If you are wondering if the replacement is having a similar experience

[blissful_camper]

I just wanted to post this in hopes that it might help those wondering about their replacements, and whether their exes have changed or improved in that new relationship.  The answer to that, as we know, is the patterns replay themselves. 

I received an email from my ex over the weekend.  He calls his disorder "issues."  He is currently with my replacement.  He reached out again, because he is needing/looking for a rescuer. 

Snippet:  (He's referencing my relocating to his home state)  "I knew at the time that you were back I had, and continue to have issues."

The "issues" (the disorder) doesn't improve in a new relationship.  Focus on your healing, forget about the replacement, and stay NC.  Same stuff, different player. 

[peiper]

Thanks Bliss, that's the very thing I've wondered.

[Recooperating]

Might I add that resentment towards the replacement is also a waste of energy.

They are suckered in just like we did. In the end they will probably end up here on these boards too, completely devastated, confused, hurt and broken. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but in a couple of months or years (depending on how long they can put up)

I used to "hate" the replacement/affair of my exdBPDbf, but she probably is fed the same lies about me as I was about his ex before me. I now know, the exes and soon to be exes are probably really nice and helpfull people, wanting to rescue and take care of him.

I now feel for the ex and his new supply. Same script, different cast!

[Blimblam]

Might I add that resentment towards the replacement is also a waste of energy.

They are suckered in just like we did. In the end they will probably end up here on these boards too, completely devastated, confused, hurt and broken. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but in a couple of months or years (depending on how long they can put up)

I used to "hate" the replacement/affair of my exdBPDbf, but she probably is fed the same lies about me as I was about his ex before me. I now know, the exes and soon to be exes are probably really nice and helpfull people, wanting to rescue and take care of them.

I now feel for the ex and his new supply. Same script, different cast!

Not all replacements genunuinely love them. So they don't gut hurt. Many are disconnected from their emotions or are on the scale of npd or aspd they don't love them so they don't get hurt they are just opportunistic vultures that like to prey on an insecure person and have dehumanized and use them.

[blissful_camper]

I know my replacement, and she got exactly what she deserved.  (She's not exactly the nicest gal on the block)  Nonetheless, she has her path in life, and will undoubtedly learn something from her experience with my ex.  Perhaps that will put her on a healthier path in life. 

[Recooperating]

Not all replacements genunuinely love them. So they don't gut hurt. Many are disconnected from their emotions or are on the scale of npd or aspd they don't love them so they don't get hurt they are just opportunistic vultures that like to prey on an insecure person and have dehumanized and use them.

True! Still I wouldnt be jealous or resentfull of that either. Thats even more tragic.

But I was a replacement once, his new girl is a replacement now and she will be replaced too. What ever the issues of the replacement, its far from healthy.

[Boss302]

My advice to my "replacement":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSuStthQVRE

Fortunately for her, they haven't invented a vibrator with legs yet.

[Recooperating]

My advice to my "replacement":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSuStthQVRE

Fortunately for her, they haven't invented a vibrator with legs yet.

[Blimblam]

In the tarot their is the hanged man card. In the Waite deck the hanged man is hanging by is right foot which symbolizes a material sacrifice. This is what is referred to as a blind to hide the true symbol of the tarot which is the hanged man hanging my his left leg which symbolizes a spiritual sacrifice. The tarot is essentially a symbolic journey of how to get to heaven.

Those that don't open themselves to connect on that spiritual level don't get hurt very badly because they are disconnected from their true selves and only connect on a superficial material level.

Those of us that felt they were our soulmate and are completely devestated opened our hearts and connected to our spiritual hidden self through the magic mirror of our ex.  

Call it boundaries or whatever you want but those that did not connect to this part of themselves through our ex before us or after us don't feel the level of devestation that we do.

[blissful_camper]

Not all replacements genunuinely love them. So they don't gut hurt. Many are disconnected from their emotions or are on the scale of npd or aspd they don't love them so they don't get hurt they are just opportunistic vultures that like to prey on an insecure person and have dehumanized and use them.

True! Still I wouldnt be jealous or resentfull of that either. Thats even more tragic.

But I was a replacement once, his new girl is a replacement now and she will be replaced too. What ever the issues of the replacement, its far from healthy.

Yup, way far from healthy.  Men do not define me.  I define me.  In contrast, my replacement is defined by whom she is with.  The fall from grace will undoubtedly sting.  Prior to her pursuing my ex (while I was with him) she pursued me (as a potential sexual partner).  I declined, as I'm not bisexual.  (If I were, however, I would not choose her) Besides leaving him, the other best decision I made was moving out of his state.  (I'm very glad to have that geographic distance)

[peiper]

She's living with him in his 50 ft long motor home, she drove me nuts in my 2000 sqft house. So I bet he's loving life

[Boss302]

She's living with him in his 50 ft long motor home, she drove me nuts in my 2000 sqft house. So I bet he's loving life

Sounds like karma.

