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Author Topic: Were you replaced right away?  (Read 6829 times)
Xidion
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« on: December 03, 2014, 03:04:15 AM »

Well, my exBPD replaced me while we were still together, then dumped me as soon as I found out she was talking to him. 1 month later they are officially "in a relationship". Apparently he is an "upgrade" as she told me. Which isn't true... it was just the first person to show her some attention when she painted me black. I'm moving on with my life, but it feels pretty crappy that she can just move on to someone else like that and act like he is the best thing that has ever happened to her.

I know that this is all part of the cycle. She did the same with me. Still makes me feel pretty worthless. Like I didn't matter to her one bit. Maybe one day she will remember all the good times we had... .
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peiper
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« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2014, 03:22:35 AM »

Very same thing happened to me. Just count your blessings that she's his problem now. I really can't fathom how two cheats that get together think they are going to live in bliss. Once a cheat always a cheat. Deep down they know that. Its always going to be in the back of their mind and for a pwBPD that will be painful which in turn is going to make it painful for the replacement.
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« Reply #2 on: December 03, 2014, 03:54:26 AM »

To a new partner? No. She's still single after 6 months. She replaced me with new friends though. I guess they provide her enough support
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Craydar
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« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2014, 07:23:20 AM »

Well, my exBPD replaced me while we were still together, then dumped me as soon as I found out she was talking to him. 1 month later they are officially "in a relationship". Apparently he is an "upgrade" as she told me. Which isn't true... it was just the first person to show her some attention when she painted me black. I'm moving on with my life, but it feels pretty crappy that she can just move on to someone else like that and act like he is the best thing that has ever happened to her.

I know that this is all part of the cycle. She did the same with me. Still makes me feel pretty worthless. Like I didn't matter to her one bit. Maybe one day she will remember all the good times we had... .

I could have written this verbatim. It seems to be a very common theme. When it first happened to me three months ago I was devastated. The only difference is that she never said that he was agreed. It was just implied. I feel like they always look for the bigger and better deal and then eventually fall flat on their face.
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BrokenFamily
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« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2014, 07:37:54 AM »

It's so odd how the stories are always so similar...   boy meets girl, they almost immediately have a love that inspires the world filled with passion she idolized him, mirrored him and saw only his good qualities, then begins to project her insecurities on him making false accusations stating he is cheating when it's her, saying he is argumentative when she's the one who starts the fight and then she eventually finds a replacement, then starts a silly fight just to get out, starts dating the new guy with no remorse and paints the ex who was a good guy as all black as well as the relationship that was happy and healthy as all bad only remembering the bad times (blaming them on the guy) and not the good. then starts a smear campaign to justify her cruel actions towards the heartbroken ex. Then the cycle repeats
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Deeno02
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« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2014, 07:40:20 AM »

Yep, within days by her old college buddy. Literally hanging with her and the kids one week, very next week, theres the new guy hanging with them.
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blissful_camper
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« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2014, 09:39:57 AM »

Yes.  However his disorder destroyed his relationship with my replacement.  They lasted 10 months. 
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clydegriffith
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« Reply #7 on: December 03, 2014, 09:49:40 AM »

The BPDx was all over the place. While we were still in a relationship, she started lining up what she thought would be the next replacement but the guy didn't want to leave his wife for her. After she realized that she just kind of slept around with whoever. It's been two years since b/u and she's had 4 or 5 official "boyfriends" and just had another baby.
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Xidion
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« Reply #8 on: December 03, 2014, 02:43:38 PM »

It's so odd how the stories are always so similar...   boy meets girl, they almost immediately have a love that inspires the world filled with passion she idolized him, mirrored him and saw only his good qualities, then begins to project her insecurities on him making false accusations stating he is cheating when it's her, saying he is argumentative when she's the one who starts the fight and then she eventually finds a replacement, then starts a silly fight just to get out, starts dating the new guy with no remorse and paints the ex who was a good guy as all black as well as the relationship that was happy and healthy as all bad only remembering the bad times (blaming them on the guy) and not the good. then starts a smear campaign to justify her cruel actions towards the heartbroken ex. Then the cycle repeats

That's exactly how it happens. In the beginning I was God. I could do no wrong. She wanted to be with me every single second. Toward the end, I could do no good. She stopped replying to texts, started shutting off. I would try to "talk" to her about our relationship and all she had to say were negative things or things she hated about me. Hence, she was looking for a replacement the entire time. I caught her the first time and we got past it, the second time i caught her, she left and is now with him.
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fred6
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« Reply #9 on: December 03, 2014, 03:02:01 PM »

Well, my exBPD replaced me while we were still together, then dumped me as soon as I found out she was talking to him. 1 month later they are officially "in a relationship". Apparently he is an "upgrade" as she told me.

Ditto here. Caught her cheating on me and then got dumped and she ran me off. I don't know the extent of their relationship. She keeps it very under the radar. She said that he was just a friend before I moved out 11 weeks ago. Not sure if he is an upgrade or not either. I don't know the guy. I think he probably makes more money than I do and has a nice new shiny pickup truck. So if that's an upgrade, then so be it. Common themes here indeed  PD traits
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Xidion
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« Reply #10 on: December 03, 2014, 04:32:20 PM »

Well, my exBPD replaced me while we were still together, then dumped me as soon as I found out she was talking to him. 1 month later they are officially "in a relationship". Apparently he is an "upgrade" as she told me.

