I know, I know... .It really shouldnt bother me. I really should waste one more thought or one bit of energy on my dBPDexbf, I should be glad he's out of my life but reason is different from emtion. I got a pic today of my exdBPDbf and his replacement, a crazy ass b*tch that made my life miserabel. They pretend to be so happy together.
Long story short:
We were on and off for 14 years. Long distance, I met him when I was 19 during an internship on a tropical carribean island. He was my first bf and first intimate lover. From the start he lied. I was insecure and he was this charismatic confident guy and I fell hard.
We were on and off. I guess in retrospect I was always on the back burner... .
2 years ago we got in touch again. My rs had ended and his marriage was about to. We met up and connected like "crazy"
. He asked me to marry him within 2 days . (He was still married!) He left his marriage, moved out, I paid everything for him since he had no job. He was on the tropical island, me on the other side of the planet. We were going to make sure we would be together. He would move here. 3 months in the dysregulation started and my codep kicked in. I would make him see the light. Untill 8 months later I broke up, he had crossed some serious boundaries in a rage and involved and disrespected my friends.
All the behaviours were classic BPD (didnt know about it then) projection, gaslighting, manipulation, cheating, lying, raging, false accusations, break ups, threathning suicide all the time. After 2 weeks apart we started talking again, he acknowlegde his mistakes and swore he'd do better. By that time he had hooked up with someone else but I didnt know back then.
It lasted 4 months, he started his old BS again and I danced the dysfunctional dance with him. A willing receiver for his BS. He dissociated (didnt know what that was at the time) said I was a lesbian (what?) that I cheated and was a horrible person. There was no getting through to him. During that time I looked at his FB and saw a picture of this woman and it all came to me like a sixth sence! (Scary) This mist have been his new landlord, he was cheating on me! I confronted him and because I knew the details (dont know, but my gutt told me) he had no choice but to admit in the end. At first i got a bunch of lies and stories I didnt fall for.
He left her, he had no place to stay so he begged me to help him and I paid a hotelroom for me. He gave me horrible stories about her. (All lies) I told him to go to T. if he wanted to work it out. He did.
This woman found me on FB and started to harrash me. She teamed up with his ex wife and tried to make my life miserabel. I flew over to see him (we had physicall fights and I was black and blue, keeping him from killing himself, again engaged in the dysfunctional dance... .) I went to T with him. He was diagnosed with BPD. What a relief for me! That meant we could work at it and cure him! (Not codep at all!) I read and read and read about the disorder and all fell into place. I tries the techniques and ways to handle it but I was getting really exhausted. I also had to deal with a mom terminal from cancer and my sister being suicidal and diagnosed bipolar. My job was demanding and my BPDexbf even more demanding. I was at my end.
The woman he cheated on with then send me pictures of them in his new apartment (in bed). He had some lame Excuse. She and her ex-wife kept trashing him and calling him NPD. Posting article after article on FB making fun of me and labelling my ex. My ex came with BS about his T coming on to him, he quit T and somehow the T said there was nothing wrong with him.
Eventually I couldnt take it anymore and I left. 1 month before we would get married. I had a nervous breakdown, got burned out, couldnt do my job, couldnt do anything. I was destroyed.
The ex-wife and the OW made a spectacle out of it on FB. Calling me bridezilla, posting more stuff about why NPD's recycle and want you back after NC.
I went NC, had a short recycle again and ofcourse that didnt end well. Now Im NC for 1,5. Last week he send my sister a mail telling her how he's ___ing 20 year olds and how all these women want him, i knew it was BS, I already knew he was with the OW. Or maybe he's doing both.
Today I got a pic in my mail of the two of them together, the other woman and him. The ex-wife is now stabbed in the back, their team work is done and the OW ended up with the prize! An BPD partner that trashed her numerous times and she trashed him over and over. Sounds like thay deserve each other! But it stings guys... .
He played all of us and we all willingly played his game. Im so angry at myself for letting me be treated this way! His poor ex-wife got stabbed in the back twice, first when he left her and then her friend goes off with her ex husband they used to trash together.
Not once did I respond to any of these women, since it was playground drama in my eyes. Sorry for venting guys, this all seems just so crazy. I know the best thing to do is let it go, focus on me and let him live his rotten deceitfull life.
The OW thinks she's won, but I know her prize will cost her!
