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Author Topic: feeling hurt, destroyed, no self esteem, no self respect after my BPD ex  (Read 2183 times)
bungenstein
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 252


« Reply #30 on: November 13, 2014, 12:40:43 PM »

wow... its like i entered a rabbit hole a few days ago and im in a new dimension reading all of this... and whats worst about it is it all makes 101% sense... im devastated...

are they really known for being good sexually? why is that? my ex was incredible...

but rationally, why are they known to be good sexually?

Its a learned way of getting their partners quickly attracted and addicted to them.

My ex was also pretty much a michellin star chef, she didn't seem to enjoy cooking, I'm pretty sure it was another way of trying to keep me addicted.
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Raybo48
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 413



« Reply #31 on: November 13, 2014, 05:27:56 PM »

wow... its like i entered a rabbit hole a few days ago and im in a new dimension reading all of this... and whats worst about it is it all makes 101% sense... im devastated...

are they really known for being good sexually? why is that? my ex was incredible...

but rationally, why are they known to be good sexually?

I've never read where they are known to be good sexually, and I've read a ton of material on BPD. Now where you may be confusing it is they have been known to be hypersexual, but that doesn't mean they are awesome in bed.
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bungenstein
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Posts: 252


« Reply #32 on: November 13, 2014, 05:31:05 PM »

wow... its like i entered a rabbit hole a few days ago and im in a new dimension reading all of this... and whats worst about it is it all makes 101% sense... im devastated...

are they really known for being good sexually? why is that? my ex was incredible...

but rationally, why are they known to be good sexually?

I've never read where they are known to be good sexually, and I've read a ton of material on BPD. Now where you may be confusing it is they have been known to be hypersexual, but that doesn't mean they are awesome in bed.

Actually you have a point, my ex after a few drinks would turn into a porn star, and would often freak me out because just behaved ridiculous, it seemed like an act.

Or, she would be incredibly shy, she just wanted to please me and didn't care about me pleasing her, and sometimes burst into tears after sex.

Either way, there was no real intimacy in it, I explained that sex for me is about an emotional connection, thats what makes it amazing, she didn't understand.
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Raybo48
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 413



« Reply #33 on: November 13, 2014, 05:39:11 PM »

wow... its like i entered a rabbit hole a few days ago and im in a new dimension reading all of this... and whats worst about it is it all makes 101% sense... im devastated...

are they really known for being good sexually? why is that? my ex was incredible...

but rationally, why are they known to be good sexually?

I've never read where they are known to be good sexually, and I've read a ton of material on BPD. Now where you may be confusing it is they have been known to be hypersexual, but that doesn't mean they are awesome in bed.

Actually you have a point, my ex after a few drinks would turn into a porn star, and would often freak me out because just behaved ridiculous, it seemed like an act.

Or, she would be incredibly shy, she just wanted to please me and didn't care about me pleasing her, and sometimes burst into tears after sex.

Either way, there was no real intimacy in it, I explained that sex for me is about an emotional connection, thats what makes it amazing, she didn't understand.

Excellent point,  same with me.  She seemed to be going through the motions and there was no emotional connection, which has always been very important for me no matter who I was with.   There was always an end game when it came to sex with her.   A few days later, a week... She would use the event as something she did for me and now look how horrible I am right now that I showed up 5 minutes late to her house, or I wasn't able to come on that particular day to see her, or I didn't offer to buy her something when we were out.   It goes back to my point about everything being conditional with them... I'd love to hear from any member where they could site an example of something 'unconditional' they received from their BPDx in any form... Love, sex, a gesture... .It just doesn't happen.
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Deeno02
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1526



« Reply #34 on: November 13, 2014, 06:08:07 PM »

Funny, I remember when at the very end in the gym, when she was raging, one of the things she spewed was "you blame your sex problems on me". ? We never had a sex problem unless you count trying to bust one out with 5 freakin kids running around the house. There was a time when they changed my blood pressure medicine and I was sick a couple days, but we weren't planning anything anyway. I dont know why she said that other than to demean me on something that never happened. What the heck... .
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bungenstein
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 252


« Reply #35 on: November 13, 2014, 06:20:17 PM »

wow... its like i entered a rabbit hole a few days ago and im in a new dimension reading all of this... and whats worst about it is it all makes 101% sense... im devastated...

are they really known for being good sexually? why is that? my ex was incredible...

but rationally, why are they known to be good sexually?

I've never read where they are known to be good sexually, and I've read a ton of material on BPD. Now where you may be confusing it is they have been known to be hypersexual, but that doesn't mean they are awesome in bed.

Actually you have a point, my ex after a few drinks would turn into a porn star, and would often freak me out because just behaved ridiculous, it seemed like an act.

Or, she would be incredibly shy, she just wanted to please me and didn't care about me pleasing her, and sometimes burst into tears after sex.

Either way, there was no real intimacy in it, I explained that sex for me is about an emotional connection, thats what makes it amazing, she didn't understand.

Excellent point,  same with me.  She seemed to be going through the motions and there was no emotional connection, which has always been very important for me no matter who I was with.   There was always an end game when it came to sex with her.   A few days later, a week... She would use the event as something she did for me and now look how horrible I am right now that I showed up 5 minutes late to her house, or I wasn't able to come on that particular day to see her, or I didn't offer to buy her something when we were out.   It goes back to my point about everything being conditional with them... I'd love to hear from any member where they could site an example of something 'unconditional' they received from their BPDx in any form... Love, sex, a gesture... .It just doesn't happen.

