Did you notice a decline in personal hygiene and care right before B/U?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Any of you guys noticed a sharp or subtle decrease in basic hygiene of your loved one just prior to the break up? Anything of the like that could have been interpreted as a hint? I think it could be also indicative of a comorbid setting in/cohabitating. I'm thinking of depression.

Hope you are fighting with all your strength on this long journey towards recovery.

[PaintedBlack28]

Any of you guys noticed a sharp or subtle decrease in basic hygiene of your loved one just prior to the break up? Anything of the like that could have been interpreted as a hint? I think it could be also indicative of a comorbid setting in/cohabitating. I'm thinking of depression.

Hope you are fighting with all your strength on this long journey towards recovery.

[Splitblack4good]

Any of you guys noticed a sharp or subtle decrease in basic hygiene of your loved one just prior to the break up? Anything of the like that could have been interpreted as a hint? I think it could be also indicative of a comorbid setting in/cohabitating. I'm thinking of depression.

Hope you are fighting with all your strength on this long journey towards recovery.

Yes strangely enough my ex gf started to let herself go a fair bit . She always made the effort with me .Even now she is with my replacement she looks terrible your right it is deppresion even the house is really bad .started smoking indoors and just lost her self respect and respect for just about everything it's so strange how they can just change overnight when they are with someone else

[bruceli]

Now that I think of it, it went down hill after the separation.

[Hawk Ridge]

Mine did too.  Days without showering and some BO - very odd for a perfectionist

[DyingLove]

She stopped dead-on taking her birth control pills.  That is what stands out the most that I can remember.

[StarOfTheSea]

He stopped brushing his teeth before bed, which I hated because he had started drinking and he also smokes. Hate that smell. I also noticed he stopped wearing his signature cologne, which I loved because it was a comforting scent to me.

The biggest thing I noticed was the state of the house after the b/u. Just sheets on the unmade bed in the middle of winter, cat barf on the floor, litter boxes that smelled bad and a cold and dismal feeling in general.  Contrasted to when I was there, the house was clean, always smelled good from my cooking or pretty scented candles, and just a warm feeling, it was like a different house.

[shattered1]

Yes... .he wouldn't even take a shower... .let all his meds run out... .he has ra and high BPD... .front tooth chipped... .wouldn't fix it... .it was wierd from the beginning he never paid his bills on time... .power ... .phone.always shut if... .even sabatoged the superbowl... .didn't pay bill... .had no TV... . He had no since of urgency for anything. Also I noticed that when I arrived every two weeks... .he never even had food for us... .me any more... .guess they were signs... .it really is like dealing with a three year old... .crazy... . I still can't wrap my head around what ... .happening.  :'( :'( :'(

[Mutt]

Often I would come home during the weekday and my ex was still in pajamas and hadn't showered. The weekends she would get up early around 8AM and shower and be gone for most of the day to be with "friends".

She did go to the doctor several times in the r/s and was prescribed meds for depression. Often there's an underlying clinical depression with a pwBPD. It could have been because of depression and she was dysregulated often and having disproportionate anger likely due to the guilt and shame she was feeling about cheating. I took the brunt of it.

She was trying to hide an affair during the last few months where she didn't take care of herself and said she was going out with "friends" and would put on make-up and spruced herself up. It reminded me of our courtship. I called her on it once and said why are you putting on make-up just to go see friends because she would make herself look good on our dates and I appreciated that. She got angry at me and took her make-up off and said does it make you feel better? I felt guilty for asking.

There was a noticeable decline with her hygiene that I witnessed at home. Her hair often disheveled, not showered and in her pajamas at 6PM. She was waiting for me to get home to take care of supper for the kids, give them baths and get them ready for the following morning for school. She would shower and get ready to go out with "friends" and then leave, friends = other man. Usually she would get back home around midnight and a couple of times she didn't return home until the following morning.

[UserName69]

I noticed that she didn't mop her floor so it always was a complete mess. Couple days ago I saw her, I didn't recognize her at all. She looked messed up and very unhealthy. She probably had been drinking again. I knew she's a chain smoker and alcohol abuser. She looked very unattractive when I saw her, I can't believe how a pwBPD destroys him/herself without noticing it.

