My continued attemp for closure

[BrokenFamily]

She actually apologized for being at the replacements house and not being home when she said she would be for me to drop off our daughter. I told her it's okay and sent the following response via text:

Speaking of sorry... .One of the biggest regrets I have is not trying to understand why you made those crazy accusations and stories about me, I should have listened and validated your feelings and tried to figure out why you felt the way you did. If I did that and didn't react feeling hurt and trying to defend myself I think our family could still be together. I'm sorry I was too frustrated and hurt to really listen and understand.

I don't want to go on and on about the past and maybe it's better I email you stuff and you can read & reply or not when it's more convenient. In order for me to heal and have real closure, I need to understand apologize and make sure I'm able to not make the same mistakes in the future so we can both work together and be the best parents in the world for our daughter.  

I'm sure many will suggest I go no contact (unless it's about the baby) for my own good but I can see in her eyes when she looks at me that she's hurting too.

I'd love to hear your opinion Mutt!

[ReluctantSurvivor]

I have pondered sending similar sentiments to my ex.  If it is part of helping you heal it could be good but we just never know how a pwBPD might react.

My 2 cents: tread lightly and at a slow pace.  Keep your expectations reasonable.

  I hope you have some success, as you said, this is about doing what is best for your daughter.

[BrokenFamily]

I don't' know I think it's helping... .I also texted her pictures taken only days before the breakup of how happy a family we were and how sincere her smile was. I may have went over board and sent her too many but I kept going thru my phone and seeing this beautiful family and sending them trying to get her to at the very least not think is was as bad as she makes it out to be. She was really nice today despite saying she's in love with my replacement. At the very least she's maybe feeling some guilt or remorse over the breakup. To me and everyone we know it's so obvious that she's painted me black, remembers only the bad times and is with a new guy because she can't be alone and needs to feel loved but to her it's almost impossible to see. I'm still fighting to save my family but to her I'm an annoying ex that needs to get over it. Even if my efforts were in vain and nothing good comes of it I feel much better so I'm coping the only way I know how just like she is. Unfortunately I know she's going to bury the anger & moods with the new guy to prove to herself and everyone else that it wasn't her and it's going to end up working out at least for a while.

[Deeno02]

I don't' know I think it's helping... .I also texted her pictures taken only days before the breakup of how happy a family we were and how sincere her smile was. I may have went over board and sent her too many but I kept going thru my phone and seeing this beautiful family and sending them trying to get her to at the very least not think is was as bad as she makes it out to be. She was really nice today despite saying she's in love with my replacement. At the very least she's maybe feeling some guilt or remorse over the breakup. To me and everyone we know it's so obvious that she's painted me black, remembers only the bad times and is with a new guy because she can't be alone and needs to feel loved but to her it's almost impossible to see. I'm still fighting to save my family but to her I'm an annoying ex that needs to get over it. Even if my efforts were in vain and nothing good comes of it I feel much better so I'm coping the only way I know how just like she is. Unfortunately I know she's going to bury the anger & moods with the new guy to prove to herself and everyone else that it wasn't her and it's going to end up working out at least for a while.

Amazing how they all fall in love in 2.5 minutes. What a pile of horse___.

[BrokenFamily]

Agreed, but I think I'm getting to her.

I should have been using this technique from the beginning along with periods of no contact to give her time to see it for herself.

but I don't think she's coming back and I'm pretty sure she will hide her issues with the replacement for quite sometime in an effort to blame me and not admit she has a problem.

I'm doing this for me not her, I don't want to hurt her but even if I give her an ounce of doubt she's doing and done the wrong thing, it makes me feel better.

The days of me crying, thinking about her nonstop and feeling like poop are over for now and forever I hope.

[BrokenFamily]

It's so funny how I thought I was getting to her sending her pictures of how happy we were, I truly believed I could see it in her eyes that she still cared. As result she made her BS relation___ Facebook official with my replacement. I'm at the point where I think this is all just an entertaining game for her and I'm quite amused by it. It took a while for me to heal cry and get to this point but I'm too good to be treated like a piece of garbage and refuse to shed another tear over her nonsense.

[guy4caligirl]

I don't' know I think it's helping... .I also texted her pictures taken only days before the breakup of how happy a family we were and how sincere her smile was. I may have went over board and sent her too many but I kept going thru my phone and seeing this beautiful family and sending them trying to get her to at the very least not think is was as bad as she makes it out to be. She was really nice today despite saying she's in love with my replacement. At the very least she's maybe feeling some guilt or remorse over the breakup. To me and everyone we know it's so obvious that she's painted me black, remembers only the bad times and is with a new guy because she can't be alone and needs to feel loved but to her it's almost impossible to see. I'm still fighting to save my family but to her I'm an annoying ex that needs to get over it. Even if my efforts were in vain and nothing good comes of it I feel much better so I'm coping the only way I know how just like she is. Unfortunately I know she's going to bury the anger & moods with the new guy to prove to herself and everyone else that it wasn't her and it's going to end up working out at least for a while.

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I really feel your pain I Do , I have done the same things yes , but nothing I mean nothing work you must go on take me as an example two months ago I was in your shoes and this shall pass too .

[Heartbroken Eagle]

When I tried to get closure from my ex, she just behaved like a moody teenager being told off a parent. She had a look of total anger and resentment in her eyes. Quite scary really. All I wanted to have is a civilised chat with her to understand why she behaved the way she did and to move on.

Instead it just made me realised what a total bi@$h she has now become. I guess I was also seeking an apology from her as well, but there is more chance of hell freezing over.

It was closure but certainly not what I was after.

All I really wanted to know is 'Why'

[BrokenFamily]

It's remarkable how similar they all react post breakup. Closure isn't possible for them because that would require them taking partial responsibility for the breakup, which would be more stress than they are prepared to deal with. They can not remember fond memories because it will give them doubt and anxiety, it's easier for them to pain you and the relationship black rather than cope with the truth. I'm not sure if it's conscious decision or they subconsciously know it's what they need to do to avoid feeling pain. 

[Heartbroken Eagle]

Unfortunately the word 'responsibility' was never in my ex vocabulary.

[BrokenFamily]

I get all the closure I need seeing her being so irresponsible, ignoring our daughter and being an adult acting like a child on Facebook. Blame the BPD all you want but she's an idiot and it's impossible for her and everyone else around her not to to see it.