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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Do they keep things you've given them as prizes?  (Read 413 times)
Xidion
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« on: December 07, 2014, 02:28:09 AM »

This may just be a coincidence, but I have seen 2 photo's of my ex since the B/U and seen her once in person (at a stop sign right beside me). In both photos and when I saw her, she was wearing a hoodie that I gave her a long time ago. I just found it odd that she always has it on. Is there a reason for this at all?
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enlighten me
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« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2014, 02:43:28 AM »

It could be object constancy. She keeps it to remibd her of you.

It could be that she just likes it.

My ex had a lot to remind her of her many exs. She had a song one of her exs wrote and recorded for her. It wasnt very flattering. She had a couple of pictures her ex drew. A photo of her on holiday. Lots of old love letters and I noticed when I went to pick my son up she had a picture I bought her for valentines hanging above her bed.

only the holiday photo and my picture are on display. The holiday photo was when she was wiyh the only ex apart from me that ever dumped her.

I can read into it whatever I want but I think for me that the picture I got is only up because it is a lovely picture.
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Infern0
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« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2014, 02:50:14 AM »

It's a common thing they all do.

Mine had a ring her last boyfriend had bought her,  which she always used to say she was going to sell but never did.

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Xidion
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« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2014, 02:53:41 AM »

My ex also had a stand up mixer that her ex before me bought her that she never used. Never even took it out of the box. She would keep it in the closet and often mention how expensive it was. This is just odd to me.
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Infern0
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« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2014, 03:15:12 AM »

My ex also had a stand up mixer that her ex before me bought her that she never used. Never even took it out of the box. She would keep it in the closet and often mention how expensive it was. This is just odd to me.

Even when they split people they still cling on to the fact that they meant something to somebody.  Because they have no self worth to speak of.

After I'd been split black,  gone NC and then been reengaged one thing that really surprised me was that she remembered little cute comments that I'd made to her from like over a year ago. Just little throw away lines but she could recite them word for word. 

It is weird
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Xidion
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« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2014, 03:21:45 AM »

Seems like they do it as an ego thing

"This person really loved me". Like their whole goal in life is to get someone to love them,  dump them,  then get someone else to love them, etc. So they feel loved by many people.  Aka trying to fill the void.
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peiper
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« Reply #6 on: December 07, 2014, 03:26:50 AM »

I mean seriously, does it matter ? This mental masturbation will drive you nuts. It did me, until I put it down. Let it go man
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Xidion
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« Reply #7 on: December 07, 2014, 03:38:48 AM »

I mean seriously, does it matter ? This mental masturbation will drive you nuts. It did me, until I put it down. Let it go man

It doesn't matter.  I'm trying to figure out an unsolvable puzzle.  I'm my own worst enemy in my healing process.
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Deeno02
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« Reply #8 on: December 07, 2014, 05:03:59 AM »

I threw all her ___ out. Didn't care to wear or look at anything she got me. I don't give a fu*k what she did with my stuff I got her.
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enlighten me
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« Reply #9 on: December 07, 2014, 05:09:44 AM »

I only kept one thing from each of my exs. A carved wooden dog which my boys are attacattached to and a picture of my home town which is lovely and gets less triggering by the day. Apart from that nothing.
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Splitblack4good
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« Reply #10 on: December 07, 2014, 05:11:22 AM »

I threw all her ___ out. Didn't care to wear or look at anything she got me. I don't give a fu*k what she did with my stuff I got her.

Deeno you crack me up every one of your posts has f**k her I hate her b***h I don't care hope she dies ! However I understand its your way of dealing with same things we are on this site for in the first place .
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lipstick
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« Reply #11 on: December 07, 2014, 05:11:32 AM »

Xidion,

I think they keep the items as reminders of us. Deep down they know when they've messed up. It's just that they can't let you know or see that !  

It's been over two years since I was dumped by my ex. A mutual friend recently told me that within the last three weeks - my ex has posted two pictures to a public Facebook photography group highlighting two of the items that I bought for him. Stating that they are his "favorites". I'm surprised by that. Thought they would have been tossed by either him or the spouse. Why he felt the need to post pictures of them is beyond me. They are nice items, though - I have good taste!  Smiling (click to insert in post)

I also think they will save pictures of us that they come across on social media. I know mine does that stuff. To keep us in their back pockets, so to speak.    
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Splitblack4good
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« Reply #12 on: December 07, 2014, 05:21:01 AM »

Xidion,

I think they keep the items as reminders of us. Deep down they know when they've messed up. It's just that they can't let you know or see that !  

This is so true i ended things but my ex knows that if she hadn't of started the argument that made me split up with her that very second ! She is hurting she knows she ruined it she even screamed Down the phone saying I had ruined everything she was projecting ! But she will never admit it

It's been over two years since I was dumped by my ex. A mutual friend recently told me that within the last three weeks - my ex has posted two pictures to a public Facebook photography group highlighting two of the items that I bought for him. Stating that they are his "favorites". I'm surprised by that. Thought they would have been tossed by either him or the spouse. Why he felt the need to post pictures of them is beyond me. They are nice items, though - I have good taste!  Smiling (click to insert in post)

I also think they will save pictures of us that they come across on social media. I know mine does that stuff. To keep us in their back pockets, so to speak.    

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