Ditto here. Caught her cheating on me and then got dumped and she ran me off. I don't know the extent of their relationship. She keeps it very under the radar. She said that he was just a friend before I moved out 11 weeks ago. Not sure if he is an upgrade or not either. I don't know the guy. I think he probably makes more money than I do and has a nice new shiny pickup truck. So if that's an upgrade, then so be it. Common themes here indeed  PD traits

She told me he was a friend, too. She started adding guys to Facebook.  Now she is with the guy she said was just a friend. Has she tried contacting you in any way?
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Confused?
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« Reply #11 on: December 03, 2014, 04:35:00 PM »

Yes. Twice. Within two months.
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Xidion
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« Reply #12 on: December 03, 2014, 05:17:02 PM »

Yes. Twice. Within two months.

What did she say and how did you respond?
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« Reply #13 on: December 03, 2014, 05:39:27 PM »

Yes, the pattern seems the same for all of us. We get replaced and it hurts because at one time we were their everything but... .whoever they are with now will go through the same thing and I for one do not want to experience that pain again. He made me feel worthless and my self esteem was so low I had no idea how I was going to get through the day... .I am stronger now but the manipulation, lying and cheating still stings. I just hope I can open my heart up again one day and be able to trust... .AND not be a victim...
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fred6
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« Reply #14 on: December 03, 2014, 05:47:39 PM »

Has she tried contacting you in any way?

Nope. Just one time 2 weeks after I moved out to see if I paid a ticket she got because I wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Otherwise she will barely even respond to me. The way she acts toward me, you would think that I'm the one who cheated and lied to her. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it
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parisian
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« Reply #15 on: December 03, 2014, 05:55:17 PM »

Pure speculation only:

I don't think there will be a 'relationship' replacement straight away. Certainly there will be lots of one night stands and general sleeping around. And with the festive season coming up, that equates to lots and lots of drunken nights and greater chances for drunk sex. That's what she does.

While we were together I had some suspicions about her meeting other people. She is still friends on FB with every one night stand she's ever had, so always lots of opportunities to hook back up again.

She will keep it pretty quiet - when we first started going out, there were only three FB posts that included me in a space of 6 months. She won't tell the world until there is some significant date - she announced ours to the world [FB] (without talking to me about it first) around the 12 m anniversary of her ex moving out.

I won't really know I guess, and I don't really care. I just feel sad for whoever the replacement is going to be - it will be one hell of a ride... .
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« Reply #16 on: December 03, 2014, 06:10:05 PM »

Well the first time she did it I didn't know what was happening. She was lying about what she was doing. Texted me one morning and told said should I change my Facebook status to single since we aren't together. I was like what the heck. Didn't even know we broke up. She left for some guy blocked me. For about a month. Cried to me to take her back. I took her back. A month after that I discovered she still had a Facebook and I was blocked from it. Then I saw she was friends on there with this guy she was talking about being someone's brother or something. Turns out he wasn't. He was next replacement. I gave her a chance to tell me the truth about it and she said there was nothing between them. Caught her having him over her house. She lied some more. They were officially dating about a week later.
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Pingo
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« Reply #17 on: December 03, 2014, 10:31:56 PM »

I got replaced and didn't even know about it and then we recycled.  He moved back in with me and his family knew that he had been living with an ex gf but no one told me until we split the second time.  He moved back in with her right away apparently and this time his SIL told me.  I was sick, I couldn't believe that he had kept that from me.   Then apparently he was with another woman according to his family but I am imagining that has gone for a crap bc he has been trying to contact me again lately.
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« Reply #18 on: December 03, 2014, 10:59:10 PM »

He doesn't have the replacement yet but I'm sure it wont be long.  I feel sorry for who ever buys his line of crap and thinks he cares about them. He has been out for 5 weeks and has two former affair partners that were friends with benefits added to his fb. so its safe to say he is medicating himself with others.  I pulled up my fb yesterday and there they were in the list of friends of others that I might know and want to friend. I had to go in and unfriend him and block.  I don't need to see that crap. 

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« Reply #19 on: December 04, 2014, 09:30:24 PM »

My exbf always had ___ buddies and other casual hookups throughout the relationship. As far as another relationship, though... .within two months of the breakup, maybe even just before.
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ShadowIntheNight
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« Reply #20 on: December 04, 2014, 10:14:40 PM »

Don't know the answer and don't want to know. The thought of her with someone else is more than my simple brain can handle. But knowing how "lonely" she gets and that she was definitely looking to leave early in our relationship (after 2 years, together 9.5) I would guess yes. Otherwise she would be calling me to solve her problems. I know her emotionally and unless someone is there for her now, she wouldn't stay away. She's not that strong.
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evilpepsi
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« Reply #21 on: December 05, 2014, 12:18:12 AM »

Not only was I replaced on the same day, she actually expected me to let him come into my house and help move her stuff out! When I said heck no, she told me to be an adult. When she came to move her stuff out she was wearing one of his work t-shirts to rub it in my face... .
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Xidion
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« Reply #22 on: December 05, 2014, 12:34:40 AM »

Not only was I replaced on the same day, she actually expected me to let him come into my house and help move her stuff out! When I said heck no, she told me to be an adult. When she came to move her stuff out she was wearing one of his work t-shirts to rub it in my face... .

