I just saw my exBPDbf on a dating site I pity my future replacement

[Rifka]

Well I went three months without having to see, talk, or know what that lunatic is up to. Low and behold there he was! His profile smack dab in my face. Curious to view his lies of what he is offering, but fought the urge because I know he will know that I looked at his profile.

I don't really even understand why I have any curiousity except it was just there.

I would never click it! I'm really not thrilled with having to see his profile scroll up when I'm on the dating site, I never did any of the social network stuff or cared what he is up to. I feel really sad that this preditor is here looking for his next innocent victim. I had no clue what a personality disorder was before this idiot came into my life.

Glad he is out of my life, but a bit pissed that he is on the same dating site as me. He must have just signed up today. There should be a b on their foreheads in the pictures!

Just venting!

Rifka

[Deeno02]

Depending on what site it is, block his ass... .

[BrokenFamily]

I'd laugh if I saw my ex on a dating site. She claims she's in love with the replacement but likes other guys pictures on facebook all the time which strictly prohibited in our relationship. It's so remarkable how much they change like a chameleon mirroring people and changing completely for acceptance and to fit it. Example: My ex hated porn, country music and wrestling but now she's dating a guy with those interests she's a big fan of them all. It's kinda pathetic, I was confused, hurt and upset over the breakup but now I just feel sorry for her.

[.cup.car]

Mine has two accounts on the same site. On one she claims shes a lesbian and tells off any guy who flirts with her. On the other, shes straight and whines that she cant find the perfect guy.

Its like, being bisexual is a thing.

[Rifka]

Depending on what site it is, block his ass... .

It on pof! I would have to click on him to block him and then he would be notified that I looked at him! I would never give him that satisfaction, much better to leave it alone.

Just pissed that he is in action to hurt and blindside another woman who might be here in a couple of months.

It sucks!

[Deeno02]

Depending on what site it is, block his ass... .

It on pof! I would have to click on him to block him and then he would be notified that I looked at him! I would never give him that satisfaction, much better to leave it alone.

Just pissed that he is in action to hurt and blindside another woman who might be here in a couple of months.

It sucks!

I dumped that site. Couldnt stand the assorted fruits and nuts on it... .

[RedDove]

Hey Rifka, I went through the same thing a few months back. I didn't know my ex BPDbf was on POF. He cheated on me with the replacement before I ended it with him. Didn't realize that's how he met her.

He messaged me on POF with idealization... .how great my Profile was and my pics are absolutely gorgeous. Unfortunately you are correct, you cant block him unless he messages you. It's a flaw on the site. I was able to block my ex BPDbf because he did message me twice. I messaged back, threw the idealization back in his face (Thanks. I do look gorgeous, don't I!) and told him he was no longer a part of my life. He removed his Profile the next day!

However, like someone else said, POF is full of nuts and berrys so I took down my Profile. You can view his POF Profile without him knowing or it showing. Just don't log into POF. Go to to the POF website log-in and click "Search" and enter in his user id and again, don't log in.

I got a good laugh reading my ex BPDbf's dating Profile. Full of lies, misrepresentations and totally delusional! His user id was something like ur dog wont run from my looks! LOL! The Profile itself screamed nut case and BPD. It went on to say he liked dogs, but if your pets numbered more then 5 and weighed more than 250lbs you weren't the right fit. LOL!

[Forestaken]

Mine has two accounts on the same site. On one she claims shes a lesbian and tells off any guy who flirts with her. On the other, shes straight and whines that she cant find the perfect guy.

Its like, being bisexual is a thing.

Kinda funny when you think about it. 

Are you grateful to have flee that drama scene?

[outside9x]

I just saw mine too on a dating site, and I am trying to rekindle my emotions to my NONBPDgf, and she is great and pretty, but her picture(the exBPDgf), is very alluring just stabbed me in the heart, but it's been almost 2 years since I actually met her in person.  

I know she has obviuosly cycled thru a few guys, she is of course portraying herself as true hearted and warm.  WOW.

