It sounds like she is the one that has been escalating things.
Thanks. She literally tells me every day that I've ruined her life. I don't see how. I never filed for divorce, though I was close. Obviously that would be upsetting to most people, but I don't think its something that a non-BPD would harp on every day for such a long time. She literally has brought it up multiple times a day now for more than two months. My guess is that the almost-divorce massively triggered fears of abandonment for her and she is pretty clearly BPD. And what's amazing is that she can't understand how her actions had anything to do with me snapping and seeing an attorney.
Also, she blames me for CPS being called on her even though (1) my brother and therapist were the ones to call, not me,, (2) they called because she ADMITTED to hitting our son, and (3) the CPS just told her to get some counseling and a few hours of babysitting and they never even opened a file on her. So it's not like the CPS thing "ruined" her life.
Again, I know all of this would be hard for even a non-BPD to deal with, but not impossible. I also know that if I were in her position and had done what she did, I would be on my hands and knees begging for forgiveness. But somehow she makes me feel guilty. Even if I did escalate things, I was pushed to the absolute brink and have been trying to de-escalate things for two months so we can work on our issues in a calmer way. That is an absolute impossible thing to do with a BPD. It is incredibly difficult for them to take responsibility for their actions.