They have some nerve, don't they? Mine was going to bring him along to get her belongings.  When I told her not to worry about it,  she got mad, told me how much of an upgrade he is, and to throw her stuff away and never contact her again.
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evilpepsi
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« Reply #23 on: December 05, 2014, 01:39:11 AM »

Not only was I replaced on the same day, she actually expected me to let him come into my house and help move her stuff out! When I said heck no, she told me to be an adult. When she came to move her stuff out she was wearing one of his work t-shirts to rub it in my face... .

They have some nerve, don't they? Mine was going to bring him along to get her belongings.  When I told her not to worry about it,  she got mad, told me how much of an upgrade he is, and to throw her stuff away and never contact her again.

I have had to deal with this guy for the last six months. He has npd and would randomly blow up her phone and then mine. Had the nerve to tell me that in the last year that he lessened her BPD. This fool actually believes that he has the power to heal... .
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Infared
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« Reply #24 on: December 05, 2014, 03:30:19 AM »

I was replaced long before she ran off with new supply.
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evilpepsi
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« Reply #25 on: December 05, 2014, 09:05:56 AM »

Its kind of hard to wrap my head around the face that Wednesday she was living with me and thanksgiving night she was living with her ex. She couldn't even put 24 hours between us... .
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« Reply #26 on: December 05, 2014, 09:09:26 AM »

Its kind of hard to wrap my head around the face that Wednesday she was living with me and thanksgiving night she was living with her ex. She couldn't even put 24 hours between us... .

Which is my problem. Im shocked that our relationship wasnt even mourned. Its like I was a kleenex. Used, tossed away and new one out of the box.
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evilpepsi
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« Reply #27 on: December 05, 2014, 09:14:10 AM »

Its kind of hard to wrap my head around the face that Wednesday she was living with me and thanksgiving night she was living with her ex. She couldn't even put 24 hours between us... .

Which is my problem. Im shocked that our relationship wasnt even mourned. Its like I was a kleenex. Used, tossed away and new one out of the box.

Its amazing how they can do that. Wish that I could shut my mind and emotions off like that. It's even harder with the memory of her mom saying that she wished that it had been me with her daughter... .
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Xidion
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« Reply #28 on: December 05, 2014, 09:22:40 AM »

Its kind of hard to wrap my head around the face that Wednesday she was living with me and thanksgiving night she was living with her ex. She couldn't even put 24 hours between us... .

Which is my problem. Im shocked that our relationship wasnt even mourned. Its like I was a kleenex. Used, tossed away and new one out of the box.

Its amazing how they can do that. Wish that I could shut my mind and emotions off like that. It's even harder with the memory of her mom saying that she wished that it had been me with her daughter... .

Do they really just not care at all? I find it hard to believe that they can just shut off their emotions.  Then again,  they are mentally ill. My brain knows I'm better off, I'm just waiting for my heart to catch up.
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evilpepsi
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« Reply #29 on: December 05, 2014, 10:01:16 AM »

Its kind of hard to wrap my head around the face that Wednesday she was living with me and thanksgiving night she was living with her ex. She couldn't even put 24 hours between us... .

Which is my problem. Im shocked that our relationship wasnt even mourned. Its like I was a kleenex. Used, tossed away and new one out of the box.

.

Its amazing how they can do that. Wish that I could shut my mind and emotions off like that. It's even harder with the memory of her mom saying that she wished that it had been me with her daughter... .

Do they really just not care at all? I find it hard to believe that they can just shut off their emotions.  Then again,  they are mentally ill. My brain knows I'm better off, I'm just waiting for my heart to catch up.

Same here. Waiting for them to get on the same page.

I think for me that it wouldn't be so bad if I knew that it hurt her at least a little
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BorisAcusio
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« Reply #30 on: December 05, 2014, 10:06:25 AM »

Well, I replaced her husband right away, and she went back to the guy she was cheating on me with after we separated.
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Deeno02
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« Reply #31 on: December 05, 2014, 10:38:23 AM »

Its kind of hard to wrap my head around the face that Wednesday she was living with me and thanksgiving night she was living with her ex. She couldn't even put 24 hours between us... .

Which is my problem. Im shocked that our relationship wasnt even mourned. Its like I was a kleenex. Used, tossed away and new one out of the box.

.

Its amazing how they can do that. Wish that I could shut my mind and emotions off like that. It's even harder with the memory of her mom saying that she wished that it had been me with her daughter... .

Do they really just not care at all? I find it hard to believe that they can just shut off their emotions.  Then again,  they are mentally ill. My brain knows I'm better off, I'm just waiting for my heart to catch up.

Same here. Waiting for them to get on the same page.

I think for me that it wouldn't be so bad if I knew that it hurt her at least a little

They are not wired that way. Thats how normal folks act.
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LeftSidePain

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« Reply #32 on: December 05, 2014, 12:00:07 PM »

I replaced her husband two days after she left him. I never seen her before in my life and stayed with her for 15 years. I wanted to run away after the first 4 months.

She replaced me within two weeks that I am aware of. I do believe she had been talking to him on Facebook. She was staying with him within a month and had my children at his house within 2 months.

He was/is a downgrade from me as well. A very big downgrade from me. Think corporate white collar upper middle class to hillbilly living in a shack in the woods barely employed. According to her though,  "At least he nice to me... ." Which hurt because I loved her very much and even after 15 years I held her hand, spent all my time with her, took her out, bought her flowers. Not sure whats going to happen after the honey moon phase is over.  She went from nice middle class mother and wife to country queen that loves bon fires and hunting/fishing. Never fished or hunted a day we were together either. Talks like a hill jack now as well. "It is what it is y'all... " "Y'all better get in here and listen to what I'm a telling ya... ." Sad really. Embarrassing for my eldest.