[bungenstein]

She's living with him in his 50 ft long motor home, she drove me nuts in my 2000 sqft house. So I bet he's loving life

Similar eventuality here, we had a really nice large house lent to us by my parents with fields and horses, a big drive with a gate, and she used to complain that she had to physically get out of her car to open the gate. Now she is shackled up in a tiny one bedroom hovel that even a hamster would be seriously pissed off about, if the house she lived in with me wasn't good enough for her, I wonder how gloriously over the moon she's going to be with her new box of claustrophobia, again karma works in beautiful ways.

[VistaView]

I honestly could care less about my replacement... I was the replacement 7 years ago, now it's someone else's turn.

[maric]

Unfortunately, I still think about the replacement a lot. I wish I could let go and I'm trying to do it. However, I still can't. So, for now, I still wish he rot in BPD hell.

[Hawk Ridge]

I have been struggling with my jealousy of the replacement even though, logically, I know she must be receiving the same treatment and experiencing the same confusion.  To be honest, I keep thinking, "why would she be with her? (i am sorry but I believe my ex is dating down - embarrassed to admit that)" and how come my ex hasn't left her yet as she cycled with me by this time?"  I pray a lot - i hate having these feelings

[ScotisGone74]

Honestly never gave much thought to the replacement.    The reason being is that the person I truly loved and cared for and I at one time would have fought threw an army for is gone, they left, checked out.    So whoever the person that is left that is now with the replacement I could care less about.   I honestly feel nothing but sorrow for the poor guy.   

[Infern0]

In my case I'm not sure what happened to my replacement,  I wonder if he's dead .

But nah used to see the guy a lot around here and he was always on social media but he seems to have vanished,  not hide nor hair for a few weeks. (She's still plenty visable)

As for if he was being treated better than me,   no.  He seemed to be getting it worse from what I can gather.  

[Rifka]

I don't care about the new replacement. I was the new replacement during our relationship. I spoke to both his ex wives. One lived with him 9 years, one 6 years!

Same stories, different women. Both felt they escaped for their lives! Both had the same horror stories and experience. They had worse stories!

It will be the same for every person who enters their lives in the beginning and in the end!

Some will play along with their game for shorter or longer periods of time, some will accept the lies and infidelity, some will become pregnant or totally reliant on them and never leave, some will run for their lives.

Nobody comes out a winner, nobody will be happy or content! It's a horrible existence! You have to sell your soul to stay with them and be a door mat to them and all of the never ending needs they have while offering nothing but sex if that in return!

The replacement will be replaced whenever they are done taking all of whatever they needed from them!

It's a cycle!

[blissful_camper]

For those struggling with jealousy, know that there will come a day when you'll find yourself feeling thankful that it's not you in that r/s anymore. You'll gaze back from your bright new world thinking, "thank goodness that's not me anymore."

Your jealousy will pass. Till then, hang in there.

[Turkish]

My Ex told me while she was still, living with me that my replacement had noticed her anger issues and had asked her about them. The White Knight probably attributed them more to me, who knows?

She's still the same person. The kids, S4 and D2, are having problems with her anger, too. I know this, not because of what they tell me, but because of what she does. I don't go off on her because I want her to keep vonlunteering info. The kids would rather be with me because they feel safer.

My Ex and her bf don't live together yet. I blocked her on FB when she was still living with me. I know she engaged in a not too subtle smear campaign against me, of how much better he was than me, and it continued after she moved out. I can't control that, and I never did the same on my side. I don't need valdation like she does; the truth validates itself.

The truth is that she was and is a very emotionally immature woman with traits of BPD... She "divorced" herself of her biggest trigger, which was me, but she is still the same person. She's more self aware of her fears now, but her dysregulation is now played out upon our children, no matter his much she minimizes it, and she does...

Is this the woman I loved? Yes, it unfortunately is.

I confess that I am still stuck on their r/s ending to validate myself, even though I would never take her back. What does that say about me? That I need extra validation over what I already experienced?

Maybe so, and I still, struggle with it. Over a year done, and 9 months past she moving out.

