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Author Topic: Did they really love us?  (Read 4659 times)
Turkish
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« Reply #30 on: December 03, 2014, 06:21:15 PM »

Excluding complete sociopaths, I think everyone's capable of feeling love. That doesn't mean that it's a healthy, mature, and/or lasting love. But they are humans, and they love in their way.

pwBPD are emotionally stunted; it follows that their concept of love is typically not the same as a healthy adult's. I'm fond of the 3-year-old child analogy, myself. It helps put a lot of their behavior into perspective. No, a 3-year-old is not capable of understanding or experiencing a healthy adult relationship, but they can certainly experience love. They love their parents -- except when they're being punished or denied by them. (Sound familiar?) They love people they literally just met ("You like Barbie? You're my best friend!". These feelings are very real to them. But it's not the same kind of love that emotionally mature adults feel.

When S4 was S3 last year, he was mad at us. His mom--- we were co-habitating still, but not together---- said, "I love you, S3." S3 responded, "I don't love you!" His mom looked at me and said, "why is he saying that?" I replied, "to him, this feeling is real. He's 3. That's his level of love: when we're meeting his needs. When not, we're painted black. Don't worry, he'll be fine in an hour or so, back to loving us." And he was.

I left out any snarky comments like saying "go look in the mirror and maybe you'll get what he's doing," or something similar.  

Coming here actually gave me more patience with our son, and still does, though he still seems to get easily upset at little things, unlike his sister who's more emotionally resilient.

I know that she loved me for a time, though the first time she said it to me, it was like she was forcing it past her lips, still attached and in "love" with an exBF who abandoned her. I know that at one time, when S4 was S1, she did love me, and was genuinely happy. That was real. Then it changed. Then I changed, and here I am.

Even after the confrontation over cheating, trying to work it out for a couple of weeks, and then me finally throwing in the towel and letting her go "officially" I know she still had "a love" for me, as she put it. I know she still does, while mine for her is... .I'm still searching for it. That's one reason why she keeps trying to include me in activities, I think. I could say that "it's just an attachment," but what is love if not an attachment?

In a FB accident today, and I thought my settings were solid, I saw a new profile pic she had when she was tagged in her sister's post. She and her BF looked very happy. She seemed happy on Sunday, in stark contrast to the crying and depression I heard on the phone a week ago. At the end of the day, I realize that I miss her in a way, but I don't miss that instability. If he can hack it, more power to them. They're in love, and I'm sure that's real to them. Who am I to judge?

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« Reply #31 on: December 03, 2014, 06:22:05 PM »

Excluding complete sociopaths, I think everyone's capable of feeling love. That doesn't mean that it's a healthy, mature, and/or lasting love. But they are humans, and they love in their way.

pwBPD are emotionally stunted; it follows that their concept of love is typically not the same as a healthy adult's. I'm fond of the 3-year-old child analogy, myself. It helps put a lot of their behavior into perspective. No, a 3-year-old is not capable of understanding or experiencing a healthy adult relationship, but they can certainly experience love. They love their parents -- except when they're being punished or denied by them. (Sound familiar?) They love people they literally just met ("You like Barbie? You're my best friend!". These feelings are very real to them. But it's not the same kind of love that emotionally mature adults feel.

Spot on. And thats the problem for most of us here, we are trying to logically view it as to what we know of love and tried to do for them as a definition or standard of  "love", which isn't the case or something they are capable of. Doesn't mean they love us or don't its just what it is Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Exactly it's like incestuous parent child love and brother sister love.
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DangIthurts
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« Reply #32 on: December 03, 2014, 06:31:29 PM »

Excluding complete sociopaths, I think everyone's capable of feeling love. That doesn't mean that it's a healthy, mature, and/or lasting love. But they are humans, and they love in their way.

pwBPD are emotionally stunted; it follows that their concept of love is typically not the same as a healthy adult's. I'm fond of the 3-year-old child analogy, myself. It helps put a lot of their behavior into perspective. No, a 3-year-old is not capable of understanding or experiencing a healthy adult relationship, but they can certainly experience love. They love their parents -- except when they're being punished or denied by them. (Sound familiar?) They love people they literally just met ("You like Barbie? You're my best friend!". These feelings are very real to them. But it's not the same kind of love that emotionally mature adults feel.

