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Author Topic: What do they do when they are alone ?  (Read 7094 times)
In Pain
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« on: October 11, 2014, 01:54:09 AM »

So I have a question.

I've read so much on this issue and the behaviour.

The addictions as well.

So if I put a camera in my ex BPD GF's apt... .

Would I see her lying around the house, maybe alone, on a Saturday afternoon, drinking vodka all day long. In a funk, numbing the emotional pain away.

FYI... .Early in our relationship I brought over a large bottle of kettle one vodka. 8 days later I went to make myself a drink and the bottle was gone. I don't know if it was consumed over 8 days or 1 day !

I have a hard time imagining anyone just sitting around drinking their life away.

But I know it's done every day by BPD's and non BPD's alike.

So sad.
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« Reply #1 on: October 11, 2014, 02:33:36 AM »

I don't think they are ever alone. Mine couldn't stand being alone. He would call people get on the internet looking up dating sites, even tho we were in a relationship Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) would listen to books , text people... .Basically can't relax. It was exhausting to watch him go and go. I think they have to just be doing something all the time
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Infern0
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« Reply #2 on: October 11, 2014, 02:53:57 AM »

Facebook,  texting,  on the phone etc etc etc.

Mine used to send mass texts like "what are you doing tonight?" To like everyone in her phone.

It didn't matter who would give her attention, just as long as someone would.

This is what can lead to recycles even in crazy situations,  if there's nobody else avaliable you might get the call!
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« Reply #3 on: October 11, 2014, 04:04:41 AM »

Facebook,  texting,  on the phone etc etc etc.

Mine used to send mass texts like "what are you doing tonight?" To like everyone in her phone.

It didn't matter who would give her attention, just as long as someone would.

This is what can lead to recycles even in crazy situations,  if there's nobody else avaliable you might get the call!

Oh man my ex started pulling that crap too.  It really posed me off she used snap hat and she deleted me from it. My ex pretty hot with a porn star body so she has no shortage of supply. It pisses me off because I saw her put on the mask with these people. I had so carefully worked for her trust too.
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Climbmountains91
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« Reply #4 on: October 11, 2014, 04:48:19 AM »

My ex exBPDbf loves being alone, he loves his own space where he's not told what to do from "authority figures" so he can do what he wants. He can never wait to get back to his flat. As far as i know he's either on the Xbox, computer games (as this escapes him from the world) Skype, watching documentaries & boxset series, reading up about depression for hours and hours, drinking every single night, but sometimes like at the stage he's at now he has days where he wants to be around people, he wants that supply so he goes out drinking etc... Reckless behaviour.
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« Reply #5 on: October 11, 2014, 05:20:50 AM »

My ex loves being alone. She's a bit of a hermit. When she has too many social events in one week, she will deplete all of her energy. Loves to read a lot, watch tv series, listen to music. Nothing out of the ordinary, apart from sleep. She sleeps A LOT during the weekends. Like 12/14 hours 
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Chunk Palumbo
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« Reply #6 on: October 11, 2014, 05:55:51 AM »

Facebook,  texting,  on the phone etc etc etc.

Mine used to send mass texts like "what are you doing tonight?" To like everyone in her phone.

It didn't matter who would give her attention, just as long as someone would.

This is what can lead to recycles even in crazy situations,  if there's nobody else avaliable you might get the call!

Yep. They keep orbiters around for this specfic purpose.
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Indyan
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« Reply #7 on: October 11, 2014, 06:38:46 AM »

In April, after BPDh really started dysregulating, I left for a 3 day week-end with the kids.

I expected BPDh to do all the things he loves doing so much : play video games, watch movies... .

I looked at his history... .and yes he had played games and watched online movies, but he stopped at a reasonable time and SLEPT!

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In Pain
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« Reply #8 on: October 11, 2014, 07:38:48 AM »

Is the sleeping depression ?

Mine says she stays at home watching movies, which I believe. She also does go out with friends and a date or two, or three or four ! LOL

While we were dating she did go out for nice dinners with new dates... .And THEN come over to my place by 9 pm.

Screwball !
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« Reply #9 on: October 11, 2014, 09:31:39 AM »

Yes, for my BPD it is. Everytime he gets depressed he spends lots and lots of time in bed, the entire week-end even, which drove me crazy at times with 2 kids and a house to deal with... .

