Opportunity for revenge. Should I take it?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

1 month and 6 days since i was left for someone else. I still think about her and the situation every single day. It takes up about 75% of my thought. They range from confusion, to anger, to sadness, to hurt. On to what this post it about...

about 1 week ago I saw that my exBPD is officially "in a relationship" with my replacement. One night I was bored and dwelling, so I searched a username that she uses often. I discovered she has a plenty of fish profile listed as single with very recent pictures of herself. I really want to make an anonymous facebook and send the link to her new supply. I'm undecided on if I should or not. Part of me just shouldn't care, but the other part of me wants to do it for all the hurt I was caused.

What do you guys think?

[Xidion]

1 month and 6 days since i was left for someone else. I still think about her and the situation every single day. It takes up about 75% of my thought. They range from confusion, to anger, to sadness, to hurt. On to what this post it about...

about 1 week ago I saw that my exBPD is officially "in a relationship" with my replacement. One night I was bored and dwelling, so I searched a username that she uses often. I discovered she has a plenty of fish profile listed as single with very recent pictures of herself. I really want to make an anonymous facebook and send the link to her new supply. I'm undecided on if I should or not. Part of me just shouldn't care, but the other part of me wants to do it for all the hurt I was caused.

What do you guys think?

[GuiltHaunted]

Leave it be... .What will you gain from that?

[Mr Hollande]

I speak as one who has not and will not forgive but I would still recommend against it. What you do against her may come back to haunt you in ways no one can predict. While it's not about her or even your replacements well being it's ultimately about yours. The attention an act of revenge can draw to you may not be worth it. Stay silent brother and leave revenge to time and illness.

[Xidion]

Leave it be... .What will you gain from that?

Absolutely nothing. It's just my bitter feelings about how much life she sucked from me. I put every ounce of love I had into it, and she used it and tossed it aside like it was worthless.

[willtimeheal]

I was  talking about this is therapy yesterday. Saying I can't wait till karma comes around and bites her. I want her to hurt as much as I have been hurt. My therapist asked me what will that prove?  He also explained to me that by constantly thinking about revenge and hoping that she hurts keeps her active in my life and mind. It prevents me from healing and moving on.

I understand why you want too and how for that moment it would make you feel better. Don't stoop to their level. You are a better person. They are not worth it.

[Targeted]

He will eventually figuring out.

[seeking balance]

Leave it be... .What will you gain from that?

Absolutely nothing. It's just my bitter feelings about how much life she sucked from me. I put every ounce of love I had into it, and she used it and tossed it aside like it was worthless.

I can understand the way you feel today, honestly, I thought all kinds of things to do when I was where you are.

What I can tell you now, years later - is this:  how you behave today directly influences the way you see yourself later.  I know that I handled a horrible situation pretty frigging good.  I hurt and I healed - and I am proud of myself for it.  I respect me - I cannot stress how good that feels ... .act in a way you respect if at all possible.

Be angry, that is an important part of this process as it is the door to feeling the hurt.  But don't act on it if you can help it - go join a boxing gym instead.

Peace,

SB

[Mutt]

Your hurt and angry. 6 weeks after the split is mighty quick for her to be coming out.

She likely told him distorted stories about you. Your abusive and controlling. This is a way these relationships start? Now she didn't paint a pretty picture. If you approach him it validates her stories and makes you look controlling.

She'll dissociate ( lie ) and say a credible story. Don't give her this power. Say nothing and share with us.

I'm sorry. Work your anger here.

[evilpepsi]

1 month and 6 days since i was left for someone else. I still think about her and the situation every single day. It takes up about 75% of my thought. They range from confusion, to anger, to sadness, to hurt. On to what this post it about...

about 1 week ago I saw that my exBPD is officially "in a relationship" with my replacement. One night I was bored and dwelling, so I searched a username that she uses often. I discovered she has a plenty of fish profile listed as single with very recent pictures of herself. I really want to make an anonymous facebook and send the link to her new supply. I'm undecided on if I should or not. Part of me just shouldn't care, but the other part of me wants to do it for all the hurt I was caused.

What do you guys think?