[anxiety5]

Here is one for everyone here. I'M THE REPLACEMENT. I met her when she was not even divorced yet. She went on a freaking dating site 2 months after separation. Her story was so believable and I was a naive person who had never dated a predator before. I used to validate her anger towards her ex. Until 3 months in I started to see that something was off. I have never been caught up in such a whirlwind like this. And I tried to do everything the right way. She seemed so sad, so broken. But I was assured the relationship with her ex had been bad for so long prior to the end, that the divorce was just procedural. I actually turned her down from anything physical for the first month - 2 months. I told her, look I don't want to make things complicated. Love hanging out with you and I think for now we should just hang out and continue getting to know each other. This until the day she started crying as I walked her out. She told me she'd never been turned down before. Wasn't I attracted to her? No reassurance seemed to matter. I debated, what to do? I want to be respectful but SHE is the one telling me she's fine. Am I going to let this girl get away, or worse, become buddies with her all because I think she isn't ok despite her telling me she is? Needless to say things moved forward. It was about a month later the first irrational rage showed up. Always the perfect excuse, the divorce stress, etc. I will tell you what, you want the replacement to realize she's nuts? I started to do so after taking his side so often when she'd tell me what he text or what was going on. The guy was stoic. He did not bite, said nothing. It was all cold calculated and transactional. I started to realize wait, this guy is perfectly sane and normal! Who leaves a gorgeous girl with a good job, education etc? Uh oh. Then the rage started. Then she cheated on me with someone else. It's been downhill ever since but I've hung on for a year. I'm not at my end I can't take any more. It's a cycle. She is normal a month, then she starts pulling back. The stress from work, etc start to kick into gear a little more. Then the egg shells phase starts, then the comments start and criticisms. Then the belittling how I can't ever understand what she is going through, etc. And then boom either she rages or I blow up from all the craziness. Regardless of either it's my fault in the end. And then when I try to pull away she acts like I'm crazy for blowing things out of proportion. I could go on for days, facts are she's freaking nuts. Toxic and I'm tired of it. Being the replacement has made things easier for me. I KNOW there is a replacement coming soon, hell she already cheated on me once. Don't care. In a way I feel like I made her ex's life better. I took all that focus away from him. I'm hoping some poor soul does that for me, but then I think of him and already feel bad. There is some person out there who doesn't realize it yet, but his life is about to be ruined.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

My ex went away with my replacement on holiday about three months after we split.  On her return she wanted me back.  I said she needs to grieve the loss of her last boyfriend.  Her response - "You don't grieve the loss of a mistake".  We didn't get back together.  I suspect she is either back with my replacement or now with his replacement.  I don't care anymore - someone else can captain that shipwreck.

[peiper]

Here is one for everyone here. I'M THE REPLACEMENT. I met her when she was not even divorced yet. She went on a freaking dating site 2 months after separation. Her story was so believable and I was a naive person who had never dated a predator before. I used to validate her anger towards her ex. Until 3 months in I started to see that something was off. I have never been caught up in such a whirlwind like this. And I tried to do everything the right way. She seemed so sad, so broken. But I was assured the relationship with her ex had been bad for so long prior to the end, that the divorce was just procedural. I actually turned her down from anything physical for the first month - 2 months. I told her, look I don't want to make things complicated. Love hanging out with you and I think for now we should just hang out and continue getting to know each other. This until the day she started crying as I walked her out. She told me she'd never been turned down before. Wasn't I attracted to her? No reassurance seemed to matter. I debated, what to do? I want to be respectful but SHE is the one telling me she's fine. Am I going to let this girl get away, or worse, become buddies with her all because I think she isn't ok despite her telling me she is? Needless to say things moved forward. It was about a month later the first irrational rage showed up. Always the perfect excuse, the divorce stress, etc. I will tell you what, you want the replacement to realize she's nuts? I started to do so after taking his side so often when she'd tell me what he text or what was going on. The guy was stoic. He did not bite, said nothing. It was all cold calculated and transactional. I started to realize wait, this guy is perfectly sane and normal! Who leaves a gorgeous girl with a good job, education etc? Uh oh. Then the rage started. Then she cheated on me with someone else. It's been downhill ever since but I've hung on for a year. I'm not at my end I can't take any more. It's a cycle. She is normal a month, then she starts pulling back. The stress from work, etc start to kick into gear a little more. Then the egg shells phase starts, then the comments start and criticisms. Then the belittling how I can't ever understand what she is going through, etc. And then boom either she rages or I blow up from all the craziness. Regardless of either it's my fault in the end. And then when I try to pull away she acts like I'm crazy for blowing things out of proportion. I could go on for days, facts are she's freaking nuts. Toxic and I'm tired of it. Being the replacement has made things easier for me. I KNOW there is a replacement coming soon, hell she already cheated on me once. Don't care. In a way I feel like I made her ex's life better. I took all that focus away from him. I'm hoping some poor soul does that for me, but then I think of him and already feel bad. There is some person out there who doesn't realize it yet, but his life is about to be ruined.

