unwanted

[Depression = 72% of members]

Im not sure how they do it, but they are so good. Getting better after 2 months b/u, almost 50 days NC, but just got overcome by emotion. She said, at the b/u, that i was unlovable, incapable of love, emotionless,  unwanted. I feel every bit of it and just not really sure why. They are so good at mind fu*king you, I actually believe it. Im not sure why anyone would want me anymore. I failed. Just cant seem to shake this today. Shes having date night and Im fu*ked up. 30 steps forward, 28 steps back.

[Deeno02]

Im not sure how they do it, but they are so good. Getting better after 2 months b/u, almost 50 days NC, but just got overcome by emotion. She said, at the b/u, that i was unlovable, incapable of love, emotionless,  unwanted. I feel every bit of it and just not really sure why. They are so good at mind fu*king you, I actually believe it. Im not sure why anyone would want me anymore. I failed. Just cant seem to shake this today. Shes having date night and Im fu*ked up. 30 steps forward, 28 steps back.

[Mutt]

Deeno02,

That's tough when you hear your ex is out and you're hurt. I found remembering being devalued and it's likely going to happen to the other guy helped me.

i was unlovable, incapable of love, emotionless,  unwanted.

The honeymoon only lasts so long and it's back to reality. It hurts nonetheless. You didn't fail you were being devalued. I hope that helps.

[Deeno02]

Deeno02,

That's tough when you hear your ex is out and you're hurt. I found remembering being devalued and it's likely going to happen to the other guy helped me.

i was unlovable, incapable of love, emotionless,  unwanted.

The honeymoon only lasts so long and it's back to reality. It hurts nonetheless. You didn't fail you were being devalued. I hope that helps.

I know Mutt. Its times where im doing so well, and it is getting better, and out of no where, poof, a trigger and those haunting words from her that still rattle me. Im sure that at some point she will break this guy, or he will be smarter than me and run, but man she did such a number on me.

[vortex of confusion]

Sending you a great big hug!  

Mine has never said such things directly but it doesn't mean that he hasn't said it indirectly in a thousand different ways.

Hang in there! Her direct words were just a confirmation of how she treated you during the relationship. It was probably a projection of how she feels about herself rather than being about you. Even if she hadn't said those words directly, you would likely still be feeling that way because of how she devalued you.

[Deeno02]

Sending you a great big hug!  

Mine has never said such things directly but it doesn't mean that he hasn't said it indirectly in a thousand different ways.

Hang in there! Her direct words were just a confirmation of how she treated you during the relationship. It was probably a projection of how she feels about herself rather than being about you. Even if she hadn't said those words directly, you would likely still be feeling that way because of how she devalued you.

Im sure. Just never expected it. There was devaluation  going on of course, but never so harsh as that day in the gym. Sucked the life out of me. Still does, and thats why I feel helpless and second guess myself on everything. I was NEVER likd this before. Its amazing how they do it.

[BlackandBlue]

I'm right there with you deeno. I was doing so well a few days ago and the all of a sudden I'm right back where I'm started. Earlier in the week I thought I saw her with my replacement and was a real jolt. Last night I gave into temptation and did an Internet search on her (I know totally stupid of me). The only thing that came up was pintrest with people with her name. I started looking at them and I started freaking out because some of these pages that i thought could be hers had all this stuff pinned about health and fitness and I was like "she got her $hit together and is happy while I'm completely miserable and in pain" It turns out they weren't even her pintrest pages. I know how you feel about the mean and nasty stuff she  said. It REALLY hurts and I never expectedly her to do that to me. A lot of what was said was total cheap shots below the belt... .so cold... .so cruel. The worst one was that she said I wasn't even a real man because I was crying over her  she doesn't realize how much i love her

[Deeno02]

