Possible recycle attempt?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

My ex and i work together and she used to sit across my desk. Couldnt handle that anymore, so i had her transfered to another department. All was fine, untill yesterday. She asked me to have coffee with her and another colleague. I declined.(i rather have ebola than hang out with her). Didnt think much of it. Today i went downstairs to drink coffee with 2 colleagues. Suddenly my ex walks by and sits down without asking. She hates the two colleagues i hung out with. She also had her best outfit on and she had a lot of makeup on. Something that surprises me, because she looked like a wreck past couple of weeks. Is this a recycle attempt or am i seeing things that aren't there?

[Bak86]

My ex and i work together and she used to sit across my desk. Couldnt handle that anymore, so i had her transfered to another department. All was fine, untill yesterday. She asked me to have coffee with her and another colleague. I declined.(i rather have ebola than hang out with her). Didnt think much of it. Today i went downstairs to drink coffee with 2 colleagues. Suddenly my ex walks by and sits down without asking. She hates the two colleagues i hung out with. She also had her best outfit on and she had a lot of makeup on. Something that surprises me, because she looked like a wreck past couple of weeks. Is this a recycle attempt or am i seeing things that aren't there?

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Id say its entirely possible if not very likely. I say this because mine stopped wearing make up for a while whilst going to work to give her more time to sleep and take less time to get ready when she started to get comfortable at her new job. Then all of a sudden she starts getting all dolled up again out of nowhere. It definitely wasnt for me thats for sure. Then as things slowly unravel i realize its when she started talking to my first replacement who she left me for a few months later.

And the fact that shes being so confident all of a sudden after being a straight mess to me shows shes formulating that if she gets you back itll be enough to keep that confidence if only by sucking out youres. And also it would seem to fair that with the amount of time its taken the air has cleared enough that she thinks its "safe". In the theory of reverse grieving BPDs go through youre in the right window of time for her to be "missing" you again and wanting you back to soothe her pain over the loss of you. That she was so down in the first place in this time period after the breakup proves to further back up this theory.

Youre not seeing things Bak, youre being aware and for your sakes i hope that her behavior doesnt affect your job. Hopefully you can find a way to amicably defuse this without any drama.

[Bak86]

Id say its entirely possible if not very likely. I say this because mine stopped wearing make up for a while whilst going to work to give her more time to sleep and take less time to get ready when she started to get comfortable at her new job. Then all of a sudden she starts getting all dolled up again out of nowhere. It definitely wasnt for me thats for sure. Then as things slowly unravel i realize its when she started talking to my first replacement who she left me for a few months later.

And the fact that shes being so confident all of a sudden after being a straight mess to me shows shes formulating that if she gets you back itll be enough to keep that confidence if only by sucking out youres. And also it would seem to fair that with the amount of time its taken the air has cleared enough that she thinks its "safe". In the theory of reverse grieving BPDs go through youre in the right window of time for her to be "missing" you again and wanting you back to soothe her pain over the loss of you. That she was so down in the first place in this time period after the breakup proves to further back up this theory.

Youre not seeing things Bak, youre being aware and for your sakes i hope that her behavior doesnt affect your job. Hopefully you can find a way to amicably defuse this without any drama.

It doesn't really affect me. I'm just wondering what she wants from me. I just don't understand how you can act nice again, towards a  person you used to hate. 2 months ago i was the one who wanted to hang out again and she blew me off, now she's starting to want contact. Damn push/pull tactics with these people. Like you said, i'm probably safe, now that i don't seek out any contact.

[Raybo48]

In the theory of reverse grieving BPDs go through youre in the right window of time for her to be "missing" you again and wanting you back to soothe her pain over the loss of you. That she was so down in the first place in this time period after the breakup proves to further back up this theory.

This theory interests me, could you explain it further?  I believe my exBPD has done this numerous times and it almost always starts off with "I miss you"...  

