex, from what i read here they are hypersexual in the beginning... .