I'm right there with you deeno. I was doing so well a few days ago and the all of a sudden I'm right back where I'm started. Earlier in the week I thought I saw her with my replacement and was a real jolt. Last night I gave into temptation and did an Internet search on her (I know totally stupid of me). The only thing that came up was pintrest with people with her name. I started looking at them and I started freaking out because some of these pages that i thought could be hers had all this stuff pinned about health and fitness and I was like "she got her $hit together and is happy while I'm completely miserable and in pain" It turns out they weren't even her pintrest pages. I know how you feel about the mean and nasty stuff she  said. It REALLY hurts and I never expectedly her to do that to me. A lot of what was said was total cheap shots below the belt... .so cold... .so cruel. The worst one was that she said I wasn't even a real man because I was crying over her  she doesn't realize how much i love her

I make great money but got jammed with the debt when i divorced. I made a vow to take any extra and pay off my debt. Then i met her and told her 2 things. My kids come first and i dont have alot of extra money to throw around because i have a financial plan. She was cool with it. Its not that we didnt do anything, we were always out. Dinner, movies, bar hopping, stayed a few nights in chicago... etc. We discussed going away before her VB schedule became busy, well, i couldnt do it at that time and asked to reschedule. She had no problem with that. Of course during the break up rage, that came out. Well, she never got to see the engagement ring i got her to propose to her on her birthday. She dumped me beforehand  thank god!

[Mutt]

Of course during the break up rage, that came out. Well, she never got to see the engagement ring i got her to propose to her on her birthday. She dumped me beforehand  thank god!

Deeno02,

Think of these moments. I know it's not much now but they're little things we can think of to re-center us when we ruminate. It gets better. Hang in there.

[Deeno02]

Of course during the break up rage, that came out. Well, she never got to see the engagement ring i got her to propose to her on her birthday. She dumped me beforehand  thank god!

Deeno02,

Think of these moments. I know it's not much now but they're little things we can think of to re-center us when we ruminate. It gets better. Hang in there.

It has been going well so far Mutt, but just every now and then, something  punches me in the gut. Tomorrow's  another day!

[Mutt]

I know she did a number on you and every now and again you feel like you get punched in the gut. It's going to feel like that for awhile.

I think you had a real good analogy with being ambushed. You just keep pushing through.

[Caredverymuch]

Im not sure how they do it, but they are so good. Getting better after 2 months b/u, almost 50 days NC, but just got overcome by emotion. She said, at the b/u, that i was unlovable, incapable of love, emotionless,  unwanted. I feel every bit of it and just not really sure why. They are so good at mind fu*king you, I actually believe it. Im not sure why anyone would want me anymore. I failed. Just cant seem to shake this today. Shes having date night and Im fu*ked up. 30 steps forward, 28 steps back.

Deeno, none of us are sure of why our ex's seemed to zero in on very vulnerable spots within us that stuck, and stood out, and really hurt. It's been a common feeling with many members, including me.

Let's step away from the disorder for a moment and concentrate on you.

You are clearly a wonderful person who loves and values family, most especially children.  Yours as well as your ex's.  You are a supportive person who provides encouragement and growth to very many here.

You are not unlovable, incapable of love, emotionless, or unwanted.

Those were projections.  Quite simply. And hurtful ones at that. Non-truths.

Look back at your original posts here to see how much you are growing and learning and healing.  

We fall, but we get back up and move forward, not backward.

Keep focusing and taking care of you.  I promise, it gets better when you do.

[Deeno02]

Im not sure how they do it, but they are so good. Getting better after 2 months b/u, almost 50 days NC, but just got overcome by emotion. She said, at the b/u, that i was unlovable, incapable of love, emotionless,  unwanted. I feel every bit of it and just not really sure why. They are so good at mind fu*king you, I actually believe it. Im not sure why anyone would want me anymore. I failed. Just cant seem to shake this today. Shes having date night and Im fu*ked up. 30 steps forward, 28 steps back.

Deeno, none of us are sure of why our ex's seemed to zero in on very vulnerable spots within us that stuck, and stood out, and really hurt. It's been a common feeling with many members, including me.

Let's step away from the disorder for a moment and concentrate on you.

