Does anyone want this to work in the future?

[ziniztar]

How sure are you all about leaving? I know recycling is a big thing. Why are you on Leaving and not on Undecided?

I know that for now, for the upcoming months this is the best and only choice.

I don't know what will happen then.

I hope to date someone that is more healthy attached.

I also hope him to work through this and that it maybe mean breakthrough.

I want to stay in contact with xdBPDbf and have already told him that I see possibilities in the future, but not now.

What is your view on this? What is your story?

[Chasing_Ghosts]

I know that since being in contact with my ex she is a mess atm and with all the personal growth im going through it would be a determent to my progress. I know myself too well and im still not at the point that id be strong enough for another go. I believe like you in the future things may work out but for now contact is too hard. She expects too much out of me emotionally. Something I just cant provide right now because every ounce of that is going into my development. I miss her everyday and part of me wont give up the idea that shell finally hit her low and realize the change that needs to happen. She knows shes BPD and I laid down that she needs to stop running and face her demons. Stop trying to fix an internal problem with external sources and offered all the support/guidance I can muster if she does decide to take this path. But I cant be here to support the stagnancy of her neverending blackhole of needs and emotional validation that only perpetuate and suck the life out of me. Im centering myself more and making strides to improve me, heres to hoping she does the same. Otherwise this will never work and that is terms of acceptance I stand firm on.

[Blimblam]

Maybe as a fwb one day in the future. Maybe.

[irishmarmot]

My expwBPD has a restraining order on me.  It has been almost a year of NC.  I have detached to the point that I do not want her in my life.  I do not hate her but I don't love her anymore.   I wish her the best and hope she finds happiness.   The chaos that I went through with her is what she lives with every day.  How can I not feel compassion for someone who suffers like that but she is incapable of a healthy relationship.  

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Maybe as a fwb one day in the future. Maybe.

Blim you just made my day by putting a cheshire cat sized grin on my face.   

[Algae]

Maybe as a fwb one day in the future. Maybe.

You know, part of me (the evil part) has always wondered what would happen if she wanted to come back... .and I let her come back, but only so I could be a douchebag, ass, and use her then dumb her... only to catch her tears in a coffee mug and drink them with a smile lmao.

But FWB works too

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Maybe as a fwb one day in the future. Maybe.

You know, part of me (the evil part) has always wondered what would happen if she wanted to come back... .and I let her come back, but only so I could be a douchebag, ass, and use her then dumb her... only to catch her tears in a coffee mug and drink them with a smile lmao.

But FWB works too

You sure you don't have ASPD?

[Algae]

Maybe as a fwb one day in the future. Maybe.

You know, part of me (the evil part) has always wondered what would happen if she wanted to come back... .and I let her come back, but only so I could be a douchebag, ass, and use her then dumb her... only to catch her tears in a coffee mug and drink them with a smile lmao.

But FWB works too

You sure you don't have ASPD?

Haha!  I'm sure .  I'm just typing out of anger from being used haha

[ziniztar]

FWB?

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Maybe as a fwb one day in the future. Maybe.

You know, part of me (the evil part) has always wondered what would happen if she wanted to come back... .and I let her come back, but only so I could be a douchebag, ass, and use her then dumb her... only to catch her tears in a coffee mug and drink them with a smile lmao.

But FWB works too

You sure you don't have ASPD?

Haha!  I'm sure .  I'm just typing out of anger from being used haha

For sure man its understandable... trust and believe ive had my share of similar thoughts. haha One involved a hotel room handcuffs getting off and leaving her ass there without a the key buttnaked for the staff to find.  

[Chasing_Ghosts]

FWB?

Friends With Benefits

[Infared]

I think we all want/wanted the relationship to work in the future, but we are on this board because on some level we realize that that just is not possible anymore, for a multitude of reasons. We are also here because having that realization/decision is a very, very painful place to be and that our feelings need to be talked about and processed as we walk through this change in our lives.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

for a multitude of reasons.

The likes of which spread farther than the heavens.

[peiper]

I wouldn't take her back on a bet !

[Deeno02]

I love her dearly. I wanted her and her kids and me and mine to be together. I was going to propose. It kills me that shes not a part of my life anymore and that I was replaced so damn quickly. However, after all the pain and rejection of both me and my kids, her evil cold departure from our lives, I wouldnt piss on her face if it was on fire. Not going back to that. Even a booty call would be dangerous with these people and I would rather use my left hand to change it up a bit, than be with her.

[ziniztar]

Replacement... yes that would hurt but it would also be a sign of him absolutely not learning anything from therapy and it would be the hurtful final answer to the question I now have: will this break-up be rock bottom for him and will it make him break through his rotten point in therapy, or not?

I think with me it's a little different xBPDbf was in therapy for 2 years and is very well aware of his patterns. If he would replace me immediately (r/s wise then, I can see why he would be dating other girls for a while), it would mean he has no intention whatsoever to push himself past this point in therapy.