It hurts, but I know full well she is deadly, and cruel and hurtful.  We had several breakups and rejoininging and she was cruel, of course not in the beginning. Always wanting me back.  

But it shows, even with her looks and everything she can't hold on to anyone.  Yes, I know it's tough out there but she does what a BPD does.  I am tryingto shake this, and thought I did, because I want to meet up with my girlfriend and rekindle our love.  This makes it harder, even though I know the other is just broken inside in many ways.  

[Pingo]

Depending on what site it is, block his ass... .

It on pof! I would have to click on him to block him and then he would be notified that I looked at him! I would never give him that satisfaction, much better to leave it alone.

Just pissed that he is in action to hurt and blindside another woman who might be here in a couple of months.

It sucks!

I dumped that site. Couldnt stand the assorted fruits and nuts on it... .

That's where I met my uBPDexh!  Ha ha!  He's on there now, doesn't have a picture though, but I know it's him... .I don't have a profile, just browsing through when I found him.

[Hawk Ridge]

Mine has been with my replacement since May yet is still listed on the dating site with... .get this, her mirror of ME... .was heartbreaking to read it and see me, nit her.   She slept, smoked, and watched tv while i did half marathons and triathlons. She wss a "realist"/pessimist while I am an optimist.  She was silent while accusing me of "over-communicating."  In her profile, posting a picture I took, she said she loves to hike, bike, have insightful conversation, positive in nature.   Disturbing and sad to eead.  If she dumped me, why did she mirror me?

[Deeno02]

Mine has been with my replacement since May yet is still listed on the dating site with... .get this, her mirror of ME... .was heartbreaking to read it and see me, nit her.   She slept, smoked, and watched tv while i did half marathons and triathlons. She wss a "realist"/pessimist while I am an optimist.  She was silent while accusing me of "over-communicating."  In her profile, posting a picture I took, she said she loves to hike, bike, have insightful conversation, positive in nature.   :)isturbing and sad to eead.  If she dumped me, why did she mirror me?

To bait the trap... .

[Rifka]

Hey Rifka, I went through the same thing a few months back. I didn't know my ex BPDbf was on POF. He cheated on me with the replacement before I ended it with him. Didn't realize that's how he met her.

He messaged me on POF with idealization... .how great my Profile was and my pics are absolutely gorgeous. Unfortunately you are correct, you cant block him unless he messages you. It's a flaw on the site. I was able to block my ex BPDbf because he did message me twice. I messaged back, threw the idealization back in his face (Thanks. I do look gorgeous, don't I!) and told him he was no longer a part of my life. He removed his Profile the next day!

However, like someone else said, POF is full of nuts and berrys so I took down my Profile. You can view his POF Profile without him knowing or it showing. Just don't log into POF. Go to to the POF website log-in and click "Search" and enter in his user id and again, don't log in.

I got a good laugh reading my ex BPDbf's dating Profile. Full of lies, misrepresentations and totally delusional! His user id was something like ur dog wont run from my looks! LOL! The Profile itself screamed nut case and BPD. It went on to say he liked dogs, but if your pets numbered more then 5 and weighed more than 250lbs you weren't the right fit. LOL!

Honestly, I've never tried to check any social stuff and that was for me and my recovery. I didn't want anything to bring me backwards. His first wife just called me and I told her ( usually we don't discuss him, he doesn't deserve the time or energy) she was saying that she would fax me her current restraining order, I have my police report and we could fax it to the site, just to get him off the site to protect other women.

I personally wouldn't go offline to look at his profile because as the saying goes curiousity killed the cat! I'm not going to break n/c for anything!

These damn preditors!

Rifka

[Rifka]

Mine has been with my replacement since May yet is still listed on the dating site with... .get this, her mirror of ME... .was heartbreaking to read it and see me, nit her.   She slept, smoked, and watched tv while i did half marathons and triathlons. She wss a "realist"/pessimist while I am an optimist.  She was silent while accusing me of "over-communicating."  In her profile, posting a picture I took, she said she loves to hike, bike, have insightful conversation, positive in nature.   :)isturbing and sad to eead.  If she dumped me, why did she mirror me?