Spot on. And thats the problem for most of us here, we are trying to logically view it as to what we know of love and tried to do for them as a definition or standard of  "love", which isn't the case or something they are capable of. Doesn't mean they love us or don't its just what it is Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Exactly it's like incestuous parent child love and brother sister love.

Yeah some will be on and off forever with the ups and downs, some will never speak over an issue Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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HappyNihilist
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« Reply #33 on: December 03, 2014, 06:50:18 PM »

When S4 was S3 last year, he was mad at us. His mom--- we were co-habitating still, but not together---- said, "I love you, S3." S3 responded, "I don't love you!" His mom looked at me and said, "why is he saying that?" I replied, "to him, this feeling is real. He's 3. That's his level of love: when we're meeting his needs. When not, we're painted black. Don't worry, he'll be fine in an hour or so, back to loving us." And he was.

I left out any snarky comments like saying "go look in the mirror and maybe you'll get what he's doing," or something similar.  

Oh, this is too perfect.  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

At the end of the day, I realize that I miss her in a way, but I don't miss that instability. If he can hack it, more power to them. They're in love, and I'm sure that's real to them. Who am I to judge?

You're such an awesome person, TurkishDoing the right thing (click to insert in post) 

And thats the problem for most of us here, we are trying to logically view it as to what we know of love and tried to do for them as a definition or standard of  "love", which isn't the case or something they are capable of. Doesn't mean they love us or don't its just what it is Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Abso-friggin'-lutely. And "it is what it is" is one of the most helpful mantras when dealing with pwBPD. (Actually, with most of life.)
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« Reply #34 on: December 03, 2014, 06:57:46 PM »

Pisses me off they are wrapped in the goodess of love, while Im slowly healing, but today for some reason, im a blathering idiot, feeling unloved, unwanted not interested in any damn thing, and depressed as hell, while shes out like i didnt exist. Just hurts so damn bad at times. It really does... .
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« Reply #35 on: December 03, 2014, 07:10:22 PM »

Pisses me off they are wrapped in the goodess of love, while Im slowly healing, but today for some reason, im a blathering idiot, feeling unloved, unwanted not interested in any damn thing, and depressed as hell, while shes out like i didnt exist. Just hurts so damn bad at times. It really does... .

Yup. Most brutal part.
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« Reply #36 on: December 03, 2014, 07:39:41 PM »

I think that's a great question and one I'm sure most of us have asked ourselves.

I believe that he loved me in the only way he knew how to. My counselor explained it best  (and I've read this in my research as well) with a love tank analogy - - Imagine an actual tank inside of you with a drain at the bottom. If you were shown love as a child, your tank was filled and you will be able to accept love and give love. If your tank was not filled during childhood then it remains empty and you have nothing to give and any love anyone puts in there falls right out of the bottom. His love tank is empty.

I'm a Christian and I believe that the way a p/w BPD knows how to love is not a true love. It's not the love set in the example of Jesus Christ - "Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Even though I think I have the answer, that question still haunts me to a degree because I loved him with a love more genuine and deep than I've had for anyone else. Like many others, I gave it my all and then some.
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« Reply #37 on: December 03, 2014, 07:43:50 PM »

I think for a BPD, we're like characters in a holodeck novel (star trek reference). We are real in the sense that we exist, we are people in the sense that we act and behave like people, but for a BPD the only real person is them. They can have a crush on us, or an infatuation on us, but when we become annoying they'll say "computer, delete character" - out of sight out of mind.

We exist for them and their benefit, if we are not beneficial anymore they begin to despise us, they'll resent their need for us, and so they cut off all those emotional bonds and move on. In order to avoid conflict they detach in private, and then run.

