Tell you what... grind thru 90 more days

[Shell shock]

Split black made a suggestion that I think warrants its own thread. Here's his suggestion:

There is a saying what you resist persists. Goes along with Radical acceptance. You are lucky to be out. Seriously. Believe me it can get worse. NC is the only way to get past this agonizing withdrawal. Tell you what... .grind thru 90 more days. 90... .starting now. Swear on your own life or make some promise you will keep. And stick to it. 90... .seems to be the magic number in a lot of cases. NC means no facebook stalking, no drunk dialing, no texts... .she is dead to you. Act as if she died and because symbolically its the same difference. Pure, cold, NC... .go to a shrink, lock yourself in a basement but DO NOT CONTACT HER... .IF at the end of 90 sollid days... .you want to text and say... .Hi, hope all is well. Then do it. And then go back to your life. She will either text back or she wont but you will have put some exremely critical time and distance between you. Let her have her pathetic life. Shes bringing her dysfunctional self to whatever party shes into. You can not control what another person does. There is no trust here and never will be. So 90 DAYS.  

Thats what I did... .she contacted with bull___ when I thought Id never here from her again. I got all excited, texted back and then she let me have it between the eyes. Vicious attacks and gloating garbage. She just wanted to know if she still had a hook in me. And as a result I got my wish... .another 8 months of sex, lies, and nasty ego busting devaluation. I would save you from this destiny.  So you want her back? Go 90 days NC and if she doesn't contact you by then send that little text and see what happens... .  who knows... .maybe you will have moved on, worked on your own co-dependent demons and elevated your sense of worth and pride.

[NorthLight]

okey im signing up for this 

I'm pretty much NC anyway for maybe 70 days, but have been close to sending her a letter, and was very close to sending a email on my b-day to say why the hell are you so ice-cold.

But ill start NC 90 days challenge TODAY, so all of us that are signed up can come back in exactly 90 days, to this thread and tell each other how much better we feel !

Saved this thread in bookmarks, and ill come back and tell my status 14th january, can't wait to hear the rest of you all also telling how things have been!

[Bak86]

I can't have strict NC since we work together, although we don't speak, i only say hi. Outside work i haven't been in contact with her since the 1st of august. That's 74 days. Life is much better without her drama. She has blocked me on whatsapp and all, so i can't contact her anyway. Don't think she will ever contact me either.

[Fluff]

I've been NC for around 4 months, but I've been stalking her FB. No stalking for 90 days starting now!

[Mr Hollande]

I've made no contact from the day she ditched me in early May and no attempt to contact me from her for at least 2 months. Haven't even checked her FB in that time. I know nothing about where she is or what she's up to. Nor will I attempt to find out. I'll join up. 90 plus the 60 I'm already on now makes it 150. Easy!

[Deeno02]

Im in. 18 down already... .

[Shell shock]

I'm 20 days out from checking her on FB (47 from last contact), so 70 more to go (Dec 23)!

[TheBPDSurvivor]

Take my money too! I'm In! My relationship ended in last september 10 and I've been maintaining NC ever since. The exBPDGF contacted me once in may this year, but I ignored that call like I don't know her and don't even came across someone with her name in my life before. Talk about abandonment fear to the extreme.

3 days back, I received a call from an unknown number. When I said Hello, the opposite party remained silent but I can hear tv sound playing in the background and I know it's here checking in; I quietly hung up the call.

The thing is like many other members, I find myself checking her FB profile every now and then not to know what she's doing but to find out which sucker stuck on her fishing net. :D

I'm accepting this challenge and will never look her FB for next 90 days and hope to continue forever. I'm out of the vortex though and never feel anything about her.

[AlwaysForgiving]

Ok, I'm in too! Although, I haven't heard from or spoken to her in a month, I am going to start the countdown today because I accidentally saw a picture of her earlier.

And when I saw NC, I mean this is going to be a strict NC... .I mean no looking at her pictures, no FB, no answering her once a month phone calls. I have to put in my mind that she doesn't exist anymore and that she never did exist.

