Old love letters and cards

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I was cleaning out my dresser drawer and found all of her old love letters and cards. Man she layed it on thick at the beginning. Talk about falling for a con artist. I feel like a real chump because I gobbled up every word. I just can't put my finger on when she showed her real face. I really think she's evil and I'm so glad she's gone.

[peiper]

I was cleaning out my dresser drawer and found all of her old love letters and cards. Man she layed it on thick at the beginning. Talk about falling for a con artist. I feel like a real chump because I gobbled up every word. I just can't put my finger on when she showed her real face. I really think she's evil and I'm so glad she's gone.

[Blimblam]

How do you feel Pieper?

[peiper]

Mad that I fell for it and put up with her abuse as long as I did. At the same time thankful she gone and gave me the opportunity to meet a very special lady.

[peiper]

Let me rephrase that. Mad at myself.

[Blimblam]

What if she meant it at the time and you fell for her as she fell for you.  So there is nothing to be ashamed of becuase the feelings were authentic.

[myself]

What if she meant it at the time and you fell for her as she fell for you.  So there is nothing to be ashamed of becuase the feelings were authentic.

I agree, this was true in many cases. Love is a force all its own.

Looking at it just as a mental health thing, could you fall in love with someone who had something else? Could they legitimately fall in love with you? Yes. Of course, BPD is proven to be very destructive to relationships, but so have depression, schizophrenia, etc. Sometimes, no matter the circumstances, it works. Is this mostly time/effort/commitment? Or connection? Many times so-called 'normal' people can't even pull it off.

Maybe not you, Peiper, but for many of us here, if we went back and read the early (and not so early) letters and etc. we wrote at the time, I'm sure we'd see we jumped into the deep end, too. It was what it was.

[peiper]

What if she meant it at the time and you fell for her as she fell for you.  So there is nothing to be ashamed of becuase the feelings were authentic.

I'm not ashamed in the least. Just ticked at myself for being duped. I saw the red flags but chose to ignore them. So it's on me.

[Blimblam]

What if she meant it at the time and you fell for her as she fell for you.  So there is nothing to be ashamed of becuase the feelings were authentic.

I'm not ashamed in the least. Just ticked at myself for being duped. I saw the red flags but chose to ignore them. So it's on me.

A pwBPD has relied on very early survival tactics to secure attachment.  In many ways they have mastered these  triggering expressions, I know my ex has.  These images trigger something deep within us on a subconscious level to be projected. It's not something we entirely have control over.  What we project coupled with cognitive dissonance can override red flags.  On top of this early in the attachment their may be periods the ex has little breakdowns that work out quickly and us as the hero so we are conditioned to think it will continue to work out that way.

[DangIthurts]

Finding out I got replaced in 3-4 weeks today, and having our mutual friend that set us up tell me after he gave her crap about it, have her say "my new bf is perfect" said it all I'm sure this guy is getting all the love and attention I couldn't get if I tried but again I just remind myself. Its not real.

When I saw her today at a stop light by total randomness and she looked was shocked and looked back forward like I never existed that says it all... .i waved and smiled


i still have them, I'll save them for a little bit usually till I'm happy with the next girl than off they'll go.

[peiper]

To me the reality is just about everyone knows right from wrong, it's a matter of choice. They tend to ignore it and drive on with their mission. It just bugs me because I've always been able to tell when someone was trying to snow me. He'll the sex wasn't even that great. Part of it was ego on my part, I liked bragging that I was married to a flight attendant,  plus flying for free was cool. Kinda like I sold my soul to the devil.

[DangIthurts]

To me the reality is just about everyone knows right from wrong, it's a matter of choice. They tend to ignore it and drive on with their mission. It just bugs me because I've always been able to tell when someone was trying to snow me. He'll the sex wasn't even that great. Part of it was ego on my part, I liked bragging that I was married to a flight attendant,  plus flying for free was cool. Kinda like I sold my soul to the devil.

I think they understand the concept of right and wrong, don't speed, don't steal etc. but I don't think when it comes down to breaking down choices, and understanding thought processes (the core of decision making ) they have any concept other than immediate feelings and then they go with it .

Like a dog that popped in the house, he understands happy voice, and when you yell he understands negative voice or sees negative reactions door slamming etc. and acts accordingly.

He'll Never understanding you were  throwing a fit over the poo because you took him out 6 times before you left for 10 minutes, in 10 degree weather, and he still went in the house... .