Did they love us? Not in the human sense, more in the "i love this car" sense, until the car breaks and they get a new one. Too much emotion is the terror hiding in the closet for a BPD, so they'll never truly let go and develop real emotional bonds - not with anyone. Its the burden that they will carry with them all their lives unless they get help.
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« Reply #38 on: December 03, 2014, 07:49:14 PM »

Pisses me off they are wrapped in the goodess of love, while Im slowly healing, but today for some reason, im a blathering idiot, feeling unloved, unwanted not interested in any damn thing, and depressed as hell, while shes out like i didnt exist. Just hurts so damn bad at times. It really does... .

Deeno it might help to consider that theres a reason that she's 'wrapped in the goodness of love", its because she's ALWAYS alone. Of course it hurts, but whilst we can hurt, they can not. To hurt would be a potential death sentence, 10% of all BPDs die by suicide - and this is way above the global averages. They're truly broken people, and she is so quick to seek out someone else because her desperation not to be alone is so great it could result in her death. She's going to suffer this all her life, and she'll probably die a lot earlier than you will, and if she doesn't well, when her looks fade, and she's been through hundreds of failed relationships, she'll be that crochety old lady that no one likes, that never has a good word to say about anyone, and always moans to random people about how ill she is.

Her life is not going to be a good one.
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« Reply #39 on: December 03, 2014, 08:32:24 PM »

Pisses me off they are wrapped in the goodess of love, while Im slowly healing, but today for some reason, im a blathering idiot, feeling unloved, unwanted not interested in any damn thing, and depressed as hell, while shes out like i didnt exist. Just hurts so damn bad at times. It really does... .

Deeno it might help to consider that theres a reason that she's 'wrapped in the goodness of love", its because she's ALWAYS alone. Of course it hurts, but whilst we can hurt, they can not. To hurt would be a potential death sentence, 10% of all BPDs die by suicide - and this is way above the global averages. They're truly broken people, and she is so quick to seek out someone else because her desperation not to be alone is so great it could result in her death. She's going to suffer this all her life, and she'll probably die a lot earlier than you will, and if she doesn't well, when her looks fade, and she's been through hundreds of failed relationships, she'll be that crochety old lady that no one likes, that never has a good word to say about anyone, and always moans to random people about how ill she is.

Her life is not going to be a good one.

Maybe so, she barely gets along with her family, always about her. Just irritates me I got tossed for made up crap and replaced in days. I dont know, Im doing better, but jesus christ, they just destroy without a care.
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« Reply #40 on: December 03, 2014, 08:41:08 PM »

Did they really love us?



In retrospect the "love" she had for me is similar to that of the love Michael Vick had for his dogs.
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« Reply #41 on: December 03, 2014, 08:48:57 PM »

Hmmmm, at one time I thought I answered this question for myself. It's a little more difficult to say now. Part of me wants to say, No, it was all just a facade. Part of me wants to believe something was there and it may have had a chance. I'd say that yes, it's love. There are many kinds of love. For them it's either black or white. How else could she be dating me less than a month after she was divorced from the father of her 1 y/o daughter? Within 2 weeks she told me "I love you" and had her daughter calling ME "daddy"... .so I don't think this is something you can do if you don't think something is going to work out at all. From what she said and what she wrote, it sounded like she really wanted us to get married. It all came to a halt just after our wedding shower, just about a month before we were getting married. It pretty much just collapsed after that... .My guess is because she was royally freaking out about being truly intimate with me... .with me truly knowing her. I would have seen more and more how chaotic and unpredictable she is and eventually left her.

It's love, but more like an immature, teenage crush. Once the high wears off then it's over and on to the next. I can't think of a lot that's positive about the relationship. My boundaries have improved a lot. I know to pay more attention to relationship history and to move slower. I think that's wise and a good way to screen out the truly desperate. I never saw the end coming. That's for sure.

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« Reply #42 on: December 04, 2014, 01:54:50 AM »

Pisses me off they are wrapped in the goodess of love, while Im slowly healing, but today for some reason, im a blathering idiot, feeling unloved, unwanted not interested in any damn thing, and depressed as hell, while shes out like i didnt exist. Just hurts so damn bad at times. It really does... .