Dysphoria time.

I wish I was allowed for some dysphoria time too.
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WhatTheFrank
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« Reply #10 on: October 11, 2014, 11:32:58 AM »

Manufacture fantasies of how you are betraying them when you aren't with them.

I swear once the clinger phase started, and before we moved in together, if we spent two days apart, day 3 was going to be crazy town.
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Mermaid lover

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« Reply #11 on: October 11, 2014, 06:45:04 PM »

My exbp would sleep alottttt - he did have depression too. He would also drink a lot when he was awake and He too, did the mass texting. I checked our joint bill a couple times, when we weren't on speaking terms and he would text from the morning he woke up to the time he went to bed! Not normal.

He would do the mass texting as well. I guess to see, who was available to meet... and if no one was because idk regular ppl have LIVES and/or a significant other to spend time with... .he would continue texts to anyone and everyone. There were texts there from ppl he NEVER spoke to.

So yea, they contact anyone so they don't feel their emptiness and loneliness. Its a little sad. But screw my ex ass since he's the one that left the relationship. Now his dumbest is scrambling to find somoen to give him time. 
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« Reply #12 on: October 11, 2014, 06:58:58 PM »

My ex HATED being alone, it seems a very common BPD trait. The first night she was alone in my house (I was working) she phoned constantly saying she was sure someone was outside trying to break in and rape her. I got home at 2.00am and every light in the house was on. She was asleep and screamed when I got into bed with her. She was a social media addict too.
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Hurtbeyondrepair27
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« Reply #13 on: October 12, 2014, 09:45:41 AM »

Watching porn or looking up naked women for hours. masterbating for hours on emd. facebooking for hours and sleeping 14/15 hours out of the day. he lives with his parents again. the life man...
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KeepOnGoing
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« Reply #14 on: October 12, 2014, 10:06:53 AM »

My ex loves being alone. She's a bit of a hermit. When she has too many social events in one week, she will deplete all of her energy. Loves to read a lot, watch tv series, listen to music. Nothing out of the ordinary, apart from sleep. She sleeps A LOT during the weekends. Like 12/14 hours 

Amen. Mine exactly.

My first response to this thread was, "Who cares! Let's get on with our lives!" Yet I understand the need to understand.

Let's all make a pledge for the next four hours of this glorious weekend to get out and do something FUN for ourselves and stop obsessing on our BPD and what they are doing or it doing. Who's with me? I'm putting the device down. See ya later!      Being cool (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #15 on: October 12, 2014, 10:31:15 AM »

fb, texting, cleaning furiously and endlessly, chores, watching  series, like most people... .and masturbating  Smiling (click to insert in post) She told me she would sometimes masturbate all day, dozens of times... whoaaah  Smiling (click to insert in post)

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Mr Hollande
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« Reply #16 on: October 12, 2014, 10:55:43 PM »

She told me she would sometimes masturbate all day, dozens of times... whoaaah  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Mine did that when I was around. I'd wake up in the middle of the night of her climaxing or walk into the bedroom and she'd be there rubbing herself off. Like a Bonobo. I found it more and more disturbing and disgusting as time went on.
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Bak86
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« Reply #17 on: October 13, 2014, 09:52:46 AM »

She told me she would sometimes masturbate all day, dozens of times... whoaaah  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Mine did that when I was around. I'd wake up in the middle of the night of her climaxing or walk into the bedroom and she'd be there rubbing herself off. Like a Bonobo. I found it more and more disturbing and disgusting as time went on.

This post made me  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #18 on: October 13, 2014, 10:21:04 AM »

Mine would actually book meeting rooms at work so she could masturbate during the day.

I think masturbation/orgasm is just another way to ease their pain.
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Hurtbeyondrepair27
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« Reply #19 on: October 13, 2014, 10:22:29 AM »

She told me she would sometimes masturbate all day, dozens of times... whoaaah  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Mine did that when I was around. I'd wake up in the middle of the night of her climaxing or walk into the bedroom and she'd be there rubbing herself off. Like a Bonobo. I found it more and more disturbing and disgusting as time went on.

i would wake up in the middle of the night he would be masterbating several times

or masterbating on me... .with my clothes half off.

is this normal?
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Algae
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« Reply #20 on: October 13, 2014, 10:30:56 AM »

Mine would actually book meeting rooms at work so she could masturbate during the day.