I don't know. Maybe he is a great guy. He hasn't hurt my children in anyway and tries to include them when he can. It's not really his fault and who knows what he's been told.

Sometimes an explanation would be nice... Other times not so much.
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« Reply #33 on: December 06, 2014, 02:04:36 PM »

Yep, got replaced right away, twice.

Few months ago, got dumped and replaced with someone she met on Tinder. That went sour because the guy was trash apparently so she came back a few weeks after saying how much she loved me, how sorry she was, and how she would do whatever it takes as long as it takes to make things better. I'm talking crying and crying and saying she loved me and she had a meltdown. I fell for it.

That lasted 2 months. While I was working on solving our issues, apparently she was looking for a replacement. On Halloween goes to a Rave, apparently meets some guy, dumps me the next day to pursue dating him. I only figured this out with some snooping on social media a few days ago. She never admitted it, but rather placed blame on me while I tried to reason with her for 2 weeks, explaining how insane this is.
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« Reply #34 on: December 06, 2014, 02:32:17 PM »

There was a "friend" floating around our relationship and when I voiced my discomfort about her constantly texting him it was the actual catalyst to the final collapse of our r/s. She erupted and then ferociously turned on me with accusations.

That day was the end. I believe there was an overlap.I have no idea what her movements have been for at least 7 months but my gut (the feeling I'm now trusting) tells me that she is either with him now or at least they have had something during this time. That's not my business anymore thankfully. He was the perfect canon fodder for her... .15 years older, going through a very messy divorce, of the same ethnic group... .he would drop anything to come and help her with all of her dramas. Nice enough bloke. I think he will be toasted more than I was because I could sense his desperation and vulnerability. Rather him than me tbh
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rockgirl

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« Reply #35 on: December 06, 2014, 03:00:15 PM »



That was my husband's pattern before me and it's my worst fear that he'll do it to me too. I feel dispensable when he's in the mode of "everything is your fault, I want a divorce". Makes me wonder if he's got a back up list. He's a very handsome man and there are many women waiting for his attention. I'm sure they don't care that he's married either.

Seems they need constant ego feeding and jump from person to person trying to get it. It's not about the other person, it's about filling that void. It doesn't last long, she'll probably be calling you when it's over and hoping you take her back. They can't stand to be alone!
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« Reply #36 on: December 06, 2014, 03:57:01 PM »

It's as if I was replaced by some weird made-up (disordered) version of me, pieced together from her own fears and projections. A scapegoat. The person she described/ran from that she "can't be with" is really herself.
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« Reply #37 on: February 06, 2015, 04:09:32 PM »

One thing is for certain evilpepsi, that poor fool is destined for a rude awakening:

"Had the nerve to tell me that in the last year that he lessened her BPD. This fool actually believes that he has the power to heal... ."
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« Reply #38 on: February 06, 2015, 04:41:06 PM »

It's as if I was replaced by some weird made-up (disordered) version of me, pieced together from her own fears and projections. A scapegoat. The person she described/ran from that she "can't be with" is really herself.

I got a feeling my ex ran from herself in the end thing is my ex has been in LC with me since day 1 of her relaitionship with my replacement it was all anger and projection for 2 months then out the blue call on xmas eve upset and crying (Xmas trigger ) then I went NC for 16 days and had her blow up my phone a week ago at 1.30 to 4.30 am and influx of texts then a text last night at 3.30 am " need your help " I ignored it some drama she's likely got herself into and wanted help or sympathy ive since found out she's been having arguments and blow outs with my replacement every weekend the point I'm trying to make is it seems my ex can't seem to leave me alone contacts wise since the b/u either negative or positive ive told her that it has to stop and I don't mind some kind of freindship and the odd text to say hi or how are you but no more sympathy texts or projection texts and I'm respecting Ther relaitionship . Funny the moment you start acting indifferent and detaching and go NC they start to contact you !
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« Reply #39 on: February 06, 2015, 07:04:31 PM »

It's rough. Me exBPD has broken up with me so many times. This last time she broke up with me, she cried and made all sorts of promises to get me back as usual. I was holding out because I was trying to sort all this crap out. She would go hot and cold for a couple of weeks. As I was about to come back,  I found out that she started dating a guy. I confronted her about it but she said she was tired of being sad and was moving on. It only took three days before the guy was staying the weekend at her house. The very next weekend, she was introducing him to her daughter. She has been with him every minute of the every day it seems. My guess is that this started while we were together. She says she is having fun and is happy that there is no drama. Haha, it will come. She tries to rub this in my face through texts and has no remorse. We were together for 3 years. Feels like those years didn't mean anything.
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« Reply #40 on: February 06, 2015, 07:15:29 PM »

It's rough. Me exBPD has broken up with me so many times. This last time she broke up with me, she cried and made all sorts of promises to get me back as usual. I was holding out because I was trying to sort all this crap out. She would go hot and cold for a couple of weeks. As I was about to come back,  I found out that she started dating a guy. I confronted her about it but she said she was tired of being sad and was moving on. It only took three days before the guy was staying the weekend at her house. The very next weekend, she was introducing him to her daughter. She has been with him every minute of the every day it seems. My guess is that this started while we were together. She says she is having fun and is happy that there is no drama. Haha, it will come. She tries to rub this in my face through texts and has no remorse. We were together for 3 years. Feels like those years didn't mean anything.