[Bak86]

She never once told me she missed me though

[antelope]

It doesn't really affect me. I'm just wondering what she wants from me. I just don't understand how you can act nice again, towards a  person you used to hate. 2 months ago i was the one who wanted to hang out again and she blew me off, now she's starting to want contact. Damn push/pull tactics with these people. Like you said, i'm probably safe, now that i don't seek out any contact.

it does affect you, you started a thread about it 

you had her moved to a different dept, 2 months ago you initiated contact and wanted to hang out, yet in the first post you say you would rather have ebola than hang out with her... .sorry to say this, but the push/pull seems to be a game you are playing too

no contact means no contact, no matter how drastic you have to be about it... .these people THRIVE on seeking attention... .give them NONE.

[Bak86]

It doesn't really affect me. I'm just wondering what she wants from me. I just don't understand how you can act nice again, towards a  person you used to hate. 2 months ago i was the one who wanted to hang out again and she blew me off, now she's starting to want contact. Damn push/pull tactics with these people. Like you said, i'm probably safe, now that i don't seek out any contact.

it does affect you, you started a thread about it 

you had her moved to a different dept, 2 months ago you initiated contact and wanted to hang out, yet in the first post you say you would rather have ebola than hang out with her... .sorry to say this, but the push/pull seems to be a game you are playing too

no contact means no contact, no matter how drastic you have to be about it... .these people THRIVE on seeking attention... .give them NONE.

Haha touche. Yeah that was 2 months ago. Haven't had contact since.

[Raybo48]

It doesn't really affect me. I'm just wondering what she wants from me. I just don't understand how you can act nice again, towards a  person you used to hate. 2 months ago i was the one who wanted to hang out again and she blew me off, now she's starting to want contact. Damn push/pull tactics with these people. Like you said, i'm probably safe, now that i don't seek out any contact.

it does affect you, you started a thread about it 

you had her moved to a different dept, 2 months ago you initiated contact and wanted to hang out, yet in the first post you say you would rather have ebola than hang out with her... .sorry to say this, but the push/pull seems to be a game you are playing too



no contact means no contact, no matter how drastic you have to be about it... .these people THRIVE on seeking attention... .give them NONE.

I have to agree here... I think we've all gotten sucked in to the push/pull  for a certain period of time, I know I have.  They are so drama laden it's hard not to sometimes.  They do thrive on attention though, and if I would give a top 5 of what they seek it's gotta be #1.  

[Bak86]

Yeah theyre attention seekers. She sat down to drink coffee again. Same ___ as yesterday. She even talked to me. Bit predictable now

[Bak86]

Yeah theyre attention seekers. She sat down to drink coffee again. Same as yesterday. She even talked to me. Bit predictable now

Not only did she talk to me, she started to give advice to me. What the flying ___. Talking to me like nothing ever happened. These people are incredible.

[emancipated]

I have nothing to contribute because im trying to decide if mine is potentially gearing up a recycle attempt .been black for about 4 months now just wanted to say I though I was the only one that said what the flying f#ck

[Bak86]

I have nothing to contribute because im trying to decide if mine is potentially gearing up a recycle attempt .been black for about 4 months now just wanted to say I though I was the only one that said what the flying f#ck

English isn't even my first language and i use it a lot in real life 

[emancipated]

U sir are a fine asset to your country

[guy4caligirl]

She never once told me she missed me though

She never told she missed either ha ha

[Bak86]

She never once told me she missed me though

She never told she missed either ha ha

I think their insecurity, shame and guilt feelings, prevent from admitting that they miss us/need us.

[guy4caligirl]

In the theory of reverse grieving BPDs go through youre in the right window of time for her to be "missing" you again and wanting you back to soothe her pain over the loss of you. That she was so down in the first place in this time period after the breakup proves to further back up this theory.

This theory interests me, could you explain it further?  I believe my exBPD has done this numerous times and it almost always starts off with "I miss you"...  

Hi can you elaborate on the "theory of reverse grieving BPD ex gf ?

I had two calls from her in three month one was 5 days ago when I decided to go NC she said" I miss your voice "

First time ever in 3 months then she was got raged when I mention I want her back , she really send me mixed signals and deny it , What in the heck is going on why doesn't she wonder why I did not text her wicked ?

[Bak86]

Pretty sure i'm painted white again. We were drinking coffee with a group and she focused her attention to me and started laughing at stuff i said that wasn't even funny. I'm on guard now