I think masturbation/orgasm is just another way to ease their pain.

I think that's rather odd because mine would often identify herself as asexual and would refrain from doing ANY of that stuff.  I'm pretty sure you it's just a human trait you're pointing out and not a BPD trait
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« Reply #21 on: October 13, 2014, 10:46:02 AM »

Mine would actually book meeting rooms at work so she could masturbate during the day.

I think masturbation/orgasm is just another way to ease their pain.

I think that's rather odd because mine would often identify herself as asexual and would refrain from doing ANY of that stuff.  I'm pretty sure you it's just a human trait you're pointing out and not a BPD trait

Mine said she was asexual in not so many words. "Sex means nothing to me" and "I'll go the rest of my life without sex and it's ok with me". Funny that she never told me that in the 1st year of the relationship. Those words also didn't stop her from cheating on me with Rocky, that meth head looking guy down the street. So I don't really know how true it actually was that sex meant nothing to her. She always did bring up her promiscuous sexual past. I never caught her masturbating, I don't think that she ever did but I could be wrong. Then again, she never caught me either and that's kind of surprising since that was 90% of my sexual activity in the last 9 months of our relationship. But maybe she was cheating much longer than I know about and therefore she didn't need to masturbate.
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Bak86
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« Reply #22 on: October 13, 2014, 10:50:21 AM »

I don't even know if my ex is asexual or not.

She always has big talk about sex, but when it comes down to it, she never wants it.
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Mr Hollande
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« Reply #23 on: October 13, 2014, 10:59:04 AM »

She told me she would sometimes masturbate all day, dozens of times... whoaaah  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Mine did that when I was around. I'd wake up in the middle of the night of her climaxing or walk into the bedroom and she'd be there rubbing herself off. Like a Bonobo. I found it more and more disturbing and disgusting as time went on.

i would wake up in the middle of the night he would be masterbating several times

or masterbating on me... .with my clothes half off.

is this normal?

Maybe he was just really happy to see you?  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Please forgive my crude humour. Too good to pass for my taste for the puerile. No, what he did is not normal. It's ___ed up beyond repair.

Like Camuse said I think it's just another way for them to ease the pain. Be it booze, drugs, cutting themselves, shoppping or sex they'll reach for anything and do it beyond excess.
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fred6
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« Reply #24 on: October 13, 2014, 11:03:00 AM »

[q
I think masturbation/orgasm is just another way to ease their pain.

Another funny thing was that in the whole 3 years she never once initiated sex with me. She also never made any sounds during sex or when she had an orgasm. She also never said anything during sex. Actually, no nothing. When she did let me have sex with her, she just kind of let me do my thing. Just laid there kind of detached and "in another world". The best way I can explain it is that she kind of looked like she might as well be getting a root canal or doing laundry. Just kind of weird. I think that's why she's in my head so much. I wanted intimacy so badly with this person and only got barely enough to keep me around. I somehow think that makes me want it even more. You always want what you can't have.
I don't even know if my ex is asexual or not.

She always has big talk about sex, but when it comes down to it, she never wants it.

Yeah, mine always talked about sex and her prior conquests. But it wasn't ever details about the sex or anything graphic. Just about all the guys she has screwed. She also had a problem with porn. I'm not a big porn person, but I'm not really against it either. In her words, "It's sick". My uxBPDgf portrays having issues with sex. However she doesn't have a problem sleeping around or bragging about any of it. Like I said, it's weird. Nothing she says is congruent when it comes to sex. I tried to ask her about it a couple times and she said, "You'll never understand". Well played ma'am. You are correct, I will never understand!
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Lion Fire
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« Reply #25 on: October 13, 2014, 11:31:58 AM »

When we were in different countries, she would either text me or skype me from work and tell me she had to find a place to masturbate several times a day. This happened often. I was in the early dreamy stage so I thought... ."cool"  Smiling (click to insert in post) She only held that job down for 3 months before leaving under a cloud. One day she texted me from her fitness club to tell me she had six orgasms in her workout session. I was trying to work out how she got that right and what it looked like... .again, I thought... "cool"  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Orgasm is definitely a release and escape for her, she told me.
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tinkerbellsmom

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« Reply #26 on: October 13, 2014, 02:04:28 PM »