My ex said the same thing to me about having fun and he's a great guy etc for the first 1.5-2 months however I know different she's been arguing with him from day 1 difference is he wasn't set before the split he was just the first guy she grabbed not knowing him and 12 hours later he's living there ! She's so afraid of being alone but then calls being upset and think she regrets it a little but her impulsive decisions have got her in a position she can't get out of easy ( replacement is homeless after prison and he moved in the same day ) ive had texts from her implying she wants to be freinds and got a text " need your help " I replied ask your boy Friend !

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« Reply #41 on: February 06, 2015, 08:07:00 PM »

Our relationship ended in September, after a few months of a cough and a splutter.

Looking back I can recognise when she picked up her new source. It was after what anyone else would consider a regular relationship argument. Sometime in August I spent the Saturday night and Sunday at my parents. When we met up on the Sunday evening she was projecting like mad. She had either met someone new or recycled an ex... This is why she found it so easy to move on from me. She had someone lined up. Her final email to me stated (comically) 'I've had my last relationship" but also asking "If I was going to be in the area again soon" (just incase I happen to bump into her and her new source) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Mine was also evidently terrified of being alone. She always used to say she was 'very selective' etc, which didn't quite tie in with all the male names stored on her phone when I helped her set up the hands free kit on her car I bought her for her Birthday in April...

What a confused, lost girl she is... I'm glad I'm out, and every day the sun shines brighter for me...
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« Reply #42 on: February 06, 2015, 08:45:20 PM »

I had no idea there was an end coming but suspected something was up. If I printed exactly what was said and she showed up on this board she would know it was her ex.  Having said that I was reviewing her state's child custody laws to make sure she hadn't gotten totally screwed after the judge made his ruling after an unnecessarily long custody battle with her exH. I was also going thru the preliminary legal document her exH's atty had written with a fine tooth comb pointing out changes she needed to make sure her atty fought for for her. We used to talk every evening but in the last month before she just stopped speaking to me altogether, she quit calling on one particular night of the week, and the following morning. That same day each week of the month. I realize now she was going out on dates "interviewing" my replacement while her kids were with their dad as that particular day was his regularly scheduled visitation. So I would say yes, while I was busy making sure she wasn't getting screwed by her exH, she was effing me over. Don't kid yourself, doing good does not pay.
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« Reply #43 on: February 06, 2015, 08:55:51 PM »

I knew I was being replaced about a month before she ended the relationship. A new female friend named "Chrissy" entered the picture and I didn't buy it for one freaking second. I'm 100% sure it was a guy named Chris she had met at a bar. I questioned her several times and she denied everything. Of course the relationship fizzled shortly thereafter when he realized what a train wreck she was. She never wanted to get back together but periodically would text me to ask for money and that ended everything permanently. To hell with that. Good riddance!
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« Reply #44 on: February 06, 2015, 09:11:09 PM »

My relationship was long distance. I was dropped after dating for seven months, spending a whole summer living with her, and spending thousands of dollars. I was dropped a week after I lost my job and three days before Christmas. She flew to my town, acted like a total b*&RH, and forced me to break up with her after she said that she didn't want to spend NYE with me and wanted to return home early. I decided to break up with her rather than introducing her to my family for the first time.

I don't have any concrete proof that she had someone lined up but to play CSI detective I put together some compelling arguments.

- I caught her on an online dating website over the summer when we were together. She denied that she was communicating with anyone

- Between Thanksgiving in New Years I noticed changes in her patterns. She stopped calling me at certain times and went to bed early before 9 PM. The next day she'd say she was tired.

- I asked her to take some pictures of a tree lighting ceremony at her hometown and she didnt take any pics. She said that she didnt want to use her phone in front of her mom.

- The day we broke up I got a strange wrong number from a Colorado area code with some guy on the other end. This took place while I was driving her to the airport.

- When we broke up she didnt call me when she retuned to Colorado, Got a terse text that she made it home. I called her at 1 am and she didnt answer. She texted me the next morning. I'm sorry I missed your call.

- Didnt call me for two days, then called me said she was lonely and then told me that she didnt want me to get the wrong impressed. Skyped that night and she took a call from her "dad" She muted the skype, smiled, and stepped away from the camera for 10 mins

- Texted me the  next day and told me that she didnt want to lead me on and talk to me anymore. At the urging of her friends wifes husband... .LOL... .I responded by saying give me the respect of at least a final phonbecall

- Sent me one final text on Jan 3 quoting some biblical stuff and saying that she hoped I could forgive her someday... .

Totally gone ever since... .Nothing at all

Did my ex have someone lined up? Most likely! Tell me, how can you date someone for seven monrhs, share moments, practically live with them and cut them out so coldly... .

And this is why I am going to a shrink on Tuesday... .

And she is gone! 
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« Reply #45 on: February 06, 2015, 11:14:23 PM »

My relationship was long distance. I was dropped after dating for seven months, spending a whole summer living with her, and spending thousands of dollars. I was dropped a week after I lost my job and three days before Christmas. She flew to my town, acted like a total b*&RH, and forced me to break up with her after she said that she didn't want to spend NYE with me and wanted to return home early. I decided to break up with her rather than introducing her to my family for the first time.

I don't have any concrete proof that she had someone lined up but to play CSI detective I put together some compelling arguments.

- I caught her on an online dating website over the summer when we were together. She denied that she was communicating with anyone

- Between Thanksgiving in New Years I noticed changes in her patterns. She stopped calling me at certain times and went to bed early before 9 PM. The next day she'd say she was tired.