They are disturbed, please don't ask yourself why, iyou can fight it, it's just all lies all of the time. They create whoever they want to be at that time, the grand illusionists and grand manipulators! It hurts when we ask questions that make no sense to a nons mind. Acceptance of the disorder and complete focus on us is vital to heal. The exes who are physically gone have done us a great favor! No more walking on eggshells, migraines, confusion, lack of sleep, and so many other symptoms they took back with them and will eventually share with the replacements. It's sad, it's a cycle! It just is!

Rifka

[Rifka]

Hey Rifka, I went through the same thing a few months back. I didn't know my ex BPDbf was on POF. He cheated on me with the replacement before I ended it with him. Didn't realize that's how he met her.

He messaged me on POF with idealization... .how great my Profile was and my pics are absolutely gorgeous. Unfortunately you are correct, you cant block him unless he messages you. It's a flaw on the site. I was able to block my ex BPDbf because he did message me twice. I messaged back, threw the idealization back in his face (Thanks. I do look gorgeous, don't I!) and told him he was no longer a part of my life. He removed his Profile the next day!

However, like someone else said, POF is full of nuts and berrys so I took down my Profile. You can view his POF Profile without him knowing or it showing. Just don't log into POF. Go to to the POF website log-in and click "Search" and enter in his user id and again, don't log in.

I got a good laugh reading my ex BPDbf's dating Profile. Full of lies, misrepresentations and totally delusional! His user id was something like ur dog wont run from my looks! LOL! The Profile itself screamed nut case and BPD. It went on to say he liked dogs, but if your pets numbered more then 5 and weighed more than 250lbs you weren't the right fit. LOL!

I think I read a profile about the dog thing on some time ago. I wonder if it was your ex prize! Lol!

[Rise]

In her profile, posting a picture I took, she said she loves to hike, bike, have insightful conversation, positive in nature.   Disturbing and sad to eead.  If she dumped me, why did she mirror me?

I would venture to say it's less about mirroring you and more to do with the fact nobody would be interested if she was honest about herself. Who's out looking for an unmotivated, lazy, chain-smoker who's only interested in talking when they have something negative to say?

[RedDove]

Hey Rifka, I went through the same thing a few months back. I didn't know my ex BPDbf was on POF. He cheated on me with the replacement before I ended it with him. Didn't realize that's how he met her.

He messaged me on POF with idealization... .how great my Profile was and my pics are absolutely gorgeous. Unfortunately you are correct, you cant block him unless he messages you. It's a flaw on the site. I was able to block my ex BPDbf because he did message me twice. I messaged back, threw the idealization back in his face (Thanks. I do look gorgeous, don't I!) and told him he was no longer a part of my life. He removed his Profile the next day!

However, like someone else said, POF is full of nuts and berrys so I took down my Profile. You can view his POF Profile without him knowing or it showing. Just don't log into POF. Go to to the POF website log-in and click "Search" and enter in his user id and again, don't log in.

I got a good laugh reading my ex BPDbf's dating Profile. Full of lies, misrepresentations and totally delusional! His user id was something like ur dog wont run from my looks! LOL! The Profile itself screamed nut case and BPD. It went on to say he liked dogs, but if your pets numbered more then 5 and weighed more than 250lbs you weren't the right fit. LOL!

I think I read a profile about the dog thing on some time ago. I wonder if it was your ex prize! Lol!

Rifka, LOL! It probably was my ex BPDbf prize! Like I said, his dating Profile was laughable and full of lies and dilusions. Believe the first sentence was something along the lines of "I won't inflate the truth!" Wow! He's a pathological liar! He listed himself as divorced. Nope, hes still married and has "supposedly" been seperated for 6 years. I honestly believe his wife of 20+ years is still an attachment and supply. I really feel sorry for her and what she and their sons have had to endure.

