I'm done for good

[Jmanster]

Hey guys, just wanted to share my progress with everybody. My exBPD is returning from her trip to Spain on Monday... .While she was gone she really messed with my emotions by not contacting me and making me feel like I don't exist. While she was gone I had a series of nightmares and they were very symbolic. 1 night I dreamt of a burning mother and her baby (The baby symbolizes innocence however, the fire represents danger, meaning my ex may appear innocent but is extremely dangerous for me). Another night, I dreamt I had a serious heroin addiction (I never took heroin... .this symbolized my addiction towards my ex and how bad it is) Another night I dreamt an angry dog bit me, (symbolizing more pain and danger) and just last night I had a dream that my ex had cheated on me... .Is this some sort of weird coincidence? I don't think so... .my mind is trying to tell me to STOP by all means contacting her... .Don't you guys think? I rarely have nightmares and this last week, each night I had a nightmare. Dreams show so much and can even foretell what is coming in the future. I have made my decision. I will stop my contact with her. I will not wait until she comes back on Monday. If she calls me, I will tell her that we can no longer talk and end it right then and there, but I know now that I cannot see her... .has anyone else experienced this phenomena?

[Mutt]

Nightmares cam be an indicator if real life stress.

Nightmares may continue into adulthood. They can be just one way our brain has of dealing with the stresses and fears of everyday life. One or more nightmares over a short period of time may be caused by:

•A major life event, such as the loss of a loved one or a traumatic event

•Increased stress at home or work

www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003209.htm

[oletimefeelin]

As far as the lack of communication while on vacation deal, I have been there.  It bothered me at first.  She sought near real-time communication, so to go nearly radio silent on vacation really struck me as difficult to fathom.  Later on, I understood this as a byproduct of the lack of object constancy. 

My ex hadn't split me at this point.  We were deep in the throes of the love affair.  I just think they experience something akin to tunnel vision.  Think about it from their perspective.  They live in constant fear of abandonment.  What happens if she dotes on you in Madrid and Barcelona?  She's likely to freak because there's now an ocean between the two of you.  So, to protect herself, she tucks you in some place in the back of her mind so she doesn't think about you.  This means you get no calls and texts.

I talked to my ex about this after the fact and she got better about it.  Not great but better.  There's a certain level of acceptance needed if you want to be with a borderline woman.  This is an classic example.  The way for you to deal with this is to tighten up your own self-image.  If trust is a problem from the past then this will be harder for you.

[Jmanster]

Thank you for your replies. What you said makes a lot of sense. However what was your course of action when she came back? How did you end it with her? And yes, I have major trust issues with her... .

[oletimefeelin]

I talked to her and told her I needed to hear from her more.

You are in limbo, so I really wouldn't go having that conversation.  You need to do your best to appear indifferent.  That will be attractive to her.  If you want this to continue.

The limbo phase is hell, man.  She holds all the cards and always will until you walk away.  Do your best to live your life.  Don't be super available to her.  If she wants to do something, tell her you're going out with some friends.  Even if you're sitting around your apartment staring at the walls.  Yes, this is a game.

[Jmanster]

Thanks again for the advice. It's time for me to be in the damn driver's seat for once! Thank you for your advice we will see if I even will talk to her now... .I just had a hypnotherapy session

[Jmanster]

Hey guys, here is an update... .Here is a short conversation we had on Skype, see if you see anything abnormal... .She has said that she loves me before, look at how calm she is... .

[12/6/14, 3:13:17 AM] Her: Hello?

[12/6/14, 3:13:41 AM] Me: Yes I'll be home in 20

[12/6/14, 3:13:54 AM] Her: What's up?

[12/6/14, 3:14:23 AM] Her: I will prob be out of Internet reception soon

[12/6/14, 3:14:54 AM] Me: I want to pull the plug on our friends with benefits relationship, it's not working for me

[12/6/14, 3:16:18 AM] Her: Ok

[12/6/14, 3:17:01 AM] Her: No hard feelings, Friends?

[12/6/14, 3:18:12 AM] Me: No I can't, I told you can't, at least not for months, I don't trust you enough\

She was silent after... .what do you guys think?

[oletimefeelin]

You're seeking a reaction out of her here. 

[Jmanster]

I want to be done with her... .But by her responses, she thinks I'm bluffing... .

[oletimefeelin]

I want to be done with her... .But by her responses, she thinks I'm bluffing... .

Then why do you care?  Via con dios, right?

[Jmanster]

I just want to see if she was lying the whole time when she said she cared about us and that she actually loved me... .looks like she has been BSing me... .