Revenge is sticky. He who seeks revenge digs two graves, one for himself and one for his enemy.

Its been a week since my ex split for her narcissistic ex. He is still sleeping with a woman that I know but telling her doesn't do anything except make me look bad. Let your revenge come in the form of finding happiness... .

[Xidion]

Thanks guys. It really helps having the support here. I just feel so bitter. I know that I'm better than stooping to her level. I guess I will let the revenge be my own success, happiness, and let time and her illness destroy her false happiness. My hope is that one day she awakes from this childishness and seeks help. Maybe then she will learn how to treat people instead of use them.

[enlighten me]

I think we all have the revenge fantasy but one thing you need to bear in mind is no matter what we do to hurt them it is nothing compared to the suffering they inflict on themselves.

Your best revenge is to move on and be happy. This will hurt them more than making her find another supply. One day though the thought of revenge will seem trivial and you will be glad that you didnt stoop that low as it would show you have a character flaw that isnt very pleasant.

[Mutt]

Xidion,

It's OK to feel angry now. Don't let it consume you. Work through healthy anger.


--Mutt

[hope2727]

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

            Klingon Proverb


Let it be. Live your life. Her cold revenge will come on its own and be designed by her own hand. Live your life well. Be happy. Find peace.

[evilpepsi]

And in the end, do you think that she would even remember it later on? She will spin it to fit her version of reality... .

[ghoststory]

wouldn't be revenge ,it would be giving her the attention and drama she needs , that would be like  beating a hornets nest when stung ,

[parisian]

Xidion it is not about what she has done. She has hurt and angered and upset you. It is painful. We understand - most of us on this board have been there.

This is about how you feel about you and your values - hold your dignity and integrity, and when this eventually blows over, and it will, you will feel proud that you held onto those things, that you didn't stoop to her level, that you acted from a place that has made you a strong person with good values. That is the ultimate 'revenge'. The other guy will find out soon enough all by himself.

[Infern0]

Bro I have even better ability to get revenge.

4 months into her relationship with her partner who suspects (rightfully) that she's cheated but was talked around by her, she actually sent me nudes of herself with some nice personalised messages on them. I could forward them to her new guy along with a few other people who I'm sure would find it interest (her friends who she told I was the crazy one)

But what would be the point?  I mean yeah it'd ruin her "relationship" but that's already been ruined imo she couldn't even be faithful for 4 months so I don't hold much hope for a happy ending there.

And all that would happen is she'd play the victim,  "attempt" suicide again most likely and I would end up regretting it.

No, there's no point.  Don't stoop.  The world will get revenge for you.

[Deeno02]

Thanks guys. It really helps having the support here. I just feel so bitter. I know that I'm better than stooping to her level. I guess I will let the revenge be my own success, happiness, and let time and her illness destroy her false happiness. My hope is that one day she awakes from this childishness and seeks help. Maybe then she will learn how to treat people instead of use them.

Hey, Im 4 months out and, while doing better, I still have thoughts of the karma train. Its natural. However, I think with my brain, not with the heart. Like Mutt said, dont do anything that validates her BS story. Leave it be.

[hope2727]

Have been thinking a lot about this thread today. I am pretty sure mine cheated on me with his replacement and then on her (before I knew she existed) with me. I could totally bust him on it. But whats the point. He will just twist reality until its my fault anyway.

So I figure... .keep your chin, your standards and you heels high.

They can slither in the grass with the rest of the losers. I shall surround myself with wonderful people and carry on.

Prosperity and Long life as the vulcans would say.

[Sandman1881]

What I think is you should "disconnect" your eyes from her Facebook.  Unless you're into the side of pain it comes with. Don't embarrass yourself by bowing down to that level. My uBPD/unpd exgf is still fishing my email bowl with fake LinkedIn profiles. No one can convince me otherwise.

Stay private and keep your business to yourself before someone targets you just the same. Besides, is only gonna piss her off anyway. And never forget,  it's better to be pissed on than pissed off.

