Difficult Morning... How do you cope?

[lovethebeach]

It's just one of those mornings I guess. I miss the good morning texts, and waking up next to him (since it's the weekend). The weekends are always the hardest. He's down at the university, we met at... .hanging out with friends and ballroom dancing (very charismatic)... .probably going out tonight. I miss him so much, especially since he's out having an awesome time... .but maybe it's best to not assume anything.

Although he was never formally diagnosed with BPD, he fits it and was diagnosed as a child with ADHD coupled with being young, probably isn't the best mix for a relationship. My T said that by continuously calling him out on the lies, I was "holding up a mirror that he didn't want to look in" and that he's rejecting the accountability and maturity of the relationship, not necessarily me.

It's hard to not take all of this personal. Especially, since I'm in bed due to a car accident and have more than enough time to think.

It seems he's mentally done with the relationship, so how do I get there as well?

[StayOrLeave15]

It seems he's mentally done with the relationship, so how do I get there as well?

If you are someone that does not have BPD, it will take longer for you to be "mentally done" with the relationship than your partner.  They operate differently than we do.  Time and being good to yourself, surrounding yourself with good people will all help.

It's just one of those mornings I guess. I miss the good morning texts, and waking up next to him (since it's the weekend). The weekends are always the hardest.

I completely agree and feel the same way.  It can really feel like something is missing.  But you are on these boards and your posts suggest you know you are better without him.  That said, it is of course very painful to have this sense of loss.  I know I'm better off like this but it still really hurts.  I had a dream about her last night. 

About taking it personally, it feels that way, but it isn't.  It is part of the script, part of the pattern for pwBPD.  I've read hundreds of stories on bpdfamily written by people of different ages, nationalities, backgrounds, sexual orientations, and more... .all different types of people.  But the behaviors and stories are SO SIMILAR.  It isn't you.  It's the disorder.

[hope2727]

My T said that by continuously calling him out on the lies, I was "holding up a mirror that he didn't want to look in" and that he's rejecting the accountability and maturity of the relationship, not necessarily me.

Wow how profound. Thanks for sharing that.

[myself]

Two cups of coffee and a voodoo doll (just kidding, I don't drink much coffee).

One thing I do when starting a new day, especially on weekends, is to get something done that I've been procrastinating about. It could be cleaning, reading, going for a walk, creative projects... .Accomplishing something even if I'm thinking of my ex. I don't know what her life is like these days, but I suppose it's chaotic, frantic, and flipping back and forth as usual. Mine doesn't have to be like that, so I'm making sure to find better ways to spend my time. Each day letting go is another reclaimed for myself.

As far as mirrors go, the most important are the ones we look into.

[Caredverymuch]

My T said that by continuously calling him out on the lies, I was "holding up a mirror that he didn't want to look in" and that he's rejecting the accountability and maturity of the relationship, not necessarily me.

Wow how profound. Thanks for sharing that.

Yes, this is true and distortion of the facts may follow. 

[lovethebeach]

He has already distorted the facts, and turned things back around onto me in his own head.

I was in a car accident two days ago, and called him out of sheer panic. He responded to my texts. After I told him I was going to the hospital, and was seen ... .he never even asked how I was or what they said. I think him being so cold and distant during a time when I genuinely needed some support, was bottom for me.

I miss him terribly, but no longer feel the need to contact him. It's still hard to de-personalize everything, but I have given up on a reconciliation.

[Caredverymuch]

He has already distorted the facts, and turned things back around onto me in his own head.

I was in a car accident two days ago, and called him out of sheer panic. He responded to my texts. After I told him I was going to the hospital, and was seen ... .he never even asked how I was or what they said. I think him being so cold and distant during a time when I genuinely needed some support, was bottom for me.

I miss him terribly, but no longer feel the need to contact him. It's still hard to de-personalize everything, but I have given up on a reconciliation.

Good. 

[lovethebeach]

What did you do to get through the difficult times, in the beginning?

I could use some tips for getting through the weaker moments... .

[BrokenFamily]

What helped me is to block it out, once you start thinking of your ex it will lead to rehashing the entire relationship when in your head will be more good times than bad but in theirs it's always more bad than good. It's like self defeating thought which will only lead to more pain. My suggestion is once you catch yourself thinking of him change the subject of your internal dialogue to something positive or even work related. It's worked we for me , I also meditate go to the gym, enjoy time with our daughter listen to music and make sure I always keep myself busy with plans or I'll get depressed and trapped thinking about the past

[lovethebeach]

I'm not able to block it out just yet. After, all it's only been 18 days post b/u and 3 with NC... .after I initiated contact. I was in a car accident, and needed some support. Probably the wrong decision, but I've learned.

I've decided to not contact him again. It's futile. After all,  it seem we're on different paths in life and no matter how hard I try/tried I cannot save him from himself.

I'm upset. I'm mad. But, I also believe that every ending is a new beginning. If he comes back, I'll have to re-evaluate. If not, it wasn't meant to be. I gave it every single piece of me, and that has to be enough. Validation from him, isn't something I'm going to get.

[hope2727]

I wrote all the lousy things he did to me on a card and carried it everywhere. When I felt weak I read it to myself, out loud is possible.

I miss mine. I forgive him. I wish we could reconcile. But I'll be darned if I tolerate that garbage again.

Bottom line he treated me like spit and then blames me for it. Not acceptable.

Oh and ice cream. I ate a lot of ice cream.

[lovethebeach]

Did he ever contact you for a reconciliation?

[hope2727]

contact yes reconciliation no



I do miss and love him I just can't believe how whittled away I became. Now I am the one seeing a psychologist to regain my centre of gravity.

[lovethebeach]

I often wonder if I'll hear from mine again.

It seems he's enjoying being irresponsible again. Although, I'm sure when it all comes crashing down he'll phone me to help him pick up the pieces.

I'm just not sure I'll be there. I'm not ready to move on yet, but I know I will one day.

For now, my mind replays our relationship and I miss him deeply... .but what's the point, if he doesn't miss me?