Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 04:48:33 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
Pages: [1] 2  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Rough Night  (Read 593 times)
lovethebeach
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 199


« on: November 16, 2014, 06:22:14 PM »

Tonight seems rather difficult for me. Its 10 days NC but about 17 since the official break-up.

He's out on a date tonight and I'm finding it difficult to cope... .even after everything he put me through.

It seems hes already started the decline... .he quit/got fired from his job and is now out, free of me (accountability), doing whatever he wants. He'll eventually hit bottom... .but for now, it seems he's happy without the rules and responsibilities and I'm still painted black since he hasn't initiated contact.

I don't even know why at this point I'd want to speak to him. There isn't anything left to say. I guess just knowing he's out with someone else hurts.

Rough night.  :'(

Logged
fromheeltoheal
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642


« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2014, 06:38:32 PM »

Excerpt
I guess just knowing he's out with someone else hurts.

Yes, that does hurt, I'm sorry that's happening.  As a focus shift, remember how bad it was when it was bad, and know that she will experience the same hell, or maybe she'll be onto him right away and reject him; expect a phone call if that happens.  Also, notice how he's panicking and looking for a new attachment, like an emotional bouncing ball, while you're here talking to us, processing and healing.  You're doing it the healthy way and the right way.  Take care of you!
Logged
neverloveagain
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 227



« Reply #2 on: November 16, 2014, 06:44:56 PM »

When the morning sun comes this day will be a new day your day dont waste your life with what ifs and regret, embrace your new found freedom and you are free let all the bad thoughts slide away, you are free to make new choices new adventures dont hold back you now have your own golden ticket to a new life live it ;
Logged
lovethebeach
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 199


« Reply #3 on: November 16, 2014, 07:05:11 PM »

Why does it hurt? I guess just the whole way he's handled it... .I really did love him.

It doesn't seem as if it hurt him or even phases him. 

Sometimes I wish I had an "off" switch like he does.
Logged
fromheeltoheal
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642


« Reply #4 on: November 16, 2014, 07:21:24 PM »

Excerpt
Why does it hurt? I guess just the whole way he's handled it... .I really did love him.

Because you were all-in emotionally and it didn't work.  Part of detaching is letting go of the hope that it could work out, and that hurts.

Excerpt
It doesn't seem as if it hurt him or even phases him. 

Sometimes I wish I had an "off" switch like he does.

Borderlines have endured a lifetime of pain, the disorder is hell, so he's got lots of practice dealing with painful emotions, some of which include unrealistic distortions and warping of reality.  It's a mental illness.  You don't want that.  But what you will get, once you grieve and heal, is a better understanding of yourself and a new-found zest for life.  Yes you will.  But it takes what it takes.  Take care of you!
Logged
Raybo48
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 413



« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2014, 07:45:47 PM »

Why does it hurt? I guess just the whole way he's handled it... .I really did love him.

It doesn't seem as if it hurt him or even phases him.  

Sometimes I wish I had an "off" switch like he does.

It's totally understandable why you would be upset that he's out on a date.  As the other member said you were invested emotionally 100%.  It's also understandable how you would feel upset that his life is coming apart after all you did to hold it up.

You have to let him sink or swim on his own and at this point you really need to think about you and your emotional growth.

I know it's hard, but it will get better.

PS. You don't want an off switch... .Even though all the feelings you are going through absolutely suck it shows you have compassion and empathy.   Don't ever trade those away for anything.
Logged
DangIthurts
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 181


« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2014, 08:12:00 PM »

Mines out happy as a clam wanting to go make food with guys, from what I saw on FB, I doubt she followed through but the point is... .I just remember how much I BEGGED, to spend time and got blown off.

This coming Friday will be the longest I've gone without speaking to her. I've made it 8 days, but due to extenuating circumstances I've had to contact her twice... .But I've been good these last four days as much as it hurts.
Logged
Raybo48
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 413



« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2014, 08:30:37 PM »

It's not easy.  I'm at day 14 and there are good and bad days. 
Logged
emancipated
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 92


« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2014, 08:50:08 PM »

I'm at 5 months guys and there still are days but it gets to be infrequent more and more. But today I woke up thinking about her ... and my replacement... The good times... her actions since... and now wondering if she will deem me a recycle attempt or not. My only advice is if u need to look back look back... Just remember that person u fell in love with and the person who discarded u are not the same person just in the same.body . its something I am preparing to face should the recycle come
Logged
Left broken and confused
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 145


« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2014, 10:02:25 PM »

I am having one of many rough nights also. I  wish I could just forget the last 4 years honestly. The amount of hurt has become much less but I am still very jealous when I see photos of him and my replacement and they look happy. So far every weekend they are out doing something and I was barely able to get him out of the house to go out to dinner.  I just still don't understand this whole thing
Logged
StayOrLeave15
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 155


« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2014, 10:28:21 PM »

It's totally understandable why you would be upset that he's out on a date.  As the other member said you were invested emotionally 100%.  It's also understandable how you would feel upset that his life is coming apart after all you did to hold it up.