Happy Holiday's/Bah Humbug

[maric]

I was for months beating myself up with this kind of thoughts. Revenge, anger etc. It was driving me insane. A few weeks ago I started a topic here and a fellow told me to look for dr. Fred Luskin on youtube. I did and had also downloaded some podcasts and lectures by him. He researches about forgiveness in Standford. I recommend it 100% to take a look at what he says. I have been so much better. It gave me peace. Maybe it will help you too. I hope it does!

[Splitblack4good]

Definitely don't do anything! My BPD ex gf raged at me for a single text message reply to her mum about the well being of her kids after I left and the shady replacment moved in and the kids were bit frightend of him. I replied I don't know we are not together anymore and I'm not getting involved. My ex rang me raging and threatened to run me over if she saw me and acussed me of ringing social services and the police due to her new bf being some sort of violent drug Barron ! And that she may loose them because of it ! They have BPD they will twist it get paranoid and coz they are hurting and angry they are even worse!

So it's not worth it I'm constantly looking over my shoulder for a silver VW trying to run me over !

[CareTaker]

Opportunity for revenge. Should I take it?

Nope. Leave it. Don't degrade yourself to her toxic level. Rather just let her do her thing with your replacement. She is currently digging her own grave. As you know things only go well while she is getting all the attention. But 3 or 4 months down the line, the giving and getting nothing in return starts getting boring. We all experienced that.

Walk away, there are some pretty nice woman out there. And guess what, they looking for guys to share their lives, not suck it out you.

Go find one, mate.

[Xidion]

You guys are all right. It would lower me to her level, which I know that I am better than that. Thanks for all the support.

[Lion Fire]

I would leave it... .

My ex blackmailed me after we split. She had a lot of my valuables in her flat and threatened to destroy/sell all of my music collection (which is my livelihood) if I didn't pay her a substantial amount of money she said I owed. She also held me to ransom over some stuff I had told her about my past. It was ridiculous but I had to make a call. I paid her, got my stuff and walked away for ever. I paid myself out of jail basically.

I had some stuff on her such as making false claims to the National Health Service for benefits over years and years. At one point I was considering informing the authorities until I was advised to let it be. In hindsight this was the right decision but it was very tempting  This action of revenge would have backfired in a big way I'm sure... .she is capable of evil.

[Popcorn71]

This topic is very relevant to me at the moment.  My xBPDh has just done something very nasty and spiteful to me.  I have described this in another post so I won't repeat the detail, but it could cost me a lot of money and ruin a new start in life for me.  He will gain absolutely nothing from this and I cannot understand why he has done it.  He left me for the replacement so as far as I can see, he has the life he wanted.  Why does he want to ruin my life?

I have seriously considered getting revenge on him.  I have something on him that could get him into a lot of trouble financially and possibly see him prosecuted for fraud.  It is very tempting to hand over everything I have to the authorities.  However, I have decided not to do this.  Firstly, it would be obvious that the information came from me and therefore I would receive a backlash of another attempt from him trying to harm me.  I know he is capable of evil, so I have no doubt at all that he would do something.  Secondly, I agree with many of the other comments on this board.  I think he has actually created a living hell for himself.  He is living the life he wanted, but I really think he knows what he lost now he has tasted this new life.  I don't believe he is happy and that is why he cannot bear to see me being happy with my new life and wants to ruin it for me.

I have decided to let it go for now.  It will always be in the back of my mind.  If I ever have a change of heart I can still go ahead and destroy him.  But I think that watching him destroy himself may be satisfying enough for me.  I don't really believe I need to do anything.  He is 60 years old and his life is a mess.  he hasn't gotten very far to date and I cannot see that ever changing.  He had the chance of a fantastic life with me but he threw it away for the crap life he has now.  He has to live with that on his mind forever.  Maybe that is punishment enough.

I really do think, that they punish themselves constantly.  Living the way they do must be terrible.

[GuiltHaunted]

Looks like you made up your mind not to do it (good).

Ask yourself this: What were you subconsciously hoping to achieve? Anyone in a similar situation could ask themselves the same question.

Would you perhaps be hoping the replacement would get mad at her, break up and she would come running back to you telling you she made a huge mistake? Likelihood zero.

[myself]

You did your best then, don't do your worst now.

Use your pain to heal yourself, not hurt someone else.

The real goal is detachment, not diving back in... .