The Profile also went on to say how he works out and is healthy. He hasn't worked out since he ran track in high school 30 years ago! Lol! Healthy? Oh yeah, sure if you don't count the BPD, raging alchoholism, drug addiction, the fact he's had 2 knee replacements in 2 years, oh, and a myriad of highly contagious infections! 

He took his Profile down after I didn't take the recycle bait and I blocked him. Then he emailed with sob stories about all of the awful dating experiences he's had. He was trying to elicit my sympathy and playing the Victim. However, like you said, I too wish I could have stamped his Profile with a big "B" for BPD to warn other unsuspecting women. Just glad my 4 year nightmare encounter is over and I'm focusing on myself now.

[Rifka]

Hey Rifka, I went through the same thing a few months back. I didn't know my ex BPDbf was on POF. He cheated on me with the replacement before I ended it with him. Didn't realize that's how he met her.

He messaged me on POF with idealization... .how great my Profile was and my pics are absolutely gorgeous. Unfortunately you are correct, you cant block him unless he messages you. It's a flaw on the site. I was able to block my ex BPDbf because he did message me twice. I messaged back, threw the idealization back in his face (Thanks. I do look gorgeous, don't I!) and told him he was no longer a part of my life. He removed his Profile the next day!

However, like someone else said, POF is full of nuts and berrys so I took down my Profile. You can view his POF Profile without him knowing or it showing. Just don't log into POF. Go to to the POF website log-in and click "Search" and enter in his user id and again, don't log in.

I got a good laugh reading my ex BPDbf's dating Profile. Full of lies, misrepresentations and totally delusional! His user id was something like ur dog wont run from my looks! LOL! The Profile itself screamed nut case and BPD. It went on to say he liked dogs, but if your pets numbered more then 5 and weighed more than 250lbs you weren't the right fit. LOL!

I think I read a profile about the dog thing on some time ago. I wonder if it was your ex prize! Lol!

Rifka, LOL! It probably was my ex BPDbf prize! Like I said, his dating Profile was laughable and full of lies and dilusions. Believe the first sentence was something along the lines of "I won't inflate the truth!" Wow! He's a pathological liar! He listed himself as divorced. Nope, hes still married and has "supposedly" been seperated for 6 years. I honestly believe his wife of 20+ years is still an attachment and supply. I really feel sorry for her and what she and their sons have had to endure.

The Profile also went on to say how he works out and is healthy. He hasn't worked out since he ran track in high school 30 years ago! Lol! Healthy? Oh yeah, sure if you don't count the BPD, raging alchoholism, drug addiction, the fact he's had 2 knee replacements in 2 years, oh, and a myriad of highly contagious infections! 

He took his Profile down after I didn't take the recycle bait and I blocked him. Then he emailed with sob stories about all of the awful dating experiences he's had. He was trying to elicit my sympathy and playing the Victim. However, like you said, I too wish I could have stamped his Profile with a big "B" for BPD to warn other unsuspecting women. Just glad my 4 year nightmare encounter is over and I'm focusing on myself now.

Red dove, I'm happy that you have moved forward. It's a great place to be. His profile didn't pop up today, so that's good, maybe he saw mine and left, maybe not. I won't search it, because I don't see anything good to come from it! I just really feel bad for his next person. Honestly if somebody had told me about this stuff prior, I'm sure I would have thought they exaggerated and were bitter, but living it, now when I meet somebody who has lived it, we have a can yours top that conversation. It's amazing and so hurtful that there are such messed up people, that hurt at such core level that can destroy you emotionally and mentally.

I'm still happy that I had the experience so that now I truly understand and can help others voice their thoughts and not feel crazy.

The dating world is a bit scarier now seeing the red flags waving so often now, but happy to have learned what I needed to not repeat and get out fast now. No more miss soother here anymore. If they have problems, they need to fix it themselves. I'm done! It's about me now! I would rather be manless, than have a partial man!

