I love her but cannot tolerate her behaviour any longer. What do I do

[jdesey]

I am 48 and she is 46. We have been on and off for 6 months. oh now you in love with her and she's in love with me as well. We even asked us to move in together as recent as a week ago.Since the very first week we have been going out she has broken up with me or "need some time" many many many times over. Literally 40 times in 6 months.  everytime either she comes back to me and I take her back or I think it has been my fault, I have made some mistakes, I go back to her.

the two issues that I cannot take any longer our dinner constant rejection / breakups dead she does. I am filled with anxiety about when the next break up is coming. Another behavior is playing the silent treatment to me. And  she can say stuff that is very very mean and later says she didn't have any idea of what she was saying.

will she ever stop these behaviors? Currently she has broken up with me a week ago. d I'm sticking to a no contact rule. I'm finding  it's very hard to do but I don't know what else to do.

Help.   Is there ant hope.   Who else has experienced  this.     

[KeepOnGoing]

I'm in the same boat. We were not dating, but practically, and I am in a relationship. I enjoyed her friendship so much. I knew she was disordered in some way. After much research, she fits the waif type. Always sick, broken, wounded, povery-stricken, a self-proclaimed hermit. I was always there for her. Always. Even held her when she would collapse in a puddle of disparity. She was never really there for me, and when I needed a friend, she just couldn't show up. So I just got fed up. I sent her a text saying perhaps she wasn't as safe with me as I had thought. I told her I was dealing with my own wounds and family toxicity, and that I was open to processing it one day. She seemed ok with that, but then the next day, told me she needed time and space apart, and blocked me on one avenue of social media. In short, I have not heard from her in nearly four months, and we used to talk almost every day. I am so sad, but she set the boundary, right? I want to honor that boundary. Thought she might chime in by now, but apparently she's moved on. So sad. We were so close, or so I thought. Her history shows that I am just another one in her wake. Just didn't think it would happen to me.

[KeepOnGoing]

Correction: Puddle of dispair, not disparity. (Dang auto correct)

[Aussie0zborn]

You broke up 40 times in 6 months? There aren't even 40 weeks in 6 months so this is like two break ups per week, wow.

It sounds like you are hooked badly. Work on getting yourself unhooked. You need this grief in your life because __________?. Please fill in the blank so I can understand this. 

The sooner you get out the shorter your recovery time will be.

[jdesey]

You broke up 40 times in 6 months? There aren't even 40 weeks in 6 months so this is like two break ups per week, wow.

It sounds like you are hooked badly. Work on getting yourself unhooked. You need this grief in your life because __________?. Please fill in the blank so I can understand this. 

The sooner you get out the shorter your recovery time will be.

[itgirl]

I'm on my third recycle in three years. I don't know you manage 40 in 6 months. Only advice I have is that it doesn't get any easier and it most likely will get worse. How serious can you take her If she does it twice a week?

[Moselle]

 jdesey,



Sorry you're having a difficult time. I recognise the despair and pain from my own relationship and others. The good news is that you are here and seeking answers, because this website has a wealth of information which has been accumulated by caring people who really understand BPD.

It does sound like a roller coaster, and the good news is that indeed there is hope, you can recover from this. The answers may sound counterintuitive but they work. Have you had a chance to read "The Lessons" on the homepage?. In particular Lesson 2 "understanding your role in the relationship"

What role do you think you are playing in this dance?

[jdesey]

Averon------  I cannot find the lessons.   Please help.

[Moselle]

Averon------  I cannot find the lessons.   Please help.

No problem.  I was just using my phone to respond the first time so I couldn't put the link in. I'll do so later today.

Where are you guys at the moment in your cycle? . It's called splitting by the way. One minute they split us white (idolise us, tell us how great we are) next minute black (how bad we are and all the things we have done wrong since we first met). It's probably during the black phase that you feel rejected. Is that right?

[Moselle]

Averon------  I cannot find the lessons.   Please help.

No problem.  I was just using my phone to respond the first time so I couldn't put the link in. I'll do so later today.

Where are you guys at the moment in your cycle? . It's called splitting by the way. One minute they split us white (idolise us, tell us how great we are) next minute black (how bad we are and all the things we have done wrong since we first met). It's probably during the black phase that you feel rejected. Is that right?

OK here it is. Scroll down to Lesson 2.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913188#msg913188.our role

jdesey, it is such a disorienting thing to discover and deal with BPD, that it is usually a wise decision to start at the "Staying and improving the relationship" board, see link below. There are experts there, well versed with the tools and knowledge to to help us deal with the complexities and nuances of BPD. St

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=6.0

Please keep posting.

PS I'm in a similar boat. Love her but not willing to be abused. That's a healthy place to be. It took me a long time to get here.