You are clearly a wonderful person who loves and values family, most especially children.  Yours as well as your ex's.  You are a supportive person who provides encouragement and growth to very many here.

You are not unlovable, incapable of love, emotionless, or unwanted.

Those were projections.  Quite simply. And hurtful ones at that. Non-truths.

Look back at your original posts here to see how much you are growing and learning and healing.  

We fall, but we get back up and move forward, not backward.

Keep focusing and taking care of you.  I promise, it gets better when you do.

Oh I know folks. Just venting.  . I know theres baby steps involved in this and this is a work in progress. I know I dodged a bullet on this! I am getting better but just had a What the heck moment today...

[BrokenFamily]

unlovable, incapable of love, emotionless & unwanted is how she feels about herself deep down, she's defending herself from feeling the pain of it by projecting it on to you.

Deeno are you a platypus? If people ran around calling you one how would you react? Would you start believing you had a flat tail and a duck bill?

No ! I'm quite sure you wouldn't, so why do you believe the ramblings of someone who you know isn't thinking straight?

Take control of your thoughts, they are yours to do whatever you want with. Control your inner dialog and every time you start to hear her negative words, have thoughts of her or go about missing her STOP IT, change the subject, think of something positive, imagine yourself where you'd like to be in the future, visit a friend, get out of the house, force yourself to occupy your mind with anything and everything but her and the non-sence she's polluting your head with.   

I know it's hard, my story is devastating and there's even more devastating stories out there but do you really want to continue to be a victim? Do you really want this to continue?

It's totally up to you my friend, I know it isn't easy and we all slip up at times but you need to have enough self determination to break free of the hold she has on you or it will keep lingering and eat you up from the inside out. I know you can do it, I believe in you and I'm quite sure in time you'll look back on this time and realize how worthless all the pain and sorrow your feeling was and how little it accomplished.

[Mutt]

Everyone has a bad day every now and again.

[Deeno02]

unlovable, incapable of love, emotionless & unwanted is how she feels about herself deep down, she's defending herself from feeling the pain of it by projecting it on to you.

Deeno are you a platypus? If people ran around calling you one how would you react? Would you start believing you had a flat tail and a duck bill?

No ! I'm quite sure you wouldn't, so why do you believe the ramblings of someone who you know isn't thinking straight?

Take control of your thoughts, they are yours to do whatever you want with. Control your inner dialog and every time you start to hear her negative words, have thoughts of her or go about missing her STOP IT, change the subject, think of something positive, imagine yourself where you'd like to be in the future, visit a friend, get out of the house, force yourself to occupy your mind with anything and everything but her and the non-sence she's polluting your head with.   

I know it's hard, my story is devastating and there's even more devastating stories out there but do you really want to continue to be a victim? Do you really want this to continue?

It's totally up to you my friend, I know it isn't easy and we all slip up at times but you need to have enough self determination to break free of the hold she has on you or it will keep lingering and eat you up from the inside out. I know you can do it, I believe in you and I'm quite sure in time you'll look back on this time and realize how worthless all the pain and sorrow your feeling was and how little it accomplished.

Thanks Broken, that's the kick in the ass I need. Your right, but this crap causes us so much PTSD it's ridiculous. Just gotta keep baby stepping. My T has me doing an exercise and some of those things my exgf said to me are part of the exercise. Guess it must have struck a nerve!

[myself]

I know what you're saying, but they're not baby steps, they're yours. You're a grown man who did his best who accumulated some wounds. Now you're making sure you're getting better, which your posts do show. We may have bent but we didn't break, right? There are times in our lives when things go one way instead of another, where it doesn't make as much sense at the time as it does later. Partially because we move on from the original intensity. What we're going through are chapters in our lives and the pages are still turning. There's more to the story and in many ways yes we are the writer too. Being 'unwanted' by someone who has proven to not be good for you is a blessing in disguise that's right out in the open. Keep going, you're really getting there. The more this stuff is faced, the less it defaces us.