Deeno it might help to consider that theres a reason that she's 'wrapped in the goodness of love", its because she's ALWAYS alone. Of course it hurts, but whilst we can hurt, they can not. To hurt would be a potential death sentence, 10% of all BPDs die by suicide - and this is way above the global averages. They're truly broken people, and she is so quick to seek out someone else because her desperation not to be alone is so great it could result in her death. She's going to suffer this all her life, and she'll probably die a lot earlier than you will, and if she doesn't well, when her looks fade, and she's been through hundreds of failed relationships, she'll be that crochety old lady that no one likes, that never has a good word to say about anyone, and always moans to random people about how ill she is.

Her life is not going to be a good one.

Maybe so, she barely gets along with her family, always about her. Just irritates me I got tossed for made up crap and replaced in days. I dont know, Im doing better, but jesus christ, they just destroy without a care.

when i started dating my ex, i had an idea for a song pop into my head. the working title was "living in a memory of you" and she liked it. i told her that it was inspired by her. she was confused and said that she was still here. i told her "you may not always be. hopefully, ill never have to finish this song."

im avoiding picking up my guitar now... .
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« Reply #43 on: December 04, 2014, 01:59:10 AM »

I think that's a great question and one I'm sure most of us have asked ourselves.

I believe that he loved me in the only way he knew how to. My counselor explained it best  (and I've read this in my research as well) with a love tank analogy - - Imagine an actual tank inside of you with a drain at the bottom. If you were shown love as a child, your tank was filled and you will be able to accept love and give love. If your tank was not filled during childhood then it remains empty and you have nothing to give and any love anyone puts in there falls right out of the bottom. His love tank is empty.

I'm a Christian and I believe that the way a p/w BPD knows how to love is not a true love. It's not the love set in the example of Jesus Christ - "Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Even though I think I have the answer, that question still haunts me to a degree because I loved him with a love more genuine and deep than I've had for anyone else. Like many others, I gave it my all and then some.

I do think that religion and/or meditation is the answer to me now.

I need to go back to my core values.

Thanks for this reminder.
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« Reply #44 on: December 04, 2014, 09:49:45 PM »

I struggle with this. We were together 9.5 years. In retrospect, I see now that she dysregulated this past April due to the ruling in her prolonged custody case, and whereas she didn't lose custody, she didn't get anything she had hoped for. I have never heard her that angry, except one other time, and that was when the stress and rage overwhelmed her as well. I know now that was the beginning of the end for me both times.

I can't even bring myself to think about any of our times together because it is too painful. We didn't live together, and I thought her rages, stupidly, were due to her feeling stressed. Wrong again. So if I think about those times, good or bad, it just causes my heart to fail.

I think she really loved me. And if she was just mirroring me for all these years, then I have had nothing but a wasted decade in my life. And the thought of that is almost as unbearable as the memories. I don't think she is that good of an actress. If so, she could give Meryl Streep a run for her Oscars. So yes, I believe she really loved me, I believe somewhere inside of her she still does. But mostly I think she loves fear more than anything.

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« Reply #45 on: December 04, 2014, 11:39:05 PM »

When I was divorcing my uBPDexw I said to my uBPDgf that I hated my wife. My exgf got upset and said that as I hated her I had feelings for her and she didnt like that.

This has had me thinking about how they see love and hate. I came to the conclussion that its all about attention. This is why love has a number of meanings for a pwBPD.  The main one being that if you loved them then you put them before anyone else. They want to be adored so if thats how they think you should show them yoy love them then they must love you in the idolisation stage as they adore you. The problem is that its not love as we imagine it in a relationship. It is a childish love that a child has to a parent providing for their every need.
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« Reply #46 on: December 05, 2014, 01:17:26 AM »

When I was divorcing my uBPDexw I said to my uBPDgf that I hated my wife. My exgf got upset and said that as I hated her I had feelings for her and she didnt like that.

This has had me thinking about how they see love and hate. I came to the conclussion that its all about attention. This is why love has a number of meanings for a pwBPD.  The main one being that if you loved them then you put them before anyone else. They want to be adored so if thats how they think you should show them yoy love them then they must love you in the idolisation stage as they adore you. The problem is that its not love as we imagine it in a relationship. It is a childish love that a child has to a parent providing for their every need.