So, let's do this thing! 

[maric]

I'm in! I have been NC for almost 1 month now – just sent a happy birthday email (bad idea, she answered telling me what she had got as a gift from my replacement).

But I have been checking her FB everyday. It's a curse! So let's do it, no FB for the next 90 days!

[AlwaysForgiving]

I'm in! I have been NC for almost 1 month now – just sent a happy birthday email (bad idea, she answered telling me what she had got as a gift from my replacement).

But I have been checking her FB everyday. It's a curse! So let's do it, no FB for the next 90 days!

See! You try to reach out, be nice and send her a birthday greeting... .and what does she do? Throws it back in your face in an evil, manipulative way just to be hurtful. When I read this post, all I can picture is my ex doing the same thing, because that's what she does.

Yeah, man... .you need this 90-day challenge!

[maric]

Yes, it is so mean... .and ends the email with the classic: "Hope you are ok!" Well, I would be GREAT if you had not crossed my path!

[Lion Fire]

I'm 112 but welcome another 90 

To be fair I haven't checked on her in any way since May 16th.

I'm totally clean. It's the thoughts that torment me, the constant ruminating and the bitter resentment that keep me in bondage. I've moved 2 countries (work related but convenient) cut her out, ignored her contact attempts and I'm even in a new healthy and gentle relationship but she still lives in my head.

I wish I could string together 90 days of freedom from her in my head and my feelings.

BPD trauma runs deep. The road is tough and narrow

[Deeno02]

I'm 112 but welcome another 90 

To be fair I haven't checked on her in any way since May 16th.

I'm totally clean. It's the thoughts that torment me, the constant ruminating and the bitter resentment that keep me in bondage. I've moved 2 countries (work related but convenient) cut her out, ignored her contact attempts and I'm even in a new healthy and gentle relationship but she still lives in my head.

I wish I could string together 90 days of freedom from her in my head and my feelings.

BPD trauma runs deep. The road is tough and narrow

yep... .horribly so.

[Blimblam]

I think I'm at about day 20. I can not wait untill day 90.

[confusedandscared]

I'm on day 50 today and every single day I feel some kind of urge to write something but I write it and save it. Maybe someday I will just delete those and never look back. I am in for the 90 days! 40 More days to go!

[camuse]

25 days to go here 

I'm not sure how the 90 days is decided though, I'm sure someone in a 20 year marriage to a BPD is not going to be ok after no days NC

However, anything which makes NC easier is a good thing.

65 days in I feel almost OK, but then some days I spend almost all day thinking it over. It's amazing how long it takes, when it takes then 0 days.

See you in 25

[Mr. Solo]

I wish but it is hard when you have children together. NC isn't possible.

[irishmarmot]

I am working on 10 months and NC has helped me detach.  It was difficultin the beginning but gets so much easier as you go along.  I now have closure.  I found it for myself and can now move on in my life.

[VistaView]

I'm in... Been NC since July 3rd and another 90 days will put me in 2015.  Although she has been trying to re-engage on the sly, I can do another 90 ez!

[TheBPDSurvivor]

Howdy everyone? It's just a friendly Reminder Bump.

It's been 65 days since I took the challenge and I'm already a new man with no thoughts about my ex or whatsoever. I even wonder if I had the relationship with her as it lasted just for less than a month. If you've missed this thread, post below and join the challenge. It REALLY gets better over time. 

[BorisAcusio]

Just do not overestimate the 90 days mark like I did. I spent all the time analyzing her behaviour while ignoring my role in the dysfunctional dance and the lifelong pattern that lead to her. Hitting the anticipated 90 day mark without any real progress was dissapointing and her still trying to connect was resulted in a recycle. In the last few months I was slowly shifting focus and done more healing than the previous year. Finally, no more longing for her.

I strongly advocate visiting the workshop section, do the lessons, focus on yourself and you're going to heal.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

I have been about 120 days NC now.  I still have moments of yearnings for her.  But I am definitely coming out of the fog.  I can see now clearly all the lies, gas-lighting, cheating and manipulation.  Why would you want to be in contact with an abusive ex if you didn't have to be in contact?  Go NC and rebuild your sense of self and your self respect.

