Healthy bonds and natural split

[icecream]

A question i have and perhaps many more here in our path to recovery:

When we met our pwBPD they represented someone who we wished/dreamed of for a future life (idealisation):

-they were intrested in our lives, needs, likes, desires... and seemed to like all of that

-we were intrested in their lives too and i treated her the way i wanted to be treated aswell (projecting)

As with all of my healthy relationships/friends/family... for me this is the way to build up a healthy bond between people which i get in return somehow and on my most important levels and values. If not... roads split somehow naturally.

When i and my pwBPD started to date she did represented the same values.

When i got dumped and send of to friends-zone/safetynet-zone, which i agreed on, i started to see how she doesnt live with the same values and this disorder got a name.

The more i detach from her, 3 months no contact, and i dont wish/dream of a life together anymore i still cant help myself with the following:

-i still think about her very often

-fantasy conversations with her, perhaps to change the outcome

-wondering if i ever cross her mind

Does anyone has first aid tips to stop my mind when it goes her direction?

Does anyone has tips to build up on ego?

How come this road we took with our pwBPD doesnt involve in a natural split? And once you split... the mind is unable to control...

[Deeno02]

Sounds stupid, but stay busy, busy, busy. It helps keep the ruminations to a dull roar. Im to the point now where I cant really remember when we went NC, the waking thoughts and bed time thoughts have almost subsided and Im getting a ton of stuff done. Working out, hanging with friends Ive kind of neglected over the past 16 months I was in the r/s and family time with my kids have helped greatly. Therapy has helped greatly too. Im 4 months out now and its getting better, but its a work in progress though. Hang tough !