[RedDove]

Rifka, that's interesting that you can't see his Profile now. Perhaps he saw yours and took his down, or hid it? I know on POF you can hide your Profile so you can search and see others, but they can't see you. I think my ex BPDbf deleted his Profile when I didn't take the bait. Believe he had no luck getting new supply on POF, contacted me to recycle, got angry and hit delete.

I hear ya, no one understands what we've been through except the folks on this site! The BPD family has been my saving grace. I knew nothing about personality disorders either until my final confrontation with my ex BPDbf. I uncovered the lies, deceit and cheating with the OW and attempted to confront him. Well, as you can imagine, that didn't go well. He dissociated, projected, gaslighted and finally revealed he was unstable, suffered from BPD, an alcoholic and addicted to pain killers.

The dating world is scarier now! However, I agree our eyes are opened now and we can thank our ex BPD's for enlightening us. It's allowed me to look at my own issues and grow. That is a good thing to come from such devastating hurt and pain.

I had two bad experiences on POF. Two guys contacted me. We emailed for 2 weeks. We spoke on the phone several times. They asked me on a date. Both cancelled at the last minute with excuses, which is a red flag=reminded me of my ex BPDbf. One guy said his Mom was in the hospital. I texted back "Oh my, no worries at all, I hope your Mom is okay." I never heard another word from him. He was back online on POF that evening. The other guy asked me out on a date. That afternoon he texted he was sick and hated to cancel, but felt he wouldn't be at 100%. Again, I responded, "Sorry you're not feeling well. No worries, we'll reschedule. Hope you feel better." I never received a response or heard from him again. He was back online on POF that evening.

If a decent, normal guy cancels a date, the right and proper thing to do is reschedule it. Neither could be bothered, so that told me what I needed to know. I'm taking a break and planning to enjoy the Holidays with friends and family and focus on myself. 

[Rifka]

Rifka, that's interesting that you can't see his Profile now. Perhaps he saw yours and took his down, or hid it? I know on POF you can hide your Profile so you can search and see others, but they can't see you. I think my ex BPDbf deleted his Profile when I didn't take the bait. Believe he had no luck getting new supply on POF, contacted me to recycle, got angry and hit delete.

I hear ya, no one understands what we've been through except the folks on this site! The BPD family has been my saving grace. I knew nothing about personality disorders either until my final confrontation with my ex BPDbf. I uncovered the lies, deceit and cheating with the OW and attempted to confront him. Well, as you can imagine, that didn't go well. He dissociated, projected, gaslighted and finally revealed he was unstable, suffered from BPD, an alcoholic and addicted to pain killers.

The dating world is scarier now! However, I agree our eyes are opened now and we can thank our ex BPD's for enlightening us. It's allowed me to look at my own issues and grow. That is a good thing to come from such devastating hurt and pain.

I had two bad experiences on POF. Two guys contacted me. We emailed for 2 weeks. We spoke on the phone several times. They asked me on a date. Both cancelled at the last minute with excuses, which is a red flag=reminded me of my ex BPDbf. One guy said his Mom was in the hospital. I texted back "Oh my, no worries at all, I hope your Mom is okay." I never heard another word from him. He was back online on POF that evening. The other guy asked me out on a date. That afternoon he texted he was sick and hated to cancel, but felt he wouldn't be at 100%. Again, I responded, "Sorry you're not feeling well. No worries, we'll reschedule. Hope you feel better." I never received a response or heard from him again. He was back online on POF that evening.

If a decent, normal guy cancels a date, the right and proper thing to do is reschedule it. Neither could be bothered, so that told me what I needed to know. I'm taking a break and planning to enjoy the Holidays with friends and family and focus on myself. 

Sounds good Red dive, don't give up. I figure if I'm on there, then there must be a few decent guys on there. Maybe those guys were married and just played the game with you as long as possible. We just don't know!

About my ex on the site, who knows, maybe he will pop up again. It is whatever it is!