You have to let him sink or swim on his own and at this point you really need to think about you and your emotional growth.

I know it's hard, but it will get better.

PS. You don't want an off switch... .Even though all the feelings you are going through absolutely suck it shows you have compassion and empathy.   Don't ever trade those away for anything.

It does hurt.  It really hurts.  The idea of the person you love out with someone else is very, very painful. 

Why can they move on so quickly? Because they don't experiences emotions like we do. The "off switch" is at the very core of their disorder.

After my first breakup with her (there were dozens, but 2 "real" ones) I was obsessing over her.  She was stalking me and I was firm with NC but I was checking her FB, whatsapp, instagram statuses, googling her, imagining her out having fun, laughing with, and f**king another guy.  Then we had our 6-week recycle and the second real breakup happened.

I'm on Day 28 here and it hurts every day. During the first breakup I was dating/messing around with other girls simply to spite her. (She's out with someone else, let me go do the same was my logic.)  This time I've been doing things differently.   But I've been directing that energy elsewhere.  I've been going to the gym and taking care of myself.  I realize that I am NOT ready to meet other girls, so that is not my priority right now.

But most importantly, when I think about "seeing what she's up to" I catch the behavior and don't do it.  For example, she and I have completely blocked each other in every which way.  But if I wanted to make another FB account or use a friend's, etc., then I check on her.  Or if I walked in certain parts of my city "accidentally run into her."  But why? See her with another guy? How is that helping myself?  She is going to put her next victim through hell, why do I want to torture myself by seeing it.  So I choose not to do it now and I am happier for it.

I read on here that the best "revenge" on your BPDex is living a happy life.  Because without serious treatment, they will never have that. 

I just still don't understand this whole thing

That's just it.  It is a disorder.  You can't fix it. 

That doesn't mean it isn't going to hurt.  You are going through a grieving process.

My advice is to be with your feelings, but not to look at these pictures, as hard as that may be.  You have to say to yourself, "Is looking at these pictures of him making me feel better or worse?"

I hope that my experience can help you and you can get there.  Like I said, I still hurt every day, but I am making positive steps in my life, that I never would have made if she were still a part of it.
Logged
Left broken and confused
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 145


« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2014, 10:58:54 PM »

I know your right and I try to keep in mind I wasn't all that happy when I was with him. I don't know why it's driving me crazy now. I look at him and wonder could he have changed in these last few months or did he feel differently about me and that's why he isn't acting crazy with her yet? As you can see I can't help but try and figure out his degree of craziness  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
Logged
OutOfEgypt
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 1056



« Reply #12 on: November 16, 2014, 11:09:22 PM »

Yup, it hurts, but it gets better.  It really does.  Each day out is a day closer to you being content in your own life and finding your own happiness.  My ex has indicated many times how "happy" she is, now, and it doesn't hurt any more when she says it -partly because I'm happy with my own life (especially when she's leaving me alone) and don't care, and partly because I think she's full of it, anyway.  What is really nice is when some of her friends seek me out and privately message me on Facebook just to tell me how happy *I* look.  And I am.  And you will be, too. 
Logged
CareTaker
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 133


« Reply #13 on: November 17, 2014, 01:02:49 AM »

Excerpt
Borderlines have endured a lifetime of pain, the disorder is hell, so he's got lots of practice dealing with painful emotions, some of which include unrealistic distortions and warping of reality.  It's a mental illness.

Yip, those words are so true. I saw her pain every day, but couldn't do enough to heal it. You get to a point when you realize that there never is enough you can do. There always will be a list of demands. And towards the end, the demands got crazy because I started making some serious money, and she wanted her share.

After we split a mutual friend told me she had met this wonderful guy. Strange, I wasn't even jealous. I saw a pic of the 2 of them on FB, after some fashion show. Really, is that my replacement? Is that the best you can do?

Yet the pic was deleted the following day, because she doesn't like pics of her and her boyfriend/s on the net. It is a secret. LOL

Then I was told that things don't seem to be going so well. I made a choice to cut everything related to this woman out my life, and broke contact with the friends.

