uBPD is in a new relationship already.

[Xidion]

She left me a month ago. The reason she left is because I caught her talking to another guy, now she is in a relationship with the guy. The last thing she said to me was "He is an upgrade from you, you never teared me good. Never contact me again." Thing is... .he's a dirty looking guy and a complete downgrade. Maybe she just said that because she knows I'm laughing at him. Poor sucker... .Do they normally jump right into something else right away? What are the chances she will contact me when she starts devaluing him?

[Infared]

My experience is that a pwBPD cannot be alone for one minute. They are extremely smart, deceptive and dishonest. Most could never strike out on their own... .i.e. They get into a new relationship BEFORE they leave so that they have constant supply. She was most likely involved with that person long before she left you. Mine was. She denied it forever.

Mine contacted me numerous times and I responded hoping something had changed, but I was always abused. Eventually my self-esteem kicked-in and saved me from engaging in any way. Even saying hello. It just is not healthy for me... .These people are very sick and extremely selfish!

[Infern0]

It's typical.

Mine had a back up waiting and jumped straight to him from me.

In a ironic twist when she devalued him she recontacted me and begun to line me up as a safety net should things fail with him.

And she actually said this "I'm going to need you if things fall apart"

That was my cue to gtfo that situation

[Blimblam]

She left me a month ago. The reason she left is because I caught her talking to another guy, now she is in a relationship with the guy. The last thing she said to me was "He is an upgrade from you, you never teared me good. Never contact me again." Thing is... .he's a dirty looking guy and a complete downgrade. Maybe she just said that because she knows I'm laughing at him. Poor sucker... .Do they normally jump right into something else right away? What are the chances she will contact me when she starts devaluing him?

My experience is at some point they start to check out of the relationship and find new possible attachments lined up and then just switch over. He's probably getting similiar treatment you did in the beginning which is idealization then moments where they seem doubtful of everything and then talk about the ex. Now the ex is you. They don't really allow themselves in general to go through the abandonment depression and that's why they have a new attachment immediately. It is all about trying to preserve their fragile little ego from experiencing pain so they shove it down and it creeps back up to haunt them now and then which eventually becomes transfered to the attachment and dissacosiated from by finding a new attachment and leaving. The new attachment is often an old attachment but often the old attachment is just a crutch between finding a shiny new attachment.

[Infared]

Yes ... .the very thought of being alone is not allowed in the mind of a BPD, from what I can see. It's survival. It's also an illness. PwBPD view the world completely differently and act accordingly... .but at the same time they are like genius chameleons that seem to be able to manipulate and control carefully picked victims/partners. They can never truly "connect" with another person and have a loving, caring relationship. ... but they are experts at simulating it... .so much so that the partner becomes hooked on their "act".

So empty.

[Forestaken]

Be grateful, this will make your separation mentally easier for you.

I suffered in my LT r/s with a BPD, my life is a LOT BETTER without her.

[Xidion]

I know that not having her in my life is what's best for me. I feel sorry for her, honestly.  It isn't her fault what happened to her as a child (broken home,  parent neglect,  was a cutter,  was raped). If she didn't have these issues,  she would be an amazing person.  I made the mistake of playing white knight. Do they normally say very cruel things at the end? She made it all out to be my fault.

[billypilgrim]

She made it all out to be my fault.

Absolutely.  I received a ludicrous e-mail from her.  She's leaving but it's my fault.  Brought up things from 5+ years ago.  They need to paint you black in order to leave otherwise they can't move.  It's the closest thing to evil I've ever encountered this intimately.

[camuse]

If she didn't have these issues,  she would be an amazing person.

And if I looked like George Clooney, I'd be a ladykiller If I could sing like beyonce I'd be a famous pop star. etc

She DOES have these issues, they are a hard wired part of her personality, i.e. WHO SHE IS. You need to accept her for who she really is.

