Well, my Christian faith got me locked into an 18 year marriage, a lot like your described. I don't think he had BPD though. He would never go to counseling, and he pretty much spent 18 years sleeping on the couch, or being angry at me. One day he just walked out.
I remarried, and my now husband and I have been together nearly four years total. He's diagnosed with Intermittent Explosive Disorder, and I would bet BPD, he even said that after his last psychiatrist appointment, but then changed his story. He just left me, even though I hung in there, and put up with all you described. Plus, I had the added joy(not) of his three adult daughters hating me, and causing horrible married issues for us.
I'm sad, but like you have noticed that my kids and I have peace. I don't have to fear his constant anger, blame, and all the BPD traits. The constant threats of divorce were like emotional torture. I too fear the smear campaign he will probably launch. He'll probably call me crazy, just like he did his ex. His ex has stabbed him, hit him with a hammer, and done crazy stuff, so there is some fact in it, but I'm now wondering... .what did HE do? If he was half as awful to her as he was to me, that doesn't make it okay, but he pushes, and pushes his victim. He can't paint me as crazy though, because any physical assaults were the ones he enacted on ME.
I guess we just have to make peace with wasted time, enjoy our kids, and TRY to not worry about the smear campaign. I know I did my best, even my psychiatrist said that. Oh, and I didn't get diagnosed with anything except anxiety(due to my situation, no doubt), and he hated that. So good luck painting me crazy. I wanted to stand by mine, but he left, I think mostly because of his adult daughters. They wouldn't accept me, or allow me around their babies. I'm sure his girls are PD too. I hope they all have fun wallowing in their dysfunction, because I'm going to pray, surround myself with better people, and find peace.
Keep coming here, it's a good place.