I have to agree. When she first started her BPD dance I poured on the love and adoration thinking that love would fix it.  After I was sick and tired of it I gave up on proving my love all the time and she got very mean. Throwing fits over nothing. I guess in that sense she was like a child.
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« Reply #47 on: December 05, 2014, 01:53:20 AM »

When you are that self-centered you cannot love someone else. Everything is a manipulation for their "plan". No love there.

Peiper's experience is similar to mine regarding the childishness as well.
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« Reply #48 on: December 05, 2014, 05:15:59 AM »

When you are that self-centered you cannot love someone else. Everything is a manipulation for their "plan". No love there.

Peiper's experience is similar to mine regarding the childishness as well.

5 shirts, 2 cups is all I got out of the relationship. I'm still so sad over this after 4 months. I did what I could. I started crashing and burning while her schedule increased. I didn't matter anymore. I was/am non existent. Don't even think she even thinks about me. Dragged my kids into it, called my daughter (D20) names like cock block and called her my wife. Believe she became jealous of my daughter when she moved back home. What mother of a young daughter does that? Shows me she has no care for anyone but herself. I loved her with all I was capable of and I wasn't good enough.
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« Reply #49 on: December 05, 2014, 06:03:17 AM »

I don't really understand all this rumination over if they loved us. Mine did her level best to completely destroy me. No concerns when doing it. That's not love.
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« Reply #50 on: December 05, 2014, 06:09:06 AM »

I don't really understand all this rumination over if they loved us. Mine did her level best to completely destroy me. No concerns when doing it. That's not love.

Well, for me as Im sure for you and the rest of us, love meant something to us Peiper. I guess Im still shocked about how it was broke off in my ass, to put it bluntly. Thinking about it helps me get a grasp of sorts on what not to do next time. I gave it away way to quickly with this lady, not going to do so again. Just putting round pegs into round holes.
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« Reply #51 on: December 05, 2014, 06:20:20 AM »

I don't really understand all this rumination over if they loved us. Mine did her level best to completely destroy me. No concerns when doing it. That's not love.

Well, for me as Im sure for you and the rest of us, love meant something to us Peiper. I guess Im still shocked about how it was broke off in my ass, to put it bluntly. Thinking about it helps me get a grasp of sorts on what not to do next time. I gave it away way to quickly with this lady, not going to do so again. Just putting round pegs into round holes.

It meant something to myself as well. But when stabbed why worry if they loved us? Was that not the answer to the aforementioned?  I've learned through this to look at actions. Not what my fantasy is or was and not what someone mirrors.
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« Reply #52 on: December 05, 2014, 06:23:20 AM »

I don't really understand all this rumination over if they loved us. Mine did her level best to completely destroy me. No concerns when doing it. That's not love.

Well, for me as Im sure for you and the rest of us, love meant something to us Peiper. I guess Im still shocked about how it was broke off in my ass, to put it bluntly. Thinking about it helps me get a grasp of sorts on what not to do next time. I gave it away way to quickly with this lady, not going to do so again. Just putting round pegs into round holes.

It meant something to myself as well. But when stabbed why worry if they loved us? Was that not the answer to the aforementioned?  I've learned through this to look at actions. Not what my fantasy is or was and not what someone mirrors.

Yep. I reflect so I dont do it again. I seem to have a bad habit of it and I dont want to fall for the BS again. And yeah, it hurts but its a tool for my processing phase.
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« Reply #53 on: December 05, 2014, 06:25:14 AM »

Jesus Christ - "Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Even though I think I have the answer, that question still haunts me to a degree because I loved him with a love more genuine and deep than I've had for anyone else. Like many others, I gave it my all and then some.

Being in my mid 40's, I truly never loved anyone the way I loved her and in some pathetic way I still do but in reading the quote you posted I have to come to terms with the fact that there is no way she truly loved me as she was the opposite to almost every love trait in that beautiful quote.