My dd won't be alone for a single second, and will do (and has done) almost anything not to.  She will contact the wierdest people on the internet!  I on the other hand love to be alone.  It is one of the biggest differences in our lifestyles that cause us not to understand each other at all. 
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Hurtbeyondrepair27
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« Reply #27 on: October 13, 2014, 02:53:51 PM »

She told me she would sometimes masturbate all day, dozens of times... whoaaah  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Mine did that when I was around. I'd wake up in the middle of the night of her



climaxing or walk into the bedroom and she'd be there rubbing herself off. Like a Bonobo. I found it more and more disturbing and disgusting as time went on.

i would wake up in the middle of the night he would be masterbating several times

or masterbating on me... .with my clothes half off.

is this normal?

Maybe he was just really happy to see you?  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Please forgive my crude humour. Too good to pass for my taste for the puerile. No, what he did is not normal. It's ___ed up beyond repair.

Like Camuse said I think it's just another way for them to ease the pain. Be it booze,



drugs, cutting themselves, shoppping or sex they'll reach for anything and do it beyond excess.

he would say sorry i didnt mean to wake you!

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) but i had to take care of business...

i think he got off on me sleeping while he did it or something.
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« Reply #28 on: October 13, 2014, 03:42:29 PM »

Mine like to be alone or just with her dysfunctional family. If she was alone she would sleep a lot or watch tv and drink. She also had ocd so she would clean a lot. Sleeping she did a lot off. When she was with her family they would all sit around and drink till they started passing out. I guess she didn't mind being with certain people (her dysfunctional family) she just didn't want to be with me.
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« Reply #29 on: October 13, 2014, 03:55:31 PM »

I don't know what they do, but I would assume that when they weren't triggered (dysregulated) they probably did what most people do.  When they are in their stressed states they are probably sleeping and/or trying to connect with old or new supplies or at least checking up on them.  My ex watched a ton of movies, especially the weird fantasy ones. (who knows if she was alone, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)!)
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« Reply #30 on: October 13, 2014, 03:58:49 PM »

Mine always goes on Facebook to talk to people, or goes on Instagram and uploads pictures of random stupid stuff to feel artsy.  She'll go outside and take pictures of plants and put 100 filters on it and be like, "IM SO ARTISTIC!"   

Face it though, it's 2014.  No matter how alone you are... youre never truly alone.  Facebook, Snapchat, Whatsapp, Kik, Instagram, Etc.  Theres always someone that will keep their attention long enough until someone important comes around them.
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« Reply #31 on: October 13, 2014, 06:21:04 PM »

Interesting stuff.

Mine used to say she wore out her vibrator. I thought she was just joking. Maybe not. She also had a black bag of toys.

She was so sexual with me. I'm sorry I didn't know more about her at the time.

So, lets see... .Saturday afternoon at home, drinking vodka, masturbating all day long while watching porno.

Not all bad, but if its an obsession... .
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« Reply #32 on: October 13, 2014, 06:30:25 PM »

So, lets see... .Saturday afternoon at home, drinking vodka, masturbating all day long while watching porno.

Not all bad, but if its an obsession... .

Ummm, that doesn't sound like a fun day. I think for me the vodka would counteract the other activities. But then again I'm not BPD, or so I think, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #33 on: October 14, 2014, 03:32:00 PM »

So, lets see... .Saturday afternoon at home, drinking vodka, masturbating all day long while watching porno.

Not all bad, but if its an obsession... .

Ummm, that doesn't sound like a fun day. I think for me the vodka would counteract the other activities. But then again I'm not BPD, or so I think, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #34 on: October 14, 2014, 04:08:34 PM »

Mine could not stand to be by herself. She always had appointments ready for the whole month.

At the beggining she told be that sometimes, when she was by herself, she got the feeling that she was going crazy. Then she would do some kind of activity with people she did not even liked (or so she said). She got irritated over something some of this people do, and then would not contact/ignore them for months. If I only knew better!

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« Reply #35 on: October 15, 2014, 02:19:48 AM »

My wife openly admits she cannot stand being alone. She has actually done a few things on her own recently to try and overcome it. She says she doesn't like being alone because she has to think. If she is alone and can't find someone to talk to or hang out with, she will go to sleep.
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« Reply #36 on: October 15, 2014, 04:36:31 AM »

Mine hated being alone, too.  Like others have said, she would make plans several weeks in advance.  She knows heaps of people around town (superficially, of course; just party buddies) and is heavily into the local rock scene, so there were always deadbeat boozers and washed-up old rockers at a myriad of bars and pubs that she can hang with on Friday and Saturday nights.  They're the people she felt were on her level: irresponsible and not about to tell her to make something of herself.  She would commit to several events on the same night, picking the one that took her fancy the most on that day.  Even with social engagements she had back-up!