[guy4caligirl]

I know that since being in contact with my ex she is a mess atm and with all the personal growth im going through it would be a determent to my progress. I know myself too well and im still not at the point that id be strong enough for another go. I believe like you in the future things may work out but for now contact is too hard. She expects too much out of me emotionally. Something I just cant provide right now because every ounce of that is going into my development. I miss her everyday and part of me wont give up the idea that shell finally hit her low and realize the change that needs to happen. She knows shes BPD and I laid down that she needs to stop running and face her demons. Stop trying to fix an internal problem with external sources and offered all the support/guidance I can muster if she does decide to take this path. But I cant be here to support the stagnancy of her neverending blackhole of needs and emotional validation that only perpetuate and suck the life out of me. Im centering myself more and making strides to improve me, heres to hoping she does the same. Otherwise this will never work and that is terms of acceptance I stand firm on.

It's Amazing how we all are in the same boat !

[Infared]

I love her dearly. I wanted her and her kids and me and mine to be together. I was going to propose. It kills me that shes not a part of my life anymore and that I was replaced so damn quickly. However, after all the pain and rejection of both me and my kids, her evil cold departure from our lives, I wouldnt piss on her face if it was on fire. Not going back to that. Even a booty call would be dangerous with these people and I would rather use my left hand to change it up a bit, than be with her.

Deeno... .you might want to check out the anger thread:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=236011.0

[Infared]

Replacement... yes that would hurt but it would also be a sign of him absolutely not learning anything from therapy and it would be the hurtful final answer to the question I now have: will this break-up be rock bottom for him and will it make him break through his rotten point in therapy, or not?

I think with me it's a little different xBPDbf was in therapy for 2 years and is very well aware of his patterns. If he would replace me immediately (r/s wise then, I can see why he would be dating other girls for a while), it would mean he has no intention whatsoever to push himself past this point in therapy.

All we can do is focus on ourselves... .it's over.

[guy4caligirl]

I know that since being in contact with my ex she is a mess atm and with all the personal growth im going through it would be a determent to my progress. I know myself too well and im still not at the point that id be strong enough for another go. I believe like you in the future things may work out but for now contact is too hard. She expects too much out of me emotionally. Something I just cant provide right now because every ounce of that is going into my development. I miss her everyday and part of me wont give up the idea that shell finally hit her low and realize the change that needs to happen. She knows shes BPD and I laid down that she needs to stop running and face her demons. Stop trying to fix an internal problem with external sources and offered all the support/guidance I can muster if she does decide to take this path. But I cant be here to support the stagnancy of her neverending blackhole of needs and emotional validation that only perpetuate and suck the life out of me. Im centering myself more and making strides to improve me, heres to hoping she does the same. Otherwise this will never work and that is terms of acceptance I stand firm on.

Its so amazing for all of us to be the same situation .

I just talked to her for the 3th three months emails and texts she is like usual trying to make it on her own with a fb o the side.

She is in a panic mode on antidepressant only no other medicine to control her complicated mind , she is still in the victim mode blame for everything and when I say you have your part in the destruction of the relation she goes crazy.

I know she is hitting rock bottom to survive financially its rough out there but she refuses to come back , why I don't know , all she wants is like little money to pay her minimum on her credit card for this months , she still want to use me and let me in pain so she can get a $25 or $50 a month isn't that sad while she had everything when we were together .

She refuses to come back and want to stay in that mess she is in , she knows well her illness , tried to advise her come back and I will take you to a treatment one tunnel vision at this time survival mode !

Please advise , I feel bad today !

[Recooperating]

If God came diwn to earth, presented my ex, waifed a want and said "he's cured of his BPD" I still wouldnt take him back. 14 years of torture, cheating, lying, manipulating and all the abusive crap has left me with severe trust issues.

I don't wanna have my guard up with my partner, I dont wanna have to play detective, I dont wanna live in fear if the next crappy actions. Too much has happened for me to ever trust him blindly. I'd always be wondering... ."Whats the ___ing catch this time".

I tried everything. Now Im done, he can stand on his head and break dance, he can jump up and down or sing the national athnem backwards... .He has forever lost my trust.

Its not about him anymore its about me now and my trust he will never win back.

I would seriously ruin my options of a healthy relationship with a kind and loving person, if I keep thinking ... ., maybe in the future. It would not allow me to be open to a person that deserves my trust, my love and care. The possibility of him changing is maybe 1% but me finding a healthy responsible nice partner is a greater chance! Why ruin that for 1%?

Its about me now, not about him and his illness anymore. Thats his problem and it will never be mine ever again! hallelujah!

[Deeno02]

I love her dearly. I wanted her and her kids and me and mine to be together. I was going to propose. It kills me that shes not a part of my life anymore and that I was replaced so damn quickly. However, after all the pain and rejection of both me and my kids, her evil cold departure from our lives, I wouldnt piss on her face if it was on fire. Not going back to that. Even a booty call would be dangerous with these people and I would rather use my left hand to change it up a bit, than be with her.

