Got a pic from replacement... Im emotional, know I shouldnt be

[Recooperating]

I know, I know... .It really shouldnt bother me. I really should waste one more thought or one bit of energy on my dBPDexbf, I should be glad he's out of my life but reason is different from emtion. I got a pic today of my exdBPDbf and his replacement, a crazy ass b*tch that made my life miserabel. They pretend to be so happy together.

Long story short:

We were on and off for 14 years. Long distance, I met him when I was 19 during an internship on a tropical carribean island. He was my first bf and first intimate lover. From the start he lied. I was insecure and he was this charismatic confident guy and I fell hard.

We were on and off. I guess in retrospect I was always on the back burner... .

2 years ago we got in touch again. My rs had ended and his marriage was about to. We met up and connected like "crazy"  . He asked me to marry him within 2 days   . (He was still married!) He left his marriage, moved out, I paid everything for him since he had no job. He was on the tropical island, me on the other side of the planet. We were going to make sure we would be together. He would move here. 3 months in the dysregulation started and my codep kicked in. I would make him see the light. Untill 8 months later I broke up, he had crossed some serious boundaries in a rage and involved and disrespected my friends.

All the behaviours were classic BPD (didnt know about it then) projection, gaslighting, manipulation, cheating, lying, raging, false accusations, break ups, threathning suicide all the time. After 2 weeks apart we started talking again, he acknowlegde his mistakes and swore he'd do better. By that time he had hooked up with someone else but I didnt know back then.

It lasted 4 months, he started his old BS again and I danced the dysfunctional dance with him. A willing receiver for his BS. He dissociated (didnt know what that was at the time) said I was a lesbian (what?) that I cheated and was a horrible person. There was no getting through to him. During that time I looked at his FB and saw a picture of this woman and it all came to me like a sixth sence! (Scary) This mist have been his new landlord, he was cheating on me! I confronted him and because I knew the details (dont know, but my gutt told me) he had no choice but to admit in the end. At first i got a bunch of lies and stories I didnt fall for.

He left her, he had no place to stay so he begged me to help him and I paid a hotelroom for me. He gave me horrible stories about her. (All lies) I told him to go to T. if he wanted to work it out. He did.

This woman found me on FB and started to harrash me. She teamed up with his ex wife and tried to make my life miserabel. I flew over to see him (we had physicall fights and I was black and blue, keeping him from killing himself, again engaged in the dysfunctional dance... .) I went to T with him. He was diagnosed with BPD. What a relief for me! That meant we could work at it and cure him! (Not codep at all!) I read and read and read about the disorder and all fell into place. I tries the techniques and ways to handle it but I was getting really exhausted. I also had to deal with a mom terminal from cancer and my sister being suicidal and diagnosed bipolar. My job was demanding and my BPDexbf even more demanding. I was at my end.

The woman he cheated on with then send me pictures of them in his new apartment (in bed). He had some lame Excuse. She and her ex-wife kept trashing him and calling him NPD. Posting article after article on FB making fun of me and labelling my ex. My ex came with BS about his T coming on to him, he quit T and somehow the T said there was nothing wrong with him.

Eventually I couldnt take it anymore and I left. 1 month before we would get married. I had a nervous breakdown, got burned out, couldnt do my job, couldnt do anything. I was destroyed.

The ex-wife and the OW made a spectacle out of it on FB. Calling me bridezilla, posting more stuff about why NPD's recycle and want you back after NC.

I went NC, had a short recycle again and ofcourse that didnt end well. Now Im NC for 1,5. Last week he send my sister a mail telling her how he's ___ing 20 year olds and how all these women want him, i knew it was BS, I already knew he was with the OW. Or maybe he's doing both.

Today I got a pic in my mail of the two of them together, the other woman and him. The ex-wife is now stabbed in the back, their team work is done and the OW ended up with the prize! An BPD partner that trashed her numerous times and she trashed him over and over. Sounds like thay deserve each other! But it stings guys... .

He played all of us and we all willingly played his game. Im so angry at myself for letting me be treated this way! His poor ex-wife got stabbed in the back twice, first when he left her and then her friend goes off with her ex husband they used to trash together.

Not once did I respond to any of these women, since it was playground drama in my eyes. Sorry for venting guys, this all seems just so crazy. I know the best thing to do is let it go, focus on me and let him live his rotten deceitfull life.

The OW thinks she's won, but I know her prize will cost her!