The problem with this was I'd agree to go to these things, shunning my friends in the process, and then on the day she'd change plans completely.  The first time I ever complained, she shifted blame, and broke up with me.  Classic waif.    
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« Reply #37 on: October 15, 2014, 04:38:32 AM »

Oh, and alone time was usually Facebook and ridiculous 'arty' movies that I couldn't make head nor tail of.
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« Reply #38 on: October 15, 2014, 07:44:33 AM »

After 12 weeks since he suddenly abandoned me with no explanation, I have learned that he has moved and set up camp on the beach where he seeks to lure more victims.  I found his online dating profile.   As well, it appears he keeps himself entertained with porn and mutual masturbation sites.   
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« Reply #39 on: October 15, 2014, 02:46:32 PM »

She told me she would sometimes masturbate all day, dozens of times... whoaaah  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Mine did that when I was around. I'd wake up in the middle of the night of her climaxing or walk into the bedroom and she'd be there rubbing herself off. Like a Bonobo. I found it more and more disturbing and disgusting as time went on.

Mine loved having all day sometimes Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). She also told me she hated porn but she internet history tells another story. Lmao
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« Reply #40 on: October 15, 2014, 03:57:30 PM »

I'd wake up in the middle of the night of her climaxing or walk into the bedroom and she'd be there rubbing herself off. Like a Bonobo. I found it more and more disturbing and disgusting as time went on.

That's disturbing. But  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #41 on: October 15, 2014, 05:53:19 PM »

my BPD ex also claimed that he needed sex at least 3 times a day and that he would masturbate at least that many times a day, if he didn't have a girlfriend.

Soothing the beast... .
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« Reply #42 on: October 15, 2014, 06:12:42 PM »

I think this sexual behavior is BPD only. I have a massively high sex drive and I'm mentally healthy.
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« Reply #43 on: October 15, 2014, 06:28:57 PM »

A high sex drive is ok, masturbating is normal.

It's the motivation that is the red flag - are they seeking orgasm because they are aroused, or because they are in pain? How does your BPD react if you aren't in the mood or are unwell? Mine would tell me she could find someone else if I wasn't interested. Nice!

I noticed early on that mine was never noticeably aroused. Now I think she simply wasn't actually aroused at all, she just wanted an orgasm for the pleasure rush, to soothe her emotional agony, and she needed it for validation. She was always up for anything sexual, but never kissed. Once she had come, we were done. For a bit, until the rush subsided and anguish returned.

I've been dating a girl recently, who really enjoys sex with me, if we are both in the mood, which we often are Smiling (click to insert in post) but she doesn't NEED it for pain relief or validation. The difference is not so easy to detect, but it is important imo.

So basically, I think some BPDs just need a lot of orgasms for the dopamine - hence all the furious masturbation, and sex is just a form of masturbating with the added bonus of being a hook and validation.

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« Reply #44 on: October 15, 2014, 06:51:44 PM »

Of course a strong sex drive and masturbation are ok.

I agree with camuse though that the motivation does make a difference.

My BPDex wouldn't take no for an answer and often times was rather agressive in getting off "on" me, it had very little to do with being intimate with me during those times. He would sometimes just say "are you ready for me?" not really waiting for an anser and "no" was never really an option. He would just go for it in a way that was physically brutal and had I been mentally stronger and protested, you could certainly consider it rape. But I was just too afraid to upset him by saying no and usually just reasoned to myself, " if it makes him happy, I can just hang in there for a few minutes... ."(so sad, I know). The few times I insisted that he give me a break, he didn't threaten to go elsewere, but he seriously pouted and/or got very emotionally distant. In retrospect, maybe he did go elsewhere... .

Even writing this I cringe at how guilty I am of propagating his horrible behavior by being a doormat and a mere object for his dopamine release. It's good to write this down though. My warped mind seems to selectively remember the few instances where being with him felt good and exciting and like making love.
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« Reply #45 on: October 15, 2014, 07:00:03 PM »

My wife didn't masturbate a lot. She would, however, masturbate at frustrating times. I would want to do it before going to work and she would not want to. I would go to work, come home, try again, and she would then tell me she didn't want to because she did herself after I left for work.

