No reaction

[peiper]

The last time my ex moved back after a split, I told her as we were walking up the drive that my T thought she was more than likely BPD. No reaction at all, just a blank stare. Not even a question of why or what it is. Now if someone told me I was mentally ill I think I'd say something.  She did say that she had ten thousand in marriage counseling bills from her last marriage.  I'm thinking it was for her. Am I off?

[peiper]

Plus she has excellent insurance through United Airline. Whom while going through flight attendant orientation for them had a breakdown . So I'm figuring she didn't want them to know she had more problems.

[Mutt]

She may or may not know she's BPD. As the case often in people, denial, fear of alienation, stigmatization, not having the will or want to do the hard work. Insurance is often acquired under Bi-Polar ( research efforts have improved in recent years ) whereas often BPD isn't insurable. Misdiagnosis is possible and diagnosed as major depressive? BPD is displayed more often in interpersonal relationships and families.

From my experience, often my ex went to the doctor and was diagnosed with depression and given anti-depressants ( that i know of and I cannot trust the source as she shows a mental illness and is untrustworthy with me ) She displayed minimal improvements with depression and idealization, devaluation, projection, dissociations needs psychoanalysis. Albeit these are traits and she should get diagnosed by professionals. Negative behaviors and traits that I choose to effectively defend with boundaries irregardless of medical evaluations and if my ex chooses to truly disclose her medical history or refuses medical therapy.

[peiper]

I really think she knows,  just doesn't want to confront it. Which is her business because I really could care less. I was just curious.

[Mutt]

I understand. I think you've assessed it well with your intuition. She neither confirms or denies   

[peiper]

I think the reason I posted is I can't fathom why if someone was aware of their problem how could they continue abusing and cheating. If I have the flu I take care of it and as much as possible stay away from other people. Then again I ask myself why I put up with it so long.

[Mutt]

It's like an alcoholic and knowing that their drinking is going too far. Denial and some people have to hit rock bottom.

Perhaps a better question peiper is do you see / feel different now out of the r/s then when you were in it? Do you see her in a different light and do you see yourself seeing more clearly?

I stuck it out for the kids. Knowing what I know now. It's better to not have the kids andI around the two of us.

[peiper]

I'm thinking too much. I'm looking at foreclose in a few days due to' this. Plus my girlfriend who's going through the same thing has been depressed which has me worried, it's not like her.

[peiper]

It's like an alcoholic and knowing that their drinking is going too far. Denial and some people have to hit rock bottom.

Perhaps a better question peiper is do you see / feel different now out of the r/s then when you were in it? Do you see her in a different light and do you see yourself seeing more clearly?

I stuck it out for the kids. Knowing what I know now. It's better to not have the kids andI around the two of us.

I see both better. I idolized her,which I don't now. I'm also questioning myself and looking deeper inside as to why I got sucked in so deeply and kept my eyes closed to the   

[peiper]

It's funny how life works. This door closed, rather slammed with my fingers in it. Yet another more beautiful door opened after I gave up and realized it was the BPDexw  and not me.

[Mutt]

Perhaps foreclosure is what triggered this. I'm sorry to hear that pieper. Your a stand up guy. The silver lining is that a more beautiful door opened. I'm sorry to hear your gf's feeling down and going through the same thing.

[peiper]

Perhaps foreclosure is what triggered this. I'm sorry to hear that pieper. Your a stand up guy. The silver lining is that a more beautiful door opened. I'm sorry to hear your gf's feeling down and going through the same thing.

Thanks Mutt

[mrshambles]

My exBPDgf actually said it makes sense, that all the criteria fit (no duh, I had lived it for 2 years at that point). She then proceeded to use it as a badge of UNIQUENESS, like she was proud that it set her apart from most. SMH.

[Loveofhislife]

My exBPDgf actually said it makes sense... .She then proceeded to use it as a badge of UNIQUENESS, like she was proud that it set her apart from most. SMH.

Peips:  It's good that you came to this board to write today--funny how things that pwBPD said/did long ago continue to play in our heads, and we continue to try to analyze them.  I think our obsessing over them is a way to deny/delay dealing with our own pain and our very real issues, like your foreclosure.  I'm really sorry.  Many of our r/s with pwBPD stress and bend and break us financially, health wise, etc.  It's hard to deal with our healing when we must continue to deal with  their wreckage.

Mutt:  I'm so sorry that you must deal with your ex because of your children, but know that you are a HUGE "resiliency factor" in their lives, and I admire that you stay close because of them.

As I have read from many members here, you cannot analyze crazy.  We must focus on pwBPD actions:  NOT their words.  And our analysis energy should be spent on ourselves:  not for pwBPD sake but for ours.  Love you as you did her.

Mr. Shambles:  I quoted you above, and your words made me chuckle a little bit.  Thanks for that.  There is a "delusional" and even "grandiose" aspect to my exbfBPD; and like many pwBPD: his is a hodge podge of a lot of Axis II traits. There is a lot of narcissism and antisocial in his spectrum.

Anyway, I would hear exbfBPD rationalize his behavior in terms of his superiority. "All brilliant people are somewhat insane;" or "I'm just misunderstood--most people are incapable of understanding me;" or jocularly--"Oh well, this is all just part of the wonderfulness of me." 

In the days immediately preceding his "departure," he began to text about how he was becoming ":)ark Man"--as if he were a Marvel action figure:  a misunderstood superhero! 

WOW!  I have ruminated his words over and over again--was he warning me?  Was he consciously "going dark" aka "stripping black"? Was he rationalizing his sudden and cruel abandonment in the wake of his nearly bankrupting me and leaving me and his wreckage behind?