- I asked her to take some pictures of a tree lighting ceremony at her hometown and she didnt take any pics. She said that she didnt want to use her phone in front of her mom.

- The day we broke up I got a strange wrong number from a Colorado area code with some guy on the other end. This took place while I was driving her to the airport.

- When we broke up she didnt call me when she retuned to Colorado, Got a terse text that she made it home. I called her at 1 am and she didnt answer. She texted me the next morning. I'm sorry I missed your call.

- Didnt call me for two days, then called me said she was lonely and then told me that she didnt want me to get the wrong impressed. Skyped that night and she took a call from her "dad" She muted the skype, smiled, and stepped away from the camera for 10 mins

- Texted me the  next day and told me that she didnt want to lead me on and talk to me anymore. At the urging of her friends wifes husband... .LOL... .I responded by saying give me the respect of at least a final phonbecall

- Sent me one final text on Jan 3 quoting some biblical stuff and saying that she hoped I could forgive her someday... .

Totally gone ever since... .Nothing at all

Did my ex have someone lined up? Most likely! Tell me, how can you date someone for seven monrhs, share moments, practically live with them and cut them out so coldly... .

And this is why I am going to a shrink on Tuesday... .

And she is gone!  

Jack2727 I understand 7 months, but try 9.5 yrs. You can't even begin to imagine building a life of almost a decade and it's taken away with no explanation. She typed a note in my birthday card saying it was over in August. Haven't talked to her on the phone since last June! she is nothing but a gutless coward  and I guess yours is too. 6 months of therapy and all I can decide is that one day I'll be dead and I won't have to remember it anymore. We were in a lesbian relationship. She decided she was going back into the closet. She is a walking talking lie, thru and thru.
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« Reply #46 on: February 07, 2015, 05:48:28 AM »

No, but I know she had sporadic sex with some of her benchwarmers. This people always have somebody waiting in line, ready to jump into action. This situation lasted for about 2 months. It now seems to me she found somebody to have a stable r/s with, a more formal r/s. But I understand that during those two months she had a very bad time, despite the sporadic sex.
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« Reply #47 on: February 07, 2015, 05:58:49 AM »

No, but I know she had sporadic sex with some of her benchwarmers. This people always have somebody waiting in line, ready to jump into action. This situation lasted for about 2 months. It now seems to me she found somebody to have a stable r/s with, a more formal r/s. But I understand that during those two months she had a very bad time, despite the sporadic sex.

I have no idea what or who my ex is with and what has happened since she ended it. I do know that whomever she is with she has told them mostly lies because I am sure she hasn't told him that she was playing gay the previous decade of her life. She once told me if she got back in a relationship with a man she would never tell him about us b/c she would be afraid of what he would tell the court if they got divorced. I mean she even goes IN to a relationship thinking of her options when it ends. Just had no idea people thought that way.
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« Reply #48 on: February 07, 2015, 06:04:13 AM »

Well, my exBPD replaced me while we were still together, then dumped me as soon as I found out she was talking to him. 1 month later they are officially "in a relationship". Apparently he is an "upgrade" as she told me. Which isn't true... it was just the first person to show her some attention when she painted me black. I'm moving on with my life, but it feels pretty crappy that she can just move on to someone else like that and act like he is the best thing that has ever happened to her.

I know that this is all part of the cycle. She did the same with me. Still makes me feel pretty worthless. Like I didn't matter to her one bit. Maybe one day she will remember all the good times we had... .

This is my story with exBPDbf, until now i cannot figure it out how they can change that fast... .
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« Reply #49 on: February 07, 2015, 06:54:30 AM »

Its kind of hard to wrap my head around the face that Wednesday she was living with me and thanksgiving night she was living with her ex. She couldn't even put 24 hours between us... .

Which is my problem. Im shocked that our relationship wasnt even mourned. Its like I was a kleenex. Used, tossed away and new one out of the box.

.

Its amazing how they can do that. Wish that I could shut my mind and emotions off like that. It's even harder with the memory of her mom saying that she wished that it had been me with her daughter... .

Do they really just not care at all? I find it hard to believe that they can just shut off their emotions.  Then again,  they are mentally ill. My brain knows I'm better off, I'm just waiting for my heart to catch up.

Same here. Waiting for them to get on the same page.

I think for me that it wouldn't be so bad if I knew that it hurt her at least a little

Many pwBPD are very adept at dissociating their emotions... .that's not uncommon.  It's also not healthy.  It's usually a survival strategy carried over from childhood.  In schema therapy it's referred to as the "detached protector."
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« Reply #50 on: February 07, 2015, 06:57:14 AM »

It's as if I was replaced by some weird made-up (disordered) version of me, pieced together from her own fears and projections. A scapegoat. The person she described/ran from that she "can't be with" is really herself.

^^^^  Brilliant!
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« Reply #51 on: February 07, 2015, 09:36:05 AM »



Jack2727 I understand 7 months, but try 9.5 yrs. You can't even begin to imagine building a life of almost a decade and it's taken away with no explanation. She typed a note in my birthday card saying it was over in August. Haven't talked to her on the phone since last June! she is nothing but a gutless coward  and I guess yours is too. 6 months of therapy and all I can decide is that one day I'll be dead and I won't have to remember it anymore. We were in a lesbian relationship. She decided she was going back into the closet. She is a walking talking lie, thru and thru.[/quote]
I know my situation is not the same as yours. I know six months is a drop in the pan compared to a lot of the pain you guys are going through. In your case, that's crap! I know eventually her true self will come out. I will pray that you are strong enough to tell her to take a hike when she comes back.