We had great sex up until the last few years. She then started asking me to do it without kissing her or she would tell me she will LET ME do her if I did all the work. Or she wouldn't want to do it any way other than doggy style and wanted to see how fast and/or how many times I could make her cum. But then she would say, when we were out or something, she wishes we made out more and took our time more. LOL.
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« Reply #46 on: October 15, 2014, 07:05:50 PM »

I have said it before in the many threads about how allegedly awesome sex is with BPD's that I've found it utterly joyless with the three BPD's I've endured sex with. There was much talk (too much talk), obsession, filth and lots and lots of pressure but very rarely any real pleasure and certainly no intimacy. My experience of sex with BPD's is that it was awful and I'm glad I'll never have sex with any of them again.

Similar to Camuse I'm having much better experiences with the current lady I'm seeing. She is plain, yes, but she is also well in the head and as such has a natural enjoyment of sex which makes it great being with her. I can't get enough of her whilst with my other BPD's I've felt like running away and hiding every time it was time.

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« Reply #47 on: October 15, 2014, 09:38:22 PM »

I have said it before in the many threads about how allegedly awesome sex is with BPD's that I've found it utterly joyless with the three BPD's I've endured sex with. There was much talk (too much talk), obsession, filth and lots and lots of pressure but very rarely any real pleasure and certainly no intimacy. My experience of sex with BPD's is that it was awful and I'm glad I'll never have sex with any of them again.

Similar to Camuse I'm having much better experiences with the current lady I'm seeing. She is plain, yes, but she is also well in the head and as such has a natural enjoyment of sex which makes it great being with her. I can't get enough of her whilst with my other BPD's I've felt like running away and hiding every time it was time.

Simalar situation here. At first sex wasn't bad, it was just kind of odd, I knew something was kind of off. But given her history of abuse and rape I tried to understand. But as time went on the sex got less and less and she became more and more detached and emotionless. At first there was pillow talk afterwards. As time went on that became less and less also.

There was a handful of times that she seemed like she enjoyed it and actually got off. But for the most part, the most she did to participate was to rub my shoulders during the act. Not much else. It wasn't pleasant, but at my age I didn't define our relationship by the quantity or quality of sex, it was more about the person I was with. As time went on, the more she detached the more I detached. By the end of the relationship I was just getting mine and getting it over with as quickly as possible. It's kind of sad even saying that... .
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« Reply #48 on: October 15, 2014, 09:51:01 PM »

Very different stories here than mine... just hours before she disappeared she wanted it bad and we did it twice...
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« Reply #49 on: October 16, 2014, 10:50:30 AM »

My ex was so contradicting when it comes to sex.

After our 4th date she said to me that it could take a year or longer to feel comfortable enough to have sex with a person and she couldn't promise we would ever have sex. She told me this was because she had to perform sexually against her will when she was young(i.e. abused or raped). She wouldn't tell me the whole story, i didn't expect her to. Anyway, naive as i was, i thought to myself "ok, this is a big deal, this girl is REALLY awesome and i would be a dick if i dump her because of this". Anyway, kissing was fine, so was everything as long as it was above the belt. She would get really aroused and she liked it rough, but when i wanted to go south, she always pulled my hand away. *graphic*One time, i actually i got my hand in her pants and she really liked it, was one of the wettest girls i've had, but after like a minute or two she would grab my hand again in panic and had my hand out of there.

She never wanted to sleep with me in a nonsexual way either. It was so weird. But i thought she would change, because i saw some progress. Oh man, how wrong i was... .

