Persons with either Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder tend to have have weak interpersonal relationships, struggle to love others, have difficulty empathizing, are egocentric in their perceptions of reality, and have a great need for attention. Unlike the borderline personality, however, because the personality of someone with NPD is more well-integrated, people with NPD are less likely to have episodes of psychotic states, especially when under stress.
A key distinguishing feature of BPD is neediness; in contrast, for NPD an important discriminator is grandiosity. Likewise, persons with NPD are less self-destructive, have better impulse control, a higher tolerance for anxiety, and are less preoccupied with dependency and abandonment issues than are BPDs.
Finally, the self-mutilation and persistent overt rage that are often characteristic of the borderline personality are absent in NPD.
I hadn't read the entire article Ziggidy. I had found an article on the internet on "narcissistic parents" The bolded sounds like my dad. My ex is self-destructive, lacks impulse control, can display empathy. My dad has grandiose ideas, ego-centric, needs constant attention. That's the difference between them.
He shows a lack of empathy for others and it is very hard for him to display love. It's like I'm non-existant. I can't recall slighting him and we had our differences when I was prepubescent. That being said he showed little interest then and shows no interest now. He can go for months with calling and if he does usually it's about someone else in the family.
He's very ego-centric and where his grandiosity I think is the exaggeration of his life experiences and accomplishments. I don't want to devaluate the man. He had a strong work ethic which I have respect for and he is interesting with his knowledge ( as long as it's a subject he's talking about
) he takes up a lot of space though and people have to orbit around him.
I feel sad for him. I really do. Living life with little or no self-awareness and not seeing the big picture and the cause and effect if his choices. Maybe I'm setting the bar too high. It's his ways I just wish he opened his eyes. Perhaps it's me that has to accept him for who he. This is my dad, he's a narcissist. Having received little to no attention from him and my SM and invalidated I can clearly see why I was attention seeking with my wife and loved her idealization. A polarized effect.
I think the abandonment fear is central to BPD diagnosis whilst grandiosity is key to NPD
Thanks for pointing that tidbit out Ziggidy. You're right and my dad doesn't have abandonment fears.
Good evening BrokenFamily,
Glad to be some help and you're welcome. I agree it is an interesting read
I've been here for awhile and hadn't read itMy ex recently made a comment about her mother, cousin and myself stating were all ugly and suggested were plotting against her.
I agree with vanity in the context of Narcissism. I also agree low self worth. I see this a little differently, I read this as projecting your low self worth on others.
We talked about my ex's disorder and how erratic her behavior has been and her mother frustrated suggested it was her fault for spoiling her daughter because she feels entitled to get everything and anything she wants from people without working for it herself.
You're kind you picked up your exMIL. I can't say I'd do the same for my exMIL. I'd leave her out in the rain. I jest. My exMIL is a story for another time. I'd validate your exMIL and tell her it's mot her fault her D suffers from a mental illness. I agree there's a sense of entitlement with your ex a sense of narcissism that can also be a part of the BPD sub role variant of Queen / Witch. If you don't give into the Queen's demands she'll cast you out. Persons that don't enable her are mistreated and split black. I'm sorry.
If you don't give her what she wants she will find someone else who will.
she's nice only when she wants something but once her needs are met she will want nothing to do with you. This has lead me to look more closely at NPD.
Understanding that people acting out Queen behaviors are operating with faulty filters and in an unrecovered state may allow us to walk away when the "Queen" is being queenly, and rejoin when he/she has returned to a more civil state. The demand of the Queen on her children or those around her to be a subject can be influential in one's ability to maintain some contact or not.)Waif, Hermit, Queen, and WitchI think we the other guy it's more so objectification and a need for her. On the other hand, she sounds like she's in her honeymoon and idealization and not seeing his faults. She's putting him way up on a pedestal and once the honeymoon wears off his imperfections and things she doesn't like start to be noticeable and the cracks in the r/s start to appear. This is where the black and white thinking I think is so destructive. She's undervaluing you and overvaluing the new guy.
Things will start falling into place as you work through this to make sense of your experience. She may be narcissistic I'm leaning towards Queen as narcissistic traits are tied into the Queen as well. I sense entitlement and she casts you out if you don't give into her demands.