These people are manure spreaders. They make a stinkin mess and walk away. I guess you can either decide to plant some flowers or let the crap just sit there forever.
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« Reply #52 on: February 07, 2015, 09:55:52 AM »

Jack2727 I understand 7 months, but try 9.5 yrs. You can't even begin to imagine building a life of almost a decade and it's taken away with no explanation. She typed a note in my birthday card saying it was over in August. Haven't talked to her on the phone since last June! she is nothing but a gutless coward  and I guess yours is too. 6 months of therapy and all I can decide is that one day I'll be dead and I won't have to remember it anymore. We were in a lesbian relationship. She decided she was going back into the closet. She is a walking talking lie, thru and thru.

I know my situation is not the same as yours. I know six months is a drop in the pan compared to a lot of the pain you guys are going through. In your case, that's crap! I know eventually her true self will come out. I will pray that you are strong enough to tell her to take a hike when she comes back.

These people are manure spreaders. They make a stinkin mess and walk away. I guess you can either decide to plant some flowers or let the crap just sit there forever. [/quote]
I hope u didn't think I was saying urs meant less. I certainly didn't want to imply that. One thing I know is that if you love someone, the pain is the same if we are mistreated like this regardless if 6 months or 16 years. In your case you may be lucky it all came out so soon. I, and I think others like me have to reconcile if anything we had was real or if we wasted a chunk of our life. Personally, I will be the most surprised if I ever hear from her again. She got what she wants. She should be happy now... .
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« Reply #53 on: February 08, 2015, 06:25:01 AM »

"She got what she wants. She should be happy now... ."

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)  Smiling (click to insert in post) 
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« Reply #54 on: February 08, 2015, 07:52:07 AM »

Like Jack2727, I was married ten years. But the cycle ended up being the same. She is now with my replacement. (She cheated, I divorced her.) I believe it would have ended a long time ago, but for our children. Very sad as I did love her and there was much happiness in our marriage. But the cycle was always there: when I met her needs, I was god. When I was merely human and fell short of her idealization I was terrible.

"boy meets girl, they almost immediately have a love that inspires the world filled with passion she idolized him, mirrored him and saw only his good qualities, then begins to project her insecurities on him making false accusations stating he is cheating when it's her, saying he is argumentative when she's the one who starts the fight and then she eventually finds a replacement, then starts a silly fight just to get out, starts dating the new guy with no remorse and paints the ex who was a good guy as all black as well as the relationship that was happy and healthy as all bad only remembering the bad times (blaming them on the guy) and not the good. then starts a smear campaign to justify her cruel actions towards the heartbroken ex. Then the cycle repeats"

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« Reply #55 on: February 08, 2015, 11:49:40 AM »

Like Jack2727, I was married ten years. But the cycle ended up being the same. She is now with my replacement. (She cheated, I divorced her.) I believe it would have ended a long time ago, but for our children. Very sad as I did love her and there was much happiness in our marriage. But the cycle was always there: when I met her needs, I was god. When I was merely human and fell short of her idealization I was terrible.

"boy meets girl, they almost immediately have a love that inspires the world filled with passion she idolized him, mirrored him and saw only his good qualities, then begins to project her insecurities on him making false accusations stating he is cheating when it's her, saying he is argumentative when she's the one who starts the fight and then she eventually finds a replacement, then starts a silly fight just to get out, starts dating the new guy with no remorse and paints the ex who was a good guy as all black as well as the relationship that was happy and healthy as all bad only remembering the bad times (blaming them on the guy) and not the good. then starts a smear campaign to justify her cruel actions towards the heartbroken ex. Then the cycle repeats"

Mllo... .you just described 6 years of my life. Nailed it in one paragraph!
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« Reply #56 on: February 08, 2015, 01:42:49 PM »

I remember clearly around four years into our marriage: she was sitting up in bed and we were having some sort of fight well within the realm of normal marital conflict. She said, with an expression of utter contempt, "You have been a great disappointment to me!"

I stood there just bewildered, thinking, What? What in the world had I done that merited such a dramatic sweeping statement?

In a moment of insight, I replied, "You have placed me on such a high pedestal that I can't possibly be expected to stay there at all times.  I cannot undo all the bad things you went through in your life. That is too great a burden for on person to bear. I am a flawed human."

Turned out to be terribly prophetic. She met someone else who filled her bottomless well of needs and I, our children, and ten years of life were abandoned, seemingly with no grief, and no remorse. Three years later I still am in pain wondering what happened to merit this.

Like Jack2727, I was married ten years. But the cycle ended up being the same. She is now with my replacement. (She cheated, I divorced her.) I believe it would have ended a long time ago, but for our children. Very sad as I did love her and there was much happiness in our marriage. But the cycle was always there: when I met her needs, I was god. When I was merely human and fell short of her idealization I was terrible.



Mllo... .you just described 6 years of my life. Nailed it in one paragraph!

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« Reply #57 on: February 08, 2015, 01:48:40 PM »

In a moment of insight, I replied, "You have placed me on such a high pedestal that I can't possibly be expected to stay there at all times.  I cannot undo all the bad things you went through in your life. That is too great a burden for on person to bear. I am a flawed human."

Yes... .I shared with a therapist once that I felt like our r/s began to unravel when she discovered I was human, with flaws and needs of my own.

