today was my husband first session now marriage counseling now what?

[Wanda]

okay  

now today was my husbands first session with his counselor, his counselor suggested marriage counseing, of course my husband is ok... i can't bring up BPD or  the way he is. due to it can bring out his BPD so now what    i asked my husband if he told his therapist we have gone to therapy like 17 years ago and of course my husband said no. His therapist told him not abnormal to grow apart due to the hours we run... what he doesn't know is the BPD

i can't tell his therapist about BPD unless he mentions it to me., and  he might tell me he has a personality disorder.

of coarse i just deal with things as they come and the tools and skills ok what do i tell his therapist.he will pick up i know the tools and skills and boundaries due to how i talk... i could tell him things did and have gotten better over the years, yes i don't have an issue i know what i have to do... but i am hoping that he does talk to me so i can tell him... what i know. because telling him what i do like walking away boundaries i set, could trigger my husband.   any suggestions.    i don,t want to trigger him.

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[formflier]

 

Was your husband formally diagnosed and treated for BPD years ago?

Past history of treatment and diagnosis must be on the table... .hiding it is no good.

don't worry about triggering. 

If you can avoid triggering... .great... .but the goal is to get accurate medical info out there... .otherwise you are wasting time.

Now... that doesn't mean all the current issues are due to old diagnosis... .please be open minded... get evaluations... .look for new issues. 

By the same token... .don't hid old issues.

Hang in there... .

[Wanda]

my husband is high functioning...   we went to therapy his own and my own for a year. his therapist told me he had a personality disorder my therapist had me read personality disorders and signs that is where i learned about it and for a year i learned about skills tools boundaries...

i  know this is a waste  of my time and his i know unless he gets some meds all this is not helpful, and won't be any good ,but telling him now when he was then and now in complete denial of anything being wrong. he won't take meds nor will he go through any treatment. he didn't go ,     back  17 years ago when it was probley  mentioned. and he won't go now. nor will he accept any responsibility .things improved but on own over years of me and boundaries. and changing... i was told to not mention it to him he will turn it around so i didn't. now if i tell counselor what i learned about him 17 years ago i am not sure how to tell him on own without my husband there. maybe if counselor knows  what i know maybe in time he can suggest meds. but my husband won't be receptive. and good chance therapy will stop. it did 17  years ago.  who knows maybe this counselor picked up on it wants me to know what i am dealing with ... like i don't know... .

[formflier]

 

Was there a diagnosis years ago... .or did a therapist take not of BPD traits.

[Wanda]

There was no official diagnoses 17 years ago just through his therapist i was told he had a personality disorder,, i went to mine and she gave me a book with many symptoms dealing with personality disorders and BPD fit... so no matter what he has i had to learn skills tools and boundaries so i did...

UP to date i talked to my sister i told her about his disorder a few weeks ago she should of been a counselor due to she is good what she says.

anyway she said the  same thing it is a waste of money to go to a counselor for  marriage,

so i need to tell him that due to hours we keep it is important to spend more time with him. validate his feelings ohh! that communication again i am not good at. and she said i bet he will be ok  due to that is his only issue. my son is moving out in december and he is really bad with change and this has effected him the worse due to aloneness and now empty nesting. he never sees anyone.where it use to  be him and my daughter at least four times a week. she works with him due to his mental challenges. so i am going to try this due to he needs to see this counselor for his anger not marriage counseling... if he thinks we still need marriage counseling ok ... but later if spending more time with him doesn't work... but i think validating his feeling he will be ok... usually is. ok t hanks update on this will come...

[Wanda]

Update... .I talked to my husband and he agreed we didn, t need marriage counseling

I told him due to our hours I agreed we need to find time to sped together so once a month we will have date nigbt just he and I. No grandaughter. He said ok to this and actually I seen a sign of no frustration... .so yey! at least this was taken care of.

Now the distance due to the fight between my daughter and him. Is a differnt story. That will take time. All I can do whitch I did yesterday is take care of me... .I got alot of needed stuff done.