I'm sorry for what you are going through, it is very very difficult. Please read up, understand the reality of the situation and give yourself time to recover. In the end, it has very little if anything to do with you, but it will probably be a long while before you can accept that.

I've been there, lots of us have. It's terrible. It takes time, and the first step is understanding the disorder.

[Deeno02]

She made it all out to be my fault.

Absolutely.  I received a ludicrous e-mail from her.  She's leaving but it's my fault.  Brought up things from 5+ years ago.  They need to paint you black in order to leave otherwise they can't move.  It's the closest thing to evil I've ever encountered this intimately.

Yeah, mine did. Im emotionless, unlovable, incapable of love, you didnt take me on vacation, you never bought me anything, you blamed your sex problems on me, you didnt fight for me, you didnt spend any time with me, you thought me and my kids were pains in the asses and that my 20 year old daughter was my wife and is a cock block. Yep. Amazing. Stuff I never even heard before was brought up. It still pains me a bit, but good ridance... .

[Infared]

I know that not having her in my life is what's best for me. I feel sorry for her, honestly.  It isn't her fault what happened to her as a child (broken home,  parent neglect,  was a cutter,  was raped). If she didn't have these issues,  she would be an amazing person.  I made the mistake of playing white knight. Do they normally say very cruel things at the end? She made it all out to be my fault.

Mine was not raped or a cutter... .but her father ran off with the family dog, seduced by the now evil stepmother. She was five years old when this happened and I believe that is what severely damaged my ex. I can't imagine the trauma that must have caused to a sensitive little girl and then she had to deal with this "less than pleasant" stepmother. Her only saving grace is that her mother was a sweetheart.

WOW! These stories are soo similar... yes ... .i played "white knight", and YES she said VERY cruel things when she ran off with new supply... .and YES, I was blamed for everything!

I lived with her for five years and then whoosh (enter new supply), she turned into someone I had never met before!

[Infared]

Not easy stuff.

[Forestaken]

If she didn't have these issues,  she would be an amazing person.

And if I looked like George Clooney, I'd be a ladykiller If I could sing like beyonce I'd be a famous pop star. etc

She DOES have these issues, they are a hard wired part of her personality, i.e. WHO SHE IS. You need to accept her for who she really is.

I'm sorry for what you are going through, it is very very difficult. Please read up, understand the reality of the situation and give yourself time to recover. In the end, it has very little if anything to do with you, but it will probably be a long while before you can accept that.

I've been there, lots of us have. It's terrible. It takes time, and the first step is understanding the disorder.

Someone once posted:

You didn't cause it.

You can't control it.

You can't cure it.

My Xw's father had a mistress.  The mistress was her mother.

[Xidion]

Have any of you been contacted by them later down the road after the new supply starts getting devalued?  I want to prepare myself to reject any attempts she could possibly make to reel me back in. Although things she said make it seem like she won't.

[camuse]

Have any of you been contacted by them later down the road after the new supply starts getting devalued?  I want to prepare myself to reject any attempts she could possibly make to reel me back in. Although things she said make it seem like she won't.

Yes it's extremely normal, standard practice. You need to work hard to remove all possible avenues of communication, while you are vulnerable to a recycle.

[Xidion]

She even told me to throw all her belongings that I still have of hers away because she doesn't want to see me. Also, the night she left me, in the same sentence she told me she loved me and kissed me. I'll never understand her brain.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

She even told me to throw all her belongings that I still have of hers away because she doesn't want to see me. Also, the night she left me, in the same sentence she told me she loved me and kissed me. I'll never understand her brain.

I can relate as my ex has done the same thing multiple times...

Think of it this way its like they have an internal killswitch that they engage at a moments notice for their feelings. Theyre emotions are so chaotic and intense that they overwhelm their entire being. This makes feelings=facts which also go to state that their "facts" are just as ever changing as their emotions. Hence why they developed this defense mechanism in early childhood to cope as such.