And the weirdest thing of all is, that she always talks about sex all the time at work and how she brings home men in the weekend, like it's no big deal. What the heck, you're the biggest prude i've ever met and you tell colleagues how you like it rough and dirty? LOL total mind ___
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« Reply #50 on: October 16, 2014, 11:35:23 AM »

i think everything with BPD person is a huge contridication. I think when it comes to sex with them its even more of one.

mine said she didnt have sex with someone until she knew them, but she had sex with me on the first date.

mine said she could go months without sex but yet I had to service her twice a day every day.

she claims she could never cheat on anyone but admitted she cheated on her ex husband 3 diffrent times.

she hated porn cause of her ex husband but yet insisted upon us watching someone night.

if their lips are moving they are lying. Just my experience.
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« Reply #51 on: October 16, 2014, 11:39:47 AM »

i think everything with BPD person is a huge contridication. I think when it comes to sex with them its even more of one.

mine said she didnt have sex with someone until she knew them, but she had sex with me on the first date.

mine said she could go months without sex but yet I had to service her twice a day every day.

she claims she could never cheat on anyone but admitted she cheated on her ex husband 3 diffrent times.

she hated porn cause of her ex husband but yet insisted upon us watching someone night.

if their lips are moving they are lying. Just my experience.

wow... .My ex to a tee dude. Except for the first date thing. She told me she use to not be into sex... yet two months later she said "when I'm in a relationship I could do it all day." And we did Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). They are horrible liars.
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« Reply #52 on: October 16, 2014, 12:39:39 PM »

if their lips are moving they are lying. Just my experience.

When does your BPD SO lie? Whenever their lips are moving! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #53 on: October 16, 2014, 01:38:01 PM »

I'm probably going to sound alien here Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) but sex with my BPD was the best sex in my life. Just perfect... .when it happened. In the beginning (the first 3 months) frequency didn't cross my mind. But soon enough I found it was great but too rare... .about once a month. Also, it had to be when he chose to, if I tried to intitiate physical intimacy (not just sex) he would act cold and distant and make me feel like a glue.

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« Reply #54 on: October 16, 2014, 02:30:08 PM »

I'm probably going to sound alien here Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) but sex with my BPD was the best sex in my life. Just perfect... .when it happened. In the beginning (the first 3 months) frequency didn't cross my mind. But soon enough I found it was great but too rare... .about once a month. Also, it had to be when he chose to, if I tried to intitiate physical intimacy (not just sex) he would act cold and distant and make me feel like a glue.

mine was the best also... she claimed to be vanilla but oh no... once I got her to open up she would explode on me. But honestly the only time I felt she loved me was while we were doing it.
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« Reply #55 on: October 16, 2014, 02:34:46 PM »

But honestly the only time I felt she loved me was while we were doing it.

That's what I felt too these last months  :'(
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« Reply #56 on: October 16, 2014, 02:48:40 PM »

I'm probably going to sound alien here Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) but sex with my BPD was the best sex in my life. Just perfect... .when it happened. In the beginning (the first 3 months) frequency didn't cross my mind. But soon enough I found it was great but too rare... .about once a month. Also, it had to be when he chose to, if I tried to intitiate physical intimacy (not just sex) he would act cold and distant and make me feel like a glue.

mine was the best also... she claimed to be vanilla but oh no... once I got her to open up she would explode on me. But honestly the only time I felt she loved me was while we were doing it.

Damn, I gotta get me one of those

Well, if I ever recover from this BPD steaming pile of donkey $hit that I'm dealing with right now... .
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« Reply #57 on: October 16, 2014, 02:51:56 PM »

Damn, I gotta get me one of those

Gotta warn you that the price to pay his high  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #58 on: October 16, 2014, 02:59:48 PM »

Hurting, the more you talk about your ex (I don't really like that word when there is no closure... .I'd rather say "your invisible gf", the more your r/s with her looks like what I've experienced with my BPD.

In fact, had he been a girl, who knows, maybe he would have done exactly what he did (leaving suddenly and refusing to talk to me) with the baby... .precisely what he feared so much of me doing.

Anyway, time is on our side. We mustn't lose hope. I know that your situation is living hell, but there will be changes, things just can't stay the way they are.

Don't lose hope, keep contacting whoever you can contact, be confident (and you should be, you're acting with honesty), don't feel shy about insisting, shouting your rights to whoever can read or hear it (her friends... .).

You never know what may happen with a BPD person. You said she's driven past your house. She might as well come and knock one day.
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« Reply #59 on: October 16, 2014, 03:14:41 PM »

It still find it weird that my ex never wanted sex, from what i read here they are hypersexual in the beginning... .
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« Reply #60 on: October 16, 2014, 03:21:25 PM »

Hurting, the more you talk about your ex (I don't really like that word when there is no closure... .I'd rather say "your invisible gf", the more your r/s with her looks like what I've experienced with my BPD.

