Was your BPD a relationship "parasite"?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

This would be a perfect way to describe the BPDx. She forced marriage on to dude number one by getting pregnant then when she made a mess of that relationship moved on to me and forced commtiment on to me by also getting pregnant (thank god i never entertained the thought of marrying her), then after a few more short lived replacements one to whom she was engaged to, she forces commitment out of the latest one by guess what,  getting pregant! She moves in with each guy takes over the house and destroys everything then on to the next. Just like vile parasite that needs to jump from host to host to survive.

[clydegriffith]

This would be a perfect way to describe the BPDx. She forced marriage on to dude number one by getting pregnant then when she made a mess of that relationship moved on to me and forced commtiment on to me by also getting pregnant (thank god i never entertained the thought of marrying her), then after a few more short lived replacements one to whom she was engaged to, she forces commitment out of the latest one by guess what,  getting pregant! She moves in with each guy takes over the house and destroys everything then on to the next. Just like vile parasite that needs to jump from host to host to survive.

[Confused76]

She was not to me, but she was to one of the other guys she was with (while "dating" me).  He gave her a car, let her move in with him, took her on paid vacations, and even gave her money.  He was a willing partner in these transactions, and she always played like she was the victim.  Once or twice he alluded to feeling like he was being taken advantage of, and she would freak out and run away from him.  She always went back, always.

It's a little weird to write that.  I knew much about this "other" man.  She always described him as a "best friend", I always knew that wasn't the case, but I chose to ignore the facts.

[freedom33]

Yes very much like a parasite looking for a host to attach temporarily for safety. When the host energy is drained it moves to a new supply.

This is a very interesting article about how a parasite found in cats can be transmitted to mouses and can cause behavioural manipulation to its host i.e. mouse for it's own purpose of survival - basically bringing the mouse closer to the cat. As if the cat and the mouse are just actors in the survival game of parasites. Applies to humans as well with pwBPDs.

Lengthy article but worth having a read. Enjoy!

www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/03/how-your-cat-is-making-you-crazy/308873/

[fromheeltoheal]

The need to attach to become whole could be considered parasitic, although of course the word parasite has negative connotations.  Borderlines are need driven, and attach to people to attempt to become whole and manage their emotions; they meet their needs by using other people, not good or bad, it just is, the result of mental illness.  Of course those of us who get used end up in pain, and it's up to us to find meaning in that in our own evolution and growth.

[Infern0]

She was not to me, but she was to one of the other guys she was with (while "dating" me).  He gave her a car, let her move in with him, took her on paid vacations, and even gave her money.  He was a willing partner in these transactions, and she always played like she was the victim.  Once or twice he alluded to feeling like he was being taken advantage of, and she would freak out and run away from him.  She always went back, always.

It's a little weird to write that.  I knew much about this "other" man.  She always described him as a "best friend", I always knew that wasn't the case, but I chose to ignore the facts.

That's kind of the exact story of my replacement to be honest.

He had been around since before I met her and I think she had been "with him" a couple of months before she met me.  Then she friendzoned him which he accepted.

Even while in the friend zone he still spent all his money on her,  gave her rides everywhere,  you know basically I used to call him her manservent.  He followed her around like a puppy dog. He got pulled out of friendzone and pressed into action when we had a falling out.

My relationship was very different in how it played out though,  even now I'm a way out of it,  I didn't spend money on her,  we split the cost of dates,  she did a lot of things for me. She did try to get me to do things for her,  for instance she kept hinting that she wanted to move in with me which I didn't cave to due to her non commital nature.

It's kind of odd,  I think what they do is have different guys for different things. I was the sex guy,  the emotional support guy.  My replacement was the money guy.

Funny old game

[clydegriffith]

She was not to me, but she was to one of the other guys she was with (while "dating" me).  He gave her a car, let her move in with him, took her on paid vacations, and even gave her money.  He was a willing partner in these transactions, and she always played like she was the victim.  Once or twice he alluded to feeling like he was being taken advantage of, and she would freak out and run away from him.  She always went back, always.

It's a little weird to write that.  I knew much about this "other" man.  She always described him as a "best friend", I always knew that wasn't the case, but I chose to ignore the facts.

That's kind of the exact story of my replacement to be honest.

He had been around since before I met her and I think she had been "with him" a couple of months before she met me.  Then she friendzoned him which he accepted.

Even while in the friend zone he still spent all his money on her,  gave her rides everywhere,  you know basically I used to call him her manservent.  He followed her around like a puppy dog. He got pulled out of friendzone and pressed into action when we had a falling out.

My relationship was very different in how it played out though,  even now I'm a way out of it,  I didn't spend money on her,  we split the cost of dates,  she did a lot of things for me. She did try to get me to do things for her,  for instance she kept hinting that she wanted to move in with me which I didn't cave to due to her non commital nature.

It's kind of odd,  I think what they do is have different guys for different things. I was the sex guy,  the emotional support guy.   My replacement was the money guy.

Funny old game

Interesting point. I believed that once for my situation but then realized that for her it just boiled down to to categories: 1) The doormat she traps into living with and 2) Any other guy she could have sex with and these were typically not the kind of guys she woud try to trap (No Job, pretty dumb, etc). Sooner or later she decides she needs a replacement so she starts looking for sex and trapping someone that falls under the nice category, just like the doormat she already has whose child she had, and the ugly cycle repeats itself all over again. We're up to 4 kids by 3 guys now and god knows how many partners.  I figure this has to be it. At least the having babies part.

[Lucky Jim]

Borderlines are need driven, and attach to people to attempt to become whole and manage their emotions; they meet their needs by using other people, not good or bad, it just is, the result of mental illness.  Of course those of us who get used end up in pain, and it's up to us to find meaning in that in our own evolution and growth.

Well said, from htoh.  So true.  You could say that, in broad terms, those w/BPD are "takers" whereas we Non are usually "givers," which is a powerful -- perhaps combustible -- combination.  Eventually the "giver's" well runs dry, however, and yes it's our task to examine how we got into such an unhealthy dynamic in the first place, and then resume our journey on a new, more authentic, path. At least that's how I see it.

Lucky Jim

[fromheeltoheal]

and yes it's our task to examine how we got into such an unhealthy dynamic in the first place, and then resume our journey on a new, more authentic, path.

Yep, the gift of the relationship for me.  She helped me associate massive pain with living fantasies and false selves, making an authentic self much more attractive, which is good, since I was living those false selves to begin with because living true and pure to your real self takes courage.  I was taking a wimp's way out, good thing wimp=pain today.

[Perfidy]

Yes. The ending was like developing a photograph from a negative and looking at the finished image in total shock. I was in that picture.

[myself]

No. She didn't just use me. In some ways yes, in others, no.

I think she genuinely wants to be close with someone.

Her disordered impulses keep her from doing it for very long.

[fromheeltoheal]

No. She didn't just use me. In some ways yes, in others, no.

I think she genuinely wants to be close with someone.

Her disordered impulses keep her from doing it for very long.

I agree myself, mine wanted to be genuinely close to someone too, although the disordered impulses inspired her to use me to try and meet her emotional needs.

[fromheeltoheal]

Yes. The ending was like developing a photograph from a negative and looking at the finished image in total shock. I was in that picture.

Nice!  I got a pic like that too.