And to wrap that up you still love your dog to death where as with BPD you've tarnished that honeymoon phase image through that tirade, hence the mask comes off and down the rabbit hole we all went.

[peiper]

Finding out I got replaced in 3-4 weeks today, and having our mutual friend that set us up tell me after he gave her crap about it, have her say "my new bf is perfect" said it all I'm sure this guy is getting all the love and attention I couldn't get if I tried but again I just remind myself. Its not real.

When I saw her today at a stop light by total randomness and she looked was shocked and looked back forward like I never existed that says it all... .i waved and smiled


i still have them, I'll save them for a little bit usually till I'm happy with the next girl than off they'll go.

No it's not real. Its kinda like buying a car from a sleazy used car salesman. The car has a bad differential so he puts saw dust in it. It runs great for awhile, then it goes to crap and breaks down. You pull the cover on the differential and find a whole lot of ugly. Same difference. Wait for the true pwBPD to come out and it's ugly. Overall I'm happily rebuilding my life, still have some collateral damage but I'm so glad that woman is gone.

[DangIthurts]

Finding out I got replaced in 3-4 weeks today, and having our mutual friend that set us up tell me after he gave her crap about it, have her say "my new bf is perfect" said it all I'm sure this guy is getting all the love and attention I couldn't get if I tried but again I just remind myself. Its not real.

When I saw her today at a stop light by total randomness and she looked was shocked and looked back forward like I never existed that says it all... .i waved and smiled


i still have them, I'll save them for a little bit usually till I'm happy with the next girl than off they'll go.

No it's not real. Its kinda like buying a car from a sleazy used car salesman. The car has a bad differential so he puts saw dust in it. It runs great for awhile, then it goes to crap and breaks down. You pull the cover on the differential and find a whole lot of ugly. Same difference. Wait for the true pwBPD to come out and it's ugly. Overall I'm happily rebuilding my life, still have some collateral damage but I'm so glad that woman is gone.

its new for me, I'm still tore up even wondering if I could have done things different having found this site. Probably why I'll save everything for awhile like cards and neckless... .I did sell her car last week that was a big ripped band aid... .I just got the urge that it was over and ran off and did it . Cried after, and vomited but I got it done (I could go years letting it sit if I felt the need, so its good its gone)

like someone said in another thread, they can find people who are more ideal emotional matches which probably explains why I was given the boot around a year and a WAY worse guy abuser, cheater, etc. he made it MULTIPLE years... .

I do  worry about her safety, and well being even now. Forget all the time and $$$$$ I lost. Meaningless if some guys beating on her or something.

Totally agree reminds me of the movie matilda Danny DeVito puts super glue and stuff on the bumper to old it on, stuff in the gas cap to make it run longer, rolls back the odometer, but eventually it falls apart.

[Mutt]

I was cleaning out my dresser drawer and found all of her old love letters and cards. Man she layed it on thick at the beginning. Talk about falling for a con artist. I feel like a real chump because I gobbled up every word. I just can't put my finger on when she showed her real face. I really think she's evil and I'm so glad she's gone.

pieper. I have to agree. I threw everything out. Except the letter. Hadn't read it years. It was clear as day the words she said were unbelievable now and I fell for it. We'll be in love forever etc... .I didn't have the heart to throw it out. I stored it as a reminder as to how far out it all was. Talk about going from one extreme to the other. They love you and blast you in the end. One door closes, another one opens. Not a door I'll open for a person with a letter like that ever again.

[peiper]

Finding out I got replaced in 3-4 weeks today, and having our mutual friend that set us up tell me after he gave her crap about it, have her say "my new bf is perfect" said it all I'm sure this guy is getting all the love and attention I couldn't get if I tried but again I just remind myself. Its not real.

When I saw her today at a stop light by total randomness and she looked was shocked and looked back forward like I never existed that says it all... .i waved and smiled


i still have them, I'll save them for a little bit usually till I'm happy with the next girl than off they'll go.

No it's not real. Its kinda like buying a car from a sleazy used car salesman. The car has a bad differential so he puts saw dust in it. It runs great for awhile, then it goes to crap and breaks down. You pull the cover on the differential and find a whole lot of ugly. Same difference. Wait for the true pwBPD to come out and it's ugly. Overall I'm happily rebuilding my life, still have some collateral damage but I'm so glad that woman is gone.

its new for me, I'm still tore up even wondering if I could have done things different having found this site. Probably why I'll save everything for awhile like cards and neckless... .I did sell her car last week that was a big ripped band aid... .I just got the urge that it was over and ran off and did it . Cried after, and vomited but I got it done (I could go years letting it sit if I felt the need, so its good its gone)

like someone said in another thread, they can find people who are more ideal emotional matches which probably explains why I was given the boot around a year and a WAY worse guy abuser, cheater, etc. he made it MULTIPLE years... .