[emancipated]

I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you and 14 years is a long time. Feel free to vent . one of the things I don't like about this place is that when u ask advice on what the ex is doing or how to interpret it ur met with regurgitated lines ... like no contact or why does it matter. One way or another they affected you. I was with a woman I suspect of having BPD and I loved her and her kids so.  I struggle too with who my replacement is sometimes still. We are both 30 and he is like 48 and not a well aged one at that. And I find myself looking at it sometimes and it does make me sad she said somethings I wouldn't have said to someone I hate and the way she would talk to me like the way a parent knows u already did something wrong but trying to be sly about it. The good times were amazing and she did make me feel like I was important for the first time. And to see her with someone so unfortunate looking really did a number on me. I seem to match the whole hero complex and wanting to rescue almost to the letter. One thing that has helped me is the fact it happened when it did and ended when it did than having bought a house together or heaven forbid had a child. She was so manipulative and I fell for it I wanted to believe what she said and on days when I have a free moment I think about her. She had me on such a routine that even now at different times I almost expect a text message because this was either her lunch or in between running errands or when she gets to work on then morning any contact we have had I initiated and up until the last one she was just so full of venom I still have a hard time remembering the same girl who would love me forever left me to be with an old man with money. I'm kinda anxious to see where this ends up not for the sake of recycing I'm.about 99% sure that would not happen now but because so many people I've shared my story with have said its likely gonna fall apart and that u were the lost one to pedestalize her that when it fails she will reach out to me.this last time we spoke it was about a dog we adopted together and I didn't ask bout her... her kids and she refuses to acknowledge the replacement to me at all even after he moved them to the rich side of town and then proceeds to ask me about my job situation and if me and my estranged wife had reconciled because of something she saw on Facebook and I'm thinking the whole time like why in hell do u care. Sorry just wanted to let u know ur not alone in ur struggle

[Recooperating]

Thank you so much EBNF!

It really does help knowing we're not alone in the struggle. Here we are alone with our heart ache while they are pretending to be happy with the replacement! Seeming to not have a care in the world! Im sorry to hear about your situation. Like you I am also happy there arent children involved!

Reason and emotion are 2 different things. I dont ever wanna go back to him ever, but having her throwing their so called happiness in my face like this SUCKS!

To think I almost married this man! What the heck was I thinking! I know Im the one who's better off. I have the opportunity to work on myself, heal and find a healthy caring partner, or just be happy alone with my dog (best anti-depressant in the world!).

Wish I my heart was detoxed already and wouldnt hurt so much... . 

Hang in there EBNF, we will be better off in the end.

[emancipated]

Ur very welcome. And I have found this to be the most interesting and depressing part about this whole experience is how many people the names change... the duration changes and then of course the servity of their crimes against us but the fundamental story is the same like a morbid dark comedy. And I'm begininng to think she really is happy and to be fair its better that way I feel like I'm head and shoulders above where I was but still regress from time to time. I had blocked her on Facebook but have recently unblocked her because in a dark way I would like for her to see what she gave up on especially if things are going as poorly as I imagine they would whereas general politness towards me was something I couldn't fathom before 2 weeks ago and knowing she had checked my Facebook by her own admission was def something that took me back because of how abruptly she sped off. One thing i can suggest because I'm tired of people telling me to focus on me is to look and focus on the fact that the love for u was real and remember how much of a capacity for love you have and that them leaving u so easily u can equate to a lie . it can't take the sting or the hurt out but for me it helped accelerate the scarring on the wounds. I don't take solace in the fact that this is likely not gonna work out for her and don't really have anything bad to say about him. I don't know the man and other than the fact he is pretty unfortunate looking I still want my ex to find happiness even if it isn't with me. She is a tortured soul and its kinda like being mad at an abused dog for biting you when they come to expect being hurt from everyone. Also keep in mind i think ur more likely to get a big recycle attempt because based on what I've read the ones who seem to try and come back is men more so then women althkugh it appears both are common. Dogs are great I was really hoping she still had the dog we adopted together or at least not given her away. And that was the reason for my last contact was to try and get Lola . unfortunately my ex said they still had it but me being the suspicious one checked her microchip number and sadly it is now registered to a name I've never heard of so hopefully she has a good home we didn't have her long and she was kinda a butt head but she was soo loving... I'm just glad I took the dog I brought into the relationship her name is punkin and is my heart she's with me now. So in short sometimes getting into contact again helps to remind u of the person they are. And how the devil behind brown eyes isn't the angel without wings I thought she was.if u need to talk private message me I'm happy to just listen or provide my 2 cents if requested