Feeling cheated and lost for words

[jt8604]

It's been 4 months since the end of my relationship with my BPDxgf. I've been in therapy since the break-up and maintained NC for the last 3 months. I still feel just as lost and hopeless at times. To make things all the more confusing, she was a high-functioning person, with a bright mind, a gorgeous figure, but some very deep-seated issues. For no good reason, I decided to pull out some of the old cards she wrote me and I find it almost unfathomable with how they can write this stuff and then take the high road. It's like stabbing someone with a knife and pulling it out slowly... .

www.anony.ws/i/2014/12/08/IMG_20141207_203942.jpg

[Xidion]

"Soul mate" is a red flag. It also shows her neediness saying she couldn't stand to be away from you for just 1 day. They need constant attention as mine did. Look into object consistency. They do this over and over and over. I'll be real with you. Every guy before you heard the same thing and every guy after will too and the results will be the same. It's very hard to have a successful relationship with these people, most the time it's just impossible. I know you're hurting brother... stop torturing yourself with this stuff. Keep going with NC and work on YOU. We are here for you.

[Indyan]

It's like stabbing someone with a knife and pulling it out slowly... .

I see what you mean. Imagine when there's a baby in the middle.

My BPDx was telling me just 3 months ago "baby is the proof of my love, of our love" etc

Now he's left us, while telling all sorts of horrible lies about me, and doing things for me to be in the sht financially.

[Mr.Downtrodden]

My exgf wrote me a 4 page love letter (small size colored paper) which she sent a couple of days after we spent out first overnight stay together.  She was so thankful that I came into her life, proclaimed that this isn't "lust", it's "love" and that she foresaw herself finally coming to rest for good in my arms, after a lifelong search.  It wasn't an over the top, mushy love letter, because she isn't that kind of person, but it was very heartfelt. I had already started to fall for her by the time we had our first official date - we took in a show and stayed overnight together, since we lived about 2 hrs away from each other.

About a month later, she nervously apologized for having relations, and asked me to forgive her.  I did, of course, yet the cheating continued.  When her ex BF sent me a graphic and wise-ass email on Christmas morning, informing me that he had gone thru her phone and read all of the e-mail messages we shared, then telling name that my supposed gf and he were still shacking up on a regular basis, I wanted to shoot myself.  In a fit of despair and rage, I mailed back her love letter, with a caustic note that said - "You should recycle this love letter for your next victim.  It's really good - it had me fooled."

Of course, it should have ended there, but it did not, and only got worse.  That's why I am here, still suffering after 18 months out. I had no idea about BPD, which my ex suffers from at the time we were involved.

[billypilgrim]

I packed up every card she gave me and gave them back to her (2 gallon sized ziplock bags full, 6 year collection).  I made the mistake of throwing away one of her cards to me early on - she was so crushed and "disappointed" in me.  I learned quickly that I could never do that again.  And every card I received from her was exactly like what yours wrote you.  Soul mate.  Forever.  LOVE.  Best friend.  Best lover.  Best best best best.  As Xidion already mentioned, these are all big red flags. 

They've done this before to guys, they will do it again.  It is not possible to be their best friend or soul mate or whatever fantastical, fairy tale phrase they seem to be obsessed with finding.  They can't hold onto relationships.  You and I are no different from all of the other people in their lives.  We are temporary reprieves/tools to get away from their inner turmoil.  They won't change on their own.  I know in the case of mine, she's on the same track as her family.  Her grandmother committed suicide at 60, her mother was diagnosed a few years ago, why would my exBPD be any different or change?