I remember some time ago a family member told me that I was the best thing in her life. Not only has it been the longest relationship that she had, but she had found some stability. Sadly, she would always tell her family what a looser I am.

About a month after I walked out, I met up with an ex from a few years ago. She is a doctor and we spent some time chatting. But just as friends. We went out quite often, but no physical contact. It really helps to chat to someone who is professional and can relate to your experience. Only now, 2 months after break up, am I beginning to feel the love and affection this woman has. Things are getting along just fine, and we planning a weekend away over the festive season. But for now, her friendship is more valuable to me, than anything else.

We must realize that a life with a Borderline is toxic. It will always be. There are normal people out there who can give you love and support you when you need it. You just got to go find the right one.

The choice is yours... .!
Logged
Deeno02
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1526



« Reply #14 on: November 17, 2014, 06:29:44 AM »

This weekend was not so good. However, Last weekend was! So baby steps folks. Im 2 and some change months after b/u. Im 52 days in N/C and so far, its been ok. Just ok. Nothing earth shattering, just ok. I expect as I go along, it will become great, but not now, not yet. Time and distance may not heal all wounds, but it sure as hell helps alot. Your going to have these feelings for a while. I have difficulty simply because she lives in the same sub division as me, her son and mine are BFF's and she coaches my sons HS volleyball team. Yet, thus far Ive avoided her, wont be so lucky when VB season kicks off though, so my T and I are working on that strategy... Hang in there, it does get better...
Logged
emancipated
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 92


« Reply #15 on: November 17, 2014, 06:48:28 AM »

I too can relate... Its funny in her pics with him it almost seems like a feigned happiness though. Almost as if trying to recreate what came naturally in ours. The hardest time I've had is dealing with who the replacement is. He is 20 years older and has much more money but me and my ex used to pick on and make fun of girls who went with older homely guys and why they even try for younger girls. And then she turns right around and does it. Now with what's gone on I can only wonder of their is an attempt to recycle or am I officially done with this nightmare for good
Logged
Deeno02
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1526



« Reply #16 on: November 17, 2014, 07:13:57 AM »

I too can relate... Its funny in her pics with him it almost seems like a feigned happiness though. Almost as if trying to recreate what came naturally in ours. The hardest time I've had is dealing with who the replacement is. He is 20 years older and has much more money but me and my ex used to pick on and make fun of girls who went with older homely guys and why they even try for younger girls. And then she turns right around and does it. Now with what's gone on I can only wonder of their is an attempt to recycle or am I officially done with this nightmare for good

She has not a damn thing to say about it. Its on you and you alone. You want to re-cycle? Do so and accept the consequences. You want to cut her out of your life and officially be done? Do so... .but its your choice and your choice alone.
Logged
hope2727
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1210



« Reply #17 on: November 17, 2014, 07:35:42 AM »

Excerpt
Its funny in her pics with him it almost seems like a feigned happiness though. Almost as if trying to recreate what came naturally in ours.

I know what you mean. Throughout our years of pictures you can see in my expwBPD's eyes wether he was well or not. For many months his eyes were lively and sparkled, then suddenly his eyes were dull and dead and lifeless. In the pic with the replacement her smile is genuine and lively his however is strained and numb looking. The replacement looks like a younger me. I wonder how long it will last. I wonder when it started. I suspect he was grooming her prior to leaving me. I wonder if he will manage to meet her needs where he couldn't meet mine.

Sigh. I wonder when I will stop wondering.

Thanks for listening guys.
Logged
Infared
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1763


« Reply #18 on: November 17, 2014, 07:37:22 AM »

Tonight seems rather difficult for me. Its 10 days NC but about 17 since the official break-up.

He's out on a date tonight and I'm finding it difficult to cope... .even after everything he put me through.

It seems hes already started the decline... .he quit/got fired from his job and is now out, free of me (accountability), doing whatever he wants. He'll eventually hit bottom... .but for now, it seems he's happy without the rules and responsibilities and I'm still painted black since he hasn't initiated contact.

I don't even know why at this point I'd want to speak to him. There isn't anything left to say. I guess just knowing he's out with someone else hurts.

Rough night.  :'(

Mine "said" she started dating after the abrupt abandonment... .but in reality she was just running off to her new supply that she was having an ongoing affair with.  Are you sure you were not duped? BPD's are master manipulators.  BPD's generally cannot be alone for one minute, so they generally can't leave until they have a place to go... .I know that mine would never have had the strength to go out into the great unknown on her own... .that knowledge is how I smelled the rat.

