Lying

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Can someone please explain to me why they lie after the breakup?

My ex and I have been speaking about relatively nothing all day. During the day, I've caught him in two lies FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON!

Why does he continue to lie about things that don't matter, especially if we're not together?

[lovethebeach]

Can someone please explain to me why they lie after the breakup?

My ex and I have been speaking about relatively nothing all day. During the day, I've caught him in two lies FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON!

Why does he continue to lie about things that don't matter, especially if we're not together?

[myself]

Contort their reality to fit their feelings.

Get lost in their own rooms full of mirrors.

Doesn't matter if anyone else believes them.

[Recooperating]

As soon as words come out of their mouths... .Its a lie. They have no selfworth, no sense of self so they have to to make themselves feel better.

I realize now that nothing in our rs was real. Its was one big lie, everything! The drama he created, all the people that wronged him, all his bs excuses... .Lies lies lies... .

NC or if you must LC is the only way to rid yourself from these lies. They know they are lying, they do have a sense of good and bad, but its the only way for them to cope and survive. Sad and ___ty existence!

Thank god I am no longer a part of that!

[blissful_camper]

They lie during the relationship, so why should that dishonesty stop when the r/s ends? 

Adding to reasons already offered:

1.  To continue getting their needs met

2.  To continue hiding truth to avoid self-responsibility

You're right.  There is no reason for him to be dishonest.  But in his mind there is a reason.  It could be a really simple thing that seems completely unnecessary to you, but means survival to him.  Survival on what level, who knows?  The only way to stay out of it is to disengage. 

[tim_tom]

Cause it's like breathing for them ... .who cares

[camuse]

I'm pretty sure mine started lying more after the breakup, or maybe she just lied more obviously. Lies about not having a replacement, lies about the relationship, and sometimes weird lies that seemed to serve no purpose and were obvious.

[lovethebeach]

After three days of NC, I contacted him. I got a text that he sent me money to return his things. We texted during the day today and he seems so cold and disengaged. I don't understand how I was the one who was wronged and he's the one being insensitive.

I think he already has a replacement. That hurts.

[Deeno02]

After three days of NC, I contacted him. I got a text that he sent me money to return his things. We texted during the day today and he seems so cold and disengaged. I don't understand how I was the one who was wronged and he's the one being insensitive.

I think he already has a replacement. That hurts.

Of course. My body wasnt even cold and she already had one already. "I finally know what I want now". Yep. Thanks for playing. Please pull forward. F**king hurts to no end.

[blissful_camper]

After three days of NC, I contacted him. I got a text that he sent me money to return his things. We texted during the day today and he seems so cold and disengaged. I don't understand how I was the one who was wronged and he's the one being insensitive.

I think he already has a replacement. That hurts.

Of course. My body wasnt even cold and she already had one already. "I finally know what I want now". Yep. Thanks for playing. Please pull forward. F**king hurts to no end.

Yup, same here.  The bed wasn't even cold yet.  (It was quite warm since he overlapped us)

[Infared]

After three days of NC, I contacted him. I got a text that he sent me money to return his things. We texted during the day today and he seems so cold and disengaged. I don't understand how I was the one who was wronged and he's the one being insensitive.

I think he already has a replacement. That hurts.

Texting, in and of itself, is cold and disengaged.

Mine, like yours was just a compulsive liar after the abandonment.  They breathe, they lie.

There is no explaining it other than for me to realize that this person is mentally ill and that they are not in acknowledgement of that or getting any help or treatment. I begged mine to go to therapy and she did and then told lie after lie to the counselor to manipulate her... .just the way she treated me? That helped me to see how I was being treated and how sick this person actually is.

Your only recourse is to totally disengage, just for your own sanity. There is no fixing or understanding them... .My only solution, to love me, was absolute NC... .for my own sanity.

It's twisted. They abandon you... but in the end I was the one that truly ended the relationship.

[Deeno02]

After three days of NC, I contacted him. I got a text that he sent me money to return his things. We texted during the day today and he seems so cold and disengaged. I don't understand how I was the one who was wronged and he's the one being insensitive.

I think he already has a replacement. That hurts.

Texting, in and of itself, is cold and disengaged.

Mine, like yours was just a compulsive liar after the abandonment.  They breathe, they lie.

There is no explaining it other than for me to realize that this person is mentally ill and that they are not in acknowledgement of that or getting any help or treatment. I begged mine to go to therapy and she did and then told lie after lie to the counselor to manipulate her... .just the way she treated me? That helped me to see how I was being treated and how sick this person actually is.

Your only recourse is to totally disengage, just for your own sanity. There is no fixing or understanding them... .My only solution, to love me, was absolute NC... .for my own sanity.