I also told my ex that people in her past had grievously wounded her, but I had to bear the brunt of the fallout of it all... .it was exhausting.
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« Reply #58 on: February 08, 2015, 03:49:05 PM »

I remember clearly around four years into our marriage: she was sitting up in bed and we were having some sort of fight well within the realm of normal marital conflict. She said, with an expression of utter contempt, "You have been a great disappointment to me!"

I stood there just bewildered, thinking, What? What in the world had I done that merited such a dramatic sweeping statement?

In a moment of insight, I replied, "You have placed me on such a high pedestal that I can't possibly be expected to stay there at all times.  I cannot undo all the bad things you went through in your life. That is too great a burden for on person to bear. I am a flawed human."

Turned out to be terribly prophetic. She met someone else who filled her bottomless well of needs and I, our children, and ten years of life were abandoned, seemingly with no grief, and no remorse. Three years later I still am in pain wondering what happened to merit this.

Like Jack2727, I was married ten years. But the cycle ended up being the same. She is now with my replacement. (She cheated, I divorced her.) I believe it would have ended a long time ago, but for our children. Very sad as I did love her and there was much happiness in our marriage. But the cycle was always there: when I met her needs, I was god. When I was merely human and fell short of her idealization I was terrible.



Mllo... .you just described 6 years of my life. Nailed it in one paragraph!

I feel for yah buddy. At least yours told you. (What a horrible moment for you and what a wonderfully mean and self-centered moment for her!). Mine kept her contempt to herself and just went out, got someone and ran off with him a week before Christmas, lying about every thing to everyone and leaving me in our home feeding her cats and putting up a Christmas tree by myself, bewildered and in more pain than I ever felt in my life. Mine happened years ago too and I still have a deep sadness in my soul about it.  ... .so I know how you feel and if nothing else, I want you to know that you are not alone in the way that you feel

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« Reply #59 on: February 08, 2015, 04:47:16 PM »

I was saddled simultaneously with the burden of undoing all the pain her "fathers" caused (biological abandoned her, step-father abandoned her, step-grandfather molested her) AND being the one man who must be perfect.  In failing one role (I was flawed) I failed the other, thus becoming the same if not worse than the other men who really did hurt and abandon her. So what does she do? She abandons me. And guess who her replacement looks like, talks like, and lives the same lifestyle down to every detail? Her step-father, the one to whom she was the closest. Crazy. There must be a name for this. Trauma reenactment?
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« Reply #60 on: February 08, 2015, 05:57:49 PM »

Mine was different in the sense that she never went for a replacement, at least not a romantic one. It was months and years in between boyfriends for her. Likewise, she did not rage against me at all... .neither did we argue. She DID however, rage against her highly dysfunctional son. I believe that he is the third in triangulation and, conveniently/ironically, he moved back in with mom shortly after mom disappeared from my life. The 'replacement', as far as I was able to discern, is ordinarily a romantic interest but not all of the time. Whatever they can attach to that will fulfill their need seems to suffice. In my ex's case, she thrived on chaos... .her son was enough to feed a steady diet.
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« Reply #61 on: February 09, 2015, 12:01:40 AM »

What sucks about all this is that a few weeks before my exBPDgf broke up with me she told me how the thought of me being with another woman would drive her crazy. This of course was after some great sex that we had. Seems like that is so common with BPDs after reading so many of these posts. Long story short, she got mad at me for something really dumb and we broke up. Not long after and during the time we were working things out, she hooks up with my replacement. In a matter of a few days, the guy is practically moved in. When I brought up how she said that the thought of me being somebody would kill her, and then asked how she could do this, all she had to say was I know and I am sorry. What a kick in the groin. I'm guessing this guy has been around longer than she admits, what do you think?
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« Reply #62 on: February 09, 2015, 04:27:26 AM »

What sucks about all this is that a few weeks before my exBPDgf broke up with me she told me how the thought of me being with another woman would drive her crazy. This of course was after some great sex that we had. Seems like that is so common with BPDs after reading so many of these posts. Long story short, she got mad at me for something really dumb and we broke up. Not long after and during the time we were working things out, she hooks up with my replacement. In a matter of a few days, the guy is practically moved in. When I brought up how she said that the thought of me being somebody would kill her, and then asked how she could do this, all she had to say was I know and I am sorry. What a kick in the groin. I'm guessing this guy has been around longer than she admits, what do you think?

"What sucks about all this is that a few weeks before my exBPDgf broke up with me she told me how the thought of me being with another woman would drive her crazy."

What do I think?... .let me tell you what I know... .when she made the above statement to you she was already "with" the guy that replaced you.(she was projecting on you what she was actually doing... .always the veiled threats once the replacement is there... .you were supposed to know she was doing this by- the-way... .in her mind) ... .and unknown to you she was on a total power trip. For my ex it was vital for her to have the ultimate safety, power and control of another person for her to break up with me and all of those before me. These people are extremely weak and needy. They HAVE to have a power source... .and once it isn't you... .lookout. You get to meet the angry, abusive "stranger". That's actually her BTW.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #63 on: February 09, 2015, 10:37:58 AM »

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This thread has reached its posting limit. Please feel free to start a new topic to continue the discussion.
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

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Our 2021 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
Andi1956
Anondad
Cnvi
doghouse
drained1996
EyesUp
Harri
JD2028
lovenature
Mac5
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
old97
P.F.Change
Skip
snowglobe
Swimmy55
Teno
Turkish
wendydarling

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