Yeh it was always "I do a, b, c, and d, what you do for me?"

Its comments like that that made me start backing away (amongst a million other things obviously)

One comment in particular that made me skin crawl which she said a few times was, "what am I actually getting out of this relationship?"

Like a relationship is some kind of trade of goods, not loving another person.
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peiper
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 805



« Reply #36 on: November 13, 2014, 06:44:53 PM »

wow... its like i entered a rabbit hole a few days ago and im in a new dimension reading all of this... and whats worst about it is it all makes 101% sense... im devastated...

are they really known for being good sexually? why is that? my ex was incredible...

but rationally, why are they known to be good sexually?

I've never read where they are known to be good sexually, and I've read a ton of material on BPD. Now where you may be confusing it is they have been known to be hypersexual, but that doesn't mean they are awesome in bed.

Actually you have a point, my ex after a few drinks would turn into a porn star, and would often freak me out because just behaved ridiculous, it seemed like an act.

Or, she would be incredibly shy, she just wanted to please me and didn't care about me pleasing her, and sometimes burst into tears after sex.

Either way, there was no real intimacy in it, I explained that sex for me is about an emotional connection, thats what makes it amazing, she didn't understand.

Excellent point,  same with me.  She seemed to be going through the motions and there was no emotional connection, which has always been very important for me no matter who I was with.   There was always an end game when it came to sex with her.   A few days later, a week... She would use the event as something she did for me and now look how horrible I am right now that I showed up 5 minutes late to her house, or I wasn't able to come on that particular day to see her, or I didn't offer to buy her something when we were out.   It goes back to my point about everything being conditional with them... I'd love to hear from any member where they could site an example of something 'unconditional' they received from their BPDx in any form... Love, sex, a gesture... .It just doesn't happen.

Never a thing. It was always about her. Without a doubt the most one way relationship I've ever been in. I'm really mad at myself for putting up with it for as long as I did.
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Deeno02
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1526



« Reply #37 on: November 13, 2014, 06:55:15 PM »

wow... its like i entered a rabbit hole a few days ago and im in a new dimension reading all of this... and whats worst about it is it all makes 101% sense... im devastated...

are they really known for being good sexually? why is that? my ex was incredible...

but rationally, why are they known to be good sexually?

I've never read where they are known to be good sexually, and I've read a ton of material on BPD. Now where you may be confusing it is they have been known to be hypersexual, but that doesn't mean they are awesome in bed.

Actually you have a point, my ex after a few drinks would turn into a porn star, and would often freak me out because just behaved ridiculous, it seemed like an act.

Or, she would be incredibly shy, she just wanted to please me and didn't care about me pleasing her, and sometimes burst into tears after sex.

Either way, there was no real intimacy in it, I explained that sex for me is about an emotional connection, thats what makes it amazing, she didn't understand.

Excellent point,  same with me.  She seemed to be going through the motions and there was no emotional connection, which has always been very important for me no matter who I was with.   There was always an end game when it came to sex with her.   A few days later, a week... She would use the event as something she did for me and now look how horrible I am right now that I showed up 5 minutes late to her house, or I wasn't able to come on that particular day to see her, or I didn't offer to buy her something when we were out.   It goes back to my point about everything being conditional with them... I'd love to hear from any member where they could site an example of something 'unconditional' they received from their BPDx in any form... Love, sex, a gesture... .It just doesn't happen.

Never a thing. It was always about her. Without a doubt the most one way relationship I've ever been in. I'm really mad at myself for putting up with it for as long as I did.

Ditto, so fu*king demanding. Nothing about me or my needs.
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Infared
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1763


« Reply #38 on: November 14, 2014, 05:34:35 AM »

seriously this doesnt seem real... i was manipulated something i never dreamed existed... how is this even possible... how was i so easily fooled? and why do i feel like i love her so much? how did she get me to have such strong feelings for her? why do i think she was the person i loved the most in my life?

seriously im so confused right now this seems like a work of fiction or something... everything with her seemed so real...

how can i let go of these feelings? how can i forget her? i really need ur help guys...

I was in your shoes.  Initially I was just shell-shocked... .bewildered, confused. I would consider myself extremely sensitive and my pain was great. She ran off a week before Christmas and left me in our home, feeding her cats and putting up a Christmas tree by myself. She said there was no one else... .

I will agree with what someone said above, Do not believe a WORD she says. Mine was a pathological liar. I had to look directly at her actions to see the truth. Very difficult when you love someone soo much. I was totally devastated. I could not cope. My depression became so great at the loss that I became suicidal.

I got a good therapist to find out how I ended up there... .and got in a self help group where I could process the insanity that had become my life.

You can get through this... .but look elsewhere for support, not to her. Mine was absolutely a selfish, cold, dishonest manipulative sociopath. Could "fool" everyone. I was dealing with an extremely sick person. The only thing that was healthy for me was ABSOLUTE no contact... .and a huge effort at healing myself from the emotional pain I was suffering. I needed to take care of me ( as much as that confused me), and I needed no more lies and abuse from her.

I had a very painful life choice/struggle. It was serious stuff.

Take care of YOU. They will not... .there is only harm there.
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