Thank you
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« Reply #54 on: December 05, 2014, 06:32:12 AM »

It's a bit like dealing with a car salesman.  When trying to get the sale they try to act like your best friend. Once you buy they could care less about you unless you want to buy again. If need be I'll walk.
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« Reply #55 on: December 05, 2014, 08:00:18 AM »

I think for a BPD, we're like characters in a holodeck novel (star trek reference). We are real in the sense that we exist, we are people in the sense that we act and behave like people, but for a BPD the only real person is them. They can have a crush on us, or an infatuation on us, but when we become annoying they'll say "computer, delete character" - out of sight out of mind.

We exist for them and their benefit, if we are not beneficial anymore they begin to despise us, they'll resent their need for us, and so they cut off all those emotional bonds and move on. In order to avoid conflict they detach in private, and then run.

Did they love us? Not in the human sense, more in the "i love this car" sense, until the car breaks and they get a new one. Too much emotion is the terror hiding in the closet for a BPD, so they'll never truly let go and develop real emotional bonds - not with anyone. Its the burden that they will carry with them all their lives unless they get help.

wow, you're describing it perfectly!

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evilpepsi
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 142


« Reply #56 on: December 05, 2014, 09:02:35 AM »

Jesus Christ - "Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Even though I think I have the answer, that question still haunts me to a degree because I loved him with a love more genuine and deep than I've had for anyone else. Like many others, I gave it my all and then some.

Being in my mid 40's, I truly never loved anyone the way I loved her and in some pathetic way I still do but in reading the quote you posted I have to come to terms with the fact that there is no way she truly loved me as she was the opposite to almost every love trait in that beautiful quote.

Thank you

Same here bro. I have dated a lot of women in my life and none ever stood out like she did... .
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Xidion
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 295


« Reply #57 on: December 05, 2014, 09:30:21 AM »

They stand out because no woman with a normal brain mirrors us and makes us think we found the one. It's sad to say,  but we were tricked.  They are con artists. We started having visions of the future while we were being idealized.  Then the mask comes off.  Would you really want years and years of however your relationship was in the last 1/3 of it?  Probably not.
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Elpis
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: married 30+ years
Posts: 349



WWW
« Reply #58 on: December 05, 2014, 01:08:08 PM »

This workshop on ":)id he/she ever love me?" is pretty eye-opening, and written by someone who is a mostly recovered pwBPD: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68978.0

I found this fascinating, having wondered this myself when thinking "would someone who is supposed to love me and have my back treat me this way?"

People love in the way their deeply held belief system allows them to. So yes, it's love under their understanding which is likely different than your understanding of what love means in a committed romantic relationship.

But read the workshop, seriously, it gave me a new perspective on the question.
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billypilgrim
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated since 10/2014. Divorce will be finalized 10/2015.
Posts: 266


« Reply #59 on: December 05, 2014, 02:33:09 PM »

No.  Not love.  More like infatuation.  Sure, it's all they know but that rings very hollow.  Calling something that it's not just because of a disorder doesn't make whatever the hell I experienced for the last 6 years love.  What I felt (and perhaps what you all felt as well) is more closely represented by the way a child loves a new toy.  Some toys last longer than others but no one plays with the same toys forever.  Yes, we gave our partner great joy while we were their favorite toy.  We went everywhere together.  We snuggled up together at night.  They only played with us and shut out all the other toys.  They had never gotten a toy as special or as awesome as we were to them and they wanted to play with us all the time.  But they gave us attention and played with us only on their terms, only when they were in the mood. 

Then our paint starts to chip.  Our threads begin to unravel.  Our stuffing begins to fall out.  We aren't that same toy we were when they unwrapped us at Christmas.  They start to realize this and stop playing their favorite games with us.  Do they try to put us back together?  Do they help during our times of need when our threads start to unravel?  No.  But pretty soon, there's a new shiny package under the tree for them to unwrap and "love" all over again.  Then we are shelved, only to be revisited when they get bored or one of their new toys breaks.  Or we are donated and never seen or heard from again.  Hopefully the latter is where we end up so we go to someone that loves us just the way we are.

What they gave us was not love.  Those are not the characteristics of love.  Love is permanence.  Love is understanding.  Love is reciprocal.  Love does not need.  Love does not use.    Calling it love because they don't know any better doesn't mean that it's love.  It doesn't somehow make everything that's happened "o.k."   
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