In fact, had he been a girl, who knows, maybe he would have done exactly what he did (leaving suddenly and refusing to talk to me) with the baby... .precisely what he feared so much of me doing.

Anyway, time is on our side. We mustn't lose hope. I know that your situation is living hell, but there will be changes, things just can't stay the way they are.

Don't lose hope, keep contacting whoever you can contact, be confident (and you should be, you're acting with honesty), don't feel shy about insisting, shouting your rights to whoever can read or hear it (her friends... .).

You never know what may happen with a BPD person. You said she's driven past your house. She might as well come and knock one day.

thank you for that... I hope she does contact me one day. I'm missing everything with my baby. She knew I would go crazy if she pulled the silent treatment and took the child.
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« Reply #61 on: October 16, 2014, 03:22:25 PM »

It still find it weird that my ex never wanted sex, from what i read here they are hypersexual in the beginning... .

I read somewhere that their sexuality is never simple. It's complicated, or unusual in any kind of way.

My BPD seemed to not care about sex at all for weeks on, would then suddenly remember that we had a sex life and approach me, we would have a fantastic time for several days in a row where he would say that "it's so perfect that we should make love more often" (I always agreed)... .and then back to nothingness for 3 weeks or so.

WEIRD.
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« Reply #62 on: October 16, 2014, 03:24:46 PM »

thank you for that... I hope she does contact me one day. I'm missing everything with my baby. She knew I would go crazy if she pulled the silent treatment and took the child.

It's very cruel indeed. Any idea what she felt like punishing you for? (I'm NOT suggesting by any means that she was right).
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« Reply #63 on: October 16, 2014, 03:44:57 PM »

thank you for that... I hope she does contact me one day. I'm missing everything with my baby. She knew I would go crazy if she pulled the silent treatment and took the child.

It's very cruel indeed. Any idea what she felt like punishing you for? (I'm NOT suggesting by any means that she was right).

Well... I wasn't taking her lies anymore. I mean i had proof she was lying about guy friends, and talking bad about me behind my back. I don't mind my girlfriend having guy friends but if I can't meet them and you hide it from me then we have a problem. She was lazy and wouldn't work. I had enough. She pretended everything was perfect then while I was at work she moved out and changed her number. She give me the silent treatment once for two days and I swear it got to me. I told her I said what if something would have happened to me? You would have never known because you blocked me on everything. So now here we are. Oh and three weeks prior to the vanishing act, she PROPOSED TO ME.
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« Reply #64 on: October 16, 2014, 05:25:12 PM »

It still find it weird that my ex never wanted sex, from what i read here they are hypersexual in the beginning... .

I read somewhere that their sexuality is never simple. It's complicated, or unusual in any kind of way.

My BPD seemed to not care about sex at all for weeks on, would then suddenly remember that we had a sex life and approach me, we would have a fantastic time for several days in a row where he would say that "it's so perfect that we should make love more often" (I always agreed)... .and then back to nothingness for 3 weeks or so.

WEIRD.

My wife used to do and say the same thing. We wouldn't quite go weeks without sex but there were times we would do it multiple times a day, if there was time, for a few weeks, and then for a few months we would go back to doing it every 2-3 days. But I always knew when a good couple of weeks were coming because she would ask after sex, "Why are we not doing this more often?" I guess, just like with a lot of other stuff, she would have cycles.
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« Reply #65 on: October 17, 2014, 04:35:57 AM »

Oh and three weeks prior to the vanishing act, she PROPOSED TO ME.

Wow, and what did you reply?
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« Reply #66 on: October 17, 2014, 05:18:56 AM »

Oh and three weeks prior to the vanishing act, she PROPOSED TO ME.

Wow, and what did you reply?

I said no. That's it's my job to ask...
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« Reply #67 on: October 17, 2014, 08:43:02 AM »

Yup, it's sad, but if I may be so blunt... .who cares?  They are their own responsibility.

What do they do when they are alone?  I don't care because being "alone" means they aren't with me, and that's a good thing Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #68 on: October 17, 2014, 10:54:55 AM »

Yup, it's sad, but if I may be so blunt... .who cares?  They are their own responsibility.

What do they do when they are alone?  I don't care because being "alone" means they aren't with me, and that's a good thing Smiling (click to insert in post)

well said. Mine reactivated her Facebook last night... I fear something is about to happen.
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