Just remember the kill switch can be disengaged if they perceive you can fill a need. In this case to them need=love. Also the longer time goes on they associate the painful longing of no longer having control over you interpreted as love as well. This in turn shows how they associate feelings with the wrong emotion and vice versa. I believe alot of the disorder has to to do with the wrong neural pathways being formed due to trauma and abuse stunting the proper development in early childhood of both the mind and psyche.

[Earthbayne]

Have any of you been contacted by them later down the road after the new supply starts getting devalued?  I want to prepare myself to reject any attempts she could possibly make to reel me back in. Although things she said make it seem like she won't.

Absolutely. In my case, I believe she contacted me after just 3 weeks because she didn't have an adequate supply lined up. There might have been a replacement, but not enough time to line him up and then leave me.

Had she left me or had someone lined up, it'd probably be about 2-3 months after the fact, which is when they seem to start devaluing the new one. I went through this as the replacement.

Brace yourself, winter is coming.

[Xidion]

Have any of you been contacted by them later down the road after the new supply starts getting devalued?  I want to prepare myself to reject any attempts she could possibly make to reel me back in. Although things she said make it seem like she won't.

Absolutely. In my case, I believe she contacted me after just 3 weeks because she didn't have an adequate supply lined up. There might have been a replacement, but not enough time to line him up and then leave me.

Had she left me or had someone lined up, it'd probably be about 2-3 months after the fact, which is when they seem to start devaluing the new one. I went through this as the replacement.

Brace yourself, winter is coming.

I was the replacement to her last relationship... .boy was I stupid. I even remember texting her as she said "I'm going to give it another try with him" and I said, "okay... goodbye". She texted me 30 mintues later and said "wait... I left him". Just from me telling her goodbye, it made her decision to leave him that much easier. She is "in a relationship" right now with the guy she lined up. I caught her talking to him a week before she actually left. I'm painted black as he is being idealized right now.

[Xidion]

Have any of you been contacted by them later down the road after the new supply starts getting devalued?  I want to prepare myself to reject any attempts she could possibly make to reel me back in. Although things she said make it seem like she won't.

Yes it's extremely normal, standard practice. You need to work hard to remove all possible avenues of communication, while you are vulnerable to a recycle.

One of the last things she said to me was "Never contact me again, I don't want you anymore". Pretty sure that decreases the chances of a recycle.

[Xidion]

My experience is that a pwBPD cannot be alone for one minute. They are extremely smart, deceptive and dishonest. Most could never strike out on their own... .i.e. They get into a new relationship BEFORE they leave so that they have constant supply. She was most likely involved with that person long before she left you. Mine was. She denied it forever.

Mine contacted me numerous times and I responded hoping something had changed, but I was always abused. Eventually my self-esteem kicked-in and saved me from engaging in any way. Even saying hello. It just is not healthy for me... .These people are very sick and extremely selfish!

Our relationship was really good until I got a promotion at work. We moved in together and I worked 50 hours a week. Then she started complaining about me not giving her enough attention and not spending every single second I was away from work with her. She complained about me having friends over. She wanted time to just "Me and Her". Nothing was ever good enough. Now that I think about it... .She talked very badly about her ex in the first month of us dating. Then randomly throughout the 6 month - when she broke it off... she talked about him in a positive way by saying things they would do, or this or that. Then she would say, ":)oes it bother you when I talk about him". Odd... .  I did talk to her ex. He said she had texted him 4 or 5 times throughout her and I's relationship... but he had moved on. Told me she is impossible to keep happy and I'm better off.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

My experience is that a pwBPD cannot be alone for one minute. They are extremely smart, deceptive and dishonest. Most could never strike out on their own... .i.e. They get into a new relationship BEFORE they leave so that they have constant supply. She was most likely involved with that person long before she left you. Mine was. She denied it forever.

Mine contacted me numerous times and I responded hoping something had changed, but I was always abused. Eventually my self-esteem kicked-in and saved me from engaging in any way. Even saying hello. It just is not healthy for me... .These people are very sick and extremely selfish!