Either way... .I understand your pain. Once I realized the truth I initiated total NC as I did not need to know or hear about any particulars... .it was just too painful for me. Less info put me on the path to getting better. Info about them just equaled torture. It had to be all about me... .It was survival.
Logged
going places
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 835



« Reply #19 on: November 17, 2014, 08:07:05 AM »

I am so thankful that when the house sells, I am free to move anywhere I want.

And I am choosing Florida!

5 states away from the ex.

When I cross the line from IN to KY... .I will shed off my old life.

When I cross the line from GA to FLA... .My new life, will begin!

THAT is the glue that holds me together... .THAT is what I look forward too, what I reflect on, when I have days that I am depressed or down.

I am so thankful, grateful that this is going to happen!
Logged
lovethebeach
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 199


« Reply #20 on: November 17, 2014, 09:34:45 AM »

What helps you on the bad days/nights?

I'm trying to accept that this is his journey alone ... and he has to make the choices on his own. Without me, he'll sink... .but it isn't my responsibility. Nothing more I can do.

But, the things he said ... .keep replaying. I did Everything for him and to be treated this way... .I guess he's trying to move on.

He'll never find another me.
Logged
OutOfEgypt
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 1056



« Reply #21 on: November 17, 2014, 09:38:03 AM »

What helps?

Therapy

Stop thinking so much

Cry

Sometimes I had to just... .exist.  Just do my routine, even if it felt like I was just existing until it was time to go to bed, again.

Another thing that helped was realizing that I don't need to make the painful feelings go away.  Ruminating and obsessing about what she said or did was just a way to avoid the feelings, but that grief and pain was essential.  It's not only part of life and part of healing, it's part of what will motivate you to stay away from him and build a new life for yourself... .because you wont want to ever go through it again!
Logged
Deeno02
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1526



« Reply #22 on: November 17, 2014, 09:53:38 AM »

What helps?

Therapy

Stop thinking so much

Cry

Sometimes I had to just... .exist.  Just do my routine, even if it felt like I was just existing until it was time to go to bed, again.

Another thing that helped was realizing that I don't need to make the painful feelings go away.  Ruminating and obsessing about what she said or did was just a way to avoid the feelings, but that grief and pain was essential.  It's not only part of life and part of healing, it's part of what will motivate you to stay away from him and build a new life for yourself... .because you wont want to ever go through it again!



Thats what it boils down to. Just being. I stay busy, go out with friends, work out, much like I have always done before her. And cry. Not as much as in the begining, but it happens every now and again when triggered. Therapy is a must to help get those hurtful things out of my head she put there.
Logged
lovethebeach
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 199


« Reply #23 on: November 17, 2014, 12:29:41 PM »

www.elitedaily.com/dating/sex/an-open-letter-to-my-ex-how-a-best-friend-becomes-a-stranger/



Read this and cried... .except he won't find better.

We're strangers now.
Logged
OutOfEgypt
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 1056



« Reply #24 on: November 17, 2014, 12:35:24 PM »

Hang in there.  In time, you will feel better.  I used to believe we were "best friends", too.  But the truth is that I was her best friend, and that's about it.  It was one-way.  And I was then accused of being her enemy when I would act to protect myself when she was stabbing me in the back and lying to me.  

But see... .I knew everything from her social security number to how she liked her toast browned and buttered to exactly how to talk her down when she was having an anxiety attack.  I was everything to her, and I mistook that for being "best friends" or for being "close."  But now that I have the perspective gained from time plus healing plus therapy plus distance, I can see that there was nothing mutual about it at all.  We shared a "bond" because of the emotional enmeshment, but it was not a friendship, not a partnership.  I was like a security blanket to her.  More like an object for her security and use than a person with valued and respected feelings and opinions.  I got to be her everything, and I got to be blamed and punished for not being enough, while she got to be my... .my what?  I dunno.  The person who took advantage of it all?  We had good times, but overall it was a completely one-way relationship... .and that isn't a relationship
Logged
Deeno02
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1526



« Reply #25 on: November 17, 2014, 12:41:33 PM »

Hang in there.  In time, you will feel better.  I used to believe we were "best friends", too.  But the truth is that I was her best friend, and that's about it.  It was one-way.  And I was then accused of being her enemy when I would act to protect myself when she was stabbing me in the back and lying to me.  

