Speaking of the lack of Empathy

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I got an email from my Ex yesterday referring me to some personal empowerment motivational book. The email was a two word message. I can count the non-kid related messages from her in the last 9 months she she's been gone on one hand. This was out of the blue.

Apparently, the recommendation was sent to her by her boyfriend (aka The Homewrecker). She didn't bother to edit out the header, so I saw his email address and who it was from.

As Rudy used to say on the old Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids cartoon, that's like "school at midnight:"

No. Class.

I didn't respond. What would it gain me?

In any case, it seems like they are a better match, because they both seem to be into the large group awareness training/motivational stuff, which is the opposite of me. Go Team! If it keeps her happy, then it's less trouble for me as a parent on my side.

[Turkish]

I got an email from my Ex yesterday referring me to some personal empowerment motivational book. The email was a two word message. I can count the non-kid related messages from her in the last 9 months she she's been gone on one hand. This was out of the blue.

Apparently, the recommendation was sent to her by her boyfriend (aka The Homewrecker). She didn't bother to edit out the header, so I saw his email address and who it was from.

As Rudy used to say on the old Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids cartoon, that's like "school at midnight:"

No. Class.

I didn't respond. What would it gain me?

In any case, it seems like they are a better match, because they both seem to be into the large group awareness training/motivational stuff, which is the opposite of me. Go Team! If it keeps her happy, then it's less trouble for me as a parent on my side.

[walksoftly]

Right after she left me for my replacement(they were together for months while we were married) my daughter called me, who is nine and in the background her mother told her to tell me to go on e harmony. This was after a ten year marriage... .Go team!

[fred6]

Right after she left me for my replacement(they were together for months while we were married) my daughter called me, who is nine and in the background her mother told her to tell me to go on e harmony. This was after a ten year marriage... .Go team!

Mine told me she would always love me. Then I confronted her with lying and cheating. Then she told me I was "worthless, useless, and a mistake... .GO TEAM AWAY".

[Blimblam]

Turkish

I can relate. Those moments where they reach out to "feed" you and slap you at the same time. It so passive aggressive and in the FOG was crazy making.

At least your at the point that you can feel the emotions and not be shut off.

what emotions does this trigger in you?

[Turkish]

Turkish

I can relate. Those moments where they reach out to "feed" you and slap you at the same time. It so passive aggressive and in the FOG was crazy making.

At least your at the point that you can feel the emotions and not be shut off.

what emotions does this trigger in you?

Anger, and incredulity that she is so careless. She's internally compartmentalized. I realize that, which is why I didn't resopond, notwithstanding that I found the reference silly. As my T said earlier in the year, "I sense that a lot of your anger stems from you expecting her to be someone she is not." Radical acceptance.

She just called to talk about kid issues. I get the kids for 4 hours halloween evening per the custody agreement. She suggested I just keep them overnight after trick or treating, her night. She'll do activities with them during the day, she said, but I'm sure she has parties to go to at night. She is who she is. More importantly, I am who I am 

[myself]

She can post/send whatever she feels to, but if she doesn't walk the walk... .

You're digging deep, and standing by it. Your kids will grow from that, as well.

If her freedom means you're picking up her slack, is she really 'free'?

Make sure you accept yourself for who you are, not for who you're not.

Like my T said, "You did your best. Keep doing that."

It seems many pwBPD feel 'empowered' at Halloween. Because of masks?

[Turkish]

She can post/send whatever she feels to, but if she doesn't walk the walk... .

You're digging deep, and standing by it. Your kids will grow from that, as well.

If her freedom means you're picking up her slack, is she really 'free'?

Make sure you accept yourself for who you are, not for who you're not.

Like my T said, "You did your best. Keep doing that."

It seems many pwBPD feel 'empowered' at Halloween. Because of masks?

Maybe, or she just wants to party with her young bf to keep him. I know that's what it really is.

She told me that S4 thanked God in his prayers that Mommy wasn't so angry lately. She laughed and said that he made it sound like she was angry all of the time, but she wasn't. Part of her thinks this stuff is cute. I said that is how she feels, but he's 4, consider how he feels. I was pretty calm on the outside talking to her (I want her to keep volunteering this info to me), but she doesn't get it. Shallow empathy.

[Blimblam]

Turkish

I can relate. Those moments where they reach out to "feed" you and slap you at the same time. It so passive aggressive and in the FOG was crazy making.

At least your at the point that you can feel the emotions and not be shut off.

what emotions does this trigger in you?

Anger, and incredulity that she is so careless. She's internally compartmentalized. I realize that, which is why I didn't resopond, notwithstanding that I found the reference silly. As my T said earlier in the year, "I sense that a lot of your anger stems from you expecting her to be someone she is not." Radical acceptance.

She just called to talk about kid issues. I get the kids for 4 hours halloween evening per the custody agreement. She suggested I just keep them overnight after trick or treating, her night. She'll do activities with them during the day, she said, but I'm sure she has parties to go to at night. She is who she is. More importantly, I am who I am 

I can imagine your anger. I don't know how I would be able to cope with that myself.

She's chasing her own tail.

How do you manage your anger?

[Turkish]

I can imagine your anger. I don't know how I would be able to cope with that myself.

She's chasing her own tail.

How do you manage your anger?

I stuff it at the moment. I learned to do this growing up with BPD mom. But the most helpful thing is time. Reacting isn't helpful, but giving it time helps... it gives me time to process. When I talk to her, I like to think I go Joe Carver (the breaking up with a BPD article). I'm emotionless. Bland. Boring.

I can ruminate with the best of us here, but giving pause, helps to detach from my strong emotions. I have whole conversations I keep in my head of what I'd really like to say. I say them to "her" in my head, and it calms me down enough so when I really have to talk to her I'm Zen.

[peiper]

I can so relate Turkish. Mine has zero empathy ! Hang in there bud.

[Blimblam]

I find when I am able to cry to be one of the most powerful releases. Every big ipiphany breakthrough happened when i was bawling my eyes out. The most powerful tool I have found to tap into those deep down emotions is the audio of swan lake by Tchaikovsky. If you have seen black swan it's about a borderline woman. It helps me connect to my foo issue emotions with my BPD mom also that I have stuffed down deep. I had major anger issues in my youth and I conditioned myself to repress my anger and my emotions.

Swan suite

www.youtu.be/SDhq70yrtiI

I hope this helps you as much as it helps me. It takes me about 2 minutes to tap in and has me crying from the pits of my soul.

[peiper]

Boy I wish I could cry ! I can get a couple of tears out and then nothing. Might have something to do with promising myself when I was young that Id never cry over the way someone treated me.

[Blimblam]

Boy I wish I could cry ! I can get a couple of tears out and then nothing. Might have something to do with promising myself when I was young that Id never cry over the way someone treated me.

Tchaikovsky his music taps into the highs and lows the futility and the valiant efforts.  Often satirical almost cynical and the whimsical fantasy and the painful tragedy. Give it a try. He's my favorite composer.

[Mutt]

As Rudy used to say on the old Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids cartoon, that's like "school at midnight:"

No. Class.

I'm sorry Turk. That's funny. I love Fat Albert.

Rudy's right. No class.

Turk you're showing you've got class. I'd be angry getting such an e-mail. It could be a mistake. A passive aggressive act. Who knows? Considering the person that sent it has a distorted belief system. I'm sorry she sent an e-mail like that. I agree with you it takes time and you have nothing to gain. Channel Joe Carver.