Short run vs Long run BPD stability

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I have been thinking about how happy she is compared to me a lot lately. I am not as depressed as I was a couple of days ago but still have a lot of weak moments every single day. Right now she is having the time of her life with other people and I am still picking up the pieces financially, emotionally, and trying to reshape my life. So in the short run she is "happy" but in the long run she will continue to go through hardship that her disorder ultimately creates.

I am starting to believe that BPDs may be happy in the moment but in the long run they will create destruction and be unsatisfied. Or I look at it like she may be stable but not for long because eventually instability comes. Does anyone else think this way? Is this a good way of looking at it?

[antonio1213]

I have been thinking about how happy she is compared to me a lot lately. I am not as depressed as I was a couple of days ago but still have a lot of weak moments every single day. Right now she is having the time of her life with other people and I am still picking up the pieces financially, emotionally, and trying to reshape my life. So in the short run she is "happy" but in the long run she will continue to go through hardship that her disorder ultimately creates.

I am starting to believe that BPDs may be happy in the moment but in the long run they will create destruction and be unsatisfied. Or I look at it like she may be stable but not for long because eventually instability comes. Does anyone else think this way? Is this a good way of looking at it?

[Inside]

What I’ve noticed is they’ve always ‘got the jump’ on us with regard to moving on.  They expect it; we do everything possible to avoid it.  Thus, after they’ve groomed several replacements, when the break happens - they’re instantly gone, and we’re in a puddle on the floor

But, their happiness is an elution, and short lived.  To keep themselves feeling on top they seem to need to see us down.  So while we’re mopping ourselves up ... .they’re out & about as if we were nothing but an anchor.  

If you want the truth, I’d suggest you check out their posts on sites devoted to BPD  a Far-far different story.  When the mask is off, they are oceans of pain.  Though they’d groomed and pursued our replacement/s, no matter how thrilled they get or appear - they know it’s only temporary ... .because it not only always ends - it ends badly.

Sure, we’ve been burnt, and hurt - but, we’re marriage material, relationship quality people who can still find the same.  And, we’ll smell BPD before we see it   Though it doesn't look or feel like a win, we’re at least functioning within the realm of reality, a reality our BPex will never enjoy.

[LeftSidePain]

Sure, we’ve been burnt, and hurt - but, we’re marriage material, relationship quality people who can still find the same.  And, we’ll smell BPD before we see it   Though it doesn't look or feel like a win, we’re at least functioning within the realm of reality, a reality our BPex will never enjoy.

Thank you I needed to read/hear that... .

[In Pain]

Can you name any sites devoted to the writings of BPS sufferers ?

[Inside]

Can you name any sites devoted to the writings of BPS sufferers ?

Here’s where I’ve been lerking: www.psychforums.com/borderline-personality/   It’s a mixed bag… sometimes triggering, but most often very informative.  It’s sad, we’ll have folks with BPD sign on here, and their dilemmas are heartbreaking ... .and like we do... .I want to help.  But we can’t, so it’s suggested they seek help elsewhere.  When comparing the level of participation between sites, it’s very apparent how troubled they are, and how impossible it was for us to have sustained a r/s with them (or anyone suffering with BPD), and how deeply they hurt.  I’d say we heal, and they don’t.  It’s tuff reading, but insight like we can often only speculate. 

Actually, when I’m not ‘here,’ I’m now reading around ‘there’ ... .where some posts will honestly make me cry…  Remember, we don’t get to join in, only learn.  And hopefully, they’ll do some of the same with regard to our descriptions of confusion, loss and sorrow... .  I’m sure we all wanted it to work, it’s just that some are not capable of that level of functioning... .

[Hawk Ridge]

Thank you for posting this