Our relationship was really good until I got a promotion at work. We moved in together and I worked 50 hours a week. Then she started complaining about me not giving her enough attention and not spending every single second I was away from work with her. She complained about me having friends over. She wanted time to just "Me and Her". Nothing was ever good enough.

She perceived abandonment. This can be real or imagined but is a key role in the core of the disorder. Also perhaps she felt she was losing control over you. Fueled by jealousy wanting you to shut friends out is a way to regain this.

Also the created void within in them is an abysmal casm that no object man included could ever afford to fill even with all the worlds riches... simply because it was created within her by herself and only through her own journey of finding self love and happiness within can she truly "fill" the void and feel inner peace.

Also keep this in mind. Is this not maybe something through codependency that you too are lacking? I believe this is the reason most of us were attracted to such a person in the first place. We must look deep in our depths to find the answers we seek.

[Xidion]

My experience is that a pwBPD cannot be alone for one minute. They are extremely smart, deceptive and dishonest. Most could never strike out on their own... .i.e. They get into a new relationship BEFORE they leave so that they have constant supply. She was most likely involved with that person long before she left you. Mine was. She denied it forever.

Mine contacted me numerous times and I responded hoping something had changed, but I was always abused. Eventually my self-esteem kicked-in and saved me from engaging in any way. Even saying hello. It just is not healthy for me... .These people are very sick and extremely selfish!

Our relationship was really good until I got a promotion at work. We moved in together and I worked 50 hours a week. Then she started complaining about me not giving her enough attention and not spending every single second I was away from work with her. She complained about me having friends over. She wanted time to just "Me and Her". Nothing was ever good enough.

She perceived abandonment. This can be real or imagined but is a key role in the core of the disorder. Also perhaps she felt she was losing control over you. Fueled by jealousy wanting you to shut friends out is a way to regain this.

Also the created void within in them is an abysmal casm that no object man included could ever afford to fill even with all the worlds riches... simply because it was created within her by herself and only through her own journey of finding self love and happiness within can she truly "fill" the void and feel inner peace.

Also keep this in mind. Is this not maybe something through codependency that you too are lacking? I believe this is the reason most of us were attracted to such a person in the first place. We must look deep in our depths to find the answers we seek.

I have been trying to work on myself every day since the break up. I am on my own living in my own place by myself for the first time. I'm learning to be independent. I want to get past all of this so that I can actually wait on someone good to come along and not be taken in by the first thing that shows me some attention.

[Xidion]

^^

[Infared]

My experience is that a pwBPD cannot be alone for one minute. They are extremely smart, deceptive and dishonest. Most could never strike out on their own... .i.e. They get into a new relationship BEFORE they leave so that they have constant supply. She was most likely involved with that person long before she left you. Mine was. She denied it forever.

Mine contacted me numerous times and I responded hoping something had changed, but I was always abused. Eventually my self-esteem kicked-in and saved me from engaging in any way. Even saying hello. It just is not healthy for me... .These people are very sick and extremely selfish!

Our relationship was really good until I got a promotion at work. We moved in together and I worked 50 hours a week. Then she started complaining about me not giving her enough attention and not spending every single second I was away from work with her. She complained about me having friends over. She wanted time to just "Me and Her". Nothing was ever good enough.

She perceived abandonment. This can be real or imagined but is a key role in the core of the disorder. Also perhaps she felt she was losing control over you. Fueled by jealousy wanting you to shut friends out is a way to regain this.

Also the created void within in them is an abysmal casm that no object man included could ever afford to fill even with all the worlds riches... simply because it was created within her by herself and only through her own journey of finding self love and happiness within can she truly "fill" the void and feel inner peace.

Also keep this in mind. Is this not maybe something through codependency that you too are lacking? I believe this is the reason most of us were attracted to such a person in the first place. We must look deep in our depths to find the answers we seek.

Amen to that... .