[Trog]

Yes, my ex was diagnosed with schizo-effective disorder. She would, if she stopped taking her medication, become psychotic and would basically behave in a schizophrenic way. When she was becoming ill you could also tell because she would stop showering and bathing as much and wear the same clothes day after day. I think this is a general pattern when there is a psychosis involved.

[clydegriffith]

Not really. When i was with her she maintained herself okay. She's not looking too good these days though as she's put on a good 40 pounds and i know it's eating her alive (pun intended), since she was extemely insecure even when she was good looking. I can only imagine the hell the latest replacement must be going through as i'm sure he's bearing the brunt of her negative feelings about her own appearance.

[spottydog]

Yes. He permanently smelt of the 3 f's... .fart ,feet and fags. He very seldom smelt nice any more. He would go to bed during the day and would go for days without cleaning his teeth. I think he was depressed. But he couldn't understand why I didn't want to be close to him... .sorry but I hate bad smells , they are just the biggest turn off !

[Beach_Babe]

Mine had an offensive smell in the crotch area. He called me crying one day from a public restroom after being called out at work. Yep, screaming like baby as he doused the area with hydrogen peroxide.

[Agent_of_Chaos]

I have a real issue with hygiene. My ex was a cna and didn't like showering after work. I refused to be intimate with her for obvious reasons un less she showered. She also hated brushing her teeth before bed. It was like nagging a child to be frank. That morning breath though... .aaaah! Anyways, it really bothered me. It was to the point where I was researching IF this was common in a relationship bc I was too embarrassed to ask around.  Mind you, this was for the duration of our r/s. Upon our demise and after hours of researching I learned that this is in fact a form of self abuse. One of the traits of someone having BPD is cutting etc. While it may not seem as severe it is a problem.

[Beach_Babe]

Self abuse? Really? Never thought of it that way. How interesting.

[SurfNTurf]

Poor hygiene in pwBPD is universal, accordingto my therapist. My uPDhusb has neglected his hygiene since we married. We now sleep in separate bedrooms, unless he wants sex then he will spruce up. He will shower/shave/brush before going to work but if working around thehouse- noway. Not only his personal hygiene is bad but his vehicle is like a dumpster with an engine. Debris has started to stack up outdoors, nice places for rattlesnakes n scorpions to hide. Of course, they never give you what u want so no point in asking him to clean up. It all comes back to self care. I entertain my friends away from home, less strange looks and questions that way.

[Lifewriter16]

My BPDxbf isn't that keen on brushing his teeth either. He doesn't own a washing machine and seems to only go to a launderette once in a blue moon. When I first went to his flat, I was so shocked at what I saw that I completely freaked out, but what said it all was this: he was a muscular, 47 year old man who slept in a broken toddler-length bed.

Lifewriter

[MickaThaKid]

Yes! Not showering for several days. Hair always in a mess. In her pajamas by early evening, house was a mess. Probably the depressio. About a week after we break up for the 5th time, I stupidly agreed to go see a movie with her as "friends" and she had done herself right up. New clothes, hair extensions etc.

[UserName69]

Her room always had a bad vibe, I don't know it had something negative but I really can't explain it. It was messy and I noticed that she almost never cleaned her floor, everything was unorganized. I did notice that she smelled very bad from downstairs, she never showered after we had sex. I was pretty amazed because she's the first girl I had sex with who doesn't take a shower after sex.

[greenmonkey]

The standards of hygiene were pretty appalling. She always said her ex husband had bad standards but then again she always said things of everyone that was in fact her.

In the last 6 months, she would shower maybe once a week if that - we were in separate rooms but that point, brushing her teeth maybe once in a blue moon, filthy clothes festered on the floor in her room as she did not know how to use the washing machine (aged 44). The mess and dirt was beyond belief, she never changed her sheets either that I know of

The smell in her room was appalling, after I evicted her the room needed airing 24x7 for a week.

Her diet consisted of toast, as she could not cook for herself let alone anyone else.

[Tay25]

Never thought about it before but yes. During the last few weeks of our r/s my exgf didn't do any laundry and wore the same sweatpants for 5 or so days. One of the last days I hung out with her she smelled really bad but I didn't say anything.

[Alabama1979]

Definitely. No deodorant, at the end he stinked. Crazy house, all the shirts on the floor. No brushing teeth. Gaining like 5 kg in 2 weeks but i couldnt see him eating more. More alcohol.