I do  worry about her safety, and well being even now. Forget all the time and $$$$$ I lost. Meaningless if some guys beating on her or something.

Totally agree reminds me of the movie matilda Danny DeVito puts super glue and stuff on the bumper to old it on, stuff in the gas cap to make it run longer, rolls back the odometer, but eventually it falls apart.

I don't worry about her one iota,  she made her bed she can sleep in it. I worry about people that I care about. My girlfriend has been in NYC walking around looking at the sights and I worried about her. My kids live far away and I worry about them. Her. ... not a chance.

[peiper]

I was cleaning out my dresser drawer and found all of her old love letters and cards. Man she layed it on thick at the beginning. Talk about falling for a con artist. I feel like a real chump because I gobbled up every word. I just can't put my finger on when she showed her real face. I really think she's evil and I'm so glad she's gone.

pieper. I have to agree. I threw everything out. Except the letter. Hadn't read it years. It was clear as day the words she said were unbelievable now and I fell for it. We'll be in love forever etc... .I didn't have the heart to throw it out. I stored it as a reminder as to how far out it all was. Talk about going from one extreme to the other. They love you and blast you in the end. One door closes, another one opens. Not a door I'll open for a person with a letter like that ever again.

That's not a door I'll open again either Mutt. All her writing just got my dander up with me. I've realized after the last six months I'm a good man, instead of what she had me brainwashed into thinking. Once my mortgage problems are fixed I'll be back to normal, happy.

[Deeno02]

To me the reality is just about everyone knows right from wrong, it's a matter of choice. They tend to ignore it and drive on with their mission. It just bugs me because I've always been able to tell when someone was trying to snow me. He'll the sex wasn't even that great. Part of it was ego on my part, I liked bragging that I was married to a flight attendant,  plus flying for free was cool. Kinda like I sold my soul to the devil.

I really didn't get a damn thing out of my 16 months except for a Starbucks cup, a Blackhawks cup, and 5 shirts which I ___ canned. Other being with her 5 kids who were their own set of problems, I really didn't get anything. I take that back, I got therapy out of it. Sex was rushed most of the time because of 5 kids running around, never did anything I wanted to do, when I was sick, I was either made fun of or accused of not wanting to spend time with her, but when her or the kids were sick, I was to drop everything, no matter what time it was. So, I'm not sure, other than therapy, and the fact that I have to rebuild my confidence again after being shattered, what I got out of this... .

[guy4caligirl]

What if she meant it at the time and you fell for her as she fell for you.  So there is nothing to be ashamed of becuase the feelings were authentic.

I'm not ashamed in the least. Just ticked at myself for being duped. I saw the red flags but chose to ignore them. So it's on me.

A pwBPD has relied on very early survival tactics to secure attachment.  In many ways they have mastered these  triggering expressions, I know my ex has.  These images trigger something deep within us on a subconscious level to be projected. It's not something we entirely have control over.  What we project coupled with cognitive dissonance can override red flags.  On top of this early in the attachment their may be periods the ex has little breakdowns that work out quickly and us as the hero so we are conditioned to think it will continue to work out that way.

[/quot


BILMBLAM , I found  a post she wrote in the first year we met and said " i can't wait to go back to my city"  it's in another state .

This should tell me and others how unreal this  R/S was most of the time , and we stayed together for 5 years total .

They are mastermind at acting omitting lying unreal and you know the rest ... .

[Blimblam]

What if she meant it at the time and you fell for her as she fell for you.  So there is nothing to be ashamed of becuase the feelings were authentic.

I'm not ashamed in the least. Just ticked at myself for being duped. I saw the red flags but chose to ignore them. So it's on me.

A pwBPD has relied on very early survival tactics to secure attachment.  In many ways they have mastered these  triggering expressions, I know my ex has.  These images trigger something deep within us on a subconscious level to be projected. It's not something we entirely have control over.  What we project coupled with cognitive dissonance can override red flags.  On top of this early in the attachment their may be periods the ex has little breakdowns that work out quickly and us as the hero so we are conditioned to think it will continue to work out that way.

[/quot


BILMBLAM , I found  a post she wrote in the first year we met and said " i can't wait to go back to my city"  it's in another state .

