Approaching this correctly by not approaching it?

[sheepdog]

Hi everyone,

It has been a long, long, loong time since I have been on this board.  Even now, I waited about 5 or 6 weeks to post my question.

This board helped me through such horrid places and patches but I've had to stay away for a while as it kind of triggered things in me.  I am in such a completely different place now than when I used to frequent this board but I'm not at the very helpful stage to others, I don't think.

Let me just jump in then backtrack:

So I have had NO contact with BPD in over two years.  Years.  None.  Have not run into him, gotten or sent a text, call, email, nothing.  Even though I was a complete mess and so screwed up when it ended, I knew it needed to end.  So there was no turning back for me.  No reaching out.  I knew he was toxic, unhealthy, and that I needed to get myself out, for my own sake.  (This is one of the reasons I haven't been around much - I don't want to give the advice 'run, run as fast as you can' to everyone as that's probably not helpful.)

So when it was done, it was done.  We do have a mutual acquaintance on Facebook so I will see a photo of him occasionally but since I never comment on or like her stuff, it's not like he even knows I've seen it.

Anyway, I was trying to get my life back together and had been doing so much better (through hard work) for over two years.  My hatred of myself has lessened and I am trying to be more gentle to me.

So, about 5 weeks ago, out of the blue, I get an email from him.  The subject line says, 'hi.'  (I know it is not spam because of how our work emails works).  I didn't read it and haven't read it and don't want to read it.  I didn't open it as I knew he returns receipts every email he sends through work (he works at the same place, just not in my building anymore).  But I was cleaning out my work inbox yesterday and came across it sitting there again.  I don't know how to delete it without it looking like I opened it.

I know they try to recycle.  I know they will rise out of the blue like a scepter.  But what I want to know is - will he contact me again?  Was it right not to open it?  Do you think he got the message?  At first I thought if I opened it and he got the return receipt but I never responded that he would get the message.  I won't open it now but for the next time.

And I know the other part of it is - we just can't guess what someone with BPD will do.

I just want it done.  I want no more contact.

[ajr5679]

if it was me I would just delete it . even if he seen you opened it. I took my ex back after two years of nothing and it turned into hell again so just be careful. wishing you the best.

[Panda39]

Delete... .just delete 

[Rifka]

Congrats to you on your strength! I too took the run attitude and never looked back. My breakup is only 2 1/2 months ago but I felt exactly the same. Run, run, run and never look back, it's been a savior to me. I never put him on my social network because I was never comfortable with his control issues and only saw that as nothing good will come from it, so therefore I said no to his many sarcastic comments about us not being friends there. I also didn't want him to monitor my time and comments, so no I would not allow it!


I would delete the message without opening it in a bulk delete of other email, then it doesn't have to be opened and that itself makes a statement.

Opening it even to delete it might be seen in his warped mind of your interest and could possibly start a recycle, or friend attempt. We know those don't work!


Keep staying strong! You're doing great! Have you dated since? What has your life been like two years out? Please post!

Rifka

[sheepdog]

Thank you so much everyone!

So each time he sends one (assuming he will do it again in two years       ) just keep on deleting, right?

Part of me wants to open the next one just because he is such a blackmailer and to try to stay one step ahead of him but I know with this kind of thing, there's no such thing... .