But see... .I knew everything from her social security number to how she liked her toast browned and buttered to exactly how to talk her down when she was having an anxiety attack.  I was everything to her, and I mistook that for being "best friends" or for being "close."  But now that I have the perspective gained from time plus healing plus therapy plus distance, I can see that there was nothing mutual about it at all.  We shared a "bond" because of the emotional enmeshment, but it was not a friendship, not a partnership.  I was like a security blanket to her.  More like an object for her security and use than a person with valued and respected feelings and opinions.  I got to be her everything, and I got to be blamed and punished for not being enough, while she got to be my... .my what?  I dunno.  The person who took advantage of it all?  We had good times, but overall it was a completely one-way relationship... .more like a contract than a relationship.

Yep. My r/s was pretty lop sided too. It was either her or her kids because of her life chaos. Funny, now that I look back on it, I was a part timer, but yet it was always "you dont want to spend time with me" or "you never spend time with me" and my favorite "treat me special or lose me". God, I detest the word special.
Logged
lovethebeach
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 199


« Reply #26 on: November 17, 2014, 03:21:50 PM »

How long before you saw things clearly? I feel as the days with NC past I get to see more and more, but yet its still so painful. It seems easier for him to go out and find someone new than re-approach me?

I think I need to be prepared if he does call/text and I'm unsure of what to do... .I guess not answering would be best?

I'm hanging in there... .yet, somehow this more difficult than me previous breakups.

Yet,I find this applies:

“It is in that moment, when you really lay down your cards and see the relationship for what it was, that you'll find the freedom to kick it in the ass and let it go.”

― Greg Behrendt, It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy

Logged
Deeno02
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1526



« Reply #27 on: November 17, 2014, 03:31:35 PM »

How long before you saw things clearly? I feel as the days with NC past I get to see more and more, but yet its still so painful. It seems easier for him to go out and find someone new than re-approach me?

I think I need to be prepared if he does call/text and I'm unsure of what to do... .I guess not answering would be best?

I'm hanging in there... .yet, somehow this more difficult than me previous breakups.

Yet,I find this applies:

“It is in that moment, when you really lay down your cards and see the relationship for what it was, that you'll find the freedom to kick it in the ass and let it go.”

― Greg Behrendt, It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy

It becomes clear as the fog lifts. Things I chose to repress out of love, and in my case, fear of being alone. Thought I had found the one. I didn't. I was used until she regained her confidence now I'm done. It will start to become clearer as time goes by. It really will. You'll become angry at yourself when you realize what you put up with. It helps.
Logged
OutOfEgypt
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 1056



« Reply #28 on: November 17, 2014, 03:39:31 PM »

How long before I saw things clearly?  Well, the first counselor leveled with me and told me, "You've gotta leave her.  She's borderline.  She's pathological.  She's going to keep doing this to you", about 9 years ago.  I didn't really believe it, nor did I want to.  I kept thinking if I could just improve, she'd finally be happy with me.  We almost divorced twice.  Each time I was devastated.  We finally went through with it, and by that time I was much more resolved about what was going on... .but not completely.  She promised to do therapy, and we had a short recycle after the divorce.  I lost all the footing and clarity that I had, but thanks to "practice" (ha ha) and having been in therapy for the past four years, I bounced back out of the "woe-is-me... .it's my fault, and I miss her" in about two weeks.  The rest of the past year has been getting over the hell I've lived through for the past 14-15 years and not allowing her constant drama to pull my head into hating her guts all over again.  It is difficult, but it is WAY better than it was, and I may remember tender moments here or there, but not with any desire to have her back, whatsoever.  I really owe my strength and recovery to having a very good therapist.  He saved my life.
Logged
Infared
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1763


« Reply #29 on: November 17, 2014, 04:01:04 PM »

How long before I saw things clearly?  Well, the first counselor leveled with me and told me, "You've gotta leave her.  She's borderline.  She's pathological.  She's going to keep doing this to you", about 9 years ago.  I didn't really believe it, nor did I want to.  I kept thinking if I could just improve, she'd finally be happy with me.  We almost divorced twice.  Each time I was devastated.  We finally went through with it, and by that time I was much more resolved about what was going on... .but not completely.  She promised to do therapy, and we had a short recycle after the divorce.  I lost all the footing and clarity that I had, but thanks to "practice" (ha ha) and having been in therapy for the past four years, I bounced back out of the "woe-is-me... .it's my fault, and I miss her" in about two weeks.  The rest of the past year has been getting over the hell I've lived through for the past 14-15 years and not allowing her constant drama to pull my head into hating her guts all over again.  It is difficult, but it is WAY better than it was, and I may remember tender moments here or there, but not with any desire to have her back, whatsoever.  I really owe my strength and recovery to having a very good therapist.  He saved my life.

Great stuff!
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1] 2  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!