[downwhim]

I am in. Been N/C all the way since October 10th so that brings me into January. I know I can do this but lately wanted to send a Christmas card to the kids. My head is the thing that drives me nuts - ruminating... .but, count me in as part of the challenge!  

[Deeno02]

Im 98 days. Doing better, but, man she still rents space in my head, but so much better than September

[NYMike]

I am going to sign up for the 90 and keep everyone posted as I trudge through this.I have 3 days NC since I was recycled on Saturday and used for Money(300.00).She did a number on me by manipulating me,conning me,lying to me and then abandoned me and never came back.

I should of learned from the last 2 times she did this to me.I have a thick skull and today this hurts like hell and I am in a FOG and and not sure what reality is anymore.She did a number on me and led me down a dark path.I am not sure if anything she told me was REAL.At this point I may never now who and what she is.She is a good actress.

Last night she called police and put an order of protection on me.She stated she does not feel safe,i am violent,i am abusive,i am a stalker,i have PTSD and I am a mental case.That hurts me so bad to hear her say these things and drag me through the courts to invalidate me and make me out to be Bad Person.

I am and did known of those things.I only tried to love her and support everything in her life.I killed myself to make things good and help her shattered life.

This has damaged me and I hope this NC and T works for me to find peace with this.Right now I am very angry and tormented by these accusations and destroying my character.

As I read more on here I forgot to mention.I am starting to see the Lies,Gas Lighting,Projection and Manipulation of me.I am not sure she ever truly loved me like I felt for her.I have a bad feeling I was just another man or person in her life.

I hurt that she will prolly be with someone else in a matter of a short time doing this all over again... I hate that image in my head...

[downwhim]

Mike, glad to see your in! BE STRONG.

[NYMike]

I am going to sign up for the 90 and keep everyone posted as I trudge through this.I have 3 days NC since I was recycled on Saturday and used for Money(300.00).She did a number on me by manipulating me,conning me,lying to me and then abandoned me and never came back.

I should of learned from the last 2 times she did this to me.I have a thick skull and today this hurts like hell and I am in a FOG and and not sure what reality is anymore.She did a number on me and led me down a dark path.I am not sure if anything she told me was REAL.At this point I may never now who and what she is.She is a good actress.

Last night she called police and put an order of protection on me.She stated she does not feel safe,i am violent,i am abusive,i am a stalker,i have PTSD and I am a mental case.That hurts me so bad to hear her say these things and drag me through the courts to invalidate me and make me out to be Bad Person.

I am and did none of those things.Well I did drive by her house because I felt she was lying to me and low and behold she was not there and caught.This is how this episode all started.She fails to ''own'' it and went on a mission to make me the bad guy and it worked.I only tried to love her and support everything in her life.I killed myself to make things good and help her shattered life.

This has damaged me and I hope this NC and T works for me to find peace with this.Right now I am very angry and tormented by these accusations and destroying my character.

As I read more on here I forgot to mention.I am starting to see the Lies,Gas Lighting,Projection and Manipulation of me.I am not sure she ever truly loved me like I felt for her.I have a bad feeling I was just another man or person in her life.

I hurt that she will prolly be with someone else in a matter of a short time doing this all over again... I hate that image in my head...

[H Hi]

I'm in!

Been 19 days NC but I've been looking at her blog. 90 days starts tomorrow.

I'm going to spend this time on me. Healing, exercising, eating well, reading, learning. Developing me instead of living in her head and in her world. Need to forget her and all her manipulation and emotional shut down, push/ pull, hot and cold treatment, gas lighting, lying, lack of empathy, lack of interest, no emotional attachment to anyone.

These 90 days are now about me and not about me pouring everything into someone who clearly isn't worth it or valued it.

[Tater tot]

Great thread- I'm in. I've been NC, but I've been FB stalkng daily. 90 days starts today Love the support from this board.