It's twisted. They abandon you... but in the end I was the one that truly ended the relationship.

How true in text being cold and disengaged. I was dumped via text.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

After three days of NC, I contacted him. I got a text that he sent me money to return his things. We texted during the day today and he seems so cold and disengaged. I don't understand how I was the one who was wronged and he's the one being insensitive.

I think he already has a replacement. That hurts.

Texting, in and of itself, is cold and disengaged.

Mine, like yours was just a compulsive liar after the abandonment.  They breathe, they lie.

There is no explaining it other than for me to realize that this person is mentally ill and that they are not in acknowledgement of that or getting any help or treatment. I begged mine to go to therapy and she did and then told lie after lie to the counselor to manipulate her... .just the way she treated me? That helped me to see how I was being treated and how sick this person actually is.

Your only recourse is to totally disengage, just for your own sanity. There is no fixing or understanding them... .My only solution, to love me, was absolute NC... .for my own sanity.

It's twisted. They abandon you... but in the end I was the one that truly ended the relationship.

How true in text being cold and disengaged. I was dumped via text.

Yes me too.  And to add a little extra spice she also informed me at the same time that she had met someone else.  Didn't sleep too well that night.

[peiper]

Why does a thief steal ? Same difference , a liar lies .

[Infared]

After three days of NC, I contacted him. I got a text that he sent me money to return his things. We texted during the day today and he seems so cold and disengaged. I don't understand how I was the one who was wronged and he's the one being insensitive.

I think he already has a replacement. That hurts.

Texting, in and of itself, is cold and disengaged.

Mine, like yours was just a compulsive liar after the abandonment.  They breathe, they lie.

There is no explaining it other than for me to realize that this person is mentally ill and that they are not in acknowledgement of that or getting any help or treatment. I begged mine to go to therapy and she did and then told lie after lie to the counselor to manipulate her... .just the way she treated me? That helped me to see how I was being treated and how sick this person actually is.

Your only recourse is to totally disengage, just for your own sanity. There is no fixing or understanding them... .My only solution, to love me, was absolute NC... .for my own sanity.

It's twisted. They abandon you... but in the end I was the one that truly ended the relationship.

How true in text being cold and disengaged. I was dumped via text.

Yes me too.  And to add a little extra spice she also informed me at the same time that she had met someone else.  :)idn't sleep too well that night.

LOL! ... .mine, of course, lied and told me that there wasn't any one else. She told the therapist the same lies that she told me... .she told the therapist that she started dating the guy after she moved out... .It was all nothing but lies. Lie after lie after lie... .to get what she wanted and to get other people to see that she was a good person. NOT!  (She painted me the villain-I wasn't- and reinvented our whole relationship).

[going places]

It was my experience that lying is their native tongue.

That was one of the hardest things to get past... .for 20+ years, everything was a lie.

That's a tough pill to swallow.

Block him from all forms of communication and move on.

The sooner you do this, the better your life will be.

[lovethebeach]

This is the hardest thing of my life.

I don't understand how he's finally not calling or texting me. It's like he's moved on and already into acceptance that it's over.

I don't know if I'll ever hear from him again, but it's just so difficult. I feel forgotten.

[going places]

Yes, but if it was easy anyone and everyone would do it.

YOU can do this.

He has moved on. Accept that.

Accept that it's possible everything he said was a lie.

Accept that he does not have the capacity to connect, love, and give.

Accept that he's all about himself, and it was never, about you.

If you are lucky, you will never hear from him again.

Pain and suffering is not love.

Lundy Bancroft "Why does he do that".

Really, really good book

[clydegriffith]

Perhaps a sense of shame? the BPDx hid her pregnancy from me and lies about things i could possibly care less about. Pretty weird.

[ldeora]

The answer is: control and gaslighting.

After our breakup, my ex told me very obvious and totally unnecessary lies for absolutely no reason at all. It was over, so no reason to manipulate me, right? Wrong. I confronted her once with proof that would held up in court and she reacted like it was just a game. Like "see? I still can tell you lies and you'll believe them for a while!".

[lovethebeach]

How do you begin to cope with all of these feelings and emotions?

He's already with someone new and I'm still sad and grieving. We have "broken" up many times before, but it was never truly real.

This is the first time I think we both know it's over. We had so many good times together. Two years of memories, gone.

When I confronted him about lying ... .that he was in fact not home (on Wednesday)... .this time, he said "I'm sorry I lied. You should not be snooping." And that was it. He does not know that I know he was with a girl. But still. No fight. No argument. No anything.

I suspect because of the new chick. No point in confronting him on that as well.

Oh well.