The truth is it doesn't matter.  He lured me; he used me; and he abandoned me after putting me in terrible financial straits.  I allowed it.  Whenever I begin to doubt anything about the r/s; I now look at the behavior.

Thanks for writing; your words help all of us.

[peiper]

My exBPDgf actually said it makes sense... .She then proceeded to use it as a badge of UNIQUENESS, like she was proud that it set her apart from most. SMH.

Peips:  It's good that you came to this board to write today--funny how things that pwBPD said/did long ago continue to play in our heads, and we continue to try to analyze them.  I think our obsessing over them is a way to deny/delay dealing with our own pain and our very real issues, like your foreclosure.  I'm really sorry.  Many of our r/s with pwBPD stress and bend and break us financially, health wise, etc.  It's hard to deal with our healing when we must continue to deal with  their wreckage.

Mutt:  I'm so sorry that you must deal with your ex because of your children, but know that you are a HUGE "resiliency factor" in their lives, and I admire that you stay close because of them.

As I have read from many members here, you cannot analyze crazy.  We must focus on pwBPD actions:  NOT their words.  And our analysis energy should be spent on ourselves:  not for pwBPD sake but for ours.  Love you as you did her.

Mr. Shambles:  I quoted you above, and your words made me chuckle a little bit.  Thanks for that.  There is a "delusional" and even "grandiose" aspect to my exbfBPD; and like many pwBPD: his is a hodge podge of a lot of Axis II traits. There is a lot of narcissism and antisocial in his spectrum.

Anyway, I would hear exbfBPD rationalize his behavior in terms of his superiority. "All brilliant people are somewhat insane;" or "I'm just misunderstood--most people are incapable of understanding me;" or jocularly--"Oh well, this is all just part of the wonderfulness of me."  

In the days immediately preceding his "departure," he began to text about how he was becoming ":)ark Man"--as if he were a Marvel action figure:  a misunderstood superhero!  

WOW!  I have ruminated his words over and over again--was he warning me?  Was he consciously "going dark" aka "stripping black"? Was he rationalizing his sudden and cruel abandonment in the wake of his nearly bankrupting me and leaving me and his wreckage behind?

The truth is it doesn't matter.  He lured me; he used me; and he abandoned me after putting me in terrible financial straits.  I allowed it.  Whenever I begin to doubt anything about the r/s; I now look at the behavior.

Thanks for writing; your words help all of us.

I'm not obsessing in any way shape or form. Just needed a release from stress. As far as she goes. .good riddance.  I've just have a very full plate at the moment. *

[peiper]

My exBPDgf actually said it makes sense... .She then proceeded to use it as a badge of UNIQUENESS, like she was proud that it set her apart from most. SMH.

Peips:  It's good that you came to this board to write today--funny how things that pwBPD said/did long ago continue to play in our heads, and we continue to try to analyze them.  I think our obsessing over them is a way to deny/delay dealing with our own pain and our very real issues, like your foreclosure.  I'm really sorry.  Many of our r/s with pwBPD stress and bend and break us financially, health wise, etc.  It's hard to deal with our healing when we must continue to deal with  their wreckage.

Mutt:  I'm so sorry that you must deal with your ex because of your children, but know that you are a HUGE "resiliency factor" in their lives, and I admire that you stay close because of them.

As I have read from many members here, you cannot analyze crazy.  We must focus on pwBPD actions:  NOT their words.  And our analysis energy should be spent on ourselves:  not for pwBPD sake but for ours.  Love you as you did her.

Mr. Shambles:  I quoted you above, and your words made me chuckle a little bit.  Thanks for that.  There is a "delusional" and even "grandiose" aspect to my exbfBPD; and like many pwBPD: his is a hodge podge of a lot of Axis II traits. There is a lot of narcissism and antisocial in his spectrum.

Anyway, I would hear exbfBPD rationalize his behavior in terms of his superiority. "All brilliant people are somewhat insane;" or "I'm just misunderstood--most people are incapable of understanding me;" or jocularly--"Oh well, this is all just part of the wonderfulness of me."  

In the days immediately preceding his "departure," he began to text about how he was becoming ":)ark Man"--as if he were a Marvel action figure:  a misunderstood superhero!  

WOW!  I have ruminated his words over and over again--was he warning me?  Was he consciously "going dark" aka "stripping black"? Was he rationalizing his sudden and cruel abandonment in the wake of his nearly bankrupting me and leaving me and his wreckage behind?

The truth is it doesn't matter.  He lured me; he used me; and he abandoned me after putting me in terrible financial straits.  I allowed it.  Whenever I begin to doubt anything about the r/s; I now look at the behavior.

Thanks for writing; your words help all of us.

This just isn't the forum to talk about what is bothering me.

[Mutt]

This just isn't the forum to talk about what is bothering me.

Thanks for sharing. You're facing foreclosure and I'm guessing she left with financial dire straights and it triggered thoughts on how this foreclosure got to be she likely didn't show empathy or sympathy.

I would like you to know. I admire your humility, courage and resilience that you display on the forums.

I'm sorry you're invalidated peiper when you have a lot on your plate.

Hang in there.


--Mutt

[peiper]

This just isn't the forum to talk about what is bothering me.

Thanks for sharing. You're facing foreclosure and I'm guessing she left with financial dire straights and it triggered thoughts on how this foreclosure got to be she likely didn't show empathy or sympathy.

I would like you to know. I admire your humility, courage and resilience that you display on the forums.

I'm sorry you're invalidated peiper when you have a lot on your plate.

Hang in there.


-- Very kind words, thank you Mutt