Being we lived 200 miles apart I suspect I was a replacement also. It would make sense. She said she had been divorced for a year. But in our marriage she had a boyfriend five weeks after we were married. And ran off at five months. These people are sick !

[Pieter2]

I can definitely help here. When I was with my borderline, everything literally happened as she said it would. Let me explain:

Stage 1 : (Month 1-2) - From the start things were rocky. Never really like a normal r/s. So I told her that I am sure that things will "even out" and we'll have a great r/s in time. She said : "Why do you always say that, maybe this is just the way things will be... ."

Stage 2 : (Month 3) Shouting and screaming at me daily, I went and broke it off the first time. She had NO IDEA what she did wrong. She said : "But I still thought you think I'm perfect in every way". The fact that she shouted and screamed and swore at me daily was normal to her.

Stage 3 : (Month 4-onwards) She would say after raging : "All my relationships end up this way". She would still blame me, but it was clear I was literally just the next one.

Lastly, After the first week or two I never felt special AT ALL. Never thought I was the one or that I was in any way special to her in any way, shape or form.

It is just one cycle. All the time... .

[Hawk Ridge]

It helped to read this, especially Turkish's comment about validation.  I often think now, finally, that my shame that this was personal was unmerited as she has a significanf mental health issue.  As I read this though, my neurotic little fear of "what if she leaves this person and doesn't at least try a recycle with me?" Ridiculous how fear and the lack of closure or explanation can breed such icky thoughts

[almostmarried]

Now come on,everybody... .THE REPLACEMENT ALWAYS GETS THE SAME TREATMENT... .unless he leaves... .

[clydegriffith]

I was the replacement for the first husband. She told me they were separated and were "in the process of getting a divorce". I later found out she was still living with  him but the damage had already been done as she was already pregnant. Even though i didn't love her and had very serious questions about her character, me being the goody goody i am, i stupidly tried to do "the right thing" and had her and her two young kids move in with me. After all her husband was beating her and if you have kids with someone you do your best to make it work, right? Silly silly me. Two months after my child was born she began cheating amongst other things and that started one year of hell that i wouldn't wish upon anyone.

The next replacement came along with a very quick engagement just a few months after the breakup. A few months into that engagement she's caught cheating and gets pregnant by current replacement a couple of months after that. I just wonder what the next surprise will be!

[anxiety5]

One of the sickest things is the fact that when I met her she was opening up not too long later about the divorce. She overall felt abandoned. I empathized with her by letting her know in my last relationship I was cheated on and it was a drunken mistake on her part but it still kind of ruined things. And in the end I was trying to work stuff out and she kind of quit. I let her know I know how it feels when someone coldly kind of just leaves without giving you much chance to even wrap your head around it.

3 months later she cheated on me! ha ha ha ha. It's like asking someone, hey what's your worst memory ever? Oh probably when my dog was hit by a car as a kid. So then I hug you and run your dog over as I leave your house.

These people are like politicians, they are frantic, one crisis after another. They keep you engaged all the time. On adrenaline, you are putting out fires as fast as they can be lit. Turmoil, make up, turmoil, make up, etc. You are constantly distracted and encapsulated to the single crisis, before moving on. You lose sight of the bigger picture through distraction. I'm going through this now. When I step back and view our relationship as a single chapter in my life, the enormity of the dysfunction, the complexity of the mind games, the depth of my codependent traits and how bad it really was, brings tears to my eyes. I feel emotionally raped. Like my soul was stolen from me leaving me this hollowed out person who no longer will ever view people, the world or relationships in the same way. That for me has been the hardest part. The fact that I, as an intelligent person, have been distracted chasing drama while systematically being destroyed.

She is in complete denial of the fact I ended it right now. It's going to get much worse before it gets better.

[workinprogress]

These people are like politicians, they are frantic, one crisis after another. They keep you engaged all the time. On adrenaline, you are putting out fires as fast as they can be lit. Turmoil, make up, turmoil, make up, etc. You are constantly distracted and encapsulated to the single crisis, before moving on. You lose sight of the bigger picture through distraction. I'm going through this now. When I step back and view our relationship as a single chapter in my life, the enormity of the dysfunction, the complexity of the mind games, the depth of my codependent traits and how bad it really was, brings tears to my eyes. I feel emotionally raped. Like my soul was stolen from me leaving me this hollowed out person who no longer will ever view people, the world or relationships in the same way. That for me has been the hardest part. The fact that I, as an intelligent person, have been distracted chasing drama while systematically being destroyed.

That was the perfect description of the last 20 years of my life with my wife.  How was I so stupid as to let this happen to me?