I'm a Divorce Lawyer that got creamed by my BPD gf

[gtjosefs]

I had a thriving divorce practice in Houston until I met the evilness.  She put me in jail 3 times by lying to the police:

1.  She called the police during my very first visitation with my son and told them that I was causing a disturbance in the restaurant.  I wasn't.  The manager backed up my story, but the police liked her big tits, blue eyes, and bangin ass... .so they arrested me.  Spent 2 days in jail until my friend bailed me out.

2.  After the big blowout, she called the police and told them I was beating the hell out of her.  As they tried to arrest me, I told them to watch the video.  The video showed that she attacked me, beat the hell out of me, and then I locked myself in the room never laying a finger on her.  They watched the video and then told me to leave.  She wouldn't let me back in the next day to get my stuff.  A police detective was contacted regarding the cable equipment who, in turn, called her to get the cable equipment.  Instead of giving the cable equipment back, she told the police that I stole it and sent pictures of the cable equipment to the D.A.  They pressed charges for felony theft.  Yes, the police are that stupid... .she sent the pictures of the cable equipment.  Ummm, why would someone take photos of cable equipment?  Ummmm, how did she get photos of the cable equipment after I moved out?  Yeah, 2 years probation for that.

3.  Finally, in May of this year, during my court-ordered visitation with my son, she called the police and told them that I was violating a protective order.  I wasn't.  They arrested me and I was in Harris County jail for 17 days before the judge demanded that the d.a. drop the charges for lack of probable cause for an arrest. 

Now she has violated my court ordered visitation countless times (she is charged with 18 counts of contempt), she has violated the protective order against her numerous times, she has attacked me in front of my neighbors, committed criminal impersonation (of me), and has done everything in her power to hurt me.  She hasn't spend a day in jail. 

So, if you think that you are getting hosed in court by a BPD, you are.  I'm a divorce lawyer and she hosed me good.  Here is how I know you will get hosed:

1.  They lie.  They lie to be offensive and to make you defensive.  They lie by accusing you of the behavior that they display.  This messes with your brain.   Her lies don't effect her emotions which makes for a believable witness.  The judge will believe her.  You will get hosed.  But, she will mess up.  It's not a question of "if", it's a question of "when."

2.  They will manipulate you.  They will break you down so far that you may be willing to agree to something that you don't think is best.  Like me, I agreed to supervised visits with my son.  Big mistake.  I'm a divorce lawyer, I should have known better.  But, I wasn't thinking clearly.

3.  They will wear you down.  They fight, fight, fight.  Eventually, you just might give up.

This will happen to you.  The longer you wait, the worse it will be.

[walksoftly]

Well,

Its a mental illness we are dealing with.

Such deception, I truly dont know how they live with themselves... .but they do and they have sources of supply that will validate them.

[ForeverDad]

1. They lie.

It is debatable whether they consciously lie or not, or it's more like, how can they not know they're lying?  My solution was to not be trapped by such guessing, likely a huge waste of time and energy, to instead focus on outing and addressing the lies.  After all, courts and agencies often don't care why the lie was made, so we should do the same and instead focus on the pattern being established that over time becomes more actionable.

There generally is no limit to the lies or allegations.  Sadly, officialdom has rules that enable allegations.

• Agencies and courts almost never call out the one who alleges, calling them liars or their allegations lies.  Their passive, conservative response usually results in a range of buzz words such as founded, indicated, unsubstantiated or unfounded.  'Unfounded' is rare, they're reluctant to call it an outright lie even if they know it to be so. Every one of the allegations I faced was determined to be 'unsubstantiated' and closed, neither called true nor false.



• Even if all prior allegations were investigated, deemed 'unsubstantiated' and closed, all it takes is a new allegation to open up yet another case.  It may take many such allegations to finally convince the professionals that this person's allegations are not credible.  But they still may have to respond to them anyway. It's like allowing the person to keep pulling the fire alarm and the fire crew responds every time saying, "Well, who knows, maybe this time there really is a fire."

2. They will manipulate you.

Most acting-out disordered people have slipped through life by being manipulative and slick, knowing just how much they can get away with without triggering consequences.  Generally, they're not dumb, they know ways to get what they want.  What stymies us and throws us off balance is that their thinking and perceptions are distorted and skewed, you simply can't reason with it, it doesn't make sense.

3. They will wear you down.  They fight, fight, fight.  Eventually, you just might give up.

My lawyer often said, ":)o you want a $5K divorce or a $30K divorce?"  Yes, it turned out to be expensive anyway but his point was to do triage, focus on the important issues of lasting concern.

What we need to do is avoid trying to reason with those who refuse to reason or even listen.  The endless debates that essentially go nowhere are not only expensive, they also serve to (1) delay the case and (2) feed/enable the entitlement.  They have strategies that they've used against us successfully in the past, we need to find our own strategies that work toward our goals too.

The longer you wait, the worse it will be.

Yes, inaction and appeasement are poor choices.  Better to be proactive and assertive of your rights and boundaries.