This should tell me and others how unreal this  R/S was most of the time , and we stayed together for 5 years total .

They are mastermind at acting omitting lying unreal and you know the rest ... .

Oh, I meant facial expressions.  Like when  a little kid acts perfect in hopes of keeping the parent from abandoning them.  All the way back to a smiling baby that mirrors to secure an attachment.  All the way to looking at us in a way that triggers us seducing us.  It is all very infantile if you think about it but it works.

[clydegriffith]

Is it common for the BPDs to bombard their s/o with letters and notes. The number of lovey dovey cards, e-mails and just random notes i received from the BPDx were so overwhelming at first. You can't help but to be flattered and wonder why?  The love bombing at the beginning is what makes it hurt that much more when they inevitably turn on you.

[peiper]

Walk into my parlour said the spider to the fly.

[DangIthurts]

Is it common for the BPDs to bombard their s/o with letters and notes. The number of lovey dovey cards, e-mails and just random notes i received from the BPDx were so overwhelming at first. You can't help but to be flattered and wonder why?  The love bombing at the beginning is what makes it hurt that much more when they inevitably turn on you.

I was getting long notes on day 15 and I had love you card with hearts on day 6... .I saw it today discussing it with my mom she said "oh thats sick"

[peiper]

Is it common for the BPDs to bombard their s/o with letters and notes. The number of lovey dovey cards, e-mails and just random notes i received from the BPDx were so overwhelming at first. You can't help but to be flattered and wonder why?  The love bombing at the beginning is what makes it hurt that much more when they inevitably turn on you.

I was getting long notes on day 15 and I had love you card with hearts on day 6... .I saw it today discussing it with my mom she said "oh thats sick"

It is sick. Some of the things she wrote after a week were outlandish. But I gobbled them up. That's why I'm a bit mad at myself.

[Popcorn71]

Same here. Love notes left around the house regularly. At first I thought it was sweet.  Then as he began behaving badly, it annoyed me because it seemed so fake.  He stopped leaving the notes at around the time he would have met the replacement.  I expect she was getting loving texts from him then.

[Deeno02]

Just tons of texts. Lots. God forbid if I didn't respond.

[clydegriffith]

Anyone ever see one of the notes they sent to someone they had been chasing as a replacement? I saw a couple in it was pretty much word for word identical to one of the many she had made for me. It seems like all she did was change the names.

[BlackandBlue]

It still have some of my cards and it's unreal how she could go from on extreme in the beginning to another in the end. I never expected her to become so cold and vicious. Also, when looking at these cards it looks like a young teenager wrote them with the words used and hearts drawn all over the place and such. Anyone else notice this with there ex? I guess it's the stunted emotional growth showing through?

[DangIthurts]

It is sick. Some of the things she wrote after a week were outlandish. But I gobbled them up. That's why I'm a bit mad at myself. [/quote]
Same, I just remember at certain points my gut was like saying this is odd, flag, flag, flag, but I just kept getting in deeper you know?

Even my family members have said now that its over we saw a red flag when she wanted my family to come meet her family like within 3-7weeks of meeting... .Even I pushed back hard on that one. Just way too soon to be mixing family, but she tried for weeks to make that happen until it never did... .Funny we did do it after the car, and within a few weeks of breaking up lmao

[billypilgrim]

I definitely received the cards.  Each birthday/anniversary/special or not special occasion there was a card.  Almost every time it was a card that I never would have dreamed of picking.  And of course, it also came complete with what I have come to learn now as contrived dribble about love and forever and soul mate and best friend. 

I also got the voice mails and texts.  The texts began to wane before she left but I deleted a ton of voicemails - some of which were days/weeks before she left - about how much she loved me and misses me and can't wait to see you when you get home and blah blah.  It's sick to think about how phony it all was. 

I packed up every card I had saved.  I packed up every photo in the house.  I packed up everything that was "us" and sent it to her.  I don't ever want to remind myself of how fake my relationship was.  That lesson has been learned. 

[Popcorn71]

I packed up every card I had saved.  I packed up every photo in the house.  I packed up everything that was "us" and sent it to her.  I don't ever want to remind myself of how fake my relationship was.  That lesson has been learned. 

I did this too.  I wanted him to see them and remember the crap he had told me.  I also hoped that the replacement would see them too and that it would then spoil the effect if he sent her things like that.  She would already have seen the words before.  The only problem with that, is I since found out the replacement can't read!