Deeno... .you might want to check out the anger thread:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=236011.0

I will. Im in anger stage right now... .moving along nicely!

[going places]

How sure are you all about leaving? I know recycling is a big thing. Why are you on Leaving and not on Undecided?

I know that for now, for the upcoming months this is the best and only choice.

I don't know what will happen then.

I hope to date someone that is more healthy attached.

I also hope him to work through this and that it maybe mean breakthrough.

I want to stay in contact with xdBPDbf and have already told him that I see possibilities in the future, but not now.

What is your view on this? What is your story?

How sure? 100%

Recycled a few times. WHAT A WASTE OF MY LIFE.

Those are days I and my kids will NEVER get back.

I do not think about 'dating'.

I most certainly do not want to talk to or see ex EVER again in my life, ever.

The damage he did for 25 years brought me to the brink of self destruction.

I have a lot of work to do ON ME.

Right now, I am in no frame of mind to date... .actually the thought makes my skin crawl.

And the thought of my ex? Hits my gag reflex.

I would not go back to him or even SPEAK to him, if he were the last person on earth.

I'd talk to a soccer ball.

Not because of hate / rage, but because I view him as dangerous and evil.

I have to get in touch with ME.

Fulfill MY dreams, and goals.

Do things *I* want to do.

My view is this; based upon Websters Dictionary's definition of "friend" my ex is not, can not and will not be.

I will waste NO MORE of my precious time and life, on someone who has PROVEN who and what they are.

Yep, no thanks... .this train is leaving that station and will be full steam ahead... .

[Chasing_Ghosts]

I know that since being in contact with my ex she is a mess atm and with all the personal growth im going through it would be a determent to my progress. I know myself too well and im still not at the point that id be strong enough for another go. I believe like you in the future things may work out but for now contact is too hard. She expects too much out of me emotionally. Something I just cant provide right now because every ounce of that is going into my development. I miss her everyday and part of me wont give up the idea that shell finally hit her low and realize the change that needs to happen. She knows shes BPD and I laid down that she needs to stop running and face her demons. Stop trying to fix an internal problem with external sources and offered all the support/guidance I can muster if she does decide to take this path. But I cant be here to support the stagnancy of her neverending blackhole of needs and emotional validation that only perpetuate and suck the life out of me. Im centering myself more and making strides to improve me, heres to hoping she does the same. Otherwise this will never work and that is terms of acceptance I stand firm on.

Its so amazing for all of us to be the same situation .

I just talked to her for the 3th three months emails and texts she is like usual trying to make it on her own with a fb o the side.

She is in a panic mode on antidepressant only no other medicine to control her complicated mind , she is still in the victim mode blame for everything and when I say you have your part in the destruction of the relation she goes crazy.

I know she is hitting rock bottom to survive financially its rough out there but she refuses to come back , why I don't know , all she wants is like little money to pay her minimum on her credit card for this months , she still want to use me and let me in pain so she can get a $25 or $50 a month isn't that sad while she had everything when we were together .

She refuses to come back and want to stay in that mess she is in , she knows well her illness , tried to advise her come back and I will take you to a treatment one tunnel vision at this time survival mode !

Please advise , I feel bad today !

Well first off I know exactly where youre at and im sorry for the pain youre in. Mine is in panic mode too. There panic is coming from disregulation and various triggers from both us and there environment. Look at it this way shes gonna have to hit her bottom. And you still being her safety net for her right now is going to hinder that. I know youre worried. I know youre scared. Sh*t mines given me a few panic attacks since all this started happening. But for now you need to walk away. Not only for her but for you. You've laid down your stance that you want to get her into therapy and youll be there if she decides to do this. So until then you need to let her suffer. I know its not what you want to hear and its not even what I want to hear. I wanted to go to her last week when she beckoned me to come save her from another imagined illness. And it took every ounce of strength in me to resist that pull. Ive never fought a stronger force in my life and in the process ended up in bed having a panic attack/psychotic episode for about a day. It wasn't the easy choice but the one that clearly shows her I will not enable her pathology anymore. Be patient. This a process and it takes time. Until then you need to focus all that attention youre giving her inwards because my friend you need to be completely strong and healed before you ever even have a chance of being able to get her through this. That means learning to be whole in yourself and not relying on her for youre love and happiness. These are found from within yourself she was just the key to unlock that which was hidden in you. And I can tell clearly right now youre not anywhere near this point because youre still trying to rescue her. Which is ok its a journey but better to take the path now then to waste anymore time on trying to give her help that she isn't ready to receive. She needs to make that conscious effort to want it and nothing you do right now can change that. Love yourself first and in time you will see how much easier loving her will become.  

[Deeno02]

Mines to occupied with her chaos life and her new squeeze... I think Im safe

[ziniztar]

Mmmkay. I notice a lot of anger and resentment here, that makes a lot of sense.

My story